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Letting go of the past
- Thread starter jestro
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A
alien amp pharm
Guest
What did you do, Frodo?
digimon7068
New member
don't ask me. . .i'm catholic. . .we dwell on everything. . .forever. . .
digimon7068
New member
jestro said:
congratulations! you're human!! get used to it. . .chances are you're gonna continue to be human for a while. . .
I
Ilk
Guest
We need not be guilty of creating a life of happiness...
There is no need to hurt those who have limited us in freeing ourselves... And, in some cases, we may need to break free from a career, a job, a relationship, or even family in order to create the life we want....
However, most letting go is not usually burning a bridge, but often letting go is an inside job: letting go might mean changing our belief pattern, a way we process emotion, or how we view life...
There is no need to hurt those who have limited us in freeing ourselves... And, in some cases, we may need to break free from a career, a job, a relationship, or even family in order to create the life we want....
However, most letting go is not usually burning a bridge, but often letting go is an inside job: letting go might mean changing our belief pattern, a way we process emotion, or how we view life...
H
heatherrae
Guest
Make amends. That is what I usually do. I try to make things right.jestro said:
H
heatherrae
Guest
Oh well, then say a prayer for you and her and be done with it.jestro said:
Also, you must know that it is very common and understandable when people feel more of a bond with their biological children than with step children.
javaguru
Banned
It seems a lot of people like to have a cross to bear. For me, it was about accepting that bad/unfair things happen to a lot of people and we all make stupid mistakes at times. I also came to the conclusion they shaped into who I am today and I kind of like who I am(learn and grow). You can acknowledge they happened but obsessing over them isn't productive. You can't let the bad things in your past control your life or "it wins." My .02jestro said:
I was the step kid in this instance.jestro said:
I held ALOT of animosity and resentment toward my stepmom because of all the things she did. But she was mentally and physically abusive as well.
The difference (from what i can see) with you and her...you are holding yourself accountable for your mistakes. I don't know if you've made any attempts at all but the absolute least you could do is write a letter of apology...with a card and send both the step daughter and your ex. As them both to forgive you for what you've done.
Once you've asked for that....it's done. You have to ask/pray for continual strength to overcome what they may not be so willing to forgive.
As the stepkid, I was freakin' confused as hell for many years. Ya know, i just wanted to be accepted like her kids. (brats) But I reached the point where I realized the anger and resentment was only hurting me more and I just said I forgive her. Having faith worked for me.
G
Gambino
Guest
jestro said:
i don't mean to lol but your kid watched your home porn movies?
lol gotta hid that better.
and about the kid thing, i think that's a natural feeling, and i would be the same way...not sure if i could love another dudes kid like my own.
grizzly bears kill their chics kids if they aren't his, so at least you are not animalesque
JavaGuru said:
For the first time in my life I've put myself on that exact same page. I was a person whom would hoard past instances. I had this little place that was reserved for people whom hurt me or did me wrong, and I wouldn't let it go. Forgiveness... yes... but to forget, no.
With my own personal growth, spiritual growth, maturity, and to find my own personal happiness and be willing to ask for forgiveness from those whom i'd hurt... I knew I had to let go of all of my past. No matter how hard, or how bad it was... I had to let go.
This was the turning point in my moving forward.
Alot of my hurt dated back to when I was a wee young child of only 4 or 5 yrs old. (yes I remember the dark days)
Making amends and making things right with someone is sooo much easier said than done!! Yeah if you write a letter or whatever ; but actually saying it outloud is so hard! OMG. Even if you were not the one that was in the wrong but just want to make things right with somone so we can all move on.
Sucks. Almost easier to not deal with it at all.
Sucks. Almost easier to not deal with it at all.
calveless wonder
New member
With any emotion..
it's a signal that something has to change. whether it be your perception or your actions.
with regret or remose it's almost always a direct cause of your actions.
The only thing you can do is come to grips with what you have done, move forward and never repeat the same mistake again. There is nothing you can do to change the past, so beating yourself up over it does absolutely no good.
You apologize to the person you may have harmed, express in it a sincere way....and try to be the best person you can be from that day forth. Apologizing profusely or beating yourself up after that will never do anything but torture yourself. The best way you show change is by LIVING IT.
Understand WHY it occured....acceptance of something, or a reality, is empowering. This doesn't occur often, however because most people are so scared to accept what truly happened...or they look at it from such a distorted view that they miss the point. They either put the blame squarely on themself, or on the other person...wherein it usually lies in an in between point (not always, but often)
You may have been bad a bad person/father/mother etc...but if the guilt you feel had made you a better person then that's the cost of your personal devlopment.
trying to fight an emotion, on the otherhand, is impossible, because it will always come up again in your subconcious.
it's a signal that something has to change. whether it be your perception or your actions.
with regret or remose it's almost always a direct cause of your actions.
The only thing you can do is come to grips with what you have done, move forward and never repeat the same mistake again. There is nothing you can do to change the past, so beating yourself up over it does absolutely no good.
You apologize to the person you may have harmed, express in it a sincere way....and try to be the best person you can be from that day forth. Apologizing profusely or beating yourself up after that will never do anything but torture yourself. The best way you show change is by LIVING IT.
Understand WHY it occured....acceptance of something, or a reality, is empowering. This doesn't occur often, however because most people are so scared to accept what truly happened...or they look at it from such a distorted view that they miss the point. They either put the blame squarely on themself, or on the other person...wherein it usually lies in an in between point (not always, but often)
You may have been bad a bad person/father/mother etc...but if the guilt you feel had made you a better person then that's the cost of your personal devlopment.
trying to fight an emotion, on the otherhand, is impossible, because it will always come up again in your subconcious.
calveless wonder
New member
jestro said:
how old is your step daughter?
You can't control your ex's bitterness, that will always be present and most likely stems from various others reasons than the issue.....but if you make a concious effort to show that you have changed directly to your step daughter (if it all possible), then that's all you can do. If you can't communicate her with directly (i.e. she's not old enough), then it is out of your hands.
frankly, what occured is human nature. Do you wish you could have showed more attention to her? Of course, rationally...but instinctively your own seed will always be the main focal point of your life. There's no way to know that beforehand...you have learned a very tough lesson..and if the situation ever presents itself again you know will how to handle it.
that's the only perspective to view it.
PBR
New member
forgive the past and let it go, for it is gone.
those you do not forgive you fear.
forgiveness always rests upon the one who offers it.
forgiveness takes away what stands between your____and yourself.
forgiveness is the key to happiness.
here is the answer to your search for peace.
here is the key to meaning in a world that seems to make no sense.
here is the way to safety in apparent dangers that appear to threaten you at every turn,
and bring uncertainty to all your hopes of ever finding quietness and peace.
those you do not forgive you fear.
forgiveness always rests upon the one who offers it.
forgiveness takes away what stands between your____and yourself.
forgiveness is the key to happiness.
here is the answer to your search for peace.
here is the key to meaning in a world that seems to make no sense.
here is the way to safety in apparent dangers that appear to threaten you at every turn,
and bring uncertainty to all your hopes of ever finding quietness and peace.
PBR said:
for some of us forgiveness isn't an issue... its forgetting our past that is an issue which leads to an ongoing circle of trust issues. Though we may forgive those whom have hurt us, that hurt still lingers in our heart and puts a black shadow on future relationships, friendships... etc
Time heals all wounds... (thats is only story book) It takes alot of inner strength to cast aside all the bad and focus on the good. I, myself, came to terms with the hurt in my past... i've cast aside the hate and lingering animosity twords those that hurt me... but still, what lingers is the actual hurt in which i find myself guarded twords those whom I should 100% trust. I'm slowly but surely getting over that hump, and accepting more and more every day.
Its amazing how what I would have thought to be such a very minuscule part of my life would effect so may diffent aspects of my life.
I'm 32 going on 33 and it took me this long to realize and accept the fact that moving on is the only way. Forgiveness is the only way...
Happiness is in the mind of the beholder!
digimon7068
New member
Frisky said:
for some of us forgiveness isn't an issue... its forgetting our past that is an issue which leads to an ongoing circle of trust issues. Though we may forgive those whom have hurt us, that hurt still lingers in our heart and puts a black shadow on future relationships, friendships... etc
the most important person that you have to forgive is yourself. . .most people (especially me) forget about that one. . .that's where all that turmoil comes from later on (at least for me). . .my inability to forgive myself for my past shortcomings. . .however, i have to say that it has also driven me to do some pretty good things with my life. . .it's a tough situation. . .
jestro said:
here's what you should do.
apologize. tell her you realize you did it, you're sorry, and you didn't know any better at the time. tell her you understand that you hurt her and you take ownership of that.
she may or may not say she forgives you, but the fact is, that she will.
and you may feel like shit for the night, but in the long run, you'll feel better about it.
then... forget it. move on. its over and done with. now be the best you can.
PBR
New member
Frisky said:
for some of us forgiveness isn't an issue... its forgetting our past that is an issue which leads to an ongoing circle of trust issues. Though we may forgive those whom have hurt us, that hurt still lingers in our heart and puts a black shadow on future relationships, friendships... etc
Time heals all wounds... (thats is only story book) It takes alot of inner strength to cast aside all the bad and focus on the good. I, myself, came to terms with the hurt in my past... i've cast aside the hate and lingering animosity twords those that hurt me... but still, what lingers is the actual hurt in which i find myself guarded twords those whom I should 100% trust. I'm slowly but surely getting over that hump, and accepting more and more every day.
Its amazing how what I would have thought to be such a very minuscule part of my life would effect so may diffent aspects of my life.
I'm 32 going on 33 and it took me this long to realize and accept the fact that moving on is the only way. Forgiveness is the only way...
Happiness is in the mind of the beholder!
How well i know this...you are 100% correct in all aspects. what i did to help myself, was to "understand" what actually took place, and its origin. having an understanding about what, why and who these things happen with, shed light...its when the Mind is free to run wild with assumptions, that we hurt the most...
we also have to remember, that though we may be involved, our experiences are not always completely 100% ABOUT US...we, at times, are just links in a chain- there are others before us and more after us that have a cause and effect on ones life...
iam guilty of having major trust issues when it comes to relationships...but iam finding out Frisky- that life is so fucking short, and to live in constant FEAR- we deprive ourselves of so many great experiences- and another chance to find peace and harmony again...
jestro said:
Honestly?
Surround yourself with new people.
Seriously.
If you want to move on and other keep you from doing that succesfully remove them from your life.
ER... OK I just read the whole thread.
I'd say listen to Stilleto - she offers some great advice.
(I'd still leave that EX behind and leave the door open to your kids and if and when they are ready they will find you)
The past is dead - the only way to change the present is to change your future.
PBR said:iam guilty of having major trust issues when it comes to relationships...but iam finding out Frisky- that life is so fucking short, and to live in constant FEAR- we deprive ourselves of so many great experiences- and another chance to find peace and harmony again...
I was wondering when you were going to figure this out.
H
heatherrae
Guest
The degree of calamity and disaster is also directly related to the size of the risks we take, too.JavaGuru said:Of course, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Reward is directly related to the risks we take, hope for the best and prepare for the worst and all that stuff.
Debbie Downer told me to post that...lol.
Mavafanculo
New member
I like to dwell on all the negative aspects of my past. Every slight, every insult, every failure, real or imagined, is recorded and I read the list once a week so I dont forget.
Anger is a gift.
Anger is a gift.
javaguru
Banned
Do you call it your, "Book of Grudges" and does it make War and Peace look like a children's book?Mavafanculo said:I like to dwell on all the negative aspects of my past. Every slight, every insult, every failure, real or imagined, is recorded and I read the list once a week so I dont forget.
Anger is a gift.
Mavafanculo
New member
jh1 said:
fuck, you're crazy. I was only kidding about me.
oolloollooolooolloollooolo
actually there's a big grain of truth in it, just dont write them down lol
Mavafanculo
New member
jh1 said:
p.s. are you italian?? thats definately an italian thing, with the long-term stewing and the 30 year vendetta's and/or guilt trips.
Mavafanculo
New member
flex229 said:
under control, actually its a positive. it motivates, good for the gym, good for twisted photochops, etc lol.
But if you combine it with hi doses of tren........
mitchell07
New member
Have some motivation and ask people to help you forget.
________________
mitchell07
Alcohol Treatment Program --Find more options on alcohol treatment program
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mitchell07
Alcohol Treatment Program --Find more options on alcohol treatment program
javaguru
Banned
I'll give you an example from my own life. When I was twenty my GF cheated on me, this was my "first love" and it was completely devastating. Anyway, javaguru could have slept with her best friend, all of her friends if the truth be told, for revenge. I took the higher ground and just moved on with my life. Fast forward to 2007. She got in contact with me and admitted to making the biggest mistake of her life with me and she has always thought about me since we broke up and has kept up with what was going on with my life through mutual acquaintances. She always wonders what I'm doing on Dec. 5th, my b-day. That is more satisfying to me than any instant gratification vengeance I could have gotten by sleeping with her friends.jh1 said:
