Guy question...

[Werd]

You all know that I am pretty lame when it comes to the whole gurl/guy thing so I ask for a bit of insight. Not stressing or anything, got all the time in the world. Just kind of taken aback.

You see, "there is this guy" and he is so not like the type of men that I usually find attractive. He is unlike other men that I have been interested in for a few reasons. But what I find a bit perplexing is that he does not pursue. I am no crazed psycho broad LOL - if a guy isn't into me, I don't take it personally. I am not the typical needy/clingy type either. (High school is waaaaaaaaay over).

He does not spurn my advances but only give juuuuuust enough to make me feel like I should continue to pursue. I am not proud when it comes to these things meaning, I have no issue being the one to put it out there first. But I feel odd.

He knows all about me - inside and out, all of the baggage and shortcomings, my deepest darkest secrets and hasn't run in the opposite direction screaming, but he also isn't being forthcoming...

This sounds like a "chic board" post, but I have come to learn that when I have a "guy" question, it is always a good thing to ask guys what they think as well.

I am in no hurry for anything, but I just don't know what page he's on. He's supposed to tell me... but he just never does.

All insight is appreciated.

 

[onerepmaximum]

He digs you. He knows that it keeps you interested if he doesn't act too interested.

 

[The_Ghost]

Maybe he's gay

 

[BrandonXJ]

What do you mean by "he's supposed to tell me....". You talked about this and he said he'd get back to you.. I don't get that part.

 

[c-sharp minor]

It's quite possible he is just shy.

Ask him out if you feel strongly enough about it.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

maybe he is still weighing the situation and is keeping you hanging until he decides

or he has worked out how to get to you and is doing a fine job

who knows. ask him. i love direct women

 

[juve]

what? a guy has enough self-respect not to be courting you with dinners and gifts, and you just can't figure it out?


ohhh....

 

[javaguru]

Two possibilities.

1. He is into you but also a consumate player of the game and knows his behavior will only increase your interest in him.

2. He genuinely isn't "into" you.

 

[NJjuice22]

Maybe he's gay

my thoughts exactly...i would have nailed you 5x already.

 

[digger]

Sounds like a grownup, or possibly even a gentleman.
Congratulations.

 

[Viking850]

He may be on the fence at this point. Looking at other options and taking you into consideration as well. He may not be "totally into you" but he is not telling you to go away either.

 

[NJjuice22]

Ok here it is.....he is either 1.) very patient and like mentioned above knows how to play it just right to get you to want him more, which is rare because a mans hormones usually prevent being patient. or 2.) (more likely) not interested .....how does he look ...is he ugly or dorky ?...than i could see it being number 1, but if he is a good looking guy who can get tang, its likely to be number 2.

 

[starfish]

I bet he likes ya!

 

[broley]

He wants sex

He went though the talky talky...now wants sucky sucky.

 

[NJjuice22]

He wants sex

He went though the talky talky...now wants sucky sucky.

best advice ever!

 

[Werd]

LOL Yea... the gay thing did cross my mind, but if he is he is SURE putting up an excellent front!

There are a lot of things to consider.

There is distance, though I don't want to stay where I am and he had mentioned he has thoughts of relocating himself.

He's never been married, doesn't have children. So I never really found him of interest as I would ALWAYS shy away from guys like this. I didn't think it fair to them. I mean, my kids are the most amazing kids on the planet and maybe if things were different I might have more... I LOVE THEM, but the chances of that happening are extremely slim.

I have a crazy ex and it will take a lot of time and patience for anyone who eventually comes into my (our) lives. That is a lot to ask anyone.

I am not totally healthy, so that is again, a lot to ask someone to consider.

Even me posting up about this seems so silly...

I get tons of offers to date and I go out if I want, but I don't find anyone appealing. This guy isn't my "type" but there is something about him.... it is his heart. He is the first guy that I have felt safe enough to be really close friends with in a very long time. I have other guy friends, but I don't expose so much to them and I am not attracted to them either....

There is no promise of sex here. He knows that he is not allowed to initiate any physical contact and he is still cool with it. As a matter of fact I am the one making delicate advances... that he does not dissuade.

He is supposed to type me this looooooong email... *taps foot* *crosses arms* but it doesn't come... There is a lot going on in my life so there is always "something" else to talk about....

I want to say a lot of things to him and I truly THINK he wants to hear, them, but I am just not sure...

Like I said, there is a lot going on for me right now and I know he is being super super super sensitive to it. But if for any reason he decides that we should just "stay friends" I would back down and be cool. Really. As a matter of fact, if he told me "there's this gurl..." and he was silly happy with her, I would be disappointed on the one hand because I would like *that gurl* to be me, but would forget in an instant as he is my friend FIRST and I would be thrilled that he was happy with a good woman in his life.

OK... Now I sound TOTALLY STOOPID and he is probably busting a gut watching.

 

[NJjuice22]

LOL Yea... the gay thing did cross my mind, but if he is he is SURE putting up an excellent front!

There are a lot of things to consider.

There is distance, though I don't want to stay where I am and he had mentioned he has thoughts of relocating himself.

He's never been married, doesn't have children. So I never really found him of interest as I would ALWAYS shy away from guys like this. I didn't think it fair to them. I mean, my kids are the most amazing kids on the planet and maybe if things were different I might have more... I LOVE THEM, but the chances of that happening are extremely slim.

I have a crazy ex and it will take a lot of time and patience for anyone who eventually comes into my (our) lives. That is a lot to ask anyone.

I am not totally healthy, so that is again, a lot to ask someone to consider.

Even me posting up about this seems so silly...

I get tons of offers to date and I go out if I want, but I don't find anyone appealing. This guy isn't my "type" but there is something about him.... it is his heart. He is the first guy that I have felt safe enough to be really close friends with in a very long time. I have other guy friends, but I don't expose so much to them and I am not attracted to them either....

There is no promise of sex here. He knows that he is not allowed to initiate any physical contact and he is still cool with it. As a matter of fact I am the one making delicate advances... that he does not dissuade.

He is supposed to type me this looooooong email... *taps foot* *crosses arms* but it doesn't come... There is a lot going on in my life so there is always "something" else to talk about....

I want to say a lot of things to him and I truly THINK he wants to hear, them, but I am just not sure...

Like I said, there is a lot going on for me right now and I know he is being super super super sensitive to it. But if for any reason he decides that we should just "stay friends" I would back down and be cool. Really. As a matter of fact, if he told me "there's this gurl..." and he was silly happy with her, I would be disappointed on the one hand because I would like *that gurl* to be me, but would forget in an instant as he is my friend FIRST and I would be thrilled that he was happy with a good woman in his life.

OK... Now I sound TOTALLY STOOPID and he is probably busting a gut watching.

what do you mean "he knows he is not alloowed to initiate any physical contact"??...did you talk about that?..that would be enough to make any guy not interested.

 

[juve]

I get tons of offers to date and I go out if I want

Oh, no, you don't if that's your ass in a pic - xoxo

 

[Dougly]

what do you mean "he knows he is not alloowed to initiate any physical contact"??...did you talk about that?..that would be enough to make any guy not interested.

Yep. He's easing his way out.

 

[strongsmartsexy]

what do you mean "he knows he is not alloowed to initiate any physical contact"??...did you talk about that?..that would be enough to make any guy not interested.

A woman with kids, a crazy ex and intimacy issues... I can see why he's hanging back a bit.

 

[Werd]

what do you mean "he knows he is not alloowed to initiate any physical contact"??...did you talk about that?..that would be enough to make any guy not interested.

I tell nearly all guys I go out with, the are not allowed to initiate the first contact, not even allowed to ask... I don't tell them why. But this guy knows EXACTLY why... It has to do with my personal history. I am not shy and I don't play games. If I like a guy then he will be made well aware. Once the first kiss has been exchanged and I feel that I am not going to be disrespected by a man pushing physical contact - it is GAME ON. I am very free and grown, but the first move MUST be made by me.

We flirt shamelessly and he has never ever done or said anything to dissuade me... he actually egss me on, the bastard. But he won't tell me what is going on inside him and it makes me nervous... I mean, if he doesn't think of me "that way" other than "in a fantasy" then I would like to know.

He is very kind and decent, but I don't feel like he wants me to just "let him go".

I don't think it is a game with him honestly. I really feel that he is as afraid of getting hurt as am I. But I also don't want to *think* stuff either. I have gotten myself into a world of trouble in the past when I made all kinds of excuses for guys' flaky behavior.

I just would like him to be straight up and I am not sure how to go about making him understand that.

I am a very no-pressure kind of gurl. That shit makes me run in the opposite direction, but fast. I just would like to know if he thinks the same things that I do... not that we'll even ever do anything about it necessarily, I just would like to know.

 

[d3track]

maybe he is just a nice guy?
just cause he isnt drooling over you and trying to grab your ass?

just ask him
maybe he just wants to be friends, you said yourself you have told him all about your life, maybe he just wants to be a friend for you

 

[Werd]

A woman with kids, a crazy ex and intimacy issues... I can see why he's hanging back a bit.

check, check and check... the intamacy issues aren't hidden and though I can make no promises I am trying really hard. He knows me very intimately as a friend which is *easy*, it is when you decide to invest or not that things get *complicated*.

I have exposed as much to this man as I had my ex and I was faithful to him until the night my head hit the ground.... that is 13 years.

This guy SEEMS like a player, but I feel in my heart that he isn't. He has told me too many things about him that would lead me to believe otherwise. I can sense he has a tremendous sensitivity for children, more than most women... BUT, I don't know.

I would be easier if he would just tell me "Thanks but no thanks, there is too much working against *us*, let's just be friends". I would be initially disappointed, but then tremendously relieved. I wouldn't take it personally AT ALL... I have told him time and time again, that he is not repsonsible for me - I AM.

He is just not like other men that have captured my interest... and I haven't even been in the same room with him yet.

I KNOW that if and when we do... it will be amazing. But I don't want to feel like I am all up in his business if he doesn't want me to be there.

I know because of his sensitivity to kids that he would never play me because I am a single mother, especially because my ex is such a poor excuse for a man.... but I have thought this twice before and both times I got burned pretty badly. Learned from those experiences but still, it got hurt.

I am not saying I want to freaking ride off into the sunset or anything stupid like that... I just want to know if he thinks the same "maybes" that I do.

Why are guys such shmucks sometimes?! LOL

 

[Werd]

maybe he is just a nice guy?
just cause he isnt drooling over you and trying to grab your ass?

just ask him
maybe he just wants to be friends, you said yourself you have told him all about your life, maybe he just wants to be a friend for you

No, I KNOW he is a good guy. It is physically impossible for him to grab my ass as there is distance LOL...

He is my friend and I am quite pleased because that is all we were for a long time and then, I don't know... all of the sudden I began to think of him as something more. He is considered by many women to be very attractive but he is not classically my "type". But somehow I find myself thinking of him far too often LOL.... and I KNOW that he thinks of me the same because the silly bastard has told me this on more than one occasion.

 

[javaguru]

Ummmm...you've made it clear to him he may not initiate anything and want a no pressure relationship and at the same time wonder why he is holding back??????

Honestly, I'm wondering why he is staying around at all.

 

[Werd]

Ummmm...you've made it clear to him he may not initiate anything and want a no pressure relationship and at the same time wonder why he is holding back??????

Honestly, I'm wondering why he is staying around at all.

Maybe because he is a good guy who realizes that my value does not begin nor end with my sex?

 

[broley]

You want the emotinal safety net
He is waiting to get naked

 

[NJjuice22]

I tell nearly all guys I go out with, the are not allowed to initiate the first contact, not even allowed to ask... I don't tell them why. .

if a woman said those words to me that would be such a turn-off, thats not something you just say....no wonder why he isnt doing anything...you probably scared the shit out of him with that statement.

 

[The Shadow]

He knows all about me - inside and out, all of the baggage and shortcomings, my deepest darkest secrets and hasn't run in the opposite direction screaming, but he also isn't being forthcoming...

He's interested.......


He must have been reading The Art Of War....

to counter - read Machiavelli's THe Prince

 

[javaguru]

Maybe because he is a good guy who realizes that my value does not begin nor end with my sex?

My comment wasn't based on the fact he isn't getting sex. My comment was based on the total circumstances as described by you. The fact a woman would have a conversation establishing "rules" up front would be enough to raise my "nut job" red flag.

 

[Werd]

My comment wasn't based on the fact he isn't getting sex. My comment was based on the total circumstances as described by you. The fact a woman would have a conversation establishing "rules" up front would be enough to raise my "nut job" red flag.

Most men don't know enough to know that if they ask for a kiss then it would make the woman uncomfortable. Heck, I may be the only woman that this even applies to. If I like a man then I tell him this so he doesn't blow it. Sort of like telling a guy upfront not to bring me flowers ever because I am allergic.

My first sexual experiences were not consentual. As a result I have to feel like I am "safe" to make the initial decision. If this makes me a "nutjob" then guilty as charged.

Besides... no need for the thread anymore.

"I got my answer".... and it is all good. We will be good friends regardless so it is a win/win situation for us both!

I LOVE a happy ending!

 

[broley]

Yay for love and friendships

 

[Y_lifter]

Maybe he justs wants to be your "Friend"...

Wear something Slightly sexy around him, give him that look, touch him on the arm
and check his reaction during and the next days week..

If he wants a physical thing, that should being it out.

 

[strongsmartsexy]

My first sexual experiences were not consentual. As a result I have to feel like I am "safe" to make the initial decision.

I understand the trauma that must have caused you. I'd like to point out that this YOUR baggage, not someone elses. Which, from your posts I'm sure you know already, so I'm merely pointing out the obvious. However, find a way to heal that wound within yourself. That will make the whole "don't initiate intimacy" confusion. It's a bit like the whole NO! DON'T! STOP! ... No, don't STOP! thingy...

 

[Werd]

I understand the trauma that must have caused you. I'd like to point out that this YOUR baggage, not someone elses. Which, from your posts I'm sure you know already, so I'm merely pointing out the obvious. However, find a way to heal that wound within yourself. That will make the whole "don't initiate intimacy" confusion. It's a bit like the whole NO! DON'T! STOP! ... No, don't STOP! thingy...

I thought I was clear acknowledging that it is just me. And I have no sexual hangups. It is just this one thing. I must be the first one to initiate physical contact, it is my right as an individual, is it not?

 

[Lestat]

bang him

 

[Werd]

LOL.... If the planets align for us BOTH (see it isn't just about me... it has to come from him as well), then it will be inevitable.

Could a mod please delete this thread now? I got my answer.

I PM'd that lazy bastard Shadow, but he seems to be busy with some damned pink dumbbells again!

 

[Daisy_Girl]

Won't delete, but will lock.

 

[digger]

Won't delete, but will lock.

What Daisy said. Please don't ask us to snip little holes in the site that way.