How Do People Do This? Is it Possible?

[InquisitivePsyche]

I've heard a few people tell me that they were able to do this and I want to know if this is actually possible... so chime in if you know what I'm talking about or have experienced this.

How do people NOT make themselves emotionally vulnerable when in a serious relationship? Meaning, they have conditioned their heart in some way, to experience a CERTAIN DEPTH of emotion but can keep themselves from diving completely into these emotions, so it prevents them from getting extremely hurt down the road. I'm not sure if I am making myself clear... I'm talking about those who can easily detach themselves from feeling the pain, literally with a switch of a button because they have taught themselves how to do it.

I don't know - was that clear? I just want to hear what you guys have to say..

 

[PBR]

I've heard a few people tell me that they were able to do this and I want to know if this is actually possible... so chime in if you know what I'm talking about or have experienced this.

How do people NOT make themselves emotionally vulnerable when in a serious relationship? Meaning, they have conditioned their heart in some way, to experience a CERTAIN DEPTH of emotion but can keep themselves from diving completely into these emotions, so it prevents them from getting extremely hurt down the road. I'm not sure if I am making myself clear... I'm talking about those who can easily detach themselves from feeling the pain, literally with a switch of a button because they have taught themselves how to do it.

I don't know - was that clear? I just want to hear what you guys have to say..

it is not something to be proud of IMO. it is a conditioning from an environment of circumstances or lack thereof.... you learn to see a true clear picture from a distance, in doing so you keep the advantage of "choice". this choice is "how far and at what speed" it will be approached at. what are the risk factors involved and who will be involved and at what expense.
if there are circumstances that prevent us from just taking the leap- this is the course. when we get "in deep" and LOVE is felt, meaning given and recieved; we all PAY a price when its over. each of us handles this differently- but if you think for a moment, that someone you have loved or loved you TRUELY doesnt PAY- rest assured there will be a time when someone comes to collect...in some way or fashion love loss is paid for my dear.

 

[samoth]

Meaning, they have conditioned their heart in some way,

Like, by increasing cardio?

 

[Sub-Zero]

I've heard a few people tell me that they were able to do this and I want to know if this is actually possible... so chime in if you know what I'm talking about or have experienced this.

How do people NOT make themselves emotionally vulnerable when in a serious relationship? Meaning, they have conditioned their heart in some way, to experience a CERTAIN DEPTH of emotion but can keep themselves from diving completely into these emotions, so it prevents them from getting extremely hurt down the road. I'm not sure if I am making myself clear... I'm talking about those who can easily detach themselves from feeling the pain, literally with a switch of a button because they have taught themselves how to do it.

I don't know - was that clear? I just want to hear what you guys have to say..

maybe they arnt fuckin pussies and know there is more to life

 

[youngguns]

lol

 

[blueta2]

I've heard a few people tell me that they were able to do this and I want to know if this is actually possible... so chime in if you know what I'm talking about or have experienced this.

How do people NOT make themselves emotionally vulnerable when in a serious relationship? Meaning, they have conditioned their heart in some way, to experience a CERTAIN DEPTH of emotion but can keep themselves from diving completely into these emotions, so it prevents them from getting extremely hurt down the road. I'm not sure if I am making myself clear... I'm talking about those who can easily detach themselves from feeling the pain, literally with a switch of a button because they have taught themselves how to do it.

I don't know - was that clear? I just want to hear what you guys have to say..

It's called being jaded from past experience. As you get older (well some ppl), life deals you blows, and reality and hurt. Your subconscious goes into survival mode and many emotions just turn off.
My boyfriend called me (and sometimes still says it) that I am emotionally unavailable.
Enough heartache and "life" will turn the emotional button off.
And what my man PBR said

 

[KillahBee]

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing, if used correctly. Actually, it's a level of self awareness that most people will never be able to understand and certainly not able to reach. There is nothing admirable about just diving in to "emotional" situations left and right with no thought process, logic, common sense, or analytical process in place. It's actually quite scary and immature. But, it has been romanticized throughout the centuries so most people think it is a beautiful act. They are obviously mistaken.

Anywho (bbf), YES, it is very possible. I've done it and seen it done. Unfortunately, most of the time it is either born in negativity or results in negativity. As blueta described, this type of behavior is often used as a defense mechanism. Which is not a good thing.

But, if you use it to approach your typically "emotional" situations, then it's a wonderful thing and will, in the end, reduce the amount of pain and suffering caused by jumping haphazardly into these situations like a child.

 

[jh1]

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing, if used correctly. Actually, it's a level of self awareness that most people will never be able to understand and certainly not able to reach. There is nothing admirable about just diving in to "emotional" situations left and right with no thought process, logic, common sense, or analytical process in place. It's actually quite scary and immature. But, it has been romanticized throughout the centuries so most people think it is a beautiful act. They are obviously mistaken.

Anywho (bbf), YES, it is very possible. I've done it and seen it done. Unfortunately, most of the time it is either born in negativity or results in negativity. As blueta described, this type of behavior is often used as a defense mechanism. Which is not a good thing.

But, if you use it to approach your typically "emotional" situations, then it's a wonderful thing and will, in the end, reduce the amount of pain and suffering caused by jumping haphazardly into these situations like a child.

.....

Brilliant... well.. at least smart.

 

[PBR]

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing, if used correctly. Actually, it's a level of self awareness that most people will never be able to understand and certainly not able to reach. There is nothing admirable about just diving in to "emotional" situations left and right with no thought process, logic, common sense, or analytical process in place. It's actually quite scary and immature. But, it has been romanticized throughout the centuries so most people think it is a beautiful act. They are obviously mistaken.

Anywho (bbf), YES, it is very possible. I've done it and seen it done. Unfortunately, most of the time it is either born in negativity or results in negativity. As blueta described, this type of behavior is often used as a defense mechanism. Which is not a good thing.

But, if you use it to approach your typically "emotional" situations, then it's a wonderful thing and will, in the end, reduce the amount of pain and suffering caused by jumping haphazardly into these situations like a child.

good post bro....However there are times- when the emotional factors sneak up on us, or have taken a bite. And upon the exit, we realize we actually just lost something or someone that was amazing....

 

[InquisitivePsyche]

For me (and this is probably because I am very inexperienced in this whole area), I am FULL of emotions and cannot switch anything off. It really sucks at times because when there's a situation where I don't want to feel pain and what not, all I feel IS the pain. BUT, if I were able to do what some people are able to do (condition themselves appropriately), then I wouldn't feel this pain as much. But then I wonder, for those who can condition themselves to not be as emotionally vulnerable, do they really feel that true love (if it's the right person I mean) and true emotions that one who doesn't condition themselves, would feel? I am not sure...

 

[PBR]

For me (and this is probably because I am very inexperienced in this whole area), I am FULL of emotions and cannot switch anything off. It really sucks at times because when there's a situation where I don't want to feel pain and what not, all I feel IS the pain. BUT, if I were able to do what some people are able to do (condition themselves appropriately), then I wouldn't feel this pain as much. But then I wonder, for those who can condition themselves to not be as emotionally vulnerable, do they really feel that true love (if it's the right person I mean) and true emotions that one who doesn't condition themselves, would feel? I am not sure...

a "sociopath" is immune to these emotions/feelings.

 

[blueta2]

For me (and this is probably because I am very inexperienced in this whole area), I am FULL of emotions and cannot switch anything off. It really sucks at times because when there's a situation where I don't want to feel pain and what not, all I feel IS the pain. BUT, if I were able to do what some people are able to do (condition themselves appropriately), then I wouldn't feel this pain as much. But then I wonder, for those who can condition themselves to not be as emotionally vulnerable, do they really feel that true love (if it's the right person I mean) and true emotions that one who doesn't condition themselves, would feel? I am not sure...

Trust me hun, you don't want to turn it off. There are days I wish I could "feel" again.
True love means something diff. as you get older anyway. When you're young, it's all butterflies and rainbows. Basically, being in love is the universes way to get humans to procreate. Once you've been in love a few times, the realm of that no longer exists. That reaction is replaced with a deeper level of love.
Having little emotion is not a controlled reaction; it's uncontrolled due to the brain going into survival mode.

 

[blueta2]

a "sociopath" is immune to these emotions/feelings.

Not true, a sociopath has a ton more emotions that the reg. joe. What they are lacking is a conscience

 

[unclecharlie]

scar tissue

 

[KillahBee]

For me (and this is probably because I am very inexperienced in this whole area), I am FULL of emotions and cannot switch anything off. It really sucks at times because when there's a situation where I don't want to feel pain and what not, all I feel IS the pain. BUT, if I were able to do what some people are able to do (condition themselves appropriately), then I wouldn't feel this pain as much. But then I wonder, for those who can condition themselves to not be as emotionally vulnerable, do they really feel that true love (if it's the right person I mean) and true emotions that one who doesn't condition themselves, would feel? I am not sure...

Sounds like you are describing two totally separate things here. Being able to control your emotions DOES NOT result in being emotionally "turned off". Being able to control your emotions just means that you are an intelligent, strong, in-tune person who understands your environment and the stimuli existing within it and how YOU NATURALLY react to them. That's step 1.

 

[InquisitivePsyche]

Sounds like you are describing two totally separate things here. Being able to control your emotions DOES NOT result in being emotionally "turned off". Being able to control your emotions just means that you are an intelligent, strong, in-tune person who understands your environment and the stimuli existing within it and how YOU NATURALLY react to them. That's step 1.

Well when I say "control emotions," I mean that a person can do this based on conditioning - because they have trained themself to do this. I've seen it before. So "controlling emotions," meaning they don't get extremely involved/emotional because this way, they can prevent pain if it were to happen, down the road - you know?

 

[KillahBee]

Well when I say "control emotions," I mean that a person can do this based on conditioning - because they have trained themself to do this. I've seen it before. So "controlling emotions," meaning they don't get extremely involved/emotional because this way, they can prevent pain if it were to happen, down the road - you know?

Once again, I see this as two seperate entities here. What you're describing in your last sentence is not necessarily "controlling" one's emotions. It's a shortcut, an easy out. Controlling your emotions does not translate to staying away from emotional situations or not getting deeply involved in them. It's actually quite the opposite.

 

[heavy_duty]

Each time you fall deeply in-love but then get burned it chips away at your mountain of love and deep feelings.

The scars never go away.

SO you don't allow yourself to fall that deep ever again....you end up with somebody who you love a lot but are probably not proundly in love with.

Plus in the back of your mind, you are ready for it to all be over at any time.
So you KNOW the signs and are ready to slam the brakes on when you feel yourself falling or almost falling in love again

I've heard a few people tell me that they were able to do this and I want to know if this is actually possible... so chime in if you know what I'm talking about or have experienced this.

How do people NOT make themselves emotionally vulnerable when in a serious relationship? Meaning, they have conditioned their heart in some way, to experience a CERTAIN DEPTH of emotion but can keep themselves from diving completely into these emotions, so it prevents them from getting extremely hurt down the road. I'm not sure if I am making myself clear... I'm talking about those who can easily detach themselves from feeling the pain, literally with a switch of a button because they have taught themselves how to do it.

I don't know - was that clear? I just want to hear what you guys have to say..

 

[InquisitivePsyche]

Once again, I see this as two seperate entities here. What you're describing in your last sentence is not necessarily "controlling" one's emotions. It's a shortcut, an easy out. Controlling your emotions does not translate to staying away from emotional situations or not getting deeply involved in them. It's actually quite the opposite.

Ahh - So then what is it when a person doesn't get completely involved in an attempt to save themselves from being emotionally vulnerable and from perhaps feeling pain that may come? I'm not saying they aren't emotionally involved at all, they just aren't as involved as they could be. Is it just a self defense mechanism? I don't see how people can do it - especially when they really love the other person, but they are afraid of getting hurt again (if they have in the past). So freakin' complicated LOL.

 

[youngguns]

long threads suck

 

[InquisitivePsyche]

long threads suck

For people with limited intellectual capacity, that is. Lmao. Just kidding just kidding.

 

[youngguns]

For people with limited intellectual capacity, that is. Lmao. Just kidding just kidding.

Aww your such a cutey, you know we have a lot in common. If I become pro will you tell people you know a pro bodybuilder? Or are you too high class for that?

 

[InquisitivePsyche]

Aww your such a cutey, you know we have a lot in common. If I become pro will you tell people you know a pro bodybuilder? Or are you too high class for that?

LOL. I've known "pro bodybuilders." I was trained by one when I was 19 and just getting into the whole industry (not knowing shit) and ended up leaving his training because the guy became a pervert and wouldn't train me, just hit on me. Young, naive, not knowing anything - there was no one else I knew who knew about dieting and all that until I found out about Mike Davies.

P.S. Most people don't care about the fitness industry. It's a small % of the population, really. Hehe.

 

[cindylou]

love is a risk you have to take. MOst people who avoid the emotion in a relationship are afraid of feeling the pain of a recent relationship or rejection and determine the risk is too much to take just yet. Sometimes it lasts for a long time.

Eventually most people will come to determine that the cost of avoiding emotion and feeling is not worth the cost of not living. Because thats essentially what you are doing when you block and avoid emotions. Not living. At least not living life to the fullest.

I'm not just talking relationships but also love and detachment from family the people who can never get close to anyone.

 

[InquisitivePsyche]

love is a risk you have to take. MOst people who avoid the emotion in a relationship are afraid of feeling the pain of a recent relationship or rejection and determine the risk is too much to take just yet. Sometimes it lasts for a long time.

Eventually most people will come to determine that the cost of avoiding emotion and feeling is not worth the cost of not living. Because thats essentially what you are doing when you block and avoid emotions. Not living. At least not living life to the fullest.

I'm not just talking relationships but also love and detachment from family the people who can never get close to anyone.

But see that's where I'm confused - when people say that most come to realize that the cost of avoiding emotion/feeling is not worth the cost of living. I've had people tell me that by conditioning themselves to avoid this, they don't know what they're missing because they have already conditioned themselves not to feel "falling in love," or "true emotion." Some say they would rather NOT have that and avoid all pain. I don't know.. this is why I think it's a confusing area to address. Some people are capable of doing this and some aren't..

 

[heavy_duty]

We get hurt as kids when our big brothers and sisters get married and move away.
Then a few years go by and we get hurt again when parents split up and one goes away then again when we split with our first & second love so by the time we get married we're ready.

 

[cindylou]

But see that's where I'm confused - when people say that most come to realize that the cost of avoiding emotion/feeling is not worth the cost of living. I've had people tell me that by conditioning themselves to avoid this, they don't know what they're missing because they have already conditioned themselves not to feel "falling in love," or "true emotion." Some say they would rather NOT have that and avoid all pain. I don't know.. this is why I think it's a confusing area to address. Some people are capable of doing this and some aren't..

But just because they dont know what they are missing does not mean that they are not missing something.

Imagine yourself on your deathbed. what are you thinking about? The ones you loved and the memories you had. Those close moments. If you cannot find a way to invite others into your life ; what will you think about?

I guess i'm trying to figure out where are you confused. Are you trying to figure out why people are this way??

The ones who are NOT able to turn their emotions off are able to deal with the risk of pain from rejection. that is it. they can deal with the pain so they dont find an alternative ; or they enjoy and bask in pain and passion. Which is a whole other thing. lol.

 

[InquisitivePsyche]

But just because they dont know what they are missing does not mean that they are not missing something.

Imagine yourself on your deathbed. what are you thinking about? The ones you loved and the memories you had. Those close moments. If you cannot find a way to invite others into your life ; what will you think about?

I guess i'm trying to figure out where are you confused. Are you trying to figure out why people are this way??

The ones who are NOT able to turn their emotions off are able to deal with the risk of pain from rejection. that is it. they can deal with the pain so they dont find an alternative ; or they enjoy and bask in pain and passion. Which is a whole other thing. lol.

I totally agree that those who can handle all these emotions and not be able to turn off their emotions are better able to deal with pain and rejection. I see that. But what I'm saying is while people who CAN turn emotions off to avoid pain ARE missing out on things.. they don't necessarily KNOW what they're missing out on because they aren't experiencing those things. I'm not sure if that was clear? I'm just wondering what makes certain people better able to condition themselves this way by turning their emotions off/on when they please verses others.. is it just experience?

 

[heavy_duty]

They are not missing out because they have already walked that path.

 

[ErikZ]

Like, by increasing cardio?

Holy shit, I laughed out loud.

Hail!

 

[Smurfy]

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing, if used correctly. Actually, it's a level of self awareness that most people will never be able to understand and certainly not able to reach. There is nothing admirable about just diving in to "emotional" situations left and right with no thought process, logic, common sense, or analytical process in place. It's actually quite scary and immature. But, it has been romanticized throughout the centuries so most people think it is a beautiful act. They are obviously mistaken.

Anywho (bbf), YES, it is very possible. I've done it and seen it done. Unfortunately, most of the time it is either born in negativity or results in negativity. As blueta described, this type of behavior is often used as a defense mechanism. Which is not a good thing.

But, if you use it to approach your typically "emotional" situations, then it's a wonderful thing and will, in the end, reduce the amount of pain and suffering caused by jumping haphazardly into these situations like a child.

Defense mechanism, coping mechanism, what's the difference? It's only bad for the person on the other end of the relationship.

 

[InquisitivePsyche]

Defense mechanism, coping mechanism, what's the difference? It's only bad for the person on the other end of the relationship.

I agree. I think it would be draining for the person on the other side for sure. Unless somehow, that person using the defense mechanism snaps out of it and realize there's a better way to live. I guess some would argue that THEIR WAY of living (conditioning themselves) is a better way to live because they'd rather NOT experience the pain verses experiencing true emotions/love again. Who knows.. All in the person, I guess.

 

[PBR]

"the weight of the world is love. under the burden of solitude, under the burden of dissatisfaction"...

 

[unclecharlie]

I want a woman who can break my heart