I should be excited about moving (vent)

[nefertiti]

Instead, days before it's official, I've got cold feet. WTF?

I never thought I'd find myself so conflicted. A few very unexpected things happened in the last couple of weeks giving me a LOT of motivation to stay put.

That said, I really really need to follow through with this. One thing I haven't really talked about in the open board regarding why it's important for me to make this transition is that my previous lifestyle - 80 hour work weeks, the desk job, the rat race....were all wearing me down very close to the point of relapsing fully with my eating disorder. There was just no time to do the things that keep me healthy outside of scuba on weekends. I couldn't get to meetings, I could go to the gym but it was at the expense of what little sleep I got at night, and so on.

Moving puts me in a better position for all the things that keep me healthy - my family, my nieces and nephews who inspire me to be a good role model and keep my shit together, the ocean, diving; and the transition away from banking leaves me time for other things I need, like support groups. I told my dad a month ago that this is...not being melodramatic at all...an attempt to save my own life before it needs saving.

I'm tired of being tired....emotionally. I'm tired of feeling like I've got nothing at the end of the day. I'm doing what I have to to fix all that.

But...this move is going to hurt a lot more than I expected it to, but I can't keep making choices that put me in a position to rely on anything but myself for my inner peace. I'll never be fully free of this if I'm always looking outward for the answers.

/endrant

(guise, I know this is mememe but please be kind. I'm kinda hurting right now and it's hard to vent to real life friends)

 

[PICK3]

Instead, days before it's official, I've got cold feet. WTF?

I never thought I'd find myself so conflicted. A few very unexpected things happened in the last couple of weeks giving me a LOT of motivation to stay put.

That said, I really really need to follow through with this. One thing I haven't really talked about in the open board regarding why it's important for me to make this transition is that my previous lifestyle - 80 hour work weeks, the desk job, the rat race....were all wearing me down very close to the point of relapsing fully with my eating disorder. There was just no time to do the things that keep me healthy outside of scuba on weekends. I couldn't get to meetings, I could go to the gym but it was at the expense of what little sleep I got at night, and so on.

Moving puts me in a better position for all the things that keep me healthy - my family, my nieces and nephews who inspire me to be a good role model and keep my shit together, the ocean, diving; and the transition away from banking leaves me time for other things I need, like support groups. I told my dad a month ago that this is...not being melodramatic at all...an attempt to save my own life before it needs saving.

I'm tired of being tired....emotionally. I'm tired of feeling like I've got nothing at the end of the day. I'm doing what I have to to fix all that.

That said...this move is going to hurt a lot more than I expected it to, but I can't keep making choices that put me in a position to rely on anything but myself for my inner peace. I'll never be fully free of this if I'm always looking outward for the answers.

/endrant

(guise, I know this is mememe but please be kind. I'm kinda hurting right now and it's hard to vent to real life friends)

if I could change my scenary I would in a second

I think the opportunity to drop out of the rat race and get closer to your family seems golden, but you know best

best wishes in whatever you decide

 

[nefertiti]

There's no choice...it's done. It's just ending up being a lot harder than I expected.

 

[PICK3]

There's no choice...it's done. It's just ending up being a lot harder than I expected.

I'll bet you have a better outlook in a couple of weeks once you get situated

 

[javaguru]

Doing what makes you happy can be scary because you are bombarded by the opinions of others; If you think its the best choice for you then fuck the naysayers...they haven't lived your life.

 

[nefertiti]

Doing what makes you happy can be scary because you are bombarded by the opinions of others; If you think its the best choice for you then fuck the naysayers...they haven't lived your life.

Thank you for this, java.

 

[javaguru]

if I could change my scenary I would in a second

I think the opportunity to drop out of the rat race and get closer to your family seems golden, but you know best

best wishes in whatever you decide

Unless you're incarcerated...you are the master of your life. The friends I made in law school all went into law and many have struggled to different degrees because they assumed an education dictated a course in life. I chose a different path and some have lamented they didn't take the same course....just sayin'.

 

[PICK3]

Unless you're incarcerated...you are the master of your life. The friends I made in law school all went into law and many have struggled to different degrees because they assumed an education dictated a course in life. I chose a different path and some have lamented they didn't take the same course....just sayin'.

I could possibly change my career path, but I am the only surviving family my mother has and I wouldn't be interested in uprooting her at this point of her life for any career gain.

 

[javaguru]

I could possibly change my career path, but I am the only surviving family my mother has and I wouldn't be interested in uprooting her at this point of her life for any career gain.

OK, that's a family issue and I respect your decision. The only reason I'm still in Ohio is so I can take care of my mother. I'm actually driving three hours to mow the lawn and take care of other household chores every week these days.

 

[PICK3]

OK, that's a family issue and I respect your decision. The only reason I'm still in Ohio is so I can take care of my mother. I'm actually driving three hours to mow the lawn and take care of other household chores every week these days.

trust me ... I won't retire in New Orleans.


It will be near some clear water lake in the Ozarks

 

[javaguru]

trust me ... I won't retire in New Orleans.


It will be near some clear water lake in the Ozarks

My mother does it every year, she's 76 and still works 20+ hours a week, always claiming this is the last year she's doing Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter dinner. She always plays the guilt card and I'm targeted because I'm the baby in the family; "Brian expects a meal."

I don't think she's forgiven me for the Thanksgiving I missed in 2001 because I wanted to meet a project deadline.

 

[PICK3]

My mother does it every year, she's 76 and still works 20+ hours a week, always claiming this is the last year she's doing Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter dinner. She always plays the guilt card and I'm targeted because I'm the baby in the family; "Brian expects a meal."

I don't think she's forgiven me for the Thanksgiving I missed in 2001 because I wanted to meet a project deadline.

My mom is 76 too. She worked as a full time nurse at the VA until she was 69.

 

[javaguru]

My mom is 76 too. She worked as a full time nurse at the VA until she was 69.

Does she always make you feel guilty while not actually being overtly manipulative? Mom is a strong willed wimiz that will do her own thing...I remember having dinner with one of my dad's Harley buddies at a young age and after my mother and father departed from the table...he said,"Your mom still has the wiggle in her hips." That is unconscionable... How you view relationships is directly related to your own experiences as a child. Mom admits dad was a good looking guy all the wiminz wanted but based on the stories...she played him like a fiddle.

 

[PICK3]

Does she always make you feel guilty while not actually being overtly manipulative? Mom is a strong willed wimiz that will do her own thing...I remember having dinner with one of my dad's Harley buddies at a young age and after my mother and father departed from the table...he said,"Your mom still has the wiggle in her hips." That is unconscionable... How you view relationships is directly related to your own experiences as a child. Mom admits dad was a good looking guy all the wiminz wanted but based on the stories...she played him like a fiddle.

She only lives about 6 blocks from me, but she's still very independent.

I keep at least weekly contact with her and of course the holiday meals.

This weekend I had to polish paint off of her new Mazda3 where someone gave her a door ding, but generally she's not too needy and has her own circle of friends and hobbies.

She was actually divorceed from my father when he passed a couple of years ago, but when I was at work she cared for him ... they lived in the same complex.

 

[lartinos]

Seems like an emotional decision.
Sometimes we do things to keep us happy that don't make us happy,lol.

 

[javaguru]

She only lives about 6 blocks from me, but she's still very independent.

I keep at least weekly contact with her and of course the holiday meals.

This weekend I had to polish paint off of her new Mazda3 where someone gave her a door ding, but generally she's not too needy and has her own circle of friends and hobbies.

She was actually divorceed from my father when he passed a couple of years ago, but when I was at work she cared for him ... they lived in the same complex.

Pwned by family...I have a duty to take care of mother because my siblings have their own families. I've become my brothers keepers as my siblings go crazy...the latest hit is my sister going through divorce after three children and over thirty years of marriage.... Cheryl called my mother and dragged us out to her husbands mistress address over Christmas to show us he was cheating....we all knew because we beleived her.

 

[javaguru]

Seems like an emotional decision.
Sometimes we do things to keep us happy that don't make us happy,lol.

Nefertitties won't know the outcome until it is complete and she can reverseanything she does....just sayin.'

 

[EnderJE]

So.....you can't email your friends ever again? Just because you're leaving doesn't mean that everyone disappears...

 

[nefertiti]

Seems like an emotional decision.
Sometimes we do things to keep us happy that don't make us happy,lol.

Actually just the opposite. This was one of my more deeply thought out choices I've ever made and it's been in the works for six or seven months now. My emotions are conflicting and making me want to stay. But there was no way I could have survived another year of the life I was living.

 

[cindylou]

trust me ... I won't retire in New Orleans.


It will be near some clear water lake in the Ozarks

me too

 

[cindylou]

Nef I sorta understand... I decided to stop working to stay at home w/ Abby. I'm constantly thinking about going back everytime money even remotely gets just slightly tight and I feel like I'm not in the middle of things anymore. Shopping at Old Navy sucks. But then Monday morning watching Abby play, I forget all of that and I dont care what label of clothes I'm wearing. I bet it will be the same with you on Monday mornings doing what you love and being where you are happy

When you've been well off, its hard to step back because its become part of you're identity

 

[billfred]

There's no choice...it's done. It's just ending up being a lot harder than I expected.

So glad - get it done. There is so much banking you can still do on your own time not the crazy schedule these corporate dudes want you to keep.

 

[nangiggles]

Moving isn't easy, sometimes its hard to let go, to change lifestyles but you have to make sacrifices to have a happier healthier life, you know I moved, left my whole friends and family behind, came to the US just with my mom leaving my husband and even dogs over there, I miss everything and everyone, first few weeks I almost snapped and gave up but you keep going and you adjust, just keep ur head high, living day to day is like learning to ride a bike you fall down and you get hurt but you dust urself off and get right back on that bike, when you look back no one is holding you and your just peacefully cruising on your own ^_^

 

[B0ARDIN087]

but nef we never we met and we are neighbors! dont leave! haha.. you'll be fine you seem really together and i'm sure you'll welcome the change. I'm still going to come to you for date ideas in DC though. Hudsons has been clutch more than once

 

[nefertiti]

So glad - get it done. There is so much banking you can still do on your own time not the crazy schedule these corporate dudes want you to keep.

Honestly I'm not sure i'll ever go back to it now..I'm thinking about getting a degree in marine biology and getting involved in conservation groups and such. Or starting up a pie bakery. I don't know. Something new.

 

[ceo]

Moving to San Diego was one of the best things I ever did. I left everything and came down to nothing. I just knew this is where I wanted to be. You won't regret it nef.

 

[trex74]

Instead, days before it's official, I've got cold feet. WTF?

I never thought I'd find myself so conflicted. A few very unexpected things happened in the last couple of weeks giving me a LOT of motivation to stay put.

That said, I really really need to follow through with this. One thing I haven't really talked about in the open board regarding why it's important for me to make this transition is that my previous lifestyle - 80 hour work weeks, the desk job, the rat race....were all wearing me down very close to the point of relapsing fully with my eating disorder. There was just no time to do the things that keep me healthy outside of scuba on weekends. I couldn't get to meetings, I could go to the gym but it was at the expense of what little sleep I got at night, and so on.

Moving puts me in a better position for all the things that keep me healthy - my family, my nieces and nephews who inspire me to be a good role model and keep my shit together, the ocean, diving; and the transition away from banking leaves me time for other things I need, like support groups. I told my dad a month ago that this is...not being melodramatic at all...an attempt to save my own life before it needs saving.

I'm tired of being tired....emotionally. I'm tired of feeling like I've got nothing at the end of the day. I'm doing what I have to to fix all that.

But...this move is going to hurt a lot more than I expected it to, but I can't keep making choices that put me in a position to rely on anything but myself for my inner peace. I'll never be fully free of this if I'm always looking outward for the answers.

/endrant

(guise, I know this is mememe but please be kind. I'm kinda hurting right now and it's hard to vent to real life friends)

That paragraph kinda says it all, it sounds like you are making the right decision. getting nervous about big decisions is normal, you'll be fine
good luck on the big move nefertiti

 

[RottenWillow]

I'll bet you have a better outlook in a couple of weeks once you get situated

Totally agree.


You've thoughtfully planned out the move and why it's necessary, so right now it's just the change that's getting you down. As soon as you make a new home I bet you'll be comfortable and happy.

 

[nimbus]

did you meet a dude at the last second?

good luck with your move

 

[jnevin]

You'll really be sorry when a hurricane kills the earth.

/java

 

[redshirt27se]

I remember reading past threads of yours where you were so excited and couldn't wait to do this. When was the last time you had those types of emotions for where you are currently living? You need to just do it. You'll always have the option to come back, and if you don't go you will regret it.

 

[nefertiti]

I remember reading past threads of yours where you were so excited and couldn't wait to do this. When was the last time you had those types of emotions for where you are currently living? You need to just do it. You'll always have the option to come back, and if you don't go you will regret it.

I'll be fine....I've just been having moments lately. I still know this will be one of the better things I've done for myself, I've just never had moving be difficult for me like this.

 

[iggy]

Nef, just go through with it and don't look back.

When i first moved to college I was nervous/scared, ect. but I made new friends there and learned that I could live on my own and take care of myself easily.

Sure, you will miss family members/friends, but you are leaving to better yourself. Just think of all the positive things that will come out of the move and how great it will be.

I'm positive you will do great things and have a great time!