BOB NOT KIDDING: "SHIT WILL HIT FAN IF LEAN POCKETS ARE NOT RETURNED WHEN I OPEN MY EYES"
MEMO:
To: All Employees
From: Bob (from accounting)
Cc: Darren Browne Senior VP
February 19, 2004
I am sorry to have to write and distribute another memo, but my Lean Pockets, which were stolen from the office refrigerator yesterday, have still not been returned. Whoever stole my Lean Pockets will have to live with the guilt of knowing that I was STARVING all day long and even felt somewhat lightheaded at around 2pm. This affects EVERYONE in the office, because as you probably know, people who don't eat lunch and who are HUNGRY and UPSET are much less productive and have a poor attitude, because instead of doing their job, they are thinking about how hungry they are and wondering who could have stolen their lunch. I didn't bring a lunch again today because I was stupid enough to think my Lean Pockets would have been returned when I purposely left work yesterday 45 minutes early to give the criminal a chance to do the right thing for once in his (or her) life. I have been reassured that Darren Browne and others will not let this matter remain unresolved, despite telling me the same thing the last two times this happened. Again, I will close my eyes and hope that when they are opened, my lunch will be returned. If you see my eyes closed, you need to take that opportunity to return them and not accuse me of sleeping at my desk.