moderndrunkardmagazine

[Spartacus]

http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/issues/01-02/01_02_booze_rules.htm


THE 86 RULES OF BOOZING

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak

 

[Spartacus]

order a double next time. He'll get the message.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.

26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.

28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

 

[Jimmy_Dean]

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

like that lestat guy

 

[JayC9]

agreed with all except #28, only because it implies an obligatory element which contradicts what i accept as the definition and use of the word 'tip', a bone of contention that’s been exhausted in previous discussion

like many other cash strapped youths i also served my time as a barman during my late teens, surprising how much one can learn about human nature and how to read people whilst pulling beers, still like to mix drinks and play barman at private parties

 

[BIGBUCK$]

awesome lol

 

[juiceddreadlocks]

haha, just checked that site out and it's based in Denver... awesome.

 

[Spartacus]

agreed with all except #28, only because it implies an obligatory element which contradicts what i accept as the definition and use of the word 'tip', a bone of contention that’s been exhausted in previous discussion

like many other cash strapped youths i also served my time as a barman during my late teens, surprising how much one can learn about human nature and how to read people whilst pulling beers, still like to mix drinks and play barman at private parties

I bartended for 12 years and yes it's a human nature instructive profession. Especially as the "real person" often emerges from the facade as people get intoxicated

 

[vixensghost]

#14 IS wrong! I do not drink but could still like ya.