how to use facebook:
1. find the best picture ever taken of you and set it as your profile picture. holy crap, you look awesome!
2. spend 5 hours thinking of super witty things to put as your personal information. Be sure to mention bands, movies, and books nobody has ever heard of as your favorites. fuck dude you are deep!
3. search for everyone you know and add them. the more facebook friends you have the cooler of a person you are. 600 friends? damn you must be a movie star!
4. if a girl adds you on facebook the night she meets you, she wants your cock. Hit her up on facebook chat or blow up her wall/inbox to lay some e-game. it was really great meeting you last night, maybe next time you won't puke all over my couch and get dragged out by your friends!
5. wish your friends happy birthday on their wall when your homepage conveniently informs you of this fact on the middle right of the page. i really did remember your birthday I promise! I see it's been exactly one year since the last time i remembered you exist. how have you been?