Parents

[Robert Jan]

I have good parents. They care for me, they'd do anything for me and have always treated me well. Hence I want to be nice to them too.

But I simply have fuck all to say to them. We have nothing in common.
I moved out of the house and moved to Belgium 6 weeks ago and my sister moved out 3 years ago, we are both in university.

Basically I want to have a good relationship with my folks, but every call and conversation dies out after about 1-2 minutes, we never really get beyond the "is ..... OK?" checklist (room, courses, eating, laundry) usually in that order.

Is this normal?

All these Belgian students go back home every weekend and I ask them why. They think its obvious they say well, don't you want to see your parents on the weekend? (students in europe party on thursdays and mondays and tuesdays mostly) I feel bad because, well, I don't. I see them about once a month now and I don't miss them at all.

Is it normal for a young guy to have such a superficial little relationship to his parents, even though they have never done anything wrong?

 

[HumorMe]

Spend time with them as much as possible. One day they won't be around then you will realize what you had with your parents.

My dad died in March unexpectedly and I still find myself picking up the phone to call him and then realize I can't.

 

[Robert Jan]

I know that. I just don't know what to talk about with them, I'm 18 and they're 64 and 54. We're too different. I do think it's partly their fault too. Stuff I tell them I find interesting or important doesn't usually move them much at all and it discourages me from telling them things.

 

[Mr. Black]

I'm 18 and they're 64 and 54. QUOTE]


Were you an accident?

 

[Ulcasterdropout]

I'm the same, prolly worse...
I could watch both my parents hang to death and not flinch.

 

[Robert Jan]

I'm 18 and they're 64 and 54. QUOTE]


Were you an accident?

I suspect not. They were and are still married, I have an older sister, and they were in a financially stable situation. Me and my sister are also the typical 2.5 years apart. Looks normal to me.

 

[nvrbuffenuff_girl]

My parents are just as old as yours are. My dad is 64 and my mom is 51.

My mom calls me out of pure boredom, I swear! She will tell me the same details of her week twenty times in twenty different ways. Most of the time I just listen and show interest but some days I can't deal with it. I just tell her I'vbe heard it once, which was enough. Our conversations are rather dull too. She tells me about the new exciting thing my niece has learned and asks me how I'm doing. Then we hang up.

My dad just gets on the phone and says hello then hands the phone back to my mom.

I find myself only being able to hold conversations with any one of my family members for about 2 minutes max. From my cousins to my grandma, I just don't know what to say.

 

[danielson]

same with me, i canot find anything to talk about, worse still it is n effort for me even to remember to call

still i see them ever weekend and chat to them then. we never really had a chatty relationship (mum and me) and my father and me usually chat current affairs/politics so i stick to that

 

[gonelifting]

It`s normal. You can still do more if you want to please them more though. Talk about BS that you`re going through. How do you know they won`t be interested? Do they tell you? Tell them you`re worried about your upcoming test, you only have 3 more days to study and you`ve been slacking... or you forgot a book in the library and now you have to either find it or buy another one. Tell them you`ve met a girl and are having a lot of fun, tell them about this girl and where she`s from, her family, backfround. Tell them... oh shit, you`ve been on the phone for 20 minutes... doh!!!

Talk about ANYTHING. That`s what a conversation between family is. You`re not on the phone to impress a business client, you`re talking to your mom, or dad.

 

[bdog527]

Spend time with them as much as possible. One day they won't be around then you will realize what you had with your parents.

My dad died in March unexpectedly and I still find myself picking up the phone to call him and then realize I can't.

Man I hear that. My dad died in late august and there is not a day that goes by that I don't dearly wish I could just have one more moment with him.

 

[EnderJE]

I also find it hard to have a relationship with my parents. My mom and I never seem to get along and always get into a fight about something while my dad and I always seem to have the uneasy silences between us.

It pains me because I know that they aren't long for this world and I would like to have a good relationship with them, but its hard.

 

[javaguru]

I've never been close to my fasmily...maybe there is something wrong with me. When my ex-wife first met my parents she told me, "you must be adopted" because we're so different.

 

[DIVISION]

Spend time with them as much as possible. One day they won't be around then you will realize what you had with your parents.

My dad died in March unexpectedly and I still find myself picking up the phone to call him and then realize I can't.

I agree w/ HumorMe...

Basically, you should talk to them for at least 10-20 minutes; tell them about your studies, what's going on in class, your relationship with your GF etc etc. They just want the basics of what you're going through and to know that you are "OK". That's parents, it's what they do, they live vicariously through you and only want the best for you, bro.

You don't know how much longer they will be living, so please talk to them.



DIV

 

[jenscats5]

I have good parents. They care for me, they'd do anything for me and have always treated me well. Hence I want to be nice to them too.

But I simply have fuck all to say to them. We have nothing in common.
I moved out of the house and moved to Belgium 6 weeks ago and my sister moved out 3 years ago, we are both in university.

Basically I want to have a good relationship with my folks, but every call and conversation dies out after about 1-2 minutes, we never really get beyond the "is ..... OK?" checklist (room, courses, eating, laundry) usually in that order.

Is this normal?

All these Belgian students go back home every weekend and I ask them why. They think its obvious they say well, don't you want to see your parents on the weekend? (students in europe party on thursdays and mondays and tuesdays mostly) I feel bad because, well, I don't. I see them about once a month now and I don't miss them at all.

Is it normal for a young guy to have such a superficial little relationship to his parents, even though they have never done anything wrong?

I kinda understand where you're coming from. My parents were 40 years older than me. They had no clue about my generation at all & they didn't really want to understand. I would try to explain something to them & they would just look at me or say "That's stupid." But because they were of such an older generation, I found it hard to relate to them.

Try to find something in common with them. Like a book or movies or something. That way you can have some repartee with them and you can look back at that fondly when they are gone.

 

[SCK]

Robert Jan,

That's exactly how I felt too while @ Uni for the past 3 years (and through out my entire high school years in a boarding school too)

I think it's normal as my parents were tyring to make sure that those basic physical requirements were met such as the condition of my rented apartment, the facilities available, the noise level from my neighbours, complex's security, sufficient spending money, food sources, health, how far is the apartment to uni, any new friends in my course, transportation issues eg: the difficulty or easiness of going into the city etc etc.

And it was all asked as you have rightly said "Checklist" without any emotions or substances at all.

I think it's their way of saying: "We love you son"




They just didn't have the guts to say it right to my face. (wanted me strong)
They NEVER have. Not fucking once in my life.

It's OK though, they trained me to be strong.

My relationship with my parents are like you too VERY superficial.
Conversations don't go beyond money issues.

It is almost about money actually.
And I ain't kidding you, always money and more $$$$$ $$$
$
$$

$$

$$

$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

 

[solidg]

I rebelled at 12!

 

[SCK]

I rebelled at 12!

lol.

 

[Robert Jan]

lot of recognition here.

 

[DIVISION]

lot of recognition here.

sck is right, Robert.

Your parents are just letting you know they care by asking you about the mundane things, it's their way of making sure you STR8 and that things are taken care of.



DIV

 

[MR Pink]

Let them make an EF account...after they'll see your posts you have a lot of explaining to do .... you'll probably go over the 1-2 minute mark

 

[DIVISION]

Let them make an EF account...after they'll see your posts you have a lot of explaining to do .... you'll probably go over the 1-2 minute mark

^^^That shit will never happen, but definitely a great diea, nonetheless.

His parents see half the shit he posts about him and his girlfriend, they'll have hours and hours of discussion material for him.

Not sure he's ready at this point to discuss any of these things with his parents though.




DIV

 

[MR Pink]

^^^That shit will never happen, but definitely a great diea, nonetheless.

His parents see half the shit he posts about him and his girlfriend, they'll have hours and hours of discussion material for him.

Not sure he's ready at this point to discuss any of these things with his parents though.




DIV

Thats what I'm talking about ... maybe his parents will share some of their kinky thoughts with him...at the end they will be closer than they have ever been before

 

[SCK]

Your parents are making sure you STR8.



DIV

Just testing what DIVISION just taught me.

 

[DIVISION]

Thats what I'm talking about ... maybe his parents will share some of their kinky thoughts with him...at the end they will be closer than they have ever been before

That's very groovy in a kinky incestual kind of way.......

^^^kind of like a sexual spiritual familial intervention, eh?

Damn, you kids are coming up with some fresh ideas......STR8 OUT THE BOX!!!!!






DIV

 

[randk]

parents are people too. Maybe they are struglging for a way to comunicate with you as well. perhaps they are sticking to the "mundane" because that is all they realy can relate to in your young life? how about talking about what is going on in their life? any conversation is good and will eventualy lead to more meaningful talks in the future.

 

[hardrock]

And to you other kids all across the land,
take it from me parents just don't understand.

 

[velvett]

Seems pretty normal.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Dude, I'm pretty much the same way. It's natural to feel somewhat disconnected from parents as you age, especially when moving away. I never have anything exciting to talk about, and it's usually in the same stuff, like a routine checkup call with them. Some of it might have to do with how a person's life was when living with them, like in my case.
Other times, including for me, it could mean that you're just trying to break away from them to try to be more independent.
Don't worry about it. As long as you both know you love each other that's all that matters.

 

[DIVISION]

Seems pretty normal.

Normal for velvetteer -or- Normal for Robert_Jan?

There's really no such approximation of "normal".......

Mundane, perhaps.......but anything else is purely subjective.



DIV

 

[velvett]

Normal for velvetteer -or- Normal for Robert_Jan?

There's really no such approximation of "normal".......

Mundane, perhaps.......but anything else is purely subjective.



DIV

I think it's normal for Robert Jan or someone like him as presented on this board.


Certainly not normal for me.

 

[DIVISION]

Certainly not normal for me.

^^^my sentiments exactly......

That's what makes the prospect all the more frightening......when you speak of your childhood, you seem to suppress things and it really shows.



DIV

 

[velvett]

That's what makes the prospect all the more frightening......when you speak of your childhood, you seem to suppress things and it really shows.

 

[MattTheSkywalker]

RJ

It's pretty common. It doesn't make you a bad guy. I went through a lot of that shit with my parents, and as I have grown through my 20s (29 now) I've accepted their shortcomings as they did mine for a long time.

In time, with experience, will come maturity on your part, and acceptance on theirs. Everything will be fine.

 

[Delinquent]

I rarely ever call unless I need something. I've never felt that sense of connection with my parents. For instance, I was in some kind of playoffs when I was in little league and my parents ended up getting into an accident on the way there. I was told that my brother had to be air lifted and my sister, mom, and dad were in the hospital. I remember sitting in the car on the way to the hospital not feeling upset and wondering why. Maybe I was in shock as I can't even remember the hospital. My mom will sometimes call to make sure I'm still alive as I never just call to see how they are doing. Once I moved out, I was out and never really wanted to look back and that included family interaction.

My fiance is the total opposite. She talks to her family all the time and drags me around to one of thier houses every fucking weekend and I simple can't stand the family BS. No one has anything common so you just sit there and make BS small talk. I feel that even though I don't have much of a life, I would rather be doing that I at least got some pleasure in.

The whole family bond thing is a mystery to me as I don't feel that yet so many others do.

 

[Robert Jan]

^^^That shit will never happen, but definitely a great diea, nonetheless.

His parents see half the shit he posts about him and his girlfriend, they'll have hours and hours of discussion material for him.

Not sure he's ready at this point to discuss any of these things with his parents though.




DIV

My parents are rather liberal and I don't think much I said here would shock them

 

[Robert Jan]

RJ

It's pretty common. It doesn't make you a bad guy. I went through a lot of that shit with my parents, and as I have grown through my 20s (29 now) I've accepted their shortcomings as they did mine for a long time.

In time, with experience, will come maturity on your part, and acceptance on theirs. Everything will be fine.

You make it sound like there is a conflict. there isn't

 

[MattTheSkywalker]

You make it sound like there is a conflict. there isn't

I never said conflict.

Are we talking politics? Nope. So you don't need to try and read between the lines.