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Yarg!
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Background story:
I know a person by the name of kevin who has a tendency to tell lies to me and my friends. and these lies are "alittle" far-fetched- ok theyre fuckn outrageous. like iraqi minister of propoganda outrageous. so over the months me and my friends have developed a list containing kevin's lies. its quite a list too. and well.. without further ado i present you kevin (aka. pun)'s lies:
Pun’s Lies
1. 8 inch penis
2. Was flown to Hong Kong on a private jet while being courted by a man who is to open a car audio shop in HK. This shop is the ‘first of its kind.” Pun’s salary will yield six figures, coming in at $100 000/a.
3. Pun turned down the HK car shop job because he was wary of whether or not the boss would make him work 20 hours a day or not. Pun was not prepared to work for this period of time. He seems to have forgotten the existence of labour laws.
4. While in Hong Kong, he and his rich friends who were all riding in Ferraris and Lamborghinis paid off the cops to close the streets so that they could race through Hong Kong at night.
5. He works for a car audio shop that pays him approximately eighty thousand dollars per year.
6. He has a massive house in Buckingham. (Yet it is rented to white people while his mom is in India. He still lives in the old house with some guys from work at famous players.)
7. Has an extremely attractive Russian girlfriend. Previous to her, he was with a hot Italian girl who was as he said, “way hotter than Alyssa Moody.”
8. He shot his neighbour’s satellite off his roof with a paintball gun. When the neighbour put it back up, he shot it down again.
9. He and his cousins came home and found a chug who had tried to rob pun’s house. His ass was stuck in a window, and they subsequently beat the man within inches of his life.
10. Pun has a pit bull and a beagle. Previously he had informed us that he was in the possession of two pit bulls, both of which were trained by the police dog unit. It now seems that he only has one dog.
11. Pun has an uncle who is a “VPD detective” in “North Vancouver.” It seems nobody informed pun that North Vancouver is RCMP jurisdiction.
12. His neighbour hit his car, ruining it. When in reality pun backed into a pole.
13. He alleges that a principal at Caribou disliked his sister. As such, when she found out who pun was, he was wrongly given the boot. She had to write a letter of apology, and the decision whether to fire her or not was left in pun’s hands.
14. Pun’s mother drives a BMW 5 series and his sister has an RSX type S. Truth: the pun family only has one car: a busted ass accord.
15. Pun’s family in India is one of the biggest crime families around. Pun alleges that if he spit in a man’s face in India, the man would bow before him because of Pun’s grandfather’s influence.
16. Puns mother makes half a million dollars a year
17. Pun has been party to several savage beatings. He has participated because he has several hardcore friends who one is not to fool with.
18. Pun’s cousin has a pimped out Supra, and a Yamaha yzf-r1
19. Because he turned down the Hong Kong job, pun is now being flow via private jet to LA for another car audio job.
20. Pun’s job at Ralph’s radio ended because they were not good enough for him. In reality, the job conveniently ended when his work experience did.
21. Pun has NO qualifications for a car tuning shop- no certification, no formal school, nothing- save for 2 weeks volunteer work during high school as part of everyone’s’ graduation requirement.
22. Pun works for a movie theater as a janitor.
23. Pun in reality lives in the basement of a duplex.
24. Pun has never spoken to a girl in his life.
25. Pun claims his friend is the owner of a car that averages 9 seconds in the quarter mile on street tires, yet said car suffers from no turbo lag and is infact street legal.
26. Claimed to have worked on Vin Diesel’s Lamborghini Diablo, and drove the only Enzo in Vancouver. When asked to drive a standard transmission car, he claims he does not know how.
27. Pun claims to be proficient in the use of various 1000 cc sport bikes, yet is incapable of safely or stably for that matter, operating a mini bike of 50 ccs.
28. Pun claims to be able to safely bench press 250pounds for reps. His arms measure no more than 8 inches in circumference and his pecs lack muscle of any kind (this number fluctuates from 250 to 300, 225 to 375).
29. When he benched 95 lbs it fell on his chest on the first try.
30. He claims to know martial arts
31. Watching him fight is hilarious- a single punch knocked him down (with padding and helmet.)
32. Claimed he sued a school for defimation of character and received a 10 million dollar settlement. This suit would have made headlines (especially since he won) and he has nothing to show for the money except his imaginary mansion.
*buckingham is not buckingham palace, england. it is merely an upscale neighborhood in burnaby, british columbia.
*alyssa moody is a really hot chick everyone in burnaby knows
we wil reach 50 lies by september
I know a person by the name of kevin who has a tendency to tell lies to me and my friends. and these lies are "alittle" far-fetched- ok theyre fuckn outrageous. like iraqi minister of propoganda outrageous. so over the months me and my friends have developed a list containing kevin's lies. its quite a list too. and well.. without further ado i present you kevin (aka. pun)'s lies:
Pun’s Lies
1. 8 inch penis
2. Was flown to Hong Kong on a private jet while being courted by a man who is to open a car audio shop in HK. This shop is the ‘first of its kind.” Pun’s salary will yield six figures, coming in at $100 000/a.
3. Pun turned down the HK car shop job because he was wary of whether or not the boss would make him work 20 hours a day or not. Pun was not prepared to work for this period of time. He seems to have forgotten the existence of labour laws.
4. While in Hong Kong, he and his rich friends who were all riding in Ferraris and Lamborghinis paid off the cops to close the streets so that they could race through Hong Kong at night.
5. He works for a car audio shop that pays him approximately eighty thousand dollars per year.
6. He has a massive house in Buckingham. (Yet it is rented to white people while his mom is in India. He still lives in the old house with some guys from work at famous players.)
7. Has an extremely attractive Russian girlfriend. Previous to her, he was with a hot Italian girl who was as he said, “way hotter than Alyssa Moody.”
8. He shot his neighbour’s satellite off his roof with a paintball gun. When the neighbour put it back up, he shot it down again.
9. He and his cousins came home and found a chug who had tried to rob pun’s house. His ass was stuck in a window, and they subsequently beat the man within inches of his life.
10. Pun has a pit bull and a beagle. Previously he had informed us that he was in the possession of two pit bulls, both of which were trained by the police dog unit. It now seems that he only has one dog.
11. Pun has an uncle who is a “VPD detective” in “North Vancouver.” It seems nobody informed pun that North Vancouver is RCMP jurisdiction.
12. His neighbour hit his car, ruining it. When in reality pun backed into a pole.
13. He alleges that a principal at Caribou disliked his sister. As such, when she found out who pun was, he was wrongly given the boot. She had to write a letter of apology, and the decision whether to fire her or not was left in pun’s hands.
14. Pun’s mother drives a BMW 5 series and his sister has an RSX type S. Truth: the pun family only has one car: a busted ass accord.
15. Pun’s family in India is one of the biggest crime families around. Pun alleges that if he spit in a man’s face in India, the man would bow before him because of Pun’s grandfather’s influence.
16. Puns mother makes half a million dollars a year
17. Pun has been party to several savage beatings. He has participated because he has several hardcore friends who one is not to fool with.
18. Pun’s cousin has a pimped out Supra, and a Yamaha yzf-r1
19. Because he turned down the Hong Kong job, pun is now being flow via private jet to LA for another car audio job.
20. Pun’s job at Ralph’s radio ended because they were not good enough for him. In reality, the job conveniently ended when his work experience did.
21. Pun has NO qualifications for a car tuning shop- no certification, no formal school, nothing- save for 2 weeks volunteer work during high school as part of everyone’s’ graduation requirement.
22. Pun works for a movie theater as a janitor.
23. Pun in reality lives in the basement of a duplex.
24. Pun has never spoken to a girl in his life.
25. Pun claims his friend is the owner of a car that averages 9 seconds in the quarter mile on street tires, yet said car suffers from no turbo lag and is infact street legal.
26. Claimed to have worked on Vin Diesel’s Lamborghini Diablo, and drove the only Enzo in Vancouver. When asked to drive a standard transmission car, he claims he does not know how.
27. Pun claims to be proficient in the use of various 1000 cc sport bikes, yet is incapable of safely or stably for that matter, operating a mini bike of 50 ccs.
28. Pun claims to be able to safely bench press 250pounds for reps. His arms measure no more than 8 inches in circumference and his pecs lack muscle of any kind (this number fluctuates from 250 to 300, 225 to 375).
29. When he benched 95 lbs it fell on his chest on the first try.
30. He claims to know martial arts
31. Watching him fight is hilarious- a single punch knocked him down (with padding and helmet.)
32. Claimed he sued a school for defimation of character and received a 10 million dollar settlement. This suit would have made headlines (especially since he won) and he has nothing to show for the money except his imaginary mansion.
*buckingham is not buckingham palace, england. it is merely an upscale neighborhood in burnaby, british columbia.
*alyssa moody is a really hot chick everyone in burnaby knows
we wil reach 50 lies by september
