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heatherrae
Guest
I'm sorry. I want to apologize in public. I'm honestly sorry. It got too ugly. I'm sorry about your injuries. I didn't know, and I suck for inadvertently hitting that nerve. Okay, that is it. Friends? 
We are the internet.
foreigngirl
New member
I'm unique.KillahBee said:
And I am puttting you on ignore, so I dont read what you gonna say next
i wish i could give the proper reply to satisfy the mods. all i know is, i have no peers here, when it concerns what i have lived thru.
it's embarrassing to me to have to continuely explain why i don't post pics & why i don't compete and why i don't do a lot of things. i can't win when it comes to that.
actually, i pretty much think lesser of people who haven't gone thru what i have. you're weak.
is it petty of me to want to share my experiences? i'd like for some of you to be rushed into a hospital and stripped and cut open. i'd like for you to wake up different from what you were. if i offended any of you, well, fuck off. live thru this.
it's embarrassing to me to have to continuely explain why i don't post pics & why i don't compete and why i don't do a lot of things. i can't win when it comes to that.
actually, i pretty much think lesser of people who haven't gone thru what i have. you're weak.
is it petty of me to want to share my experiences? i'd like for some of you to be rushed into a hospital and stripped and cut open. i'd like for you to wake up different from what you were. if i offended any of you, well, fuck off. live thru this.
foreigngirl
New member
the curiosoty is going to kill meKillahBee said:agreed.
and...agreed.
hamstershaver
New member
ive noticed this tooKillahBee said:
foreigngirl
New member
lol..even that happens once a year onlyvelvett said:
foreigngirl
New member
I love you.HumanTarget said:
What about going through emotional wreckage of your body? Does that count?
HumanTarget said:
HT
It's really clear that you are upset and there is nothing anyone here can or will say to change that.
So you can either continue to lash out at people for not being you or let people know what life experiences have shaped you and let them appreciate you for you.
If this is something you need to express because it is important to you or it is currently affectling you, I know you know there are people here are willing to listen - with compassion.
But what the fuck do I know - I'm just some stupid dime a dozen broad.
Too much fucking in this thread. It's supposed to be a place for repentance.
Raptorex
New member
HT, is a one of the super good bro's here. We need a good joke:
A guy says, "Doc, I think I've got a sex problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."
The doctor says, "Come back tomorrow and bring her with you."
The next day, the guy shows up with his wife. The doctor says to the wife, "Take off your clothes and lie on the table."
She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down.
He pulls the guy to the side and says, "You're fine. She doesn't give me a hard-on, either."
A guy says, "Doc, I think I've got a sex problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."
The doctor says, "Come back tomorrow and bring her with you."
The next day, the guy shows up with his wife. The doctor says to the wife, "Take off your clothes and lie on the table."
She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down.
He pulls the guy to the side and says, "You're fine. She doesn't give me a hard-on, either."
Vel, so nice of you to say that. i wish i were stupid. then i could sit in my underwear and watch cartoons and eat huge bowls of my favorite cereal and not care. but fuck, i'm like Bono, i bleed with every thought. sometimes, i just wanna.........push my fingers into my eyes..velvett said:
mightymouse69 said:
Yes now you're talkin!
foreigngirl
New member
HumanTarget said:
You know I do 
I was just talking about emotional traumas, on the mid level abusive parent, trauma of getting in a new enviroment and nobody is doing shit to help you, you have to learn how to get around all on your own - never mind that you dont know jack schitt about how things are run, how to look for a job etc. emotional abuse of the sort of being left alone, told you are stupid, fat, ugly by the only peson that you somewhat know and dont even have enough money to go get a flight home....
hamstershaver
New member
thats not normal?HumanTarget said:
dutchman063
New member
HumanTarget said:
i guess that depends on the woman..but you'd be abnormal if she was attractive and you gave no such thought...
foreigngirl
New member
I just wanna know why before difusing itredguru said:
i know about that too. i just can't get right. i have to stop myself from being around people sometimes. i just have been around too much sick shit. violence and death are only funny when it's like Leslie Nielsen doing the killing. otherwise, it's a real fucking drag. .....i mean, i was thinking about Chefbone going over there and maybe getting fragged or killing a mess of people and wondering if maybe he'll know how to deal with it or handle it better. i wonder if they train you for that????foreigngirl said:
I was just talking about emotional traumas, on the mid level abusive parent, trauma of getting in a new enviroment and nobody is doing shit to help you, you have to learn how to get around all on your own - never mind that you dont know jack schitt about how things are run, how to look for a job etc. emotional abuse of the sort of being left alone, told you are stupid, fat, ugly by the only peson that you somewhat know and dont even have enough money to go get a flight home....
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heatherrae
Guest
I'm back. I was making dinner and watching some TV with the family. They are in bed now. HT, I knew something bad was going on with you. I'm sorry that it was lots worse than I thought. I know that must be awful, and I really wish you had never had to experience something so horrible. I can never imagine what you must have gone through and continue to go through. I sort of pushed the envelope in the area that I knew you were sensitive because I wanted to know the truth of why you were so angrily following me around here. To you, I represent a perverted justice system that betrayed you. It is such an imperfect system. Perhaps I represent women, in general, who have been unkind to you. You deserved none of what has happened and you have a big weight on your shoulders. Should you want to talk sometime, I'm not a terrible listener.HumanTarget said:
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heatherrae
Guest
What are you talking about?KillahBee said:
Quadsweeps Sister
New member
HumanTarget said:
I've always thought you very cool and I gathered that through my time spent here at EF "reading your posts..." I can honestly tell you I found it interesting you mentioned never posting a pic or avi shot of yourself, because it never even crossed my mind. I always saw the buddy Jesus from Dogma and knew it was you, well...I mean your EF persona. I never even clicked on your gallery to see what was in there. Its sometimes possible to get a reflection of what people would be like in real life if you read their posts and then read between the lines. You would be a person who I imagine is enjoyable in real life, as you are here......
...so I'm glad you are.
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wootool
New member
--velvett said:
Now Velvett dear,
1- That picture has been posted by me a dozen times and no mod ever took it down. even the diggster has left it up.
2- it's a cow nani, not an anus.
3- it's not sexual, it's in the nature of clinical veterinarial documentation.
and re ur K message, I know, I was just goofing around
Emperor Wootool
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Longhorn85
New member
HeatherRae said:
What happened to HT and why should he get a pass on raggin' on people because of it?
I've just thought he was one of those witty, cynical kind of posters who enjoy poking harmless fun at others.
HumanTarget said:
hamstershaver said:
Sorry, I kind of feel the same as hammy here ... 'cept I have developed the terrible habit of thinking the same thing about men AND women so
and yeah, total strangers, the redhead in the checkout at the grocery store, the roofer 
I won't comment on the other stuff ... what I do know, being the daughter of a cop, from a long line of cops, you see enough ugly day in day out, you start to expect to see ugly whether it's should be there or not; speaking as an abused child, you get hurt enough, you expect to be hurt whether you deserve it or not ...
foreigngirl
New member
HumanTarget said:
you dont get trained for shit like that. Even if you experienced a shitloud of it, it still gets you by surprise and feels like tehg first time. I dont like thinking of the soldiers out of the country either - cause I saw enough young men get dismembered, blood on the floor, legs getting choped off as it was a pig on a butchering table.....more than I can handle
foreigngirl
New member
I know who did it before I even posted here. I want to know whyredguru said:
morph60
New member
werdQuadsweep's Sister said:I've always thought you very cool and I gathered that through my time spent here at EF "reading your posts..." I can honestly tell you I found it interesting you mentioned never posting a pic or avi shot of yourself, because it never even crossed my mind. I always saw the buddy Jesus from Dogma and knew it was you, well...I mean your EF persona. I never even clicked on your gallery to see what was in there. Its sometimes possible to get a reflection of what people would be like in real life if you read their posts and then read between the lines. You would be a person who I imagine is enjoyable in real life, as you are here......
...so I'm glad you're are.
foreigngirl
New member
ah, I understand...lolredguru said:
look, i don't mind you firing back at me like that. what kind of bad guy would i be if i couldn't take it? that's never been something i questioned of myself, the question is, can you? you didn't do or say anything wrong. i'm not any more pissed at you than before. that's fair game. i said something about your Mom and you took it, like a big girl should. i'm so cool with it. i just get tired of being reminded (no fault of yours) of how my life used to be so much better. i doubt i've gone thru a pain free day since that night. i've fought addiction a couple of times, vicodins and later on, oxycontins. i was snorting those every day and topping it off with lots of booze. i got a lot of free passes from my cop buddies, they let me get away with a lot of shit for some time. not to mention i almost killed a couple of people over next to nothing. i did like a Travis Bickle-like transformation. i shaved my head, got numerous tattoos, cuz i didn't care anymore, i had things on my body i didn't want (scars) and what would it matter if i covered myself in ink?HeatherRae said:
i got real bad with the guns. i never owned a gun before i went thru this, now i had over a dozen. everywhere thru my house i hid them and i answered my front door many times with a revolver in my hand after that. `nother thing that fucked me up was not being able to do the work i was used to. i had a spinal injury, so i wasn't allowed to lift more than 10 lbs. what a fucking shock this was. i mean, 10 lbs??? i was put on assistance for some time, but what that meant was that i got 123 dollars every 2 weeks and $80 in food stamps a month. i guess i had to start cutting early that year. i got a job as a janitor and it was in a cancer treatment center. uhhhh, i can't explain what a downer it was working there. seeing these little kids with needles in their arms, sitting in these little chairs. every night i would walk between the chairs and drip bags and pick up candy wrappers, and i'd think, i wonder if he/she will live.
i've just been over-exposed to death. maybe i obsess over it. i remember when my dad died and the coroner was removing his body, they moved him out like he was a fucking couch. lifting and twisting and turning, real akward. it just made me think of it as business, like hey, here's whats coming your way.
i lost a pretty great girl over this, too. she was a year older than me and had never had anyone in her family die while she was alive. i've never heard of that. and when her 90 something Grampa was going to kick it, she was freaking out, hysterical like. i was a complete dick. i was basically like, what, you think he was gonna live for fucking ever? which he did, imo. i wanna end this now, cuz i have another thread i wanna make......
it's no wonder why you are a success, when you put that kind effort into the things you do and say.Quadsweep's Sister said:I've always thought you very cool and I gathered that through my time spent here at EF "reading your posts..." I can honestly tell you I found it interesting you mentioned never posting a pic or avi shot of yourself, because it never even crossed my mind. I always saw the buddy Jesus from Dogma and knew it was you, well...I mean your EF persona. I never even clicked on your gallery to see what was in there. Its sometimes possible to get a reflection of what people would be like in real life if you read their posts and then read between the lines. You would be a person who I imagine is enjoyable in real life, as you are here......
...so I'm glad you're are.
foreigngirl
New member
HT, I'm coming to visit you at work. Thats it. I wanna see your face.
I wanna see your face.
foreigngirl
New member
All I ever wanted to see was your face. Stop telling me its only from neck up, mkay? Cause you wont after I will be done beating youHumanTarget said:
You work day shifts ever?edit - beating you up.
I dont know whats wrong with me and my writing lately..lol
HumanTarget said:
had an early morning 5am vomit session with my son... then followed thru with the rest of the day getting him well. They are both now asleep and hopefully feeling better. We have been battling a cycle of the stomach virus round and round... one gets better then the other gets sick .......... going on for two weeks now. Im tired of cleaning walls and floors due to not enough time to get to the restroom. LOL
what a way to wake in the morning.
i can relate. when someone gets sick at work, we all get it. mentally ill adults aren't known for their hygiene. puke makes me sick!Frisky said:had an early morning 5am vomit session with my son... then followed thru with the rest of the day getting him well. They are both now asleep and hopefully feeling better. We have been battling a cycle of the stomach virus round and round... one gets better then the other gets sick .......... going on for two weeks now. Im tired of cleaning walls and floors due to not enough time to get to the restroom. LOL
what a way to wake in the morning.
