getting married need advise

[brickhouse]

here's the deal i am getting married in 3 weeks and i am 24. i have been with her for 5 years and i love her and care about her alot, butt shit i am getting nervous. its like i am asking myself is she the one, am i ready for this. i feal like i have'nt had time to get out and sew my wild outs or some shit. but i also dont want to lose her. because i dont think i could deal with that. any married guys or gals have any advise thanx

 

[Burning_Inside]

well you might as well go with it now, youll find out if shes not "the one" in a few years. Hey it'd only be a few years of your life wasted..Well not entirely, it will always be a learning experience.

 

[KrazyK]

If you feel that way now, think about how you are going to feel in a year or two. I got married 9 months ago and felt the same way, and now it's driving me nuts. But if you really love her, you will find a way to deal with it. Just make sure you are making the right decision, because it's alot easier to get into marraige than it is to get out of it.
Do you two live together now, and how long have you lived together? The biggest piece of advise I can give you is make sure you like living with her first before you get married. That's a big mistake I made, me and my wife only actually lived together for 3 months before we got married. If we had lived together longer I don't think I would have gotten married to her.
Good luck whatever you decide to do, I hope everything works out ok.

 

[Jimsbbc]

I lived with the one I was with for 3 years. It helped us to get to know each other well enough to make a good decision. That is why i broke up with her. I still see her, but we know that it would have been a fucked up marriage, just bc she was so possesive.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Yea, DON'T DO IT!

j/k......well, actually, no I'm not.

Nobody has a crystal ball, yet WE ARE ALL PRETTY GOOD MONDAY MORNING QUARTERBACKS.

I did not have cold feet at all before or on my wedding day. I was shit scared (because I understood the gravity of the commitment), but I was also dead sure (I knew how much I loved him and I knew that my love would not wane...no matter what). Yet, here I am today (just over 11 years and 4 children later) struggling, suffering, and doing my best NOT to let what was not killed out of me - die.

I don't have much else to say except I wish you and your fiance well.

 

[Jimsbbc]

BM,

There's something going on here i am picking up from your posts, but i know it's none of my business.

 

[Bikini Mod]

....nothing going on my brotha - when this novel ends and a new one begins I will share all that I have learned with the brothas and sistahs of elite.

 

[Milhouse]

After 4 years living common law until last fall my advise would be stay away, but anyways what I will say if you are not sure you better make sure before you go down the isle because if not down the road it will cost you and her financially, mentally and spiritually.

Then again like BikiniMom said there basically are no guarantees in life. Shit my dad has been married twice, my aunt 3 times and the funny part is the couple everyone thought would be the first to self destruct was my uncles marriage and yet almost 30 years of marriage they are happy and even further they have been around each other sonce like age 10. And they are in their mid forties. So at least make sure before you make the plunge.

Myself there is a fat chance I will go down that aisle because I just don't feel like it at this point and I have a potential money pit to fall in and I am not giving that up. So if I have kids big chance they will be out of wedlock, not the most responsible thing but not any worse or better than getting hitched and having a divorce.

 

[fistfullofsteel]

well if you weren't married b-mom i would you make love to you and make all your problems go away, but since you are, maybe in another lifetime.

 

[May1010]

Why do you feel the need to involve the government in your personal relationships?

 

[Bikini Mod]

Why do you feel the need to involve the government in your personal relationships?

May - what you are saying makes sense to me..but I just can't seem to get that whole damned "old fashioned" idea of "till death us to part" out of my head....but then again, I am seeking professional help for that particular problem.

If you want my advice, here it is - live in sin.

And married or no, making love would only be a temporary distraction to the problem at hand. A welcomed, but temporary distraction nonetheless.

Thanx for the offer though, brotha....we will always have our dreams, won't we?

 

[Celt]

If you are just nervous about the committment thing, then I would say you have nothing to worry about. If you are unsure as to whether or not she is the one, you never should have asked her to marry you, or accepted {if you were asked by her}. I am getting married in August, and I have my doubts as well. Just hang in there, and you will do the right thing. Also, it would probably be better to make a decision before you are asked to say I DO. lol

 

[KAYNE]

DUDE---YOU WILL GET NERVOUS BUT IF YOU LOVE HER AND HAVE BEEN KNOWING SHE IS THE ONE, JUST DO IT!!! EVERYONE GETS NERVOUS BEFORE THEY GET MARRIED.

 

[May1010]

May - what you are saying makes sense to me..but I just can't seem to get that whole damned "old fashioned" idea of "till death us to part" out of my head....but then again, I am seeking professional help for that particular problem.

BM,

As they say, 'marriage' is a fine institution ... if you're ready for an institution. bedumpbump!

Actually, I'm pretty old-fashioned when it comes to marriage as well. I love the idea of it.

I hope that any particular problem that you may be having is a passing problem that will resolve itself to your satisfaction in the near future.

All the best,
May1010

 

[mrs bigguns 72]

I lived with my ex for 2 and a half years before we got married....we had no doubts whatsoever 20 months later divorce was filed (by him) we had our problems like everyone but we didn't solve them....now a year later (after the filing) the divorce will be infront of the judge in a week and i am still inlove with him and miss him terribly and he loves me and misses me but he found someone else and is not ready to give that up.....Moral being....only you can make that decision as to wheather or not she is the one and if you are ready for it. You have to follow your heart and always try as hard as possible to make things work cause things may not be the same tomorrow.

I'd also have to agree with May....don't get the government involved in your relationship....live in sin. If the commitment is there...why do you need that piece of paper?? and believe me...i was the first that wanted to walk down that aisle...NEVER AGAIN!!!

 

[brickhouse]

i appreciate all the advise guys/gals. i guess you cant predicted the happy ever after life. but i will sure try to pursue it. i never thought posting a question on a board would help me out this much but it has, thanx againtxt

 

[supersizeme]

good luck with your marriage brickhouse. don't become a statistic. personally i would wait until i'm 30 before i even start thinking about getting married seeing as how every single marriage these days ends within a few years. messed up shiat i tells ya.

 

[velvett]

JUST SAY NO TO MARRIAGE.


Very simple. If you are not ready, you are not ready and you may never be. (and there's nothing wrong with that.)

A good friend of mine had doubts about getting married all 6 months while planning her wedding. THEY FIGHT EVERY SINGLE DAY and it's a competition between of who can hurt and dis the other better. No one wants to hang out with them anymore because they bitch and nag at each other all freakin' day long.

They were married 9.30.00.

Go figure.

Side note: I find it interesting that men and women (moreso women) spend an exorbitant amount of time planning the most asinine details of a wedding. Fighting with their future mate, parents and in-laws about who's is to be coming, where they'll be sitting, who wears what, wearing the engagement ring or not at the ceremony but NONE OF THEM TAKE A MOMENT TO THINK ABOUT HOW TO STAY MARRIED and the work that goes into a relationship to keep the marriage flowing.

Ya'll wanna party with that ring on your fingers but you don't want work at the relationship.

And that my friends is very sad.

Edited to add: THAT IS NOT to say there are not many many people struggling to keep alive what they once had. All relationships are hard work and if you aren't willing to work at it you will have nothing. It's those who watch the love that was once between them die that really suffer because they have put so much into their relationship.

Now that is heartbreaking.

 

[WODIN]

Good Luck! Yep that's all I can say and I've been married 14 years! LOL!!!!

 

[The Varnsen]

You´re too young to marry...

 

[Stillhere]

These things must be done...delicately.

Slow your row.

Bmom,

Hang in there.

 

[tomcat]

I think we all understand that everyone is different in regard to what they want and what works for them.

Have you lived together? Or at least spent several days together?
Have you seen how she looks first thing in the morning?
Have you walked into the shitter after she used it and not passed out?
Can she cook? Can you cook?
How do you get along with the Inlaws? How does she get along with yours?
Is the Sex still good after 5 years?

If you have made it 5 years without leaving her or her leaving you and the above is OK, GO FOR IT !!

 

[madbomber31]

BM- live in sin with me... please????

 

[vixenbabe]

I've been married 13 year's on this end...

All's I can say is: Keep it fresh, keep it open, keep it honest,respect each other!!

Enjoy the good times, learn from the bad times!

Nothing good comes easy-TAKES A HELL OF A LOT OF WORK from BOTH people!

Much luck to you both!

 

[smallmovesal]

varnsen you're a glass is half-empty kind of guy, aren't you?

 

[Workin_at_it]

I did the live in sin. I waited 'til 30's to get married. Best advice is to expand on vixenbabes comment:

1) Honesty and openness. any problems here will fuck up your relationship for good. You don't want to spend years walking on eggshells, and sweating everything you say or do. I believe when you are most open and honest, you may have *more* arguments - but not the kind that destroy a relationship

2) Similar values. This is a hard one. Look for people with a similar family background. If you're from a very close family - you're spouse should be too. If you want to raise your kid in the church, make sure they do. If you don't want kids... you get my drift. These three areas in particular are critical I believe.

3) Understand it's work. Releasing some responsibilities, compromising more, spending time doing things you don't want to - getting rid of your Porsche 944 so your 5 year old can go to good schools.

All that said. I'm very happy. I've got a great wife and the perfect child. We went through some tough times and WORKED through it, and life is better than ever.

I hope you are as happy as me.

(PS - flirting is not cheating, as long as you both agree it's not)

 

[karson]

DUDE

RUN...RUN....RUN........YOUR 24, YOULL BE DIVORCED AT 29 WITH A KID, TO BROKE FROM ALAMONY AND CHILDSUPPORT TO EVER LOVE LIFE AGAIN AND WIFE MOVES ON WITH YOUR CASH ANDREMARRIES IN A YEAR. RUN...RUN...YOUR LIFE WILL BE DESTROYED INSIDE 5 YEARS, I GUARENTEE IT....PRINT THIS POST OFF AND LOOK AT IT IN 5 YEARS, YOU WILL WISH YOU HAD LISTENED. LIVE LIFE A LITTLE MORE. LIFE IS LONG MY FRIEND, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO STARE DOWN IT NOW......SHE MAY BE MS. RIGHT, BUT NOT MS. RIGHT NOW,,,POSTPONE

 

[JUSTINCREDBOL]

JUST RELAX. IS SHE EVERYTHING YOU WANT? DOES SHE DOE WHAT YOU LIKE? IF SO, DON'T MARRY HER CAUSE THAT WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING. NO MORE BLOW JOBS.. THAT'S WHAT MINE CHANTED ALL THE WAY DOWN THE AISLE.

 

[ryker77]

WHY mess with a good thing?
If your happy being together why get married.
I know I wish I never got married and am having to figure away out and keep my house.

 

[brickhouse]

i was feeling a little better about it till i read those last three posts. someone once told me all women are cunts (excuse the c word ladies) you just have to find one that you can deal with, somtimes i think that is what i am doing. anybody else agree with this theory

 

[karson]

dude

IF YOUR JUST HOPEING TO DEAL WITH HER RUN. YOU SHOULD WANT TO BOTTLE UP EACH MOMENT SPENT WITH HER. BIG MISTAKE DUDE....SHES NOT THE ONE, IF SHE WAS THERE WOULD BE NO POST. BRO IN THIS DAY AND AGE, YOUR TO YOUNG, LIFE WILL PASS YOU BY MY FRIEND. I SAY POSTPONE, YOU ARE LOOKING DOWN THE BARREL OF A GUN. DO NOT SETTLE, SHE IS NOT WORTH THROWING YOUR ENTIRE LIFE AWAY. IT WILL NEVER WORK AND YOULL BE FUCKED ONE DAY....PRINT THIS ONE TO, MARK MY WORDS, YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET THIS FOR EVER

 

[The Varnsen]

Smallmovesal: Sorry i don´t understand your english...

 

[OKIE]

Brick,

No one is ever going to be perfect. Learn to live with it. I don't think there is just "one" person for us out there. Realize that with every good, there is going to be some bad. You don't need to ask yourself if you can live the rest of your life with this person. You need to ask yourself if you can live the rest of your life without this person. Is it worth it to sow your wild oats? There are going to be problems and doubts no matter who you are with. Another person just means different problems and different doubts. Good luck!

 

[brickhouse]

thanks for the words of encouragement okie