I have a strange question.

[Bikini Mod]

If one person tells another, "Tell me that you love me" and that person responds positively (even though their actions have MORE than said it already).....then when the second person makes the same playfull request, but the first declines......what does that mean?

Does this make ANY SENSE? I am totally confused. We were having "girltalk" and I can usually figure these things out, but this is something foreign to me.

Then to almost "explain" themselves later on, the first person says that they are not as open with their emotions ie - they have a more difficult time expressing their deepest feelings.

My question I guess, is why would one person ask another person to profess their most intimate feelings (especially knowing how deep that person's capacity to love is.....or at least, having a good idea) if they, themselves are not willing to express the same?

Is it that they do NOT return those feelings and just enjoy the fact that someone feels this for them? Or is it that they have been so devastated in the past that they need to be VERY REASSURED before they will give their heart to someone? True, some give their emotions more freely than others, but still, this seems somewhat cruel to me.

PS - the parties involved are not 16. They are both VERY experienced in life and have been married and have children.......

I find this to be very intriguing and am eager to hear all the points of view of my brothas and sistas here at elite.

 

[Freak Show]

I think it may have something to do with "power" or maybe having the upper hand in the relationship. Sometimes people wanna know that they got someone "hooked". It does make you feel like you're in control. Then they fool themselves even more by not responding the same way. Some people need that. However, that theory about needing to be reassured is a good one too.

 

[Fonz]

If one person tells another, "Tell me that you love me" and that person responds positively (even though their actions have MORE than said it already).....then when the second person makes the same playfull request, but the first declines......what does that mean?

Does this make ANY SENSE? I am totally confused. We were having "girltalk" and I can usually figure these things out, but this is something foreign to me.

Then to almost "explain" themselves later on, the first person says that they are not as open with their emotions ie - they have a more difficult time expressing their deepest feelings.

My question I guess, is why would one person ask another person to profess their most intimate feelings (especially knowing how deep that person's capacity to love is.....or at least, having a good idea) if they, themselves are not willing to express the same?

Is it that they do NOT return those feelings and just enjoy the fact that someone feels this for them? Or is it that they have been so devastated in the past that they need to be VERY REASSURED before they will give their heart to someone? True, some give their emotions more freely than others, but still, this seems somewhat cruel to me.

PS - the parties involved are not 16. They are both VERY experienced in life and have been married and have children.......

I find this to be very intriguing and am eager to hear all the points of view of my brothas and sistas here

My GF told me she felt this way too.
Guys have a thing called MASCULINE PRIDE.
Took me a while, but I managed to tell
her things I hadn't told anyone.
After that, it was smooth sailing........
It was relly, really, hard to do though.

My guess is that he has something to tell you.

Godspeed

 

[MrMuscle]

i think you should stop watching Ricki Lake

 

[TxCollegeguy]

I understand this somewhat and sense that is what my mother went through the last couple years she was married to my dad. Some people have a fear of telling someone they love them, and need to hear that they are loved

 

[Fonz]

i think you should stop watching Ricki Lake

LOL

Godspeed

 

[madbomber31]

the person who asked to be told, in my opinion, has love for the other person... but she is worried that when she says "i love you" she will not get that in reply.. she seems to want to be certain that she is loved back...

have you ever said "i love you" and had the person not say anything? i have... that is not a good feeling at all... it makes you wonder and doubt...

i believe freak show is way off the mark in his response of "power"... not many people WANT to have someone in love with them if they are not also in love... that is an strange situation in itself and very uncomfortable... you feel the NEED to say it back, but dont feel it so you dont want to say it... then you feel pure pressure.

i am intrigued with this conversation because i am thinking its two females... because of the "girl talk"... but i guess it could be two males...

and yes, i believe the person asking to be told has been hurt in the past and probably does not even know if they believe that they are loved.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Mr M - I LOVE YOU!! YOU CRACK ME UP!!!

MadB, TXCGuy and Fonz - that is a very interesting point of view...one that I did not think of. I, myslef, was leaning towards Feakshow's interpretation of power and control.

I am the kind of person who always gave freely, not expecting anything in return. In other words, if you seemed like a good and decent person - then I trust you (of course, there are limits and I am not saying that I am stupid, but you get the gist.). If you break my trust - THEN I have issue. I have never been one to sweat being hurt. It has always been my opinion that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Though I do not relish it, I do not fear pain, either. So it is very difficult for me to fathom someone loving another, wanting that person to express this in words (Words are secondary, BEHAVIOR is most important...but still, it is soothing to hear. If I had to choose between a man who ALWAYS showed me his love but NEVER said the words and a man who would express these thoughts in cards and words, etc yet who behaved in a fashion that was contradictory to his statements - as my ex - who do ya'll think I would choose?!) ESPECIALLY while making love...then not returning the verbal expression.

From what my gf confided, his behaviour indicates that of sincerity and a tremendous longing to have everything "fall into place"....yet because of some DEVASTATING previous relationship experiences (I am still trying to comprehend how a woman could do such things to a man.) and the current entanglement that has resulted - children involved, relocating, etc. and perhaps personality - not all people can say what is in their hearts immediately (I know that some men have difficulty with this ESPECIALLY.) - there are no REAL ANSWERS. He has even gone so far as to tell her, that if she meets someone who can give her what she wants and needs that she should not "hold out and wait" for his situation to become more definite......What do you guys make of this?

Is he truly selfless and wants her happiness so much (because she really is a special woman who deserves so much more out of life than has been afforded) that he is willing to sacrifice his own? Or is it just that he doesn't want to "string her along" but he can't commit too much for "whatever" reason.

The only commitment they have so far is that they have promised that if either feels the need to become intimate w/another they will let the person know.

Let me know what you guys think.

I do so want to give my gf good advice, but I am telling you guys...because of the way I think I can't fathom this. Really, I can't.

Is she really naive? or is he THAT protective of her feelings?

 

[fiatconspiracy]

woman think way way too much, another point to the 18 years old chicks, way less thinking, dont make me strain my 40 watt brain

 

[madbomber31]

i have a good thought on that entire question of telling her to move on if someone comes along willing to give her all those things...

i have said this... in fact, what i was hoping was that my decision would be made for me... by she either moving on and making me go after the other one with all my power... or by she sticking by and that way i have her to fall back on IF the current/soon to be ex decides to follow through... this makes it easier on the guy, he has a 67% chance of ending up with someone instead of ending up alone... THAT statement would and should be a warning that he doesnt know what he wants. trust me, i have said these words...