NEED Some Serious Advice from everyone!!!!!!

[Dakotah]

Ok here is the deal ....
Everyone Im sure has heard something about my dad in the time that i have been with EF right? Well if you havent i will clue you in a little

>He is 45 years old
>has been drinking for years
>He found out not too many years ago that he has Hep C
>He just found out a couple weeks ago his liver is non functioning anymore >and his spleen is enlarged greatly and the doctors want to take it out but the thing with that is that most patients who have enlarged spleens and have them removed usually only live up to a year after removal.
>each time he goes to the doctor which is at least 3 times a month they tell him one more drink could be your last
>He has what they call DT's which honestly im not sure exactly what it is but it only occurs when he is sober which causes him the really bad shakes mostly his hands
>My family has no money whats so ever they live month to month and really wouldnt eat if it wasnt for state payments or foodstamps as you all know them= so if he did die we wouldnt have the money to bury him hell we still dont have the money to pay for my lil borthers headstone and he has been dead since 98 - this headstone news i just found out about; i never knew he didnt have a stone in.
> My father has been into rehab soooooo many times and when he gets out he stays sober for the most 3 months - now we are at our wits end!!!!!
> because he has these current health problems when he drinks even a little he starts having seizures and as soon as the seizure is over he has no idea where he is or what time it is or even who people are!!!!
>I have this fear every night before i go to bed that i am going to wake up one day and have someone at my door because they didnt want to call me and tell me he has died!!!!
>My stepmother is at wits end and isnt in the best of health due to rheumatoid Arthritis which makes her somedays unable to move hardly let alone handle someone like this!!
>Newest news tonight is my dad barely weighs 145lbs and his skin is yellow and he looks like a skeleton-
the doctors put him on adavan and prozac but he doesnt think about that and goes and drinks while on the meds and when he gets drunk he becomes baseline violent something we havent seen for MANY years.

I have sort of come up with a few solutions if they are even solutions at all

1 everyone in the family ignores him and doesnt have anything to do with him
2 my sister and i goes and gets a court order for him to be locked down in a halfway house or something for longer than 30 -55 days.

 

[Ulcasterdropout]

Can't boss your dad around, if he want's to drink himself to the dirt. It's on him.

 

[DJ_UFO]

Oh my God is so sad to read this..I don't even know what to say. You are a strong girl! I think the second option would be good, first good for him and then good for the rest. But if he is locked down, you can't ignore him. In that case he will need a lot of support. My best wishes for you.

 

[PICK3]

What you describe is a result of many years of drinking ... perhaps since before you were born.

You need not feel guilty. We all have to live with the decisions we make.

Sorry you have to go through this.

 

[Growth&Courage]

Ok here is the deal ....

>I have this fear every night before i go to bed that i am going to wake up one day and have someone at my door because they didnt want to call me and tell me he has died!!!! .

I read your problems with great seriousness, however I am not sure if there's much that you can do based on the danger line that your father is in coupled with financial problems. I'm so sorry.

 

[BrothaBill]

Well to be blunt, medically from what you describe he's in the end stages of life. If he has jaundice, enlarged spleen, weight loss, seizures and hep C on top of it all with a nonfunction liver, then he's end stage alcoholic and he doesnt have long to live.

Liver failure is very harsh way to go, I did a cardiac exam on a young man 30y.o. who noticed to be yellow upon entering a rehab facility so they sent him to over to the hospital and I talked to him a long time, he was nice guy. His liver lost the ability to make clotting factors and went into deep intravenous coagulopathy. To be sensitive, I wont describe what that is.
You are in a very difficult decision, do you let him drink until he dies as he sounds end stage or do you try to help him reach sobriety and perhaps extend his life, perhaps even an astonishing long time, if he isnt as bad off as I perceive from what you are describing. Honestly, in that situation alcoholics faced with that prognosis drink to deal with the reality of the situation and the escape becomes even more neccesary for them. Its very hard to bring them out of that spiral at that point but you as a good person can only try to do that. Giving up your father may haunt a person, maybe not always, just a possibility.
THere really is no good solution at this point, I am very sorry for what you are faced with this, seems any course might just be effort in futility and delaying the inevitable. The DTs btw are an outcome of brain chemistry becoming dependent on alcohol so that without it doesnt function and in severe cases can be fatal and also cause seizures, that is why I suspect the prescribed ativan as that works on the same brain receptors as alcohol.
Stay strong and wish you the best with this.

 

[Dakotah]

You know its not so much that im clueless what to do its just that honestly i find myself hoping he passes so he isnt our problem anymore - deep inside i know that if he does pass I will never forgive myself for thinking that. Yeah i know that my dad is his own boss but at the same time i know he cant even be his own boss!!! He has no idea what is going onand personally i dont think he even cares ---
I know some of you will tell me well that is his decision and just let him do what he wants blah blah blah - go ahead and say it if ya want but the real thing to this thread is im ranting more than anything and i should have just said that to begin with.
The other truth is if the family does ignore him at this stage and he goes and gets trashed at some point and is walking or not in one spot and has his seizure like has happened 2 times before ( he hit his head passed out for hours and when he woke he was frozen cause of the temp and had another seizure within minutes of getting up) either way he is a danger to himself and us for not so much the simplest of reasons either - and yes he has been drinking since way before i was born!
Im screwed and know it!! there isnt anyway to get around it and i find myself wishing things

 

[BUBBLES]

Dakotah I am sorry that you are going through this difficult time. If your dad is at the end of his life maybe try to spend as much quality time as you can with him as long as you are not put in danger by his violent outbursts.

 

[BrothaBill]

No worries about venting out the difficulties you are facing, thats what the board can do, the board is here for you

 

[Dakotah]

Well to be blunt, medically from what you describe he's in the end stages of life. If he has jaundice, enlarged spleen, weight loss, seizures and hep C on top of it all with a nonfunction liver, then he's end stage alcoholic and he doesnt have long to live.

Liver failure is very harsh way to go, I did a cardiac exam on a young man 30y.o. who noticed to be yellow upon entering a rehab facility so they sent him to over to the hospital and I talked to him a long time, he was nice guy. His liver lost the ability to make clotting factors and went into deep intravenous coagulopathy. To be sensitive, I wont describe what that is.
You are in a very difficult decision, do you let him drink until he dies as he sounds end stage or do you try to help him reach sobriety and perhaps extend his life, perhaps even an astonishing long time, if he isnt as bad off as I perceive from what you are describing. Honestly, in that situation alcoholics faced with that prognosis drink to deal with the reality of the situation and the escape becomes even more neccesary for them. Its very hard to bring them out of that spiral at that point but you as a good person can only try to do that. Giving up your father may haunt a person, maybe not always, just a possibility.
THere really is no good solution at this point, I am very sorry for what you are faced with this, seems any course might just be effort in futility and delaying the inevitable. The DTs btw are an outcome of brain chemistry becoming dependent on alcohol so that without it doesnt function and in severe cases can be fatal and also cause seizures, that is why I suspect the prescribed ativan as that works on the same brain receptors as alcohol.
Stay strong and wish you the best with this.

You know thanks for that----i think at least i know where things stand. There really is no bringing him out of it honestly April6th is his court date and he will be put in jail for 75 days has to do with the drinking but the fact about that is that what happened is he had a drink really early in the day way earlier - i was there he had one ! then he went across the bridge and on the way back over heading to the house it just so hapens that on the bridge (the one that connects both states) the tire went flat and on the bridge he got out to change the tire and low and behold bastard cop that is a prick to everyone smells the algohol from hours ago on his breath and nails him for dui in both states!!!! my dad is so screwed because there is nothing we can do and my dad refuses to plead guilty but the judge says that if he doesnt then the judge will make his sentence longer and nail him for 3rd degree!!! honestly the last time my dad drank and drove was 17 years ago.
The problem is that because his liver quit working that means his blood isnt getting cleaned and so then it takes more for your system to work so he still had the smell of the alcohol on his breath for that reason


now he has to go im not sure how many times a week to get his blood cleaned.
The thought of me losing my dad the only parent who i really have and is my closest friend rattles me inside and out completly, I kow i can handle anything life throws my way but im finding myself not comfortable in any way of letting him go!!!!! I want not to lose anyone else -although that is highly impracticle i know but the thought of losing him again this time for good is something imnot prepared for ( by the way i know that no one is ever prepared for death! i should know its happened enough)

 

[Dakotah]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this thread
My problem is i have my way of dealing with things as well and im having the hardest time dealing with everything thats been thrown my way these last 2 months and now this!!! I dont want to be destructive so thats why these long posts - im in no way asking for attention or k or anything like that just some way of getting thru this ordeal without dealing like i have in the past. Its hard talking to some people because they have no clue what alcoholism really does to people or can do to people over time or else they just dont want to listen period.

I have before when things got shitty tried negative ways of dealing here is my cry for help pretty much - so please no one do me in on this or make fun of me!

 

[BUBBLES]

I have before when things got shitty tried negative ways of dealing here is my cry for help pretty much - so please no one do me in on this or make fun of me!

Dakotah no one will make fun of you and if anyone does they are insensitive and have no clue about the harships and realities of life.
All the best and stay positive.

 

[CFZB]

 

[RADAR]

Post up all you want to hun if it makes you feel better, thats what we are here for.
I'm sorry for your situtation thats not much you can do at this point even if he is locked up he is on the last stages of his life, and nothing anyone does is gonna change that.
I wish i could offer you some hope or something that would make you feel better all in all its a shitty deal.

RADAR

 

[Dakotah]

Post up all you want to hun if it makes you feel better, thats what we are here for.
I'm sorry for your situtation thats not much you can do at this point even if he is locked up he is on the last stages of his life, and nothing anyone does is gonna change that.
I wish i could offer you some hope or something that would make you feel better all in all its a shitty deal.

RADAR

thanks Radar
Im being a pity story lately or at least thats the way i feel well thanks again - im going to try to get some sleep
take care and hugs to you

 

[Ulcasterdropout]

Vent all you want, sweetheart.

 

[RADAR]

thanks Radar
Im being a pity story lately or at least thats the way i feel well thanks again - im going to try to get some sleep
take care and hugs to you

Bless you doll you are in my thoughts!


RADAR

 

[BrothaBill]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this thread
My problem is i have my way of dealing with things as well and im having the hardest time dealing with everything thats been thrown my way these last 2 months and now this!!! I dont want to be destructive so thats why these long posts - im in no way asking for attention or k or anything like that just some way of getting thru this ordeal without dealing like i have in the past. Its hard talking to some people because they have no clue what alcoholism really does to people or can do to people over time or else they just dont want to listen period.

I have before when things got shitty tried negative ways of dealing here is my cry for help pretty much - so please no one do me in on this or make fun of me!

No worries, I have known many alcoholics and the issues and many who have quit drinking as I have. Ive seen the issues from a social and also a medical side and realize how substance abuse can be insidious disease that affects everyone around them.
Dealing with a loss of a loved one is a very hard and discomforting process that we all will face at some points in our lives and unfortunately it sounds like that has come far too early for you in your young life.
Often becoming aware of the issues of death and dying and the sad experience of going through them help people value the short time that we are dancing on this earth and appreciate things more.
At one time, death was very much a part of most people's daily lives. Death in childhood and infancy was common, and people of all ages succumbed to a frightening array of illnesses. Death was feared, but its hovering presence was accepted as natural and normal.
With advances in medicine, death receded farther away from the center of most peoples daily existance and eventually became one of the few topics we hated to talk about.
Discussing and how to understand it; to explore the emotional, moral, and practical issues surrounding it; and to make this inevitable outcome of our lives as positive as possible for the dying and their survivors with the recognition that dealing with death can teach us about life
In the US, bereaved people have no universal mourning rites to help them express grief and prvovide a structure for a ne ife.Mourners are expected to be brave, suppress their tears, and get on with the business of living. Yet the bereaved need to express and deal with their feeling of loss before they can reorganize their lives.
I know how difficult going through this process is as I work in Cardiology and see the outcome of heart disease and the aftermath of heart attacks and the families. There are support groups out there for you, you need only to check the local hospital if you are in a large enough city. ALso there are support groups for alcoholics such as alanon, these are people also in your situation and they come from all walks of life and are facing the very same issues that you are dealing with. I would recommend trying them out, the worst that could happen is you dont go back if you dont like them.
Also, like I said, there are jerks on this board for sure, but there also alot/most good people that you can count on in times of distress

 

[BrothaBill]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this thread
My problem is i have my way of dealing with things as well and im having the hardest time dealing with everything thats been thrown my way these last 2 months and now this!!! I dont want to be destructive so thats why these long posts - im in no way asking for attention or k or anything like that just some way of getting thru this ordeal without dealing like i have in the past. Its hard talking to some people because they have no clue what alcoholism really does to people or can do to people over time or else they just dont want to listen period.

I have before when things got shitty tried negative ways of dealing here is my cry for help pretty much - so please no one do me in on this or make fun of me!

No worries, I have known many alcoholics and the issues and many who have quit drinking as I have. Ive seen the issues from a social and also a medical side and realize how substance abuse can be insidious disease that affects everyone around them.
Dealing with a loss of a loved one is a very hard and discomforting process that we all will face at some points in our lives and unfortunately it sounds like that has come far too early for you in your young life.
Often becoming aware of the issues of death and dying and the sad experience of going through them help people value the short time that we are dancing on this earth and appreciate things more.
At one time, death was very much a part of most people's daily lives. Death in childhood and infancy was common, and people of all ages succumbed to a frightening array of illnesses. Death was feared, but its hovering presence was accepted as natural and normal.
With advances in medicine, death receded farther away from the center of most peoples daily existance and eventually became one of the few topics we hated to talk about.
Discussing and how to understand it; to explore the emotional, moral, and practical issues surrounding it; and to make this inevitable outcome of our lives as positive as possible for the dying and their survivors with the recognition that dealing with death can teach us about life
In the US, bereaved people have no universal mourning rites to help them express grief and prvovide a structure for a ne ife.Mourners are expected to be brave, suppress their tears, and get on with the business of living. Yet the bereaved need to express and deal with their feeling of loss before they can reorganize their lives.
I know how difficult going through this process is as I work in Cardiology and see the outcome of heart disease and the aftermath of heart attacks and the families. There are support groups out there for you, you need only to check the local hospital if you are in a large enough city. ALso there are support groups for alcoholics such as alanon, these are people also in your situation and they come from all walks of life and are facing the very same issues that you are dealing with. I would recommend trying them out, the worst that could happen is you dont go back if you dont like them.
Also, like I said, there are jerks on this board for sure, but there also alot/most good people that you can count on in times of distress

 

[Dakotah]

No worries, I have known many alcoholics and the issues and many who have quit drinking as I have. Ive seen the issues from a social and also a medical side and realize how substance abuse can be insidious disease that affects everyone around them.
Dealing with a loss of a loved one is a very hard and discomforting process that we all will face at some points in our lives and unfortunately it sounds like that has come far too early for you in your young life.
Often becoming aware of the issues of death and dying and the sad experience of going through them help people value the short time that we are dancing on this earth and appreciate things more.
At one time, death was very much a part of most people's daily lives. Death in childhood and infancy was common, and people of all ages succumbed to a frightening array of illnesses. Death was feared, but its hovering presence was accepted as natural and normal.
With advances in medicine, death receded farther away from the center of most peoples daily existance and eventually became one of the few topics we hated to talk about.
Discussing and how to understand it; to explore the emotional, moral, and practical issues surrounding it; and to make this inevitable outcome of our lives as positive as possible for the dying and their survivors with the recognition that dealing with death can teach us about life
In the US, bereaved people have no universal mourning rites to help them express grief and prvovide a structure for a ne ife.Mourners are expected to be brave, suppress their tears, and get on with the business of living. Yet the bereaved need to express and deal with their feeling of loss before they can reorganize their lives.
I know how difficult going through this process is as I work in Cardiology and see the outcome of heart disease and the aftermath of heart attacks and the families. There are support groups out there for you, you need only to check the local hospital if you are in a large enough city. ALso there are support groups for alcoholics such as alanon, these are people also in your situation and they come from all walks of life and are facing the very same issues that you are dealing with. I would recommend trying them out, the worst that could happen is you dont go back if you dont like them.
Also, like I said, there are jerks on this board for sure, but there also alot/most good people that you can count on in times of distress

Thanks for the good post - not sure what to say about that tho. I will say that i have tried the aa things and a few other things as well I just rather talk here it is just as therapeutic as going somewhere ( i live in tiny town and there is one aa place here and someone we rather not associate with goes to those meetings here in town so i rather avoid more drama ) I am highly judgemental as well towards people that go to the aa meetings- most are so phony it isnt funny and some are even drunk at the meetings
Anyways I will stick to where i know EF my therapy As long as people dont get tired of me then im ok but i promise not to bombard people with my Well thank you BrothaBill for the help it is appreciated also for the eyes (would say ear but your reading so )
Seriously my bed time now - goodnight and take care

 

[bignate73]

Dakotah,
there will be many opinions. the only thing you can do is listen and do what you feel is right. if that means doing everything you can do in your power, then do it! it will make you feel much better having given your all. the last thing you want to do is regret in the future. Do whatever is in your heart to do. The only things you'll regret are the things you DON'T do. if you try something and get swatted away, well... you tried. whatever feels strong in your heart, go with it. persistence has a way of reaching a breaking point before success. all seems to be lost but you never give up on what you believe in, and then it pays off. if it doesnt, you are satisified that you tried your hardest. if it pays off, then you know you gave your all. thats living with satisfaction and conviction. here is the caveat though...protect yourself. whatever you believe is right, make sure you are safe. ok? give all that you can, but make sure you are protected and supported. I know you have some loving people on your side, so just include them and ask them to support you as you do what you feel is necessary to help in this situation.

i hope this helps.
take care.

 

[BrothaBill]

Thanks for the good post - not sure what to say about that tho. I will say that i have tried the aa things and a few other things as well I just rather talk here it is just as therapeutic as going somewhere ( i live in tiny town and there is one aa place here and someone we rather not associate with goes to those meetings here in town so i rather avoid more drama ) I am highly judgemental as well towards people that go to the aa meetings- most are so phony it isnt funny and some are even drunk at the meetings
Anyways I will stick to where i know EF my therapy As long as people dont get tired of me then im ok but i promise not to bombard people with my Well thank you BrothaBill for the help it is appreciated also for the eyes (would say ear but your reading so )
Seriously my bed time now - goodnight and take care

No probs doll, wish you the best. I have to keep up with my quota, this officially accounts for my 5% of my posts quota that arent complete bullshit

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Can't boss your dad around, if he want's to drink himself to the dirt. It's on him.

He's right. There's little you can do to change his behavior, short of a miracle. He's gonna keep doing what he's doing regardless. Save the ones around you, and yourself. If your dad wants to destroy himself, the best you can do is warn him, and leave it up to himself.

 

[Razorguns]

Ah man -- what a tragic story.

All i can say is try to make your peace with him before he's gone.

Having been like this all his life, and now further burdened with medical problems -- it's gonna be near impossible for him to turn a 180 just like that. So all you can do really is bring solace between you and him, and have him at least go out with a smile on his face. That in actuality is all you can really do right about now.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

any advice i could offer would be superfluous to your fathers doctors assessment, since they have access to the patient/notes and i do not. i worked in a hospital psych department for a while at a veterans hospital (vietnam guys mainly) and the issue of alcoholism is present in easily half of the cases there.

to cut a long story short, and be brutally honest because i dont think its nice blowing sunshine up peoples arses, your father does indeed sound in a bad way, and as bb has already said, is fairly end stage if his habits do not change drastically. as said earlier, going cold turkey from ethanol for most alcoholics is a death sentence, and so they are weaned off alcohol whilst simultaneously being given a benzo (adavan), and then once sobriety has safely been reached, they are weaned off the benzo, and therapy with disulfiram is started (which makes you feel awful if you drink anything). theres alcoholism treatment in a nutshell anyway.

from what you have said about your father drinking while on meds, i get the impression taht he is a fairly difficult patient to treat, and given that he also has a significant co-condition in the hep C, and so you can expect most doctors to shrug their shoulders a little when dealing with him.

if scare therapy (next drink could be your last) plus jaundice plus weight loss plus having hep C isnt enough to convince your father of the gravity of the situation, then its not too promising that he is going to do an about face and come good, unless osmething drastic changes in his life - and the jail term might just be that event.

all you can do, really, is to make sure he sees his doctor regularly before he goes in, and ensure that that doctor liase with the prison doctor to make the transition to an alcohol free environment as safe as possible, even if it means putting him on an ethanol drip for a couple of weeks inside, and of course, do the usual and spend time with him, understand his frame of mind etc.

im not really sure what to say, i cant really sit down and have a coffee with you over the issue and ask a few questions, and dont really want to do this in the forum...i just really, really hope things turn out well one way or the other, d. and like bb said above - things may not be as awful as tehy seem in real life. lets hope so.

good luck

 

[Gymgurl]

The main problem is that most alcoholics will not quit drinking until they are ready and he does not sound like he is ready...anything you do he will resist until he has reached his bottom....ativan is for the DT's, but it is so hard to watch people you love kill themselves through addiction. It makes no sense to us who sit back and watch and it and try to help them and they resist all that we do. I'm sorry D that you have to go through with this...as someone else said Try to spend time with him and talk to him...

 

[Sassy69]

D - very tragic situation. You are in my thoughts today.

 

[jerseyart]

I'm very sorry for what you and your family are goinf through D.

I wish I had some good advice for you, but as you already know, there are no magic pills for a situation such as this. Only he can change himself, and from what you posted he doesnt seem inclined to do so.

Nor do I agree with those who propose a defeatist attitude. Whatever else he is still your dad, and telling someone to ignore those bonds is cruel and pointless.

All you can do is your best to help convince him how much he is hurting himself and those around him and hope to precipitate a change in his outlook and behavior. If you have the means, avail yourself of whatever professional help and counseling is available.

Is he a spiritual man at all D?

 

[EnderJE]

Ok here is the deal ....
Everyone Im sure has heard something about my dad in the time that i have been with EF right? Well if you havent i will clue you in a little

>He is 45 years old
>has been drinking for years
>He found out not too many years ago that he has Hep C
>He just found out a couple weeks ago his liver is non functioning anymore >and his spleen is enlarged greatly and the doctors want to take it out but the thing with that is that most patients who have enlarged spleens and have them removed usually only live up to a year after removal.
>each time he goes to the doctor which is at least 3 times a month they tell him one more drink could be your last
>He has what they call DT's which honestly im not sure exactly what it is but it only occurs when he is sober which causes him the really bad shakes mostly his hands
>My family has no money whats so ever they live month to month and really wouldnt eat if it wasnt for state payments or foodstamps as you all know them= so if he did die we wouldnt have the money to bury him hell we still dont have the money to pay for my lil borthers headstone and he has been dead since 98 - this headstone news i just found out about; i never knew he didnt have a stone in.
> My father has been into rehab soooooo many times and when he gets out he stays sober for the most 3 months - now we are at our wits end!!!!!
> because he has these current health problems when he drinks even a little he starts having seizures and as soon as the seizure is over he has no idea where he is or what time it is or even who people are!!!!
>I have this fear every night before i go to bed that i am going to wake up one day and have someone at my door because they didnt want to call me and tell me he has died!!!!
>My stepmother is at wits end and isnt in the best of health due to rheumatoid Arthritis which makes her somedays unable to move hardly let alone handle someone like this!!
>Newest news tonight is my dad barely weighs 145lbs and his skin is yellow and he looks like a skeleton-
the doctors put him on adavan and prozac but he doesnt think about that and goes and drinks while on the meds and when he gets drunk he becomes baseline violent something we havent seen for MANY years.

I have sort of come up with a few solutions if they are even solutions at all

1 everyone in the family ignores him and doesnt have anything to do with him
2 my sister and i goes and gets a court order for him to be locked down in a halfway house or something for longer than 30 -55 days.

Sorry to hear about your Dad. Its rough, but I would go with the harsher POV.

 

[Whiskey]

Sorry to hear Dakotah, that's a hard thing to deal with i'm shure. I would have to say option #2. But maybe even longer. As DJ_UFO said earlier, it will take alot of support. He will most likely even hate you for it at first, but as time goes by, i'm shure that he'll come to realise it was the right thing to do.

Best of luck in whatever you do and your fathers health

Whiskey

 

[Dakotah]

Well all of these posts are what i have been thinking of all night so needless to say im still tired and i am going crazy!!!

I am trying to think of what i am going to say to my dad for fear that it will be one of the few times i have left.


to answer the question no my father is not religious in any way.
He is a high pain in the ass of a patient for his doctors but i believe deep inside that right now he has given up - this last summer he stayed up here with me and was really taking everything as of he didnt have much time left- he was doing things with the kids and showing lots of love. I want to be free to sleep and not worry sooooo much every moment of the day but i know that isnt going to happen.
I love my dad with everything in me but i dont have strength to be with him as much as i want to.

 

[Sassy69]

D - you are taking a huge amount of pressure onto yourself, as I'm sure any loving son or daughter would. Be sure you don't let it take its toll on you because you do have the right to look after yourself. Major kudos on your 275 lb pull I read about on your other thread, and make sure you let yourself relsih those personal satisfaction moments, and exhaust some of that nervous energy I"m sure you are accumulating in all of this.

As far as your dad, continue to let him know you are there for him and sometimes that's the best thing you can do. Things work out sometimes despite all the stuff you try to do.

But you're in my thoughts today as well

 

[Raina]

I think it's better for you to post and express how you're feeling instead of holding it all in and losing your mind.

I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I'm sorry to head that your family is having to struggle with this. You're in my thoughts.

 

[spongebob]

well my wifes dad just died last year, full blown alcoholic. from the time he woke up to the time he went to bed. every waking minute he was drinking. and even at work. he would just keep a bottle in his desk drawer. he had been like that for years. even afetr seeing the doctor, he continued to drink. nothing at all would have changed that, nothing.

we can offer advise but in the end it is up to you to determine the outcome of how you find closure if he passes. i think your old enough and wise enough in the matter to make the correct decision that you will have to live with, not your dad. but honestly, IMO at this point, tough love is not the answer. just love. for whatever reason your dad can not stop drinking, dont lay any blame on yourself. it will not be your fault. my feeling is it is beyond your control. so dont ever beat yourself up over it. im sure your dad does not want that as well. when life hands us these great challenges, my standard answer is, we dont have to blame anyone, just let it be.

my wife had a difficult time understanding this with her dad. at times she was very fustrated with him after he passed. she would cry and ask why he did this to himself, why didnt he listen to the doctors. she would blame him and herself. guilt. guilt no one knows, until youve dealt with it. the only thing i could tell her was that regardless of the loss, which her dad had to have known was coming, he lived his life the way he wanted, maybe even had to.

 

[Dakotah]

Thank you Sassy I have to admit that even though i keep hearing bad things i am using that as the fuel to accomplish and kick ass in lifting. So in a reality all this negative is turning to be a kind of fuel for me!!

Thank you everyone for the kind and heartfelt words - they are a great comfort.
Truth be it tho that I am in my own little boat right now with my family and we are wading on rough waters.

 

[Dakotah]

ARGGGGGGGGGGGG
i am so ready to stick a pillow over his damn head now and get it over with!!!!!!!
He hasnt even been out of the hospital for a full 24 hours and his ass was back down to the bar got drunk again - my mom picked him up was headed home and on the way he has this horrible seizure when he comes to he starts freaking and gets violent and busts my moms widshield with his hand!!!!
she gets him home and calls the hospital and they say get him up there cause its time to clean his blood again but to have the police escort her.
So the police come and are following her and my dad and out of nowhere only a block from the house he starts freaking out and gets violent!!! so police get ahold of him and handcuff him and took him to the hospital - now the only thing to do now is me and my sister are going to speak to the lawyer about getting him put into behavioral ward or something for a longer period of time!!!!!!

 

[Dakotah]

Well my mom called me about a half hour ago time was 1:30 in the morning and said that my dad is in the ICU being pumped full of meds; his charts were out of this world and his blood alcohol was .3 I have decided with my mother to go down there and stay for a while and take care of things a bit and give my mom and pregnant sister a break - my sister is having such a hard time with this baby she may not make it or the baby may not Its my turn to be the pillar of strength. i may go down tomorrow or the day after so everyone wish me luck please?


I really hope that all of you arent getting sick of reading this stuff: im sort of self conscious about this right now.

 

[PICK3]

i may go down tomorrow or the day after so everyone wish me luck please?

Good luck Dakotah,

Hang in there kid.