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Here's a short poem I wrote 2 days ago...

  • Thread starter Thread starter lartinos
  • Start date Start date
It could be worthwhile. Off the top of my head, I'd make some changes, deleting extraneous words that seem to throw off the flow (imo), rearranging, etc.

Life is good, life can be great
but for the best
you may have to wait
perhaps around that corner
or through that door
just seize the moment
don't dream of more.

Just one of many options, depending on your own senses.
 
jackangel said:
It could be worthwhile. Off the top of my head, I'd make some changes, deleting extraneous words that seem to throw off the flow (imo), rearranging, etc.

Life is good, life can be great
but for the best
you may have to wait
perhaps around that corner
or through that door
just seize the moment
don't dream of more.

Just one of many options, depending on your own senses.
i like how ya did that.
 
jackangel said:
It could be worthwhile. Off the top of my head, I'd make some changes, deleting extraneous words that seem to throw off the flow (imo), rearranging, etc.

Life is good, life can be great
but for the best
you may have to wait
perhaps around that corner
or through that door
just seize the moment
don't dream of more.

Just one of many options, depending on your own senses.

fuck off, mine was clearly superior
 
lartinos said:
Yes, that's the key lol.
I met that whore 20 minutes before at the Bus stop actually.
Her and her friend were some cute aussies for sure. They were the type who would give any guys attention so we bounced on those bitches pretty quick.
There's a chance i might be down in Miami next month, I'll see.
We'll have lots of fun chasing some young sluts around. :)

let me know bro, i think we'd have a blast.
 
I like this poem by Delmore Schwartz.


Calmly we walk through this April's day,
Metropolitan poetry here and there,
In the park sit pauper and rentier,
The screaming children, the motor-car
Fugitive about us, running away,
Between the worker and the millionaire
Number provides all distances,
It is Nineteen Thirty-Seven now,
Many great dears are taken away,
What will become of you and me
(This is the school in which we learn...)
Besides the photo and the memory?
(...that time is the fire in which we burn.)

(This is the school in which we learn...)
What is the self amid this blaze?
What am I now that I was then
Which I shall suffer and act again,
The theodicy I wrote in my high school days
Restored all life from infancy,
The children shouting are bright as they run
(This is the school in which they learn . . .)
Ravished entirely in their passing play!
(...that time is the fire in which they burn.)

Avid its rush, that reeling blaze!
Where is my father and Eleanor?
Not where are they now, dead seven years,
But what they were then?
No more? No more?
From Nineteen-Fourteen to the present day,
Bert Spira and Rhoda consume, consume
Not where they are now (where are they now?)
But what they were then, both beautiful;

Each minute bursts in the burning room,
The great globe reels in the solar fire,
Spinning the trivial and unique away.
(How all things flash! How all things flare!)
What am I now that I was then?
May memory restore again and again
The smallest color of the smallest day:
Time is the school in which we learn,
Time is the fire in which we burn.



:cow:
 
lartinos said:
Life is good and life is great,
But sometimes for the best things in life
you have to wait,
Could be when you turn that or corner,
or open that door,
Seize that moment so that you don't dream of more.




Noone's read this so I'm not sure if it's good, but I've never written one people didn't like... unles they're just being nice :) . This one was short so I figured I'd post this one as I've seen that many of you fuckers forget to take your ritalin. Writing poetry is probably the least manly thing I do :rainbow: .

dude you are priceless
 
drsketch said:
I dont write poems bud, I drink, fight, fuck, lift, work.. If I want to be nice for a broad I take her out somewhere then finish off with hot sex.

But yeah I seen good short poems and your sucked... But hey dont be mad appreciate my honesty.
You honestly have a square head and need to drop some BF, lol.
Since we're being honest of course. :)
 
lartinos said:
You honestly have a square head and need to drop some BF, lol.
Since we're being honest of course. :)
pwned.jpg
 
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