Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below 
For those of you plagued with possessed loved ones, co-workers that speak in tongues or have children that regularly vomit green slime, here is the ‘at home’ solution to your ills.
First, you must have faith. Not the “I’m so scared I shit my pants so please help me” kind of faith – I’m talking about regular worship, donations so they can afford a new car each year and of course, that vacation in Boca.
Obtain a bible – preferably the King James version, available at most ‘by the hour’ motels. Get some holy water – if none is available, fake it – demons are stupid so they’ll never know the difference. Get a black marker and write Holy Water on the bottle.
Christian music is always a plus, it confuses the demon and bores it into submission. Avoid Stryper or metal bands that do the Christian routine – most times the demons will manifest and head bang – leaving green slime all over the place.
Once you have your ‘exorcism kit’ ready to go – find someone who is possessed. This does not include roommates with hangovers, small children that haven’t been placed on Ritalin yet or adults that have been hanging around the coffee machine for hours on end.
If you happen to come across someone who is really possessed – it always helps to have someone videotape the event. These are great to play back at Christmas parties or seasonal events. It’s a real mood lifter.
Isolate the possessed individual, tie them down if necessary, and start to read from the bible. Be careful – you’ve all seen The Exorcist so you know the little parlor tricks these slick demons can play. Don’t fall for that “Hey, I am exorcized, can you kindly untie these bedsheets” – silly demons, tricks are for rabbits. Toss some of the holy water on them, watch them sizzle. For tougher cases, you might need to have a few friends join in and sing old Jim Nabors songs – if demons still refuse to leave – then start a small ‘side show’ event and charge $5.00 per person but don’t forget the kiddies – charge them $2.00 to “Ride The Demon”.
The whole process might take a few hours so make sure you have a nice big chunk of time free on your schedule. Always make sure the demon is really gone – they like to hide in closets and under beds … better to be safe than sorry.
Don’t try to charge the person for the exorcism, that’s just tacky. But you can take a donation providing that you have started your own church [tax free income plus you get cool cult followers].
For more information please visit:
www.boblarson.org and www.fadetoblack.com/cultkit/
First, you must have faith. Not the “I’m so scared I shit my pants so please help me” kind of faith – I’m talking about regular worship, donations so they can afford a new car each year and of course, that vacation in Boca.
Obtain a bible – preferably the King James version, available at most ‘by the hour’ motels. Get some holy water – if none is available, fake it – demons are stupid so they’ll never know the difference. Get a black marker and write Holy Water on the bottle.
Christian music is always a plus, it confuses the demon and bores it into submission. Avoid Stryper or metal bands that do the Christian routine – most times the demons will manifest and head bang – leaving green slime all over the place.
Once you have your ‘exorcism kit’ ready to go – find someone who is possessed. This does not include roommates with hangovers, small children that haven’t been placed on Ritalin yet or adults that have been hanging around the coffee machine for hours on end.
If you happen to come across someone who is really possessed – it always helps to have someone videotape the event. These are great to play back at Christmas parties or seasonal events. It’s a real mood lifter.
Isolate the possessed individual, tie them down if necessary, and start to read from the bible. Be careful – you’ve all seen The Exorcist so you know the little parlor tricks these slick demons can play. Don’t fall for that “Hey, I am exorcized, can you kindly untie these bedsheets” – silly demons, tricks are for rabbits. Toss some of the holy water on them, watch them sizzle. For tougher cases, you might need to have a few friends join in and sing old Jim Nabors songs – if demons still refuse to leave – then start a small ‘side show’ event and charge $5.00 per person but don’t forget the kiddies – charge them $2.00 to “Ride The Demon”.
The whole process might take a few hours so make sure you have a nice big chunk of time free on your schedule. Always make sure the demon is really gone – they like to hide in closets and under beds … better to be safe than sorry.
Don’t try to charge the person for the exorcism, that’s just tacky. But you can take a donation providing that you have started your own church [tax free income plus you get cool cult followers].
For more information please visit:
www.boblarson.org and www.fadetoblack.com/cultkit/
