mother is an alcoholic/need help

[~HOUNDOG~]

Hey people,

I am gonna open up.This is a problem that I am so confused about.
Here is the deal,please help if you can.
My mother has been drinking alcohol for as long as I can remember. She get's drunk or buzzed on average 4 times weekly.
She acts all weird and shit.Like here eyes will be closed and she stumbles around. She constantly talks,talk talk talk about nothing,basically just being annoying.I love my mom so much but I think alcohol has taken a big toll on her mind. She seems really depressed but claims she isn't.She has no hobbies,absolutely none. She claims she only lives for her family(me,sis,and pops).
But this disturbs me because she say's she does not live for herself. This in my opinion is not the way to live.
She is 47 and going through menopause. She also smokes about 15 cigarettes a day. She pop's tylenol constantly,like 4 a day,every day,non stop.I am very worried about her health but she will never go to the doctor.I have begged her but she always makes up excuses or say's she will go but she never follows through. I am so confused, when she drinks she cries alot,and wants my comfort but I am so tired,I can't give comfort 24/7 I am 18 years old and have my own life.
I have school,work and many other things in my life that stress me and I can't deal with my mom's problems 24/7.
My family went to a counsellor a year ago,he didn't do shit but fuck us up.I know my mom would never go to a psychiatrist or anything like that.
She seems so lost,it is very sad. She constantly fights with her mother(my grandma) and she claims her mother(my grandma) doesn't care for her etc.
I hope you can understand what I have said. She also claims she doesn't get enough attention from my father,but he works 9-5,a very stressfull job,he is a lawyer.But he does things with my mom like goes fishing,but I guess to her it is not enough. She is always going on about how she is "ugly" and old. Any ideas for what I should do,or I am an asshole for not being there all the time.I do try though,but after all the years of trying I feel like there is no point anymore. If you can offer advice I appreciate it,thanks.
Sorry for the length.

 

[smallmovesal]

jesus man.

i am in no position to tell you what to do... but she needs to seek counselling and AA. your family needs to come together and do an intervention.

this is not healthy for her or for your family.

she is blaming her problems on your grandma, so i guess in some way at least she realises there is a problem.

sorry i can't be of more help. maybe someone else can step in here.

 

[~HOUNDOG~]

thanks sal,any input is a help.
But she will NEVER go to aa.

 

[satanic goatslayer]

In all seriousness, I hear decomposing is quite effective in the war against alcoholism.

That, or liver cirrhosis.

 

[nitlyan]

she needs a psychiatrist to prescribe anti-depressants. she has a chemical imbalance..definitley. go with her if you have to

GOOD NIGHT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!

-Warik see you on here tomorrow bro!!!!

 

[huntmaster]

Well, all I can say is the Bible says that love conquers all

There is no love like the love of Jesus

It is definitely not always easy but these situations never are.

My mom is currently going through menepause and mid life crisis. Her and my dad have been seperated for over a year---The are mean as hell to one another---If they would look past each others weaknesses and downfalls they could at least communicate.

What I am saying is---Love conquers all--Like you said, you cant be there for your mother all of the time--that is impossible. What I try to do is at least devote a couple of meals a week to just mom and I ---- works as kind of a energizer for her and maybe some days I will have flowers sent over to her(to help her get through this hard time)

Pray for her as I am sure you allready do.

It would definitely be good for her to see a counselor of some kind and get some treatment for alcohol. Just remember, everything that you recommend or suggest, make sure you do so with dellicacy.----they are very much on the deffense during this time of transition, I have noticed. Make sure she knows that no matter what, she has you in her corner. Seek the Lord, He will surprise you with His ability to solve the darkest mystery.

HM

 

[Lao Tzu]

tell your mom not to take tylenol with alcohol. that will destroy her liver. use aspirin instead.

is she taking regular tylenol or T3 (tylenol & codiene)

her problems sound internal, ie 'she' is the problem. it sounds like everyone else has already done anything they can think of to remedy the situation, but she either hates herself too much.

 

[Milhouse]

Umm I am gonna go out on a limb here and stir some shit with my opinion but fuck it.

Your dad takes her out to do all kinds of quality type shit like camping, fishing etc and she is unhappy.

Well fuck her is she is bored or if that is not enough. Too many people are too goddam worried about the rest of the world entertaining them that they forget thet the rest of the world has lives/hobbies etc. She needs to get off the pity pot and take care of herself and others that are important rather then being a self centered bitch.

Yeah maybe and she well she does drink too much, but that is her stupid choice. What I am trying to say is that as much as you try to help this overly dramatic cunt until she tries to help herself ther is nothing you can do. Trying to say not to get dragged down with her bullshit because with great kids and a great family she should have the shit kicked out of her just for being a self absorbed whiny drunken ass bitch.

And brother this is not an isult whatsoever, but just how my Mom acted for many years before I had to cut her off completely.

Thing is try to help her but if she does not take the good and run with it fuck her and she can go to hell because your turn in life is now. She raised you for a reason. Now do something with it period. And if she want s to be in self pity while you are doing something pos with your life, then she does not deserve a son like you.

I had to learn the hard way. Still hurts 4 years later but my life is 10 times better then if I allowed this shit to take over my life.

 

[the nature boy]

if your mom is an alcoholic then there's nothing you can do. Addicts have to quit for themselves, not for someone else. All you can do is love her. I was in love with an alcoholic but eventually I had to leave her which was so sad but I couldn't stand there and let someone I loved ruin themselves. I tried to get her to quit but that didn't work, so I had to leave. Hope you don't have to make the same choice.

 

[DcupSheepNipples]

Can't do a dam thing untill SHE wants to quit.

 

[saint808]

She is gonna have to help herself unfortunately... the only way to conquer a problem is to admit you have one in the first place. All you can do is express your concern and be open and honest wit her especially when she is sober... don't be afriad to cry with her either.


Rich

 

[PinK233]

Sounds like a serious mid-life crisis...if she's not willing to go to a psychiatrist there isnt much you can do b/c it sounds like she's desperately in need of anti-depressants...

 

[Taps]

If it was my mom, I'd do anything and everything to help her. Fuck, I'd knock her unconscious and drag her to a psych ward if I had to.

I guess I'm echoing what everyone else here is saying...your mom needs professional help. If she's really an addict though, she's gonna have to come to terms with her situation before she gets better.

I hope she gets help soon.

 

[Mandinka]

HOUNDDOG

First of all - if your Mom has been drinkin for this long there's a VERY high chance that you yourself will go on to devlop or exhibit mental illness of some sort. So first of all I would suggest analysing yourself with a friend , it's very difficult to be objective as well. The second thing to remember is that many psychologists believe that we are CONDEMNED to marry our parents so watch out for that too.
Make yourself your first priority - you are your mother's child - it is her who should be looking out for you. I used to be in love and live with an alcholic - because you love them it is very hard not to symphatise - in fact I still do to this day - but this will not help them. U will have to get VERY tough with her before any progress can be made.
Good luck buddy.

 

[~HOUNDOG~]

I may develop a mental illness?
Please explain.
I am currently on paxil and I have OCD,depression is gone(paxil did the job).

 

[cm3504jm]

I drank so much it almost destroyed my family.

A little insight:

Alcoholics feel tremendous guilt for their behavior. You can support them all you want, love them, care, and provide for them. The drinking becomes a release for the guilt. So guess what? The more guilty they feel, the more they imbibe to cover the guilt. It's a viscous circle that seems to have no end.

I never went to AA, took drugs, or therapy. I just came to a realization one day that my life would be over before I had a chance to live and I wanted to see my kids grow up and be a husband and father.

I quit cold turkey although I never experienced any withdrawal symptoms.

I hit the fucking gym. Did excersise of some sort every day and lost 80 lbs. I'm not saying that it works for everyone, but for me it replaced one with another that was far better for me.

No one can say anything about it unless you have experienced the hell of booze. I have not had a drink of anything in over 5 years and I dont need to take it one day at a time. Dont miss it at all.

As far as your mom, she will come to a point where she makes that decision to quit by herself. Admitting the problem is hardest, because no one likes the stigma of labeling. But she will.

Your soul has to want change. Get busy living or get busy dying.

I will pray for her.

Peace.

 

[Mandinka]

HOUNDDOG

Hi , sorry I didn't get back to you sooner - seem to be having flu symptoms here. Anyway the fact that you mention that you have suffered through depression itself speaks volumes - the influence our parents (in particular the mother) have upon a childs health of mind is dominant over any other factor.
As I mentioned in my previous post , I've had a lot of access to psychologists (used to live with 6) and am naturally interested in getting as much free advice as possible...
Something which struck me as dramatically profound was the dichotomy between liberalism and modern psychology. The empirical evidence is available - a "conservative" tight family unit where BOTH parents demonstrate responsibility is a psychological imperative. Unfortunately modern governments place the desires of their electorate (disguised as the rights of the individual) above the needs of the next generation.

 

[Superbabe]

Get some leaflets and leave them around, y'know, "by accident...research for my school project..."

 

[toga22]

Houndog, what you described above is almost a carbon copy of my Mom, and my sister when they went through menopause. I know that this is very difficult for you and your family to experience. Help your Mom out--have you and your family convince her that she needs to go to the doctor. The doctor can prescibe to her some hormone pills that are going to offset her behavior. Once on these pills, you WILL see dramatic changes in your Mom and she will begin to return to normal. Menopause is probably one of the hardest stages of a woman's life, and every woman reacts to the changes in their body, and to the hormonal imbalance, differently. Me and my Dad (my sisters are 20 years older than me), went through three years of hell before we finally were able to trick my Mom to see a doctor. And in a matter of days, her temperment and whole outlook on life changed, and began to become normal once again.

Good Luck to you!! Be strong!
~toga