how long should you know a person being getting serious?

[renee1980]

I just spent a weekend with the most purfect guy and I know he is the one I want to spend my life with, I am 33 and I want to get married soon to start a familie. he takes me shopping and buys me whatever I want, he is kind harted, loves animals and satisfys me in every way.

I was wondering what you ladies thought was a good way to drop hints to him that you want things to get more serious. when we are out in public other women are always flirting with him and I get angry about it, I know he gets hit on a lot and I see on his phone other girls texting him and I don't want him to stray away lol. any tips from the older ladies on here?

 

[cindylou]

as long as it takes for the antipsychotic meds to treat your psychosis.

 

[Jennafox]

I would say that if he is flirting back or responding to the texts he's not ready to be serious with anyone. The fact that he is seeing you, but still has multiple women that text him speaks to his lack of commitment. Hint dropping will do one of 2 things. Scare him off (likely if you haven't been seeing each other long anyway), or open the door for him to let you know if he feels the same.

I was only with my husband for a month before we decided to get married, and we married a month after that. So we were married 2 months (to the day) after we met. It's not something I recommend to others, it is a VERY personal thing & totally depends on the situation. Our situation was pretty uncomplicated really. We are both Christians & waiting for marriage, so there was no physical involvement to confuse things. I was in the delayed enlistment program with the Air Force so there was a real chance I'd be stationed far from him & that played a part in the choice to marry as opposed to do the long distance thing. We prayed about it a LOT. We also decided that if it was God's will, things would fall into place. With only a month to plan the wedding it was a big deal (fairly large wedding). Things literally fell into place - even down to the wedding date opening the same morning I called about the church availability (my church was a big one & you generally had to reserve wedding dates a year in advance). We just celebrated 16 years on the 8th of this month. It has a lot to do with our commitment to each other and to our faith - divorce has never been an option.

 

[JodiAaby]

as long as it takes for the antipsychotic meds to treat your psychosis.

lol, I was thinking something similar but trying to phrase it more politely.

To Renee1980: There are a number of red flags in your question. You say you want kids soon, so right off the bat you have that pushing you into a relationship and it can alter your opinion. Stop thinking in terms of your goals and think in terms of compatibility. You're not looking for a sperm donor, you're looking for a life partner who will support you through thick and thin and whom you can stand living with day in and day out.

Secondly, if he is actively involved with other women while you two are seeing each other, he's not looking for anything serious and there's no way you (or any woman) can "trick" him into thinking he wants to settle down. Stop wasting your time, ditch him, and find someone who has the same goals as you and who is at the same place in life that you are.

It might also be a good idea for you to spend some time alone, without a boyfriend/girlfriend. Even if you think someone is right for you after two days, logic should tell you that you should spend a little more time with that person before you decide that they're your "soul mate". You probably don't even know if he has nieces and nephews, how many schools he's been to, what his childhood was like, what emotional baggage he's carrying, if he's in debt, the list goes on.

 

[renee1980]

I would say that if he is flirting back or responding to the texts he's not ready to be serious with anyone. The fact that he is seeing you, but still has multiple women that text him speaks to his lack of commitment. Hint dropping will do one of 2 things. Scare him off (likely if you haven't been seeing each other long anyway), or open the door for him to let you know if he feels the same.

I was only with my husband for a month before we decided to get married, and we married a month after that. So we were married 2 months (to the day) after we met. It's not something I recommend to others, it is a VERY personal thing & totally depends on the situation. Our situation was pretty uncomplicated really. We are both Christians & waiting for marriage, so there was no physical involvement to confuse things. I was in the delayed enlistment program with the Air Force so there was a real chance I'd be stationed far from him & that played a part in the choice to marry as opposed to do the long distance thing. We prayed about it a LOT. We also decided that if it was God's will, things would fall into place. With only a month to plan the wedding it was a big deal (fairly large wedding). Things literally fell into place - even down to the wedding date opening the same morning I called about the church availability (my church was a big one & you generally had to reserve wedding dates a year in advance). We just celebrated 16 years on the 8th of this month. It has a lot to do with our commitment to each other and to our faith - divorce has never been an option.

nah its not like that.
I was asking WHEN to become monogamous, I'm not saying we are right now. Its understandable if he sees other people as we haven't been dating each other very long, but yeah I do get ticked off when I see other girls hitting on him or being flirtatious.

we already discussed that were free to see who we want until a ring gets put on my finger. heck when i go through his phone his ex still textes and calls him all the time. I think he is probably banging her on the side but oh well, he was upfront with me about her from the start so he has been honest. and he has never cheated before when he has been in a monogimous relationshp so when it comes to that I am good eventually

and to the other girl we have known each other longer than a few days lol. i probably should of written that in my post. we spent the entire weekend together yes but we have known each other for a little while. I actually met him 3 years ago originally but he had a gf and i had a bf so we became just friends long distance because I moved a few hours away.. then when he moved to my city we have been dating a couple months. so we have been friends/dating for a few years total.. I know him very well.. he is a total sweetheart, he bought me the most amazing diamond necklace for valentines from Tiffany's because he knows I love that store