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FATCHICK at work has me on my last nerve. I need to vent. 
She butts into my conversation if I'm talking motorcycles with one of our drivers... mind you she knows NOTHING about motorcycles, but she thinks it's cool to say "Sean (the boyfriend she trapped by getting knocked up because she couldn't get a boyfriend any other way) used to have a motorcycle." Good for Sean, now SHUT YOUR YAP!
That poor boyfriend of hers... she calls him all of the time to say 'hi, whatcha doing?' RUN MAN RUN!!!!! SHE CAN'T CATCH YOU!! SHE'S FAAAAAAAT!
She talks about her kid ALL OF THE TIME! I like kids, don't get me wrong. I want my own some day. I love hearing about my FRIENDs' kids. What this chick doesn't get is I DON'T CARE about her son and what he puked up at breakfast this morning! Hell, I don't care that she HAS a kid. I DON'T LIKE HER!
While she is stuffing her face with chocolate cookies she's trying to give me advice about what I should eat or do to get in shape (She claims to have been a bodybuilder 'back in the day'. From looking at her I'd say she's a bodybuilder... all of it between her knees and ribcage.) Ok, this is while I am eating baked chicken and a salad. The ROLLS from her belly stick out farther than her boobs. She claims she's 139lbs... I about spit my food out today when she told me that. Yeah, maybe half of that ass is 139lbs. She wears tight shirts and tight pants... *hurl* The shirts BARELY cover the cottage cheese belly of hers. THEN she has to go and show me the new $5 belt she bought at Wally World so she LIFTS THE SHIRT. WHAT A FOOL I AM... I look. It's almost like staring at burning magnesium in Chemistry class.
CONSTANTLY complaining about the 'pain in her shoulder' from working on the computer all day long. She spent an HOUR one day trying to rearrange her desk to make it obvious that she had an injured shoulder. Yes, she's an attention whore and I try my very best to give her as little of it as possible.
She tells me company gossip about employees that USED to work there before I took this contract... WTF do I care if some lady who used to sit in the chair next to mine is getting a divorce? I couldn't care less that her husband called her a Stepford Wife. Is she sending me money from the settlement? No? FUCK HER THEN!
She listens to NOTHING BUT COUNTRY MUSIC all day long. I can handle it once in a while, but COME ON! My ears are bleeding after the first hour. I guess I can be thankful for the fact that she doesn't think she can sing.
She gets in my face when I'm trying to figure something out. She will grab work right out from under my nose (even though I did NOT ask for help) and try to figure it out for me. THEN I have to go back and fix it because she had NO IDEA what I was doing in the first place. I've been in accounting for a while now... I THINK I know what I'm doing. If I look like I'm concentrating I probably don't want to be bothered... SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!
I would have no problem with her weight if she would A) Keep her fat to herself and OUT OF SIGHT and stay out of my business (obviously whatever I'm doing for myself is working and whatever she is doing for herself is NOT). B) SHUT UP about company gossip and that poor kid. If I want to know what's going on I'LL ASK, but don't hold your breathe. C) Stop WHINING about every little thing that hurts on your fat body. D) Let me do my work! That's what I'm there to do. DON'T TOUCH unless I ask for help.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! This contract needs to end NOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!
Wow, I feel a little better.
Thanks for listening.
She butts into my conversation if I'm talking motorcycles with one of our drivers... mind you she knows NOTHING about motorcycles, but she thinks it's cool to say "Sean (the boyfriend she trapped by getting knocked up because she couldn't get a boyfriend any other way) used to have a motorcycle." Good for Sean, now SHUT YOUR YAP!
That poor boyfriend of hers... she calls him all of the time to say 'hi, whatcha doing?' RUN MAN RUN!!!!! SHE CAN'T CATCH YOU!! SHE'S FAAAAAAAT!
She talks about her kid ALL OF THE TIME! I like kids, don't get me wrong. I want my own some day. I love hearing about my FRIENDs' kids. What this chick doesn't get is I DON'T CARE about her son and what he puked up at breakfast this morning! Hell, I don't care that she HAS a kid. I DON'T LIKE HER!
While she is stuffing her face with chocolate cookies she's trying to give me advice about what I should eat or do to get in shape (She claims to have been a bodybuilder 'back in the day'. From looking at her I'd say she's a bodybuilder... all of it between her knees and ribcage.) Ok, this is while I am eating baked chicken and a salad. The ROLLS from her belly stick out farther than her boobs. She claims she's 139lbs... I about spit my food out today when she told me that. Yeah, maybe half of that ass is 139lbs. She wears tight shirts and tight pants... *hurl* The shirts BARELY cover the cottage cheese belly of hers. THEN she has to go and show me the new $5 belt she bought at Wally World so she LIFTS THE SHIRT. WHAT A FOOL I AM... I look. It's almost like staring at burning magnesium in Chemistry class.
CONSTANTLY complaining about the 'pain in her shoulder' from working on the computer all day long. She spent an HOUR one day trying to rearrange her desk to make it obvious that she had an injured shoulder. Yes, she's an attention whore and I try my very best to give her as little of it as possible.
She tells me company gossip about employees that USED to work there before I took this contract... WTF do I care if some lady who used to sit in the chair next to mine is getting a divorce? I couldn't care less that her husband called her a Stepford Wife. Is she sending me money from the settlement? No? FUCK HER THEN!
She listens to NOTHING BUT COUNTRY MUSIC all day long. I can handle it once in a while, but COME ON! My ears are bleeding after the first hour. I guess I can be thankful for the fact that she doesn't think she can sing.
She gets in my face when I'm trying to figure something out. She will grab work right out from under my nose (even though I did NOT ask for help) and try to figure it out for me. THEN I have to go back and fix it because she had NO IDEA what I was doing in the first place. I've been in accounting for a while now... I THINK I know what I'm doing. If I look like I'm concentrating I probably don't want to be bothered... SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!
I would have no problem with her weight if she would A) Keep her fat to herself and OUT OF SIGHT and stay out of my business (obviously whatever I'm doing for myself is working and whatever she is doing for herself is NOT). B) SHUT UP about company gossip and that poor kid. If I want to know what's going on I'LL ASK, but don't hold your breathe. C) Stop WHINING about every little thing that hurts on your fat body. D) Let me do my work! That's what I'm there to do. DON'T TOUCH unless I ask for help.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! This contract needs to end NOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!
Wow, I feel a little better.
Thanks for listening.
It would last all of about 5 seconds. 
