Is it too much?

[confusedmushie]

It is too much to ask for your partner's full attention while in a relationship? For the person that I am with, I give her full attention, I try to cater to just about all her needs, but it seems that is it impossible to find someone that will treat me like that.

I try to see it from different point of views. On one hand, I don't think I get enough attention and on the other, I think I am just asking for too much. I don't know what it is.

Love is so hard. I don't think I will ever be able to figure it out. I constantly feel like that I am on the short end of the stick, constantly wondering what the hell's happening. I know that the majority of my worries are from my past experiences and I need to get over it. But, it so easy said then done.

I want to trust, I want to believe, I want a perfect relationship, there are a lot of things that I want. I am capable on providing it, but I need to make sure that I am wanted for the right reasons and that I am truely loved. Is that also too much to ask?

I guess all these thoughts are coming from the fact that I got back with my ex. It is just so right, but at the same time, I don't want us to fall back into what broke us part. Pretty confused, don't know what to think. Our history had its blemishes and some are hard for me to oversee. She wants to start from total scratch and not mention about anything that's happened. But my personality is different. I am willing to overlook it for her, but I am constantly thinking about the past and hoping for answers. Answers that will let me sleep easier, answers that will enable me to let go of the past.

Hope everything works out with us. There's nothing more that I want then just to be with her and have the picture perfect family. Even though I have doubts, I do know that she's the one and that I am willing to do anything for her. I hope that she feels the same way. Been searching, been there, done that, and through all my experiences, I know that I am willing to accept any faults that she may have. I guess that is true love, when you are able to overlook someone's faults and still love her for who she is.

When I broke up with her, I knew it was a mistake, but now that we are back together, I think it was far from a mistake. We have gained so much and have learned a lot about each other. There are so many things that I took for granted, she needed the attention, but I took all that for granted. I didn't mean to lose sight of what we were looking for, but with all the problems at the time, we both lost track. I am glad that we are now back on track and are both doing what we need to do in order not only to better 'us', but also our lives.

Should I just forget about the past? I know I can't really do that, because I will always have that question in my head on why things happened the way it did and why she did certain things. I am willing to shut up and not say a word if it means that we will be able to overcome all the problems without talking about them. I am stuck. I wish I can get the questions answered, but at the same time, I know if I press the issue, it will all get blown out of propotion. What should I do? Keep in mind that she is it and I want to do what it right.

Thank you guys for the space. No flames needed.

Ian

 

[ZKaudio]

You're like me, very overanalytical. I'd recommend going for what you want but at the same time, in a relationship like this you have to respect your partners needs. If she doesn't want to commit as much attention as you, you need to match that. If you are puttin in more, it will make for problems in the future. Tough situation, just don't let it get you down. Been there... it sux.

 

[confusedmushie]

You're like me, very overanalytical. I'd recommend going for what you want but at the same time, in a relationship like this you have to respect your partners needs. If she doesn't want to commit as much attention as you, you need to match that. If you are puttin in more, it will make for problems in the future. Tough situation, just don't let it get you down. Been there... it sux.

Understand. It is not that she's not willing to give me the same amount of attention as I am paying her. I think the best way to put it, is that when someone's in my life, it is automatic for me to think about them first. I mean literally anything, if I am eating, I think of her, wondering if she's hungry. If I feel hot or cold, I think whether or not she's hot or cold. When I go shop, I'd get her and Lilly (her daughter) the best of the best, because I think they are only worth it, but I never tend to get myself anything and if I do, I will feel guilt. Things like that. I have NOT dated anyone that has ever put me into their life like that I have. I don't think it's wrong, just wish she could think of me as much as I think of her. With that said, I have to say again that I do know that she wants just as much as I do. I should not doubt so much, but I really can't help myself. It sucks, I think it is a sickness, because like she says, it does, at times, run my life. I don't think I can 'put in more', because I have already given her everything.

Ian

 

[vinylgroover]

I guess people show there emotions and feelings in different ways......you're far more attentive, she isn't. Doesn't mean she desn't love you or care about you, she's just not as animated in showing it. Is she like that with other people? If yes, it's just a personality trait of hers.

 

[casavant]

Read "Fire In The Belly", by Sam Keen. Interesting insights.

 

[confusedmushie]

I guess people show there emotions and feelings in different ways......you're far more attentive, she isn't. Doesn't mean she desn't love you or care about you, she's just not as animated in showing it. Is she like that with other people? If yes, it's just a personality trait of hers.

Know what you mean. I know that everyone's different, but at times, I just wish that she can be like me. I'd love to have someone treat me or think about me as I do her. I am not yrying to be big headed in anyway, but I do feel that I treat her as my queen, as the most important person in my life. Hope she knows.

Ian

 

[ZKaudio]

dude, i'm just like you. I smother my gf's with fun. No matter what, I will buy them little things when I'm out shopping for myself. It's a curse I swear. I just bought my ex some candy I saw at the store because it was her favorite.. yes my EX.

 

[lucidblue]

You're like me, very overanalytical. I'd recommend going for what you want but at the same time, in a relationship like this you have to respect your partners needs. If she doesn't want to commit as much attention as you, you need to match that. If you are puttin in more, it will make for problems in the future. Tough situation, just don't let it get you down. Been there... it sux.

I'm overly analytical too... it sucks. Sometimes I'd just like to shut my brain off.

It's hard when you put your all into something and the other person doesn't. I see stuff I want to buy my ex all the time, but I've stopped myself from buying the things.

 

[confusedmushie]

I'm overly analytical too... it sucks. Sometimes I'd just like to shut my brain off.

It's hard when you put your all into something and the other person doesn't. I see stuff I want to buy my ex all the time, but I've stopped myself from buying the things.

Please understand that it's not her not putting everything into it. I don't know that for sure, it might very well just be me, not satisfied. I've always longed to be treated like the way I would treat a girlfriend, and with that train of thought, I don't know if it's just me or not. I can go out and but her a $300 wallet, but I would feel so bad to buy a pair of jeans for $60, can never figure that out. I just know that when I do things like this, it should make her feel very special and make her understand her importance.

Ian

 

[HULKSTER]

no