Married and Divorced People - Please Read

[decem]

i'm getting married to a wonderful woman in may.. may 10th to be exact.. for alot of good reasons.. for some not so good reasons.. for some unexplained reasons.. etc etc.. and i'm actually kinda excited.. but i'm also kinda skeered... there's still some doubts as to whether or not it's the right thing to do.. but there's just as many times when i KNOW i'm doing the right thing..

anywho.. i was just wondering.. if you're bored.. or got time to kill.. if you could cover the following topics/questions as well as whatever other input you'd like to provide..

if divorced:

1. could you give a very brief explanation of what happened
2. why it happened
3. if you think it could have been avoided
4. if you knew it was going to happen all along (if not, how long it took you to realize it just wasn't gonna work)
5. what type of relationship you had prior to marriage
6. if you looked back on it - could you clearly see that you should have never gotten married in the first place
7. how long did you date prior to marriage
8. if you were scared as fuck prior to marriage
9. if the divorce was the biggest pain in the ass you ever went through or if it was relatively painfree, etc etc....
10. did you ever cheat on your partner prior to or while married?

if still married:

1. have you thought about divorce
2. were you scared prior to getting married
3. did you have any doubts whatsoever
4. are you happy because of your marriage (not because of kids)
4. would you be happier if you had never married
5. has your marriage been good or bad for the most part
6. how was your relationship prior to marriage
7. how long did you date prior to marriage
8. have you ever been or are you now attracted to other women
9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married?

 

[The Shadow]

if still married:

1. have you thought about divorce
2. were you scared prior to getting married
3. did you have any doubts whatsoever
4. are you happy because of your marriage (not because of kids)
4. would you be happier if you had never married
5. has your marriage been good or bad for the most part
6. how was your relationship prior to marriage
7. how long did you date prior to marriage
8. have you ever been or are you now attracted to other women
9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married?

1 - yes
2 - yes
3 - no
4 - yes - it has made me a better person
4b - no for the above reason
5 - good
6 - good
7 - 1 year
8 - of course
9 - no

 

[havoc]

If there is any doubt you should not go through with it.
Too many people are together these days for the wrong reasons. Kids and financial situations come to mind with the quickness. I hope things work out, however, if I had to bet on your situation, IF I HAD TO mind you, I would say that in the long run, with your outlook as of right now things would lean towards it not working out. One should not go into a situation such as this with doubt or second guessing whatsoever. peace Decem and good luck!

 

[HumorMe]

if still married:

1. have you thought about divorce
2. were you scared prior to getting married
3. did you have any doubts whatsoever
4. are you happy because of your marriage (not because of kids)
4. would you be happier if you had never married
5. has your marriage been good or bad for the most part
6. how was your relationship prior to marriage
7. how long did you date prior to marriage
8. have you ever been or are you now attracted to other women
9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married?

1. I have never thought about divorce because my wife is too wonderful.
2. A little scared but not much.
3. I never had a doubt about marriage.....it's just one of those things where you know it is right!
4. I am very happy and it's been 15 years. I love her more now than I ever have.
4. I am the marrying type so I would have been pretty miserable as a batchelor.
5. My marriage has been pretty good. Never let the sun set on an argument.
6. I dated her for 6 years before marriage. We never had a problem.
7. see above.
8. I see other women all the time, sure I look but nobody can match my wife. I see attractive women and they are nice to look at but I have no desire whatsoever to try anything. Look but don't touch. I even tell my wife when we are together...hey...look at that girl...she'll either agree with me or disagree with me. We are not the jealous type. We have a very sound comfortable relationship. We are best friends too!
9. Cheating has never entered my mind before or after marriage. Things get too complicated if you cheat. Besides, no matter how pretty the other woman is or how good of a fuck she is....somebody else is tired of putting up with her shit!


My vows were taken and said before God and I wouldn't have said them if I didn't mean them. Marriage is something that won't work unless each person doesn't put 110% into the marriage. I am one happy camper so to speak!
I wish you luck though! If it isn't right....don't do it!

 

[Bikini Mod]

I don't have the time to give your questions the proper attention right now (gotta run and babysit for my sis all day today, her and the hubby are getting away for a little "them" time hehe). But I will post up first chance I get.

All I can say about this in short is that you should be shit scared, but dead sure. Marriage is a SERIOUS commitment not to be taken lightly (not saying that you don't know this as you OBVIOUSLY do).

My ex tried to "postpone" the wedding shortly before (which I KNEW meant cancel). But being the silly child I was, I insisted on counseling as I was SURE that I could love enough for both of us and it would "fix" any problems that we had.... simply wouldn't take NO for an answer. Not to mention the fact that the invitations had been sent out and I couldn't suffer the shame of having the wedding called off. Talk about being A SILLY CHILD!... like the shame of a failed marriage is any better?!

Deep down I guess my ex realized then what took me almost thirteen years to figure out; that he was not capable of loving me as fully as I did him... uconditionally and without doubt, he was never capable of FULLY giving all of himself to me for fear that I would take what he had given me and somehow shatter him. He has taken EVERY moment of human weakness that I willingly exposed to him, twisted it and put it out for all to see - both to those people who "know" us and to total strangers in a court of law.... there is nothing left for me to hide from anyone, I have nothing to fear, no shame left.

Funny how now HE is the one that WILL NOT LET GO.

I guess that sometimes one never knows how good they have it until it is gone. Me on the other hand, regardless of how shitty the divorce has made things for me, I STILL HAVE NOT HAD ONE SINGLE MOMENT'S REGRET IN MY DECISION TO FASCILITATE MY DIVORCE. The only pain that I find intolerable is what his insane need to hurt me is doing to our children.

Think about this Decem.

 

[decem]

One should not go into a situation such as this with doubt or second guessing whatsoever. peace Decem and good luck!

trust me man.. that's they way i've felt for a long time.. and that's why i never committed to her before.. and why i'd always break things off.. only to find myself missing her like crazy after i could no longer push her memory out of my head and my heart..

for those that are going to say it's not going to work for me because i am somewhat "negative" toward it at this point... for one.. just think of all those fools who fell "in love" and were so absolutely SURE that they were doing the right thing.. only to have their marriages fall apart a few months or a few years later.. surety does in no way factor in to how one's marriage will be.. secondly.. i'm pessimistic about everything.. being pessimistic about something.. for ME anyhow.. does not automatically mean there'll be a negative outcome..

 

[havoc]

trust me man.. that's they way i've felt for a long time.. and that's why i never committed to her before.. and why i'd always break things off.. only to find myself missing her like crazy after i could no longer push her memory out of my head and my heart..

for those that are going to say it's not going to work for me because i am somewhat "negative" toward it at this point... for one.. just think of all those fools who fell "in love" and were so absolutely SURE that they were doing the right thing.. only to have their marriages fall apart a few months or a few years later.. surety does in no way factor in to how one's marriage will be.. secondly.. i'm pessimistic about everything.. being pessimistic about something.. for ME anyhow.. does not automatically mean there'll be a negative outcome..

Good points, like I said, I honestly hope it works out and you two are together till your both old and grey. peace

 

[THeMaCHinE]

I'm echoing part of what Havoc said. If you have any doubt about the longevity of the marriage, don't rush into it. Remember marriage involves a great deal of compromise, as such, you may not get to do some of the things you want to do in life -- and you must not hold that other person accountable for your unfulfilled dreams.

If I had it to do over again, I would DEFINITELY WITHOUT A DOUBT seek marriage counseling prior to getting married; this simple step would have saved mountains of pain, doubt, tribulation -- and made our union much stronger earlier. A fantastic resource for this that I would emphatically reccommend is www.marriagebuilders.com -- they have a fantastic weekend getaway with a 19 week course (that you do at home together) afterwards.

Contrary to romantic notion, it takes more than just love to sustain a relationship.

Now, to your questions:

if still married:

1. have you thought about divorce -- Yes, came damn close too

2. were you scared prior to getting married -- No, I knew it was right beyond a doubt

3. did you have any doubts whatsoever -- not that I remember

4. are you happy because of your marriage (not because of kids) -- yes, but realize that eupohric happiness is cyclical

4. would you be happier if you had never married -- impossible to know, but I doubt it strongly

5. has your marriage been good or bad for the most part -- my marriage is very good now and has been for some time; there have been bad times though; Given the length of our marriage, 4 years, about half has been good, 1/4 has been mediocre, 1/4 has been very bad. Through hard work and determination, our marriage has grown awesomely over the last 2 years. We love one another very much. And show it every day.

6. how was your relationship prior to marriage -- it was not as good as I thought (imagined) it was, but it was good for the most part.

7. how long did you date prior to marriage -- 6 years. Too long. 1-1/2 is perfect in my opinion.

8. have you ever been or are you now attracted to other women -- yes -- but attraction is just that. I still find my wife, the mother of my children, the most attractive woman on the face of the earth.

9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married -- No

 

[beastboy]

if still married:

1. have you thought about divorce
2. were you scared prior to getting married
3. did you have any doubts whatsoever
4. are you happy because of your marriage (not because of kids)
4. would you be happier if you had never married
5. has your marriage been good or bad for the most part
6. how was your relationship prior to marriage
7. how long did you date prior to marriage
8. have you ever been or are you now attracted to other women
9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married?

1. No
2. Yes
3. Yes, but I overcan them.
4. Yes
5. Good
6. Good most of the time
7. 5 years
8. Well that sure is a stupid question....of course
9. Prior too, but never while....

 

[Y_lifter]

if still married:

1. have you thought about divorce
Only Briefly during a bad heated debate. Now we agree never to Divorce, just kill each other.

2. were you scared prior to getting married
Yes, In fact 2 months before I asked her, I got cold feet so bad I broke up with her for 2 weeks and dated an old GF. I realized my mistake and explained to her how scaired I was..

3. did you have any doubts whatsoever
Not after I explained my fears to her, we talked and she made it all better

4. are you happy because of your marriage (not because of kids)
Yes, I have been alone by myself during my 14 years of marriage for 2 weeks or so on Business trips and even though you look forward to the time alone, being alone sucks IMO. It is so nice having someone you can trust to cover your back, argue with you or discuss something on your mind without judging you or holding a grudge for too long.

4. would you be happier if you had never married
No, see item 4

5. has your marriage been good or bad for the most part
Very good. All relationships have bad. The key is that the Good must way way outweigh the bad for it to work.

6. how was your relationship prior to marriage
Most women are a bit more restrained in trying(and I said trying) to change your ways before they marry you. After marriage they seem to realize the rules are a bit changes and they can try to push the limits of their power over you. Before marriage most people bite their tounges a bit more than after IMO..

7. how long did you date prior to marriage
13 months

8. have you ever been or are you now attracted to other women
A BIG HELL YEA ! My woman trusts me emphatically to be loyal romanticaly and Sexually. She realizes, as I do with her, that it is Normal to be attracted physically to beautiful people. She will even point the Hot ones out to me at the beach etc. and tell me "Damn, you missed a couple of hotties when you were gone"

9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married?
No, The Guilt would kill me...

 

[WODIN]

if still married:

1. have you thought about divorce - YES
2. were you scared prior to getting married - YES
3. did you have any doubts whatsoever - YES
4. are you happy because of your marriage (not because of kids) - YES
4. would you be happier if you had never married - No
5. has your marriage been good or bad for the most part -Good
6. how was your relationship prior to marriage - Rocky
7. how long did you date prior to marriage - Two Years, on and off
8. have you ever been or are you now attracted to other women - Do dogs piss on a trees?
9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married? - No

 

[decem]

Funny how now HE is the one that WILL NOT LET GO.

bikinimom.. thx for the reply.. some of the things you mentioned ring so true it's scary.. every time i broke up with her.. after so many months.. it was me that could not let go.. and i'd have to get her back.. only to end up questioning the strength of my love for her once more.. but most of these questions arose when i was checking out the grass on the other side.. and seeing how green it was.. and see how much fun my friends were having etc.. so i'd break up with her.. (which everytime.. btw.. felt like i was breaking my own heart.. but i thought it was what needed done) fuck around with different women.. live "the single" life... only to find out that i really don't like the single life at all.. and that i would never meet someone i cared about so much.. never meet someone i was such good friends with (we really are best friends).. etc etc.. no matter how pretty they are or how smart they are... it all REALLY kicked in this time when i was apart from her.. and before.. i used to never be able to picture her having my kids.. or being married to her.. but i was sitting at the dinner table alone one night.. and all of a sudden.. my mind was filled with images of a kid in a highchair.. her being pregnant.. marriage.. all that... anywho.. i went to see her.. and everything was all good.. so i asked her to marry me..

anyway.. there's SOOOOOOO much more to it than that.. so much that i'd never be able to write it all out on here.. but even my mom.. who i've always talked to about my relationship.. and who i've told everything.. and who's been through a divorce herself.. knows that i'm doing the right thing.. and that we'll be happy.. etc etc.....

and to tell you the truth.. i know i'll be happy..

 

[pushing_fe]

1. could you give a very brief explanation of what happened
2. why it happened
3. if you think it could have been avoided
4. if you knew it was going to happen all along (if not, how long it took you to realize it just wasn't gonna work)
5. what type of relationship you had prior to marriage
6. if you looked back on it - could you clearly see that you should have never gotten married in the first place
7. how long did you date prior to marriage
8. if you were scared as fuck prior to marriage
9. if the divorce was the biggest pain in the ass you ever went through or if it was relatively painfree, etc etc....
10. did you ever cheat on your partner prior to or while married?

Divorced for 6 months.

1. Not exactly sure, she says I was mean to her, but I think that she just wanted to hang out with her friends and party all the time.
2. We started drinking a lot and having parties and didn't attend church or have children.
3 I don't know. I would like to think that it could have been, but I'm not the one that wanted a divorce in the first place.
4. No idea, I made it very clear to her before we ever got married that marriage was very important to me, and if she wasn't in it for the long haul then we shouldn't get married at all.
5. Very good, we were with each other almost every day.
6. I would still have married her.
7. 3 years
8. Only slightly
9. It was very easy legally, but emotionally it was the most difficult thing that I have ever or will ever go through.
10. Never

We are still good friends, and I am still in love with her. We have talked about getting back together, but she has changed a lot and I don't know if I want to go through that again.

 

[decem]

thx to everyone for their replies.. i'm just happy to see so many variations to everything.. i was scared that everyone would say "i had no doubts.. and i'm happily married". etc..

machine.. i'm not rushing into to it.. i have given myself the time away from her to explore and be with other women.. live the single life (about 10 months out of 2.75 years).. only to learn that i can't live without her.. i too.. just now realized that that "in love" feeling is cyclical... before i used to get caught up in wanting the bells and whistles..and wanting them all the time.. but i've finally come to the realization that i can't have those all the time.... and lastly.. was it just a coincidence that you only answered the question "have you ever cheated PRIOR to marriage?"

beastboy.. regarding your #2,3, and 9.. all i gotta say is.. pppheeeeewwwww.. i was afraid i'd see no to all those questions.. i too am overcoming my doubts.. in fact i find that i'm overcoming alot of shit i had doubt about.. my problem is that i get caught up in the what-if's... and the way i look at "cheating" prior to marriage.. is that you're never going to really really KNOW that you did the right thing.. or that you're with the right person.. unless of course you experience other people.. etc..

y_lifter.. thx for the reply.. she'd never try to change me.. i might try to change her a little.. not really change her.. but help her to show more of her good qualities more of the time.. (i.e. inner strength.. she's lacking sometimes.. but she has it.. i'd just try to get her to have it all the time - does that make sense? it's not bad is it?)

wodin.. thx man... it's good to hear that even YOU had doubts...

 

[beastboy]

beastboy.. regarding your #2,3, and 9.. all i gotta say is.. pppheeeeewwwww.. i was afraid i'd see no to all those questions.. i too am overcoming my doubts.. in fact i find that i'm overcoming alot of shit i had doubt about.. my problem is that i get caught up in the what-if's... and the way i look at "cheating" prior to marriage.. is that you're never going to really really KNOW that you did the right thing.. or that you're with the right person.. unless of course you experience other people.. etc..

decem,

I feel the cheating was what actually helped me...it showed me that I couldn't feel the same way about another women then the way I felt about my wife. Now when I am tempted, I just think about what I felt in the past....does that make sense?

 

[THeMaCHinE]

was it just a coincidence that you only answered the question "have you ever cheated PRIOR to marriage?"

This is a cut and paste of the question:
9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married -- No


Did I miss something? Just so there is no confusion, no, I've never cheated on my wife. Cheating is the most despicable form of human behavior.

P.S. I'm glad you're examining yourself and your relationship very closely. That's great and I wish you the best in your marriage. I do hope that you take my advice on entrance counseling. It really is a very excellent thing to do, and is another sign of commitment to the marriage. Even if you don't think you need it, you will be suprised at how much it helps. It's better to have some things answered and thought out before you are approached with them.

 

[decem]

Now when I am tempted, I just think about what I felt in the past....does that make sense?

that makes PERFECT sense man.. cuz i do the SAME thing.. not so much with the cheating matter.. cuz that was 2 years ago.. and we'd only been dating a few years.. but.. during the last month before i left her for the second time.. when i was in san fran.. i had been talking to a girl i worked in the gym with. FUCKING HOT AS HELL.. and cool as fuck (or so it seemed).. and after we'd agreed that we were over. and i'd go home when my semester was over.. we started going out.. chilling.. go to starbucks.. etc.. i was almost falling for this girl.. but we never did do anything.. so i come home.. and continue to talk to her.. and the more i talked to her.. (she was going to come out and see me).. the more i disliked her.. the same goes for all the people i've dated during our breakups.. it's cool as fuck at first.. mostly cuz it's new... but when it comes down to it.. i will never meet another one like my fiancee..

 

[decem]

oops.. in that last post.. i said i'd cheated after we'd been dating a few years.. i meant to say a few months..

This is a cut and paste of the question:
9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married -- No

P.S. I'm glad you're examining yourself and your relationship very closely. That's great and I wish you the best in your marriage. I do hope that you take my advice on entrance counseling. It really is a very excellent thing to do, and is another sign of commitment to the marriage. Even if you don't think you need it, you will be suprised at how much it helps. It's better to have some things answered and thought out before you are approached with them.

sorrry... i missed the "or while" in your post.. i thought it just said "prior".. sorry..

and thx... and you're right.. about having things answered and thought out before approached with them.. that's why i'm kinda happy we've been through a few break ups now.. and didn't go through with the first time i proposed to her (oh yeah.. we've been engaged before.. but i bailed.. that was apr. of 2000).. cuz now this shit won't come up when i'm married...

thx again machine..

 

[THeMaCHinE]

de nada Good luck and Godspeed...

 

[decem]

Re: Re: Married and Divorced People - Please Read

Divorced for 6 months.

1. Not exactly sure, she says I was mean to her, but I think that she just wanted to hang out with her friends and party all the time.
2. We started drinking a lot and having parties and didn't attend church or have children.
3 I don't know. I would like to think that it could have been, but I'm not the one that wanted a divorce in the first place.
4. No idea, I made it very clear to her before we ever got married that marriage was very important to me, and if she wasn't in it for the long haul then we shouldn't get married at all.
5. Very good, we were with each other almost every day.
6. I would still have married her.
7. 3 years
8. Only slightly
9. It was very easy legally, but emotionally it was the most difficult thing that I have ever or will ever go through.
10. Never

We are still good friends, and I am still in love with her. We have talked about getting back together, but she has changed a lot and I don't know if I want to go through that again.

pushin_fe.. i'm sorry to hear that man.. i really am.. and while i know i can't really say for sure.. but the way i THINK i'd look at it if i got divorced.. was that it was just another relationship that didn't work. and wouldn't get caught up in the "divorce" thing.. ya know? cuz.. essentially.. that's all it is.. a relationship.. and clearly not all of them work.. anyway man.. i'm sure that doesn't help you at all.. i just wanted to say it..

if you don't mind.. i'd like to ask you some more questions.. if you don't want to answer them.. that's cool too.

1. how long were you married?
2. did you have any doubts at all about your love.. or hers.. prior to marriage?

 

[decem]

Decem:

Well first off-I am not going to wish you good luck. Because that is kinda lame as fuck. There is no such thing.


All I can say is from personal experiance-and that is if you love her don't blow it off. Because I personally guarantee that you will be kicking yourself in the ass forever.

don't think that i still don't hate you simply because i'm responding to you... ok?

anywho.. i won't.. i've thought about that.. if i did let this opportunity go.. i would forever regret having done so.. and everytime i think about if i were to do that.. this picture of me being the 40 y/o bachelor that always talks about "the girl".. the girl he gave up on.. the girl he never should have left.. etc..

anyway.. thx.. fuckstick

 

[FletchNJ]

Still Married
1. have you thought about divorce
2. were you scared prior to getting married
3. did you have any doubts whatsoever
4. are you happy because of your marriage (not because of kids)
5. would you be happier if you had never married
6. has your marriage been good or bad for the most part
7. how was your relationship prior to marriage
8. how long did you date prior to marriage
9. have you ever been or are you now attracted to other women
10. did you ever cheat prior to or while married?

1. Nope things are going very well, but only been married a year.
2. Yes like you wouldn't believe!
3. Well yes but they were all selfish reasons like I'm not going to be able to go out every weekend anymore.
4. Yes we have so much fun together.
5. I don't think so I love having a beautiful woman to come home to and sleep with every night.
6. It's been great, I've known her for 12 years and knew she would be my wife some day after knowing her for a few months.
7. It was great
8. 11 years
9. come on I'm a man
10. I'm a hardcore flirt that's about it.

BTW congratulations on your day, Just relax, and don't worry about a thing. If she isn't the one then you would have never asked for her hand in marriage

 

[john937]

Divorced.

 

[pushing_fe]

Re: Re: Re: Married and Divorced People - Please Read

1. how long were you married?
2. did you have any doubts at all about your love.. or hers.. prior to marriage?

We were married for 3 years. The first year was great. Second year we started hanging out with a couple and going out drinking with them on the weeekends. Third year we started partying a lot.

I had a lot of doubts about my love for her. As a matter of fact for the first year or so I had no intention of marrying her. She was totally the agressor. There was numerous times that I told myself that it was over, but she would always call me and we would end of getting back together. The first time I bought her an engagement ring I got scared and ended up taking it back. However, the longer and longer we stayed together I started to fall in love with her and eventually asked her to marry me.


IMO if you haven't gotten all the partying and drinking out of your system yet then you are not ready to get married. The two just don't mix.

 

[decem]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Married and Divorced People - Please Read

fletch.... thanks man.. i appreciate your response..

john937.................. for real?

I had a lot of doubts about my love for her. As a matter of fact for the first year or so I had no intention of marrying her. She was totally the agressor. There was numerous times that I told myself that it was over, but she would always call me and we would end of getting back together. The first time I bought her an engagement ring I got scared and ended up taking it back. However, the longer and longer we stayed together I started to fall in love with her and eventually asked her to marry me.


IMO if you haven't gotten all the partying and drinking out of your system yet then you are not ready to get married. The two just don't mix.

oh shit. dude.. that sounds like my situation.. to a tee really.. the doubts about loving her.. her total, complete, undeniable love for me.. my telling myself it's over.. buying her a ring... taking it back.. and now all i feel is my love for her growing.. and more and more "in love" times than not..


anywho.. we both have all our partying and drinking out of the way... i thought i didn't.. and that's why i broke up with her again the second time.. only to find out that i'm too fucking old to be doing that shit.. i go to bars and clubs and it's all 19-22 y/o's.. and me.. and my ripe old age of 25 (really though.. no matter what you guys say.. i'm much more mature than your average bear) i just couldn't get into that scene again.. and came to see that i've missed that time in my life (i was in the military.. and while we partied alot.. i didn't ever really go all out partying.. not like a college student would).. and i can pass up this opportunity in order to try to relive a time in my life that has already passed..

anyway.. thanks again for your responses bro.

 

[Rockafella Skank]

if still married:

1. have you thought about divorce
2. were you scared prior to getting married
3. did you have any doubts whatsoever
4. are you happy because of your marriage (not because of kids)
4. would you be happier if you had never married
5. has your marriage been good or bad for the most part
6. how was your relationship prior to marriage
7. how long did you date prior to marriage
8. have you ever been or are you now attracted to other women
9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married?

1. Nope
2. Yes, but not because I thought I was making a mistake
3. No. I knew I was going to marry my wife after about the second month together
4. I'm happy becasue I have a wonderful wife who has helped make me a better man. My hope is that I help make her a better woman twice as much as she helps me.
4. I can't answer that question, but I don't think so. I'd be just as happy unmarried but with this woman (if that's what you're asking)
5. My marriage has been great ... we both love being married to each other
6. Pretty gosh darned good, but "normal" in almost every way
7. Six years, now married four. A decade with the same woman
8. Absolutely and she's attracted to other women. We're human, you know
9. Nope and nope

 

[pushing_fe]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Married and Divorced People - Please Read

oh shit. dude.. that sounds like my situation.. to a tee really.. the doubts about loving her.. her total, complete, undeniable love for me.. my telling myself it's over.. buying her a ring... taking it back.. and now all i feel is my love for her growing.. and more and more "in love" times than not..

I wish you better luck than me. Does she know that you bought her a ring a took it back. Me and my ex use to have some good laughs over that.

 

[decem]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Married and Divorced People - Please Read

I wish you better luck than me. Does she know that you bought her a ring a took it back. Me and my ex use to have some good laughs over that.

worse.. i gave to her.. asking her to marry me.. only to lose my nerve two months later.. ask for the ring back.. and send her packing.. lol

then 5-7 months later i was missing her like crazy.. 7 months later we reunited.. dated for another 8 months.. i bailed again.. 2 months later... (last month).. i flew out and asked her to marry me..

 

[vixenbabe]

Originally posted by decem
if still married:

1. have you thought about divorce
2. were you scared prior to getting married
3. did you have any doubts whatsoever
4. are you happy because of your marriage (not because of kids)
4. would you be happier if you had never married
5. has your marriage been good or bad for the most part
6. how was your relationship prior to marriage
7. how long did you date prior to marriage
8. have you ever been or are you now attracted to other women
9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
1) NO- but he's been on my shit list a few times.
2) A little
3) No
4) YES
4A)No
5) Good marriage- some bad times but we over came them.
6) Wonderful friendship before we got married.
7) 10 months
8) No, I'm not attracted to other women! LOL I can find other men attractive..Hell- I'm married NOT DEAD!
9) HELL NO! I respect him too much.

Respect one another, expect many changes in your spouse along the way, allow each other freedom to grow, laugh at yourselves and each other, express your feelings and thoughts to one another daily, expect to carry the "load" in the marriage once in awhile- it's not always 50/50...at times, can be 60/40 or worse. NOTHING WORTH WHILE IS EASY- TAKES WORK 24/7!

 

[sheez_ripped]

For me...married 9 yrs this year...

if still married:

1. have you thought about divorce - only when in a major fight with hubby. But, never seriously.
2. were you scared prior to getting married - not until it came time to walk down the aisle. Then my knees were shaking so bad that even my Dad noticed!
3. did you have any doubts whatsoever - no. But, then we were older. 32 for me and 35 for him. A first marriage for us both.
4. are you happy because of your marriage (not because of kids) - definitely!! We are best friends!
4. would you be happier if you had never married - no. Even though single life can be fun. It can be lonely at times...and the club scene gets old!
5. has your marriage been good or bad for the most part - Mostly good. Very little bad.
6. how was your relationship prior to marriage - the same as it is now except we had more time for each other. We have a son and kids do take up time! But, he's worth it of course!
7. how long did you date prior to marriage - engaged after 2 months and married after 10 months.
8. have you ever been or are you now attracted to other women - we both have
9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married? - He did once during a rough period. But, we have a pretty odd relationship. Have done some wild stuff...so it wasn't a "deal breaker" for our marriage....but that has been years ago....

The big thing is COMMUNICATION...and knowing where you both stand on all kinds of issues....having kids, raising kids, money, religion, politics, how to punish your kids....dealing with in-laws and holidays....to be able to work all that kinda stuff out and still be "in love"....what we do is stay very practical & matter-of-fact with each other thru the week....keeping up housework, childcare, homework & activities for child, gymtime...but then on weekends...always have a date night for ourselves and our son overnights with grandparents....

I would hate not being married....

 

[HumorMe]

Re: Re: Married and Divorced People - Please Read

1) NO- but he's been on my shit list a few times.

Hell, I bet even that would be fun sort of!


If I wasn't married........I would take Vix or Sheez_ripped in a heartbeat!

*in my best John Belushi voice* How much for da girls?

Trusting your spouse beyond a doubt is how my wife and I feel about each other. Along with what vix and sheez said too.

 

[vixenbabe]

[email protected] regards to the $$$ ? with MY PRICE: My hubby will tell ya... I'm easy ....BUT NOT CHEAP!

 

[sheez_ripped]

LOL at HumorMe!

me...u might wanna talk to hubby first....lol!...i can be HIGH Maintenance....or maybe just HOT Tempered!....got holes in the walls to prove it! Luckily I have bad aim though!!! He likes that i'm PASSIONATE though!!

and below Mason-Dixon! whoo! hoo! a Southern boy! my personal fav!

 

[HumorMe]

[email protected] regards to the $$$ ? with MY PRICE: My hubby will tell ya... I'm easy ....BUT NOT CHEAP!

Kind of give me a range.....I just got finished rolling all of my spare change.

To tell you the truth....forget about that. I'm just too fucking old and I don't want to disappoint you. With a bod like yours......yummy.....I would be toast. Hell, more like just a piece of regular bread since toast is hard. I'd have to be a viagra addict. Well, the more I think about it....my best friend is a doctor so I could get them for free....shit....bring it on! J/k about the bring it on though. Everything else is pretty much the truth.

 

[kd]

if divorced:

1. could you give a very brief explanation of what happened
2. why it happened
3. if you think it could have been avoided
4. if you knew it was going to happen all along (if not, how long it took you to realize it just wasn't gonna work)
5. what type of relationship you had prior to marriage
6. if you looked back on it - could you clearly see that you should have never gotten married in the first place
7. how long did you date prior to marriage
8. if you were scared as fuck prior to marriage
9. if the divorce was the biggest pain in the ass you ever went through or if it was relatively painfree, etc etc....
10. did you ever cheat on your partner prior to or while married?

1. Grew apart - what became her biggest priorities was her lifestyle and material surroundings. Mine just became more of what they always were, more passion and intamacy, (wine, women and song) that sorta thing. She wanted to have control over anything I did. For her being intimate twice a month was all she wanted..lol.

2. Her?....Fuck, I don't know. I guess some people just become that. Me?...Actually bodybuilding had a great deal to do with it. Getting in really good shape made me want the (wine - (great food), women and song thing) and the intamacy, more and more.

3. Looking back at it, and seeing her now, (I still have to see her when I get the kids), I would say it was unavoidable.

4. Nope, could'nt see it in the beginning. During the last 1.5 years though, I could see that things were not going in a good direction. During the last 6 months I knew it was just a matter of time.

5. It was fun. We were on and off twice over a number of years.

6. DAMN RIGHT!!!!!!!!. Here's what I tell my younger nephew and cousins about marriage:

a - Make sure the girl your marrying is a mind blowing lover, actually borderline slut/whore type good in bed. Because if you don't have it that way, you'll always be "looking" or "thinking" about "it".

b - Before saying "I do", tell her if she EVER..EVER!...tries to stop you from doing things you enjoy...ie (fishing, working out, playing cards with the boys once a week...)...tell her shes GONE!...Of course you will have to allow her that, goes both ways, which should'nt be a problem for you.

c - If she thinks/acts like she's really special and smart, (ie. better and above everyone else) be verryyyy careful. She might realllllllllllllllllyyyyyy believe it.

7. 4 or 5 years

8. No

9. Not too painful, took about 7 months total.

10. Came close, (wish I had now), she accused me of it. I know that if we had stayed married, I would have within 6 months.

 

[decem]

Re: Re: Married and Divorced People - Please Read

DAMN RIGHT!!!!!!!!. Here's what I tell my younger nephew and cousins about marriage:

a - Make sure the girl your marrying is a mind blowing lover, actually borderline slut/whore type good in bed. Because if you don't have it that way, you'll always be "looking" or "thinking" about "it".

b - Before saying "I do", tell her if she EVER..EVER!...tries to stop you from doing things you enjoy...ie (fishing, working out, playing cards with the boys once a week...)...tell her shes GONE!...Of course you will have to allow her that, goes both ways, which should'nt be a problem for you.

c - If she thinks/acts like she's really special and smart, (ie. better and above everyone else) be verryyyy careful. She might realllllllllllllllllyyyyyy believe it.

thx for your input kd.. i like your "guidelines"... and if i go by them.. then i'm in no danger whatsoever.. cuz a) we bone literally once to twice a day and it's the best sex i've ever had in my life.. and i'm sure it's the best i ever will have.. b) she would NEVER try shit like that.. she knows i wouldn't put up with it.. and i'd never stop her from doing things she wants to do.. shit.. she just went to hawaii for 7 days with her girls.. (granted.. one of my good friends lives out there.. who'd tell me if she did something wrong.. but still.. i didn't give her any shit at all) and c) she won't.. she's actually smarter than she thinks.. (maybe i shouldn't tell her that.. lol)

on more question.. did you have any doubts about whether or not you were doing the right thing.. prior to marriage?

 

[decem]

don't start that shit on this thread.

 

[kd]

Re: Re: Re: Married and Divorced People - Please Read

on more question.. did you have any doubts about whether or not you were doing the right thing.. prior to marriage?

No doubts, it seemed/felt like this was "it".

BUT THATS JUST IT THOUGH ISN'T IT?

I believe the great majority of people, (myself included), when your in LOVE, really in LOVE with someone, your "high" on all the goodness of it all and at this time not many people have enough "vision" to see what could happen in the relationship years down the road.

The factors that can change your relationship down the road can be totally unseen.

Will she/I become a completely different person if:

- there is too much money
- there is not enough money
- too much sex/love
- not enough sex/love
- will having or not having kids cause changes
- if one persons career goals change
- if ones "general direction" of what/where they want to go in life
changes for whatever reason.

You can never really know all the answers, (even your own), only try to figure out the possible answers before you walk down that aisle.

good luck

 

[decem]

thanks kd..

you've pretty much reaffirmed my own thoughts on the situation.. i used to get caught up in not knowing ALL the answers.. as i'm one that likes to control every single aspect of my life.. but i've come to the conclusion that i have enough answers.. right answers.. to walk down the aisle.. and if things change later on.. then i'll deal with the changes as they come along.. and if that ever means our not being right for each other anymore.. then so be it.. but at least i gave our love a chance..

anywho.. thanks again man.