Is it too much?

[confusedmushie]

no

???

 

[plornive]

I didn't read everything, but I think I am the male version of your girlfriend. I generally don't want to see that much of my girlfriend(s), and I have had girlfriends in the past that always bought me things, wanted to see more of me, called me too much, etc.

It all comes down to the fact that I don't see relationships as important, relative to other things in my life. The girls who smothered me really valued relationships, and were searching for some kind of perfection, whatever that is.

 

[Outtlaw]

You´re falling into the same trap you were before. You´re problem is that you keep trying to analyze everything too much.

 

[Lift Chief]

Please understand that it's not her not putting everything into it. I don't know that for sure, it might very well just be me, not satisfied. I've always longed to be treated like the way I would treat a girlfriend, and with that train of thought, I don't know if it's just me or not. I can go out and but her a $300 wallet, but I would feel so bad to buy a pair of jeans for $60, can never figure that out. I just know that when I do things like this, it should make her feel very special and make her understand her importance.

Ian

You care more about other people than you do for yourself...

Doing nice things for those you care about makes you happy...

STOP THAT!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Millie]

you and your girlfriend are just different. and there is nothing you can do to change her. either accept her for who she is or try to find someone who will be more like you.

yes, you are asking for too much if you want her to be just as attentive as you. she has a different way of expressing her feelings, but that doesn't mean that she cares for you any less than you do.

 

[flexygrl]

Hi Ian,

Tough one!!

There are a couple of things going on here.

#1 I don't think that you are really being honest with yourself. Do you buy her nice things and pay her loads of attention cause you really want to or cause you expect it back in return. If you just really wanted to, then seeing her smile at the gift or the attention would be reward enough for you.

#2 She has a child. That is her FIRST priority! Not YOU!


You're such a nice guy. You really are. But if you are left with so many questions that you can't ask her, then that's a major problem. You deserve to have those questioned answered, for your peice of mind and also so that you make sure that it doesn't happen again.

Relationships are give and take. If you are constantly giving and getting nothing in return then you are a dormat and she will not respect you.

That's really all I can say. I don' t know the whole story. I don't know why you broke up in the first place.

 

[confusedmushie]

I didn't read everything, but I think I am the male version of your girlfriend. I generally don't want to see that much of my girlfriend(s), and I have had girlfriends in the past that always bought me things, wanted to see more of me, called me too much, etc.

It all comes down to the fact that I don't see relationships as important, relative to other things in my life. The girls who smothered me really valued relationships, and were searching for some kind of perfection, whatever that is.

That's not the case, I know that she's just as into me as I am into her. What it comes down to is that I wish I can have the same type of attention that I shed for others. It's all a dream that I have, because I know that everyone shows their emotionals differently. I guess I just wanted to vent. What she does do for me is plenty enough. But with the distance between us right now (Daytona Beach and Tampa), sometimes I can't help to think of the bad.

Ian

 

[confusedmushie]

You´re falling into the same trap you were before. You´re problem is that you keep trying to analyze everything too much.

I totally agree with that, I am constantly thinking. But who doesn't? If anyone don't think about things that I am worried about, they are either enjoying a wonderful life, or they don't care much about the people around them.

I over analyze things, I do have to admit that, but this is my personality and it is a personality that I am trying to overcome, but it has proven to be very hard.

The most important things in my mind that I need an answer for is that she does indeed love me (I have no doubts, but I do, make that into some sense and let me know), need to know that I am the 'one', and also some answers as far as what happened in the past. I don't want to say anything about the past here on the forum, but lets put it this way, it generated a lot of questions in my head. I have no problems letting go of the past, but I need for the questions to be answered before I do so.

Ian

 

[confusedmushie]

you and your girlfriend are just different. and there is nothing you can do to change her. either accept her for who she is or try to find someone who will be more like you.

yes, you are asking for too much if you want her to be just as attentive as you. she has a different way of expressing her feelings, but that doesn't mean that she cares for you any less than you do.

I don't want to change her. See, in the past few month that we were apart, I learned that the things I saw as faults, were actually the things that I am most in love with her for. I do have things that I want her to change, but these are things that will effect our way of living. We are getting through it, I see her making every effort and that's all I need. All I know is that when we broke up, I was with different people and NONE of them were her. When we were apart, even with all the bitter thoughts in my head, I still constantly worried about her, wishing I could be there to take care of her if something was to happen, wishing she had the right person in her life at that time, so she can be treated right. These are the things that made me realize that she's always been the one. I have been with enough girls to know the difference between the right and the wrong. With all that we went through and will be going through (family, etc), I still love her and am willing to do anything for her. I think that's enough reasons why I know that she's meant for me.

Ian

 

[confusedmushie]

Hey flex, long time no see!

I've been busy making up all the times we missed when we were apart, therefore I lacked a little attendence here on the forum.

I did things and bought things not to look for it in return. I loved doing it for her, I am somewhat a materilstic person (like to have good things, but don't expect people to give to me), so I do what I know I'd like to please those I love. And you are right, all I need is to see the happiness on her face and that will make my day.

Yes, she has a child and Lilly is her name. I love Lilly just as much as I love her. I think Lilly as my own and will never treat her different. I hope that will let you know that I don't expect her to overlook Lilly for me. But she can trust me with Lilly, because she is my own.

I don't want you guys to think that she doesn't give. She gives me all she's got. As I said, I am just venting. When I don't think about it, I tend to want more from her, but when I do sit down and think about everything she does do for me, I am more thankful then anyone knows.

We had some pretty shitty things happen the last time around. With that, I have some questions that I need answers for. I don't want to argue, nor do I want to do anything about it, I just need to know and have a peace of mind.

I will let you all know how it works out. I know I will try my hardest to make everything work, I am willing and I know that she's worth every bit of my effort and time.

Ian

Hi Ian,

Tough one!!

There are a couple of things going on here.

#1 I don't think that you are really being honest with yourself. Do you buy her nice things and pay her loads of attention cause you really want to or cause you expect it back in return. If you just really wanted to, then seeing her smile at the gift or the attention would be reward enough for you.

#2 She has a child. That is her FIRST priority! Not YOU!


You're such a nice guy. You really are. But if you are left with so many questions that you can't ask her, then that's a major problem. You deserve to have those questioned answered, for your peice of mind and also so that you make sure that it doesn't happen again.

Relationships are give and take. If you are constantly giving and getting nothing in return then you are a dormat and she will not respect you.

That's really all I can say. I don' t know the whole story. I don't know why you broke up in the first place.