I think my girlfriend might be dead

[strangebrew]

We got into an argument and I guess my temper got the better of me, heres how it all went down. She asks me if I want to go to her cousins wedding, to which i respond with an emphatic "hell no", then she says "well your going anyways"... Now shes been pissing me off all morning so this was kinda the last straw. As soon as she turned her back I proceded to push her down a flight of stairs about 15 feet high. I figured she'd get a few bruises and it would be something we could laugh about later but that doesnt seem to be the case. This happend about 45 minutes ago and she hasnt moved yet. Should I call the cops and tell her she triped? I need some advice.

 

[Nathan]

Make sure she's dead first. Pick her up, carry her to the top of the stairs, and then drop her back down again. Repeat the same process no less than fifty more times and that should do the trick. Then, call the cops and tell them she fell down some stairs and that she was probably high on cocaine and PCP when it happened. Work into the conversation that she buys and then kills puppies sporadically when in a bad mood and you should be golden.

 

[NoDaddyNo]

Who cares - either way you have the perfect opportunity to get some anal action on her.

 

[NoDaddyNo]

Should I call the cops and tell her she triped? I need some advice.

Also, after you have had anal sex with her and you call the cops - tell them that she "tripped" - if you tell them that she "triped" they might think you are making some cow stomach prank phone call and that is the last thing you want on a day like this.

Also, now is a great time to try on her clothes and play makeup party on her. Even with permanent markers.

 

[velvett]

This isn't even funny.


If this is true - this very thread can be used against you.

 

[gonelifting]

I would definately NOT go to the wedding now.

 

[NoDaddyNo]

This isn't even funny.


If this is true - this very thread can be used against you.

Funny is in the eye of the abuser.

I think it would be fantastic if it were real - that way we get to find out via the news what type of moron makes their life decisions via proxy of a weighlifting board on the net.

 

[strangebrew]

what the hell? I come to you guys with a serious problem and all you do is make jokes? I could get in serious trouble for this.

thanks assholes

 

[Nathan]

Funny is in the eye of the abuser.

I think it would be fantastic if it were real - that way we get to find out via the news what type of moron makes their life decisions via proxy of a weighlifting board on the net.

I think that by "moron" you really meant "genius". I've been trying to discover flaws in his logic by asking a bunch of obviously down-to-earth bodybuilders for their advice on life and death matters and frankly I don't think there are any.

 

[NoDaddyNo]

what the hell? I come to you guys with a serious problem and all you do is make jokes? I could get in serious trouble for this.

thanks assholes

Dude, you won't get in trouble.

For starters, you are going to want to put some sunglasses on her.

The next step is get your ass to the movie rental store and rent Weekend At Bernies - because you have a lot to learn before you get rid of her.

 

[from zero]

This isn't even funny.

I agree. Pretty tasteless.

You're no Nathan. At least he can pull it off as being funny.

 

[-SD-]

This was almost a good joke, but not quite.

 

[NoDaddyNo]

Things that would have made if funny:

1) you didn't push her directly down the stairs, but instead hit her over the head with a tray of cookies that she had burnt. This would unfortunately beg the question of why you were on the second floor for this when the kitchen is usually on the ground level.

2) she somehow got beheaded and the cat/dog/blind neighbor was playing with the head like some sort of sports equipment

3) she was giving you head at the top of the stairs and when you blew your load, it caught her off guard and she tumbled backwards and ended up there. Again, this isn't quite enough and you would need to go into apporpirate detail of how her breasts reacted mid-tumble.

4) if she were referred to only by her ethnic background

5) you were on the toilet writing this

6) you had previously made a few posts talking about how mad she was making you. then also have a series of posts over a few weeks talking about how mad you get at her and you just want to push push push your way to freedom.

I could go on.

 

[tuc biscuit]

Dude, you won't get in trouble.

For starters, you are going to want to put some sunglasses on her.

The next step is get your ass to the movie rental store and rent Weekend At Bernies - because you have a lot to learn before you get rid of her.

Scoff!

 

[milo hobgoblin]

...I think your brain might be dead.

..

 

[ajtomasi]

what the hell? I come to you guys with a serious problem and all you do is make jokes? I could get in serious trouble for this.

thanks assholes

best post ever

 

[tuc biscuit]

4) if she were referred to only by her ethnic background



6) you had previously made a few posts talking about how mad she was making you. then also have a series of posts over a few weeks talking about how mad you get at her and you just want to push push push your way to freedom.

Guffaw!

 

[Monkey Pox]

Funniest thread ever.

(granted, very little competition, but the tripe comment put it over the top)

 

[strangebrew]

Okay this whole thing was a false alarm... I shouldnt be in any trouble, i just buried her body in the backyard. No one ever looks there.

 

[NoDaddyNo]

Okay this whole thing was a false alarm... I shouldnt be in any trouble, i just buried her body in the backyard. No one ever looks there.

Please tell me you fucked her in the ass first.

Otherwise, someone is gonna get dirty.

 

[ajtomasi]

Okay this whole thing was a false alarm... I shouldnt be in any trouble, i just buried her body in the backyard. No one ever looks there.

okay now we know this is a joke.

a little part of me wanted to think this was real, okay actually a big part, but i guess it'll be okay.

 

[Lumberg]

1) you didn't push her directly down the stairs, but instead hit her over the head with a tray of cookies that she had burnt. This would unfortunately beg the question of why you were on the second floor for this when the kitchen is usually on the ground level.

My kitchen is on the secodn level of my three level townhouse.

 

[NoDaddyNo]

My kitchen is on the secodn level of my three level townhouse.

Are you bragging or trying to tell us something about the lady at the bottom of your stairs?

Also, that kinda sounded like you were hitting on me. If so, I like chocolates and very pretty flowers.

 

[strangebrew]

Okay this was just a tasteless joke, but the boards were slow and I wanted to offend some people and get some funny replies. Mission accomplished. Is it wrong that I was laughing hysterically and jerking off when I wrote it?

 

[Bullit]

Dude, you won't get in trouble.

For starters, you are going to want to put some sunglasses on her.

The next step is get your ass to the movie rental store and rent Weekend At Bernies - because you have a lot to learn before you get rid of her.

hahahahahahahahahaha

1

 

[strangebrew]

it wasnt supposed to be funny old man!

 

[SofaGeorge]

On an intelligence scale of 1-10 I rate this a 2.

Nathan remains safe as the king of EF comedy.

 

[bdog527]

On an intelligence scale of 1-10 I rate this a 2.

Nathan remains safe as the king of EF comedy.