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Buddy_Christ
New member
ok, here's the situation. i'm getting ready to move my grandmother from a nursing home into an assisted living facility. she'll be 84 this year. she had a stroke a year and a half ago that hurt her memory. she's still highly functional, but can't care for herself fully. i can tell her something and she'll pretty much forget it in 10 minutes. some things she'll remember, but not all. it's rough.
in order to put her into assisted living, i'm going to have to sell her house. she has some income, but it's not enough to fully cover the expenses she'll incur. by selling the house, she'll have enough money between her income and assets to provide for her long term care for quite a few years. so that's going to work out nicely.
i found a good assisted living home for her. the place is nice, the price is actually cheap. the level and quality of care is excellent, and unlike a lot of places, there's no "hidden costs," where they quote you one price per month, then they give you a huge list of things that are "extras." the reason this place is able to keep their price low is they are a reasonably large facility (i think max capacity is 160 residents), and they've been operating for almost 20 years. most other places i've looked into have only been operating for 10 years or less, so i would imagine their prices are higher because they're still paying for the cost of the facility (just my guess).
so all this is good. things are falling into line. i'm going to have to get some realitors into the house, get it appraised, and get it on the market. i'm considering a public auction to empty the place out. that's probably my easiest solution. yeah, i'll have to pay a cut of it to the company that runs the auction, but that's going to be a hell of a lot easier than trying a yard sale (and guessing what i can get for what), or listing things in the paper. so these are all the positives.
now, here's the problem. she wants to go home. this is the hardest part of it all. she can't go home. we can't afford to get her the home care she needs in order for her to be home. plus she needs the environment that an assisted living home can provide for her, mainly the mental and social stimulation. she's made a complete 180 since she's been in the nursing home, because she's got people around her and activities she can be involved in. this has helped her greatly. she's happier now than she has been since my grandfather passed away 7 years ago.
so with the poll......
Tell the Truth - that i sold her home and placed her in assisted living because it's unsafe for her to be home alone. the downside to this is she'll probably actually remember this one, and she'll resent me for it. if i tried to change my story with her, she might remember it and resent me even more.
Lie - tell her that her doctor doesn't want to send her home yet, that she still needs some further care and evaluation. this i could pull off with her. yes, it's lying, and while she'd have a clue, she wouldn't figure it out fully, and i'm her "baby," i can do no wrong. she wouldn't accuse me of lying to her. this wouldn't be a 100% lie though. if i let her go home, her case would get sent back to her county. they'd know that the recommendations are for assisted living OR practically 24/7 home care. can't afford the home care, and assisted living would be a lot better for her anyway. so i guess it wouldn't be a lie, just a partial non-truth.
Tell her why her house HAD to be sold - yeah, this is the worst part. her own daughter fucked her over big time (oh yeah, and NEVER calls her anymore, NEVER goes to see her...she's pretty much waiting for her to die so she can cash in). 5 years ago, my grandmother had a small mortgage payment...$150/month. $14K was owed on the house. my grandfather needed to pull a small loan, so he kept it very reasonable and low payments. he was good with this stuff. my "mother" decided she needed money for her wedding to the asshole, so she, as power of attorney, set up a new mortgage on the house. she turned around and mortgaged it for $40K for 20 years. she walked my grandmother into the bank, told her it was just some simple paperwork, nothing to be worried about (my grandmother knew NOTHING about finances, and this was her daughter, she believed her 100%), and she signed the papers, letting that bitch walk away with $25K. on top of that, the bitch also set up a home equity line of credit for $20K. that got turned over to collections because it wasn't getting paid. she walked away with $45K and totally fucked over my grandmother. it can't be paid back with what she's bringing in and how bills have racked up. i HAVE to sell her house to cover these debts. getting a lawyer and going after that no good bitch is easier said than done. that's something i need to work on eventually, but i have other issues to take care of first that are a lot more important.
so what do i do? this is a tough call and it's eating me up.
in order to put her into assisted living, i'm going to have to sell her house. she has some income, but it's not enough to fully cover the expenses she'll incur. by selling the house, she'll have enough money between her income and assets to provide for her long term care for quite a few years. so that's going to work out nicely.
i found a good assisted living home for her. the place is nice, the price is actually cheap. the level and quality of care is excellent, and unlike a lot of places, there's no "hidden costs," where they quote you one price per month, then they give you a huge list of things that are "extras." the reason this place is able to keep their price low is they are a reasonably large facility (i think max capacity is 160 residents), and they've been operating for almost 20 years. most other places i've looked into have only been operating for 10 years or less, so i would imagine their prices are higher because they're still paying for the cost of the facility (just my guess).
so all this is good. things are falling into line. i'm going to have to get some realitors into the house, get it appraised, and get it on the market. i'm considering a public auction to empty the place out. that's probably my easiest solution. yeah, i'll have to pay a cut of it to the company that runs the auction, but that's going to be a hell of a lot easier than trying a yard sale (and guessing what i can get for what), or listing things in the paper. so these are all the positives.
now, here's the problem. she wants to go home. this is the hardest part of it all. she can't go home. we can't afford to get her the home care she needs in order for her to be home. plus she needs the environment that an assisted living home can provide for her, mainly the mental and social stimulation. she's made a complete 180 since she's been in the nursing home, because she's got people around her and activities she can be involved in. this has helped her greatly. she's happier now than she has been since my grandfather passed away 7 years ago.
so with the poll......
Tell the Truth - that i sold her home and placed her in assisted living because it's unsafe for her to be home alone. the downside to this is she'll probably actually remember this one, and she'll resent me for it. if i tried to change my story with her, she might remember it and resent me even more.
Lie - tell her that her doctor doesn't want to send her home yet, that she still needs some further care and evaluation. this i could pull off with her. yes, it's lying, and while she'd have a clue, she wouldn't figure it out fully, and i'm her "baby," i can do no wrong. she wouldn't accuse me of lying to her. this wouldn't be a 100% lie though. if i let her go home, her case would get sent back to her county. they'd know that the recommendations are for assisted living OR practically 24/7 home care. can't afford the home care, and assisted living would be a lot better for her anyway. so i guess it wouldn't be a lie, just a partial non-truth.
Tell her why her house HAD to be sold - yeah, this is the worst part. her own daughter fucked her over big time (oh yeah, and NEVER calls her anymore, NEVER goes to see her...she's pretty much waiting for her to die so she can cash in). 5 years ago, my grandmother had a small mortgage payment...$150/month. $14K was owed on the house. my grandfather needed to pull a small loan, so he kept it very reasonable and low payments. he was good with this stuff. my "mother" decided she needed money for her wedding to the asshole, so she, as power of attorney, set up a new mortgage on the house. she turned around and mortgaged it for $40K for 20 years. she walked my grandmother into the bank, told her it was just some simple paperwork, nothing to be worried about (my grandmother knew NOTHING about finances, and this was her daughter, she believed her 100%), and she signed the papers, letting that bitch walk away with $25K. on top of that, the bitch also set up a home equity line of credit for $20K. that got turned over to collections because it wasn't getting paid. she walked away with $45K and totally fucked over my grandmother. it can't be paid back with what she's bringing in and how bills have racked up. i HAVE to sell her house to cover these debts. getting a lawyer and going after that no good bitch is easier said than done. that's something i need to work on eventually, but i have other issues to take care of first that are a lot more important.
so what do i do? this is a tough call and it's eating me up.
