ex girlfriends and holidays at home...

[onebigab]

The group is called the SWV. Ask Lestat or Oak and they'll fill you in.

Agreed. Add another to the list.

 

[wutangnomo]

so I've got this ex girlfriend from highschool. we dated my last two years in highschool, and my first year in college. she was my first love. we broke up when she went to college (less than an hour from my college) but keep in touch over the phone and the occasional dinner date.

holidays are where things get frustrating and confusing for me. she's really the only person I keep in touch with from back home, so we hang out when we go home for the holidays. while we are home, things start off as friends and rapidly progress to "more than friends". Its become pretty standard, and the feelings get intense. she says she still loves me and I still love her. then the holiday ends and its time to go back to school...back to our separate lives. I'm usually sad, but she usually isn't. I spend the rest of the year trying to forget about her every way I can which usually includes dating other girls (that rarely take my mind off of her for long). In fact, this past summer, I actually managed to convince myself that I was no longer in love with her. Or more like my love for her had changed to a diffrent kind of love. I managed to come up with a million reasons why I would never want to date her again.

this winter break, we hung out (standard). Things got good, and after a few days, I began questioning whether or not I really fallen out of love w/ her. By the end of the break, all those loving feelings had come back in full force.

here are some things I am having trouble understanding...
- if we both love each other, then why aren't we together?
- is she confused about what love is...or just incapable of it?
- am I feeling this way cause its the holidays and everyone wants to be loved and comforted during these cold days?


i know things will be better when I get back to school tomorrow and rejoin my circle of friends and fuck buddies. But what i really want is some closure with this exgirlfriend. I'm tired of this vicious cycle of love-hate.

would it be best to not talk to her any more? btw, I tried this last spring and it worked out well for me, but destroyed her.
is it possible to be friends with her?

to sum it up in one line...
I feel like I love her more than she loves me.

sorry for the vent...

Sorry for your pain, but I hope you learn from this.

Your biggest mistake is continuously getting back with your ex during those winter months. BIG mistake! When you love someone deeply and it ends, don't you realize that getting back with that person will only rekindle past flames?

Have you fallen out of love with her? Of course not because you keep hooking up with her. You are still very much in love with her.

Does she still love you? Not in the same way that you love her. During the holidays people feel more lonely then ever as the holiday 'blues' kick in. She USES YOU during this depressing period to get by because you're convenient, but also because you are suffering from those same blues.

- if we both love each other, then why aren't we together?
---- Bro don't always believe what you are told. You may love her deeply, but the same feelings may not be reciprocated by her DESPITE what she tells you. It seems that you have convinced yourself that she is still madly truly deeply in love with you the way you are with her, which isn't the case. Love can be blinding.

- is she confused about what love is...or just incapable of it?
---- She still does love you, just not in the same capacity that you love her. If the only time she hooks up with you is during the cold holiday season, then you are essentially a "comfort friend". I believe it is you that is incapable of understanding this situation so every time you hook up with her your feelings for her are only revamped which you expect her to reciprocate.

- am I feeling this way cause its the holidays and everyone wants to be loved and comforted during these cold days?
---- Yes and no. You clearly love her more then she loves you. If she is able to move on after the holidays are over while you are left struggling with your emotions, then the issue is that you are not truly over her and must do what's best FOR YOU. Stay away and cut off ALL contact from her ESPECIALLY during the holidays. If this tears her apart then that is HER problem to deal with because you have to do what's best FOR YOU. Why is it that you feel guilty about hurting her, yet she doesn't do the same for you? That's called being selfish, so now it's time for you to be selfish and start looking out for number one. She uses you for her own comfort bro. Drop her, enjoy your life and you will find somebody else who will love you the way you want to be loved.

 

[jerseyart]

What Gambino said. Since you obviously can't deal with her on this level without becoming emotionally f'ed, just avoid the chick altogether man.

It isn't that you love her more, its that she doesn't care one way or the other. She's essentially neutral bor

 

[H_T_]

move on, or can you picture yourself doing this same shit 5 years from now?

 

[chewyxrage]

Just stay focused on the sex and avoid the feelings that come with it...

I've been in the exact same situation before cept my ex still goes to my school and lives 2 mins away....

 

[EnderJE]

Sorry for your pain, but I hope you learn from this.

Your biggest mistake is continuously getting back with your ex during those winter months. BIG mistake! When you love someone deeply and it ends, don't you realize that getting back with that person will only rekindle past flames?

Have you fallen out of love with her? Of course not because you keep hooking up with her. You are still very much in love with her.

Does she still love you? Not in the same way that you love her. During the holidays people feel more lonely then ever as the holiday 'blues' kick in. She USES YOU during this depressing period to get by because you're convenient, but also because you are suffering from those same blues.

- if we both love each other, then why aren't we together?
---- Bro don't always believe what you are told. You may love her deeply, but the same feelings may not be reciprocated by her DESPITE what she tells you. It seems that you have convinced yourself that she is still madly truly deeply in love with you the way you are with her, which isn't the case. Love can be blinding.

- is she confused about what love is...or just incapable of it?
---- She still does love you, just not in the same capacity that you love her. If the only time she hooks up with you is during the cold holiday season, then you are essentially a "comfort friend". I believe it is you that is incapable of understanding this situation so every time you hook up with her your feelings for her are only revamped which you expect her to reciprocate.

- am I feeling this way cause its the holidays and everyone wants to be loved and comforted during these cold days?
---- Yes and no. You clearly love her more then she loves you. If she is able to move on after the holidays are over while you are left struggling with your emotions, then the issue is that you are not truly over her and must do what's best FOR YOU. Stay away and cut off ALL contact from her ESPECIALLY during the holidays. If this tears her apart then that is HER problem to deal with because you have to do what's best FOR YOU. Why is it that you feel guilty about hurting her, yet she doesn't do the same for you? That's called being selfish, so now it's time for you to be selfish and start looking out for number one. She uses you for her own comfort bro. Drop her, enjoy your life and you will find somebody else who will love you the way you want to be loved.

I'm calling you Dr Phil from now on...