mental help question

[blueyedkowgrl]

here goes! If you had a "friend" who felt as though they were possibly on the verge of a nervous breakdown or going to up an leave her husband because she couldn't handle stuff anymore where would you send her? to a dr of psychology, or psychiatry she has these people on her medical plan but doesn't know the diffrence between the 2. she doesn't know who to ask because she doesn't really want anyone to know that she is having these problems because of the stigma that goes along with it. she wants help soon before it gets completely out of control. thanks

~blue

 

[tripleV]

the difference is that a psychiatrist is a MD and can prescribe medication. A psychologist is not a MD, but has a PHD in Pyschology. There are benefits for both. Maybe she can ask her family physician. I dont wan to make a recommendation as I am not an expert. But if it's for therapy , maybe a psychologist. If she may have a condition that needs to be treated, maybe a psychiatrist. But ask a physician. Take care and all the best to your "friend"

 

[blueyedkowgrl]

well i don't think there is a "condition" i think therapy may be enough I hope!

 

[tripleV]

well then she may just need a psychologist for therapy of some sort. talking etc

 

[diamonddiceclay]

psychiatrist can prescribe meds-psychologist cannot-most psychiatrists do not do a lot of therapy-they just dole out drugs-psychologists do alot more talk therapy w/ patients

 

[KBgrl]

There are centers where u can go to be "evaluated"... based upon their finidings they will place u with the appropriate therapist. you may be referred to a psychologist at that facilty...or maybe ull need some meds and will be refered to another doc. take a look through ur phone book and there should be tons of listings. personally, i would go to a FEW sessions with different people to see which one u feel the most comfortable with. Some are just completely CLUELESS so look around a little for the right one. good luck!

 

[target]

A pyschologist is normally cheaper and can either recommend a prescription to your family doctor or send you to psychiatrist if you need it, usually if you just need to talk a pyschologist is good if they do send you to the MD it will probably just be to get meds and then you'll go back to a pyscholgist if you feel comfortable with them. I used to answer phones for a pyschiatrist and a marriage and family pyscholgist... thats how they worked everything and it was cheaper for their patients!

 

[BigEasy]

Without a doubt, the psycologist that specializes in marital or family counciling will be the most help. But as suggested above, try on a few before settling down for the long-haul. There are some certifiable crazies with a sheepskin 'practising' on people like us.

As WL stated, been there before myself. The more people your friend can verbalize the situation and her feelings to, the better. Typically, the person will resolve the issues themself but a good therapist can help them do it faster.

Feel free to email or IM if you have any questions or ........

 

[tripleV]

Talk first. Best place to start. If you need to e-mail me you have my addy. Delt with this sort of thing before.

guess i couldve offered my ear also. i am currently going through something similar and sometimes feel like im going to lose it. SHe can email me too anytime. I m a good "talker"

take care

 

[tripleV]

actually on that note, i've met a few friends frome Elite here that have been kind enough to chat or exchange emails that has doen me sonders of good. Very kind people here

 

[angel_eyes]

Have been there myself

Go to family Doctor first, could be something simple in your blood work.

Anything from blood sugar levels, thyroid, birth control pills. All can dramatically alter your frame of mind.

If everything checks out, have Dr. refer you to someone. If you are uncomfortable with that person, keep moving on.

If possible avoid any quick fix pills such as Paxil, Zoloft, Welbutrim, Effexor. The side affects are dramatic from person to person. Technically not addictive, you will just suffer from "Discontinuation Syndrome"

Through lots of pain and pills I became pro active enough about my health to start asking a lot of questions. I have just now found out I have hypothyroidism.

My test always came back normal, problem was it just was barley hovering over normal. How many times was it below??

Today I go to have my blood drawn again. I am have been on medication to regulate it going on 6 months. It is still not in a normal level. This has really has screwed my life up more than I can say.

Feel free to send me PM, I can relate.

 

[blueyedkowgrl]

when i get back from putting my daughter on the bus i will give you all some information on the sitch. thanks already for all your help.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Baby, tell your "friend" that the world will NOT end just because she FEELS that it is spinning out of control.......BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.

Tell her to find a competent shrink (MD or not, doesn't really matter IMHO). I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT PROZAC, ETC IS THE ANSWER NOR THAT IT WILL HELP!

TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK!!!

Send emails, IM, pick up the phone - WHATEVER. I was in your friends shoes for a llllllooooooong time before I finally admitted that I couldn't handle it on my own. Took me a long time to reach out to people for help because I was ashamed that my life was "out of control". I felt like a failure as a mother and CERTAINLY a failure as a wife......so much precious time wasted.

Believe it or not, there have been TONS of board members who sent emails, posted on my threads, sent IMs and PMs, who helped me through some pretty dark hours. I wish that my ex had had THE SAME positive help.....I think now that nearly a year has passed since my divorce (not talking about YOUR FRIEND - I am talking ABOUT ME) proceedings have begun, my ex has finally begun to accept the reality that I gave up trying and left while I still had a shred of my sanity intact - WE ARE ALL SO MUCH BETTER OFF....ESPECIALLY OUR GIRLS.

Many of the mods have been like a family to me....email, telephone, whatever. They have helped me in ways that I can NOT begin to express.

GURL, TELL HER TO - REACH OUT! I know how difficult it is. I was suicidal MANY TIMES since March. I was seriously considering taking my own life as recently as August....but THANK GOD I was staying with one of my best friends....a man who I hope will let me into his heart and soul someday, the same way that he has quietly and quite unexpectedly crept into mine.

TELL HER TO DO IT! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!!! ORDERS FROM HEADQUARTERS!

THERE IS NO SHAME OR ANYTHING WRONG WITH HOW YOUR FRIEND IS FEELING!!!

THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG, HOWEVER, IF SHE CONTINUES ALONG THE SAME PATH AND DOES NOT ALLOW THOSE AROUND HER TO HELP!

Tell her to find a competent professional (there are A LOT of losers out there, so tell her to keep searching until she finds the right one) to discuss how it is that she came to the place where she is now.....what was it that has been happening since childhood that she has not been able to resolve in her adult life? Then start talking to friends - whether it be in "real" life or online...I am the voice of experience - if it had not been for the REAL FRIENDS that I have at elite (many of whom are my REAL FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE) I would be pushing up daisies by now....and just where would that leave my beautiful girls?!

 

[blueyedkowgrl]

ok, as you probably guessed i try to thinly disguise that it wasn't me having this problem but alas it is me. let me give you some info, i am 25 have 2 kids ages 4 and 5, i have been "married" for 2 yrs. we have been living together for 6 1/2. in the past year and change my husband has become really really emotionally needy. he was always the kind of guy who needed a little bit more attention than most but it was tolerable.but now the guy is sucking the life right out of me with this neediness (sp?) I am sure it is because we have had a tough year, the guy has had some crappy medical stuff happen to him, he burnt his hand, got circumsised at 34 and then to top it off he broke his neck last year. hell i'm sure that would make anyone a bit clingy. but this is getting ridiclous. I am not the best person in the world when it comes to emotions, I am a bit more cool than most women. i have had no one to depend on my whole life so there was only me to get me through the tough times. i feel like i am his mother too, as all moms know your kids can drain you emotionally especially when they are close in age, but now to top it off i have a 35 yr old kid who requires more attention than the real kids. i have tried getting a little distance from him thinking i needed to recharge my battaries but that didn't work. I have told him numerous times that i need him to back off a little. I don't have the ability to give him the kind of emotional support he needs now. I never have, this is NOT my strong suit. I just don't know what to do for the guy, every time he looks at me with that "i'm sad come hold" me face i feel like screamimg and running out the door!!in my past relationships i would have been out the door the first time they looked at me like that, but we have kids we are married and all that changes things. this has been going on for over a year and it keeps getting worse, it is tough to explain without sounding like a cold hearted bitch. which i probably am.
I have been taking are of myself since i was 16 when i moved out of my house and before i moved out i was still emotionally taking care of myself. ( mom was an alcoholic and my step dad didin't like me too much) so they had their own problems to deal with they didn't have the energy for me. I am nto equipped to deal with this kind of stuff. i'll try to explain it a little better later but now my real kids is yelling for me from the other room.
~blue

 

[VooDoo Lady]

Do you work?

If you do..you might want to ask about your company's EAP (Employee Assistance Program).

EAP's are free of charge and totally confidential, they would be able to do a quick assesment and determine a course of care for you. That was you wouldn't have to do all of the research yourself.

Just a quick thought...

BTW - I can also relate to your story, very similiar in many ways

This comment sent shivers down my spine...

I am not the best person in the world when it comes to emotions, I am a bit more cool than most women. i have had no one to depend on my whole life so there was only me to get me through the tough times.

I am currently fighting this battle with myself..that emotional 'coolness' and independence is killing my marriage..

GOod Luck to you...

VDL

 

[blueyedkowgrl]

yes i work. i went back to work to get away from him for a while. that didn't help either.

it is unfortunate that this is the way we are voodoo lady. I can understand how this is killing your marriage, it's doing the same to mine. my husband says this is what marriage is about becoming one together, oneness is all fine and dandy for some but i am not that kind of person, never have been and probably never will be. I want someone who can walk beside me in life where we can lean on each other when necessary but i don't want to carry someone for the next 60 yrs of my life and thats what i feel like i'm doing carrying him emotionally. I can't do that. I feel like i am being suffocated by him.

 

[tripleV]

how you doing blue???

email me ANYTIME! girl...I luvs ya baby!

 

[Bikini Mod]

Hey Blue...

Believe it or not it all boils down to unresolved childhood issues. My shrink told me that we all get "fucked up" by our parents in some way, but facing and resolving these issues in our adult lives is OUR RESPONSIBILITY. I think he called it "maturity".

heheheheee

Think about it gurl. I grew up being emotionally abandoned by both my parents. Yes, they did the best they could with what they had, but they dropped the ball in this department. So as an adult, I chose a partner who didn't know how to connect to me emotionally. He was jealous, insecure, disrespectful and the moment I tried to grow as an individual I was lableled a selfish whore. (NOT BLAMING MY PARENTS OR MY EX-SPOUSE)

Could my marriage have been saved? ABSOLUTELY! But he REFUSED to face HIS childhood issues. DENIAL IS AN EXTREMELY POWERFUL COPING MECHANISM.....however, IT IS ALSO INEFFECTIVE!!!

I got to a point where I could no longer deal with the way that I was behaving (accepting the way that I was being treated by my ex and then by my children) so MY FIRST REACTION was to run...first physically, then I seriously considering suicide on more than one occasion....(see pattern here, I was repeating the cycle by abandoning MY CHILDREN).

THANK GOD I REACHED OUT to those around me who cared! I got a competent shrink and when I felt like I was losing it and could no longer cope and all the dark thoughts crept back into my head (they still do, but not as often).....I call, I write emails, I post threads......WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE THE THOUGHTS GO AWAY!

DO IT FOR YOU and FOR YOUR KIDS.

I know this is going to sound cold, but though your marriage IS VERY IMPORTANT - YOU and THE KIDS COME FIRST. You might be too hurt and angry to think about doing this to save your marriage......REMEMBER - EVERYTHING BEGINS WITH YOU ....not with your role as a wife or even necessarily your role as a mother - but WITH YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL.

I'm going to tell you something that a very dear friend has been telling me since APRIL. "Find something that makes YOU happy." Do you know that I called him blubbering with all kinds of stupid negative thoughts swirling around in my head just TWO NIGHTS AGO?! When he AGAIN reiterated, "Find something that makes YOU happy." my reply was, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY!" Wasn't it in the gym? Wasn't it playing with my girls? Wasn't it baking treats for those that I love? Wasn't it taking pride in and beautifying my home? .......NO

He told me that when I find it - WHATEVER it is then I will have come full circle.

Scary shit - I am 34 YEARS OLD (If you tell anybody I will punch YOU OUT!) and I STILL DO NOT KNOW WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY!...Me, not anybody else - JUST ME.

Go BLue.....Go and find a competent counselor and continue to reach out to those around you who care. The fact that you had the strength to post this thread tells me that you are on the right path......continue, don't stop now. I am not going to lie and tell you that it will be easy and that it will come overnight - because it WON'T! You've got to weed through a lifetime of bullshit, but once you get where you are going I am told that the peace and happiness that you discover will far outweigh all that you will have suffered through to get there.

 

[blueyedkowgrl]

hey all, i'm hangin' in there. I had work last night so i didn't get to post at all. OK today on my to do list is find a doc of the mind to help me out. and yes our parents do a # on us huh? I worry about my kids because of it.
but the ? is what do i do about him??? I want him to leave, is that to harsh? I feel like i'll never get to live and heal and breathe with him in such close proximity to me.
we will make the best of friends and thats true but i can't be a good wife now (or ever as it seems) oh what to do?? he says he doesn't want to go and its gonna be tough to get him out if thats what i want him to do. but even with him saying that he's going to try and make it easier on me by not being needy, hes full of shit, i am calling bullshit on that one. hes still looking for me to validate him and his feelings and i can't do it. all i can do is care for me and the girls i have no extra stuff to help him through the shit his mom put him through.
suicide isn't an option for me, its just not my style. I always felt that was the easy way out and i don't do anything the easy way! well gotta put the kids on the bus so i'll let keep ya updated!
~blue

 

[Bikini Mod]

Glad to hear that you ARE STRONG!

If you feel he needs to go and he won't....then perhaps you should consider leaving with the kids. Nothing permanent, just a separation so that you can have time to be calm and figure out how to fix your head.

When my ex was out of the house, it was like a calm came over ALL OF US. The girls were happier and so was I. I never messed with him when it came to visitation or custody (of course, he looks at it in a different light....like I said denial is indeed a powerful coping mechanism). He came this weekend to get stuff to set up his apartment. I didn't squabble over a single item - NOT ONE. I insisted that he take extra groceries and furniture, whatever he asked for - I gave. The more comfortable his apartment is, the more comfortable it will be for the girls. I have not and will not squabble over stupid shit.....our business and the money - NOW THAT is a horse of another color...but then again, that is why we have attorneys.

We are in a different boat, though. WE ARE DIVORCING.

Perhaps if we could have separated BEFORE all the vile stuff that happened between us did, it may not have happened. But the ex could not control himself and he went WELL PAST the point of no return.

Try and make your husband see that unless he REALLY DOES allow you to breath and think, YOU WILL END UP DIVORCED. It sucks ass, let me tell you....but it was waaaaaay better than the alternative. I would rather be free and worry about how I am going to make the car payment this month, then to live on my knees, be treated like the family dog and be "taken care of".

I have NEVER lived on my own. I went straight from my parents' house to live with my ex. Never paid my own rent, groceries, etc. Don't get me wrong, I had responsibility from a VERY YOUNG age. I've had a job since I was 14. I helped run my parents' business from the age of 17 - paying bills, signing important papers, filling out mortgage loan appliciations, etc (my parents STILL can not read or write English very well).....but IT WAS THEIR HOUSE and THEIR BUSINESS. I have NEVER really had anything that I could call my own. Even throughout the course of my marriage my work was not valid because I did not get a paycheck....now I am being hung out to dry because "all I did was clean the floor and change diapers" - IN THE BEGINNING....WTF? In the beginning? Ummm, hello?! WHO THE FUCK WAS CARING FOR OUR CHILDREN ALONE WHILE HE WORKED?!?! - ME. But since he didn't have to PAY SOMEBODY or lose income by leaving work early or taking off (because I DID IT) - my work had ZERO VALUE...........

I am sorry, this is about YOU, Blue....forgive me.

What I was trying to say is that I am STILL TERRIFIED that I will sink without him....not emotionally, but I think you understand. With each passing day I get a little stronger and realize that because he was not willing to deal with HIS ISSUES as I was DEALING WITH MINE that I needed to end our marriage in order to continue growing as an individual so that I could be the mother to my children that THEY DESERVE.

....and as my dearest keeps telling me, each day gets just a little bit easier.

BE WELL, BLUE......BE WELL

 

[blueyedkowgrl]

I am beyond a shawdow of a doubt not afraid to be on my own, that was and will never be the issue. he has his baggage too in this marriage, he needs to be validated on a regular basis, because of the love he never got as a kid, but with the issues i have i can't do that for him. I can care for me and my girls and thata about it. We aren't fighting I am in a shell and not communicating with him at all. I can't and i don't want to. I feel as though with him out on his own i may have the perspective to decide if i am just afraid of god knows what or if i have grown and don't want to carry him emotionally. and hell he might grow up too. he needs that. he's 35 never lived onhis own and has someone taking care of him his whole life. he needs to stand on his own 2 feet too.

i believe in the AA motto take it one day at a time. and thats kinda what i am doing now. he gets mad at me though when i tr to talk about him leaving and i mentioned child support he got all bent and think s that i am making this permant, thats not what i was saying i just think that i need to have all my ducks in a row, because you never know he might leave and i might decide that i'm happier. and i don't want to have to fight with him. And then again I might want him back oh hell i don't know what i want right now. well gotta run, thanks for all your support!