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b0und
New member
Probably been posted before, but anyhow:
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over thePacific Ocean.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris no longer shadow boxes because his shadow is afraid to fight him .
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cow and the butter comes out directly.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. He has yet to be audited.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that a spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that that spot belongs to Chuck Norris and simply warns you of your impending condition if you decide to park there.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity..... TWICE.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
When God said "Let there be light!', Chuck Norris said "Say Please."
b0und (all true)
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over thePacific Ocean.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris no longer shadow boxes because his shadow is afraid to fight him .
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cow and the butter comes out directly.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. He has yet to be audited.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that a spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that that spot belongs to Chuck Norris and simply warns you of your impending condition if you decide to park there.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity..... TWICE.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
When God said "Let there be light!', Chuck Norris said "Say Please."
b0und (all true)
