Smalls, I feel very helpless because I don't have the words...
MANY of us have been "tainted" by such events, we felt dirty and evil and blamed ourselves...
There are so many things in life that I don't know, but one thing that I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT is THAT IT IS NEVER OUR FAULT...
Regardless of who or how, regardless of how old/young we were, whether we were innocent children or nearly/fully grown adults.... it hurts just the same.
The pain never REALLY leaves, but it is greatly diminished with time and the love and support of our friends and family....
I wish that I had the words to try and console you, even help you up from where you are, but I don't know them....
Only KNOW THIS:
YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON WHO DESERVES LOVE -
BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE ALL THE TIME, IT DOES NOT MAKE US "UNCLEAN" TO BE TOUCHED BY SUCH FILTH... IT ONLY MEANS THAT WE MUST NOW TRY AND FIND A WAY TO SHINE AGAIN....
YOU CAN AND WILL SHINE AGAIN BEAUTIFUL AL... Of this I HAVE NO DOUBT. Your external beauty PALES in comparison to your TRUE BEAUTY... the beauty the remains unchanged by the ravages of time and CAN NEVER BE TARNISHED BY SUCH FILTH!... THE BEAUTY THAT LIES WITHIN AND GOES ON FOREVER....
THE BEAUTY THAT IS YOUR SOUL.