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coldblue1955
New member
Do you give them a good ass kicking or do you take something away of theirs that they like?
How do you punish your child?
- Thread starter coldblue1955
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Mammoth2500
New member
Damn non-parents....
I put mine on time out... into a corner or whatever for a few minutes. Shes just over 2 so it works good.
I put mine on time out... into a corner or whatever for a few minutes. Shes just over 2 so it works good.
Y_lifter
New member
Seriously though..
Punishments are one of those things that should never be locked down to
one style or one thing for a childs entire life.
You gotta go with the flow as they age.
Try different tactics, as one will work for a bit and then not.
Gain their respect and understanding ASAP as a Toddler that you don't give multiple chances and you won't count to 3 for complianace with the rules IMO is key.
If that means popping them on the butt or whatever your style is,
do it early and "consistantly"
Spanking a 6-18 year old may not be the best method, as they are old enough to be reasoned with on most things. Taking away privligs may be better.
Reasoning and Talking it out with a <2 year old about not hitting a sibling or not punching daddy in the balls may not work best either.
Negative Actions = Negative consequences across the board seemed to work for us.
You decide what the negative consequences are depending on your beliefs and your childs response to the consequence.
Punishments are one of those things that should never be locked down to
one style or one thing for a childs entire life.
You gotta go with the flow as they age.
Try different tactics, as one will work for a bit and then not.
Gain their respect and understanding ASAP as a Toddler that you don't give multiple chances and you won't count to 3 for complianace with the rules IMO is key.
If that means popping them on the butt or whatever your style is,
do it early and "consistantly"
Spanking a 6-18 year old may not be the best method, as they are old enough to be reasoned with on most things. Taking away privligs may be better.
Reasoning and Talking it out with a <2 year old about not hitting a sibling or not punching daddy in the balls may not work best either.
Negative Actions = Negative consequences across the board seemed to work for us.
You decide what the negative consequences are depending on your beliefs and your childs response to the consequence.
I whipped them but I did such a good job whipping them I didn't have to do it very often. I was never mad always cooled down before I did it and I used a belt. Gave them about 3 to 5 swats depending on the offense. And told them I loved them afterwards. They are 13 and 19 now so it hard to whip them I wish I still could because it works the best. So now I ground and take away crap which sux like our prison system does for real criminals.
We need to get the kane like singapore. Their crime rate is low.
We need to get the kane like singapore. Their crime rate is low.
mrdeeznuts
New member
my dad and mom always gave me a nice old spankin... i learned quick i made my little bro do everything i wanted to do and if he didn't get introuble i did it. if he did, he got tha ass whoopin
Tink!
New member
It depends on what she has done. She is a very very well behaved child. Sometimes i worry about her, beause she really doesn't do anything wrong...LOL..and she is five. So, usually i just talk with her and have her explain why she did it and will she do it again. This is usually emberassing enough for her. She has been sent to her room or the wall...she really hates the freaken wall!!! But there have been a few times i have swatted her lil butt for being a heathen!
DannoMight
New member
it depends on if they listen the first time. first take something away or a timeout even when young. if it happens repeatedly let them have a quick pop on the butt.
when i was being a hellion my dad would thump me with his index finger. the worse part of it was that he's got fingers like rolls of quarters and getting thumped on the dome hurts. just don't hit or spank excessively 1-5 pops is more than enough especially if you make them sting good. after all they are being punished and it shouldn't be taken lightly as they will not fear reprocussions for later behavior.
when i was being a hellion my dad would thump me with his index finger. the worse part of it was that he's got fingers like rolls of quarters and getting thumped on the dome hurts. just don't hit or spank excessively 1-5 pops is more than enough especially if you make them sting good. after all they are being punished and it shouldn't be taken lightly as they will not fear reprocussions for later behavior.
I agre with most of your post, but, Have you ever tried to reason with a 15 Y.O..Y_lifter said:
Doesn't work too well. I just locked her in a barrel & fed her through the bung, 'til she saw my point.I was swatted on the ass when necessary, grounded when necessary. For really special offences my dad had a piece of lumber with a handle carved in it. It was called "The Stick", & hung on the wall. Usually being threatened with it was enough to get us crying, but when he used it, YOWCH. Didn't bruise or mark except for a red spot. Stung like a M.F..
Last time I was disciplined, I was 17 & I'd lied to my mother. She slapped my face.
I don't have children, but when I do I will never use physical violence to punish them.
Think about it, if you can teach a fucking BEAR to ride a bicycle without hurting it (instead use positive reinforcement) you can keep your child well behaved the same way.
People who spank usually do so because:
1) They were spanked as a child and figure that is the right thing to do (terrible logic)
2) religious reasons (rod of correction bullshit)
3) they are so frustrated and lack the intelligence to enforce a positive/negative reinforcement strategy... hitting the kid just sems so much easier.
I love how some people don't even consider spanking hitting. It doesn't matter if I hit you with a closed fist, open palm, with a stick, on your ass, or on your face.. its all hitting.. plain and simple.
Think about it, if you can teach a fucking BEAR to ride a bicycle without hurting it (instead use positive reinforcement) you can keep your child well behaved the same way.
People who spank usually do so because:
1) They were spanked as a child and figure that is the right thing to do (terrible logic)
2) religious reasons (rod of correction bullshit)
3) they are so frustrated and lack the intelligence to enforce a positive/negative reinforcement strategy... hitting the kid just sems so much easier.
I love how some people don't even consider spanking hitting. It doesn't matter if I hit you with a closed fist, open palm, with a stick, on your ass, or on your face.. its all hitting.. plain and simple.
Tink!
New member
i use to be way against spanking also, however there are times, where choices, positive reinforcement and such aren't going to keep her safe. I did this when she wou ld try to put things in the outlets or run across the street, being positive did nothing...i needed to let her know if she did it then something bad would happen...and she understood and doesn't do it any more
Buddy_Christ
New member
Y_lifter said:
I beg to differ on the consistancy of punishment. The best way to change behavior is with a variable schedule of reinforcement. If you are constantly switching things up, they never know what to expect.
Say for instance, one child hits another. The first time they do it, you scold them for it. The next time, you give them a good smack and send them to their room. The next 2 times, they get scolded and sent to the corner. Then maybe the next 2 times, they get a smack from you. It varies constantly and they never know if they'll get smacked, sent to the corner, or scolded.
If you don't vary punishment, your child knows "okay, if I break this rule, I'll only get yelled at. If I do it again, I'll get yelled at again. If I do it a third time, I get smacked, so I'll stop after the 2nd time." They know when they will get reinforcement and they will learn to stop just before they get the punishment.
The same goes for positive behaviors that you want to reinforce. If every time your child gets an A on a test you take them out for ice cream, they won't work as hard. If you switch it up and vary how many As on tests they must get before they get a special treat, they will contiously work harder to get those As, because they never know when they will be reinforced. This, of course, goes back to the basic principle that humans are hedonistic and rational. We will work to achieve pleasure. If you space out the intervals too far, then the reinforcer will lose it's effect. If they're too close, same thing happens.
I noticed over the years that I was giving reinforcement in this way, and it has been proven to work repeatedly.
As far as what type of punisher you use, it should be given immediately and it should be "severe." How severe you need to use will vary by child, of course. For my son, a swat on the ass worked wonders when he disrespected me. For my daughter, raising my voice to her worked the best.
Spanking vs. other forms of punishment - I'm very divided on this. I feel that physical punishment should only be issued sparingly. My dad only hit us "when absolutely necessary to put the fear of god into you because nothing else was working." I still remember the last time my dad laid a hand on me, and I will be the first to admit I was BEGGING for it with the way I was acting and I definetly deserved what I got.
I smacked my son the other day for the first time in a long time (actually, 2 separate incidents over the weekend). The first was because he completely disrespected me when I told him to go to his room. I raised my voice with him, he continued. I realized that he had really been toeing the line on disrespect so I grabbed him and gave him a good smack on the ass. He then did what he was told. Most of the time, however, there is absolutely no need for me to even touch him. He knows that when I raise my voice, I mean business.
When you have children, you are their "leader." If you want people to respect you and do what you say, your voice should be all you need 99% of the time. I had a Drill Instructor once say that he didn't care that they got rid of physical punishment in boot camp. He said if he couldn't "control" his troops by using his voice, he had failed as a leader. That was 8 1/2 years ago yet I still remember those words.
I am biased in the following opinion, but I really feel that people should take a few psych classes before becoming parents. Learn some theories of development, learn how to modify behavior, all of that comes in real handy when raising kids. I took a Behavior Modification course over the summer and the book we used was full of excellent information for parents. I would recommend it highly over any book anyone else has written about how to raise children. In case anyone is interested, here's the book info -
Behavior Modification - What it is and How to do it
Seventh Edition
Garry Martin & Joseph Pear
Published by Prentice Hall
The book cost me a whopping $88 at the university book store, new. I cringed at the price, but it's not extremely hard to read.
In the next chapter I write here on EF, I'll go into theories of development.
WODIN said:
It ain't violence my gosh mr spock it is a spanking. Grounding don't do crap. I was never scared of being grounded I was scared of being spanked. I mean look at are prison system it is based on grounding and it don't work worth a shit.
Spare the rod spoil the child.
Mammoth2500
New member
Tink! said:
lol @ heathen!
coldblue1955
New member
i was punished by taking away my comics.
You could always take their Karma Hits away.
it depends. spanking always as a last resort. there are other more effective techniques for almost every indiscretion. except when they put themselves or someone else in danger - then i whip dat asscoldblue1955 said:
you should discipline, rather than punish, imo. discipline = teaching & guiding into the desired behavior
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WODIn you are correct. From what I have seen, People who use spanking as their main mode of discipline do so because they dont know or arent willing to put the effort or time into other methods.
My father said 2 very important things that relate to parenting:
1. Do what's RIGHT, not what's CONVENIENT.
2. Behavior has consequences.
My father said 2 very important things that relate to parenting:
1. Do what's RIGHT, not what's CONVENIENT.
2. Behavior has consequences.
I keep a half assed dead battery in my stun gun. it's still loud enough to frighten ya and still strong enough to give a nice pinch.
Kidding, i don't have any kids, but I know that it would work. If it scares my friends that are around 25-30, i'm shure that it would scare a 5-10 year old
Whiskey
Kidding, i don't have any kids, but I know that it would work. If it scares my friends that are around 25-30, i'm shure that it would scare a 5-10 year old
Whiskey
M
Megalomaniac
Guest
I've never told anyone about this but my parents used to lock me in the closet after burning my stomach with cigarettes. They usually did this when I didn't say the things they wanted me to. Also they would do things like take food away for a week if I didn't do the dishes. Basically the punishment need to fit the crime kind of thing. I turned out completely normal so I would highly recommend this approach.
If your child is extremely wilfull, behaviour modification or timeouts will not work. I have seen time & again, where such children run roughshod over their parents, because their parents refuse to smack.
Kids need to know there is a point they cannot cross. They aren't like animals, where you can train them with treats or bribe them with freedoms or timeouts. If your young child has something fixated in their mind, conventional punishments may not work. You try to reason with them & ask why they did something & they say they don't know. Well, if they know that a painfull smack on the ass is coming if they misbehave, then they might think twice.
Spanking is useful, but as a last resort. I've probably spanked my daughter 25 times in her life. Frankly, I think I should have done it more. I tried the reasoning route & it didn't work well.
Kids need to know there is a point they cannot cross. They aren't like animals, where you can train them with treats or bribe them with freedoms or timeouts. If your young child has something fixated in their mind, conventional punishments may not work. You try to reason with them & ask why they did something & they say they don't know. Well, if they know that a painfull smack on the ass is coming if they misbehave, then they might think twice.
Spanking is useful, but as a last resort. I've probably spanked my daughter 25 times in her life. Frankly, I think I should have done it more. I tried the reasoning route & it didn't work well.
Lady Viking
Well-known member
ILestat said:
you 
I don´t believe in spanking, whipping, slapping or anything like that either. (Btw, do spank or slap your co-worker/wife/husband/mother/father/neigbour if he/she does something wrong/naughty etc ?) My kid is now so young that he doesn´t understand what´s right and what´s wrong/dangerous but I still try to explain him why he can´t do something.
If that won´t work in the future, maybe I´ll try time-out.
This is great & it's what I did most of the time. But sometimes a child will not listen & does not care. With my own, I would stand her in a corner, or make her lay on her bed, or on the couch & do nothing. Just stare straight ahead. She waould make a point of staying that way. She spent 4 hrs laying on the couch one time when she was 8 yrs old. Then she went right back out & did the same thing again. Some kids do what they want & to hell with the consequences.Lady Viking said:
BTW, like someone posted, if you do spank your child, make sure they know exactly what it is for & you do not demean them. You decry what they did, but reinforce the fact that you love them.
My daughter turned out just fine, for her age, thank you. She's still got a few years to go yet.
foreigngirl
New member
I try not to spank my 3 year old. I just shut off the TV and make her sit on the couch or go to her room a lay on the bed, so she wont take her toys and start playing
lmaostilleto said:
c-sharp minor
Well-known member
Cattle prod.
Pepper spray.
Both are quick and effective.
Pepper spray.
Both are quick and effective.
stosstruppe
Well-known member
I try to make the punishment match the "crime". Never resort to emotional "punishment" though like saying I wished they were never born etc., or physically hitting them.
If you can't control your kid without resorting to smacking them about like an animal then you've failed as a parent. I want them to grow up believing things can be resolved verbally rather than by force.
If you can't control your kid without resorting to smacking them about like an animal then you've failed as a parent. I want them to grow up believing things can be resolved verbally rather than by force.
Lumberg
New member
I have to admit I resort to the spanking sometimes.
In public, if a stern word doesn't do it, a quick, hard pinch works.
This is only for acute situations. For long term stuff, it's usually I tell them I'm not going to do this for you anymore. Then later he may ask me to do something for him or with him, and I say, remember that one time you did such-and-such? Well because of that, I'm not going to work with you on this one.
I think that makes my kid think too much though.
In public, if a stern word doesn't do it, a quick, hard pinch works.
This is only for acute situations. For long term stuff, it's usually I tell them I'm not going to do this for you anymore. Then later he may ask me to do something for him or with him, and I say, remember that one time you did such-and-such? Well because of that, I'm not going to work with you on this one.
I think that makes my kid think too much though.
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