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A week ago my nephew was over for the day. After he left, he called me to ask if I had "seen" one of his toys that he was sure he left behind.
I was like WTF?
It was so apparent he was accusing me of having stolen his stupid toy. So I told him listen, I hadn't seen it, and if he couldnt keep track of his stuff then maybe he shouldnt have it to begin with really. Definitely dont call me with that accusatory tone cause I would bitch slap his ass.
And truth was I hadnt seen it till that point. But later that day I came across the toy. It had rolled under the couch. It is a jedi light saber. But not the lame kind I couldnt have when I was a kid, becaue my parents were cheap bastards who cared more about rent and food and ignored the other necessities of a childs existence.
This one retracts onto the hilt, so if you press a button it shoots out just like a real jedi sword. Im getting really good at it too. I would have been such a kick ass jedi, but my teachers never encouraged me towards the things I wanted to be, like a jedi or a superhero. The American education system sucks.
So nayway, in my mind, I was honest with him when I first said I didnt have the toy. And he hasnt asked for it since, although he gives me dirty looks sometimes, like looking for a guilty reaction from me. Fortunately I lack shame and guilt, and have an incredible poker face. Also this kid has tons of toys, too many in fact. He's a spoiled lil bitch, and I think in the long run this type of disappointment and despair will help prepare him for later in life, like for when he gets married. So in a way Im doing him a favor.
Plus it looks much cooler when i use it than when he does. He cant even make the "Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" light saber sound right. He has a lazy tongue and lisps like hid dad, so the r's all sound like wq's, which is so not how a light saber is supposed to sound.
Im right, right?
I was like WTF?
It was so apparent he was accusing me of having stolen his stupid toy. So I told him listen, I hadn't seen it, and if he couldnt keep track of his stuff then maybe he shouldnt have it to begin with really. Definitely dont call me with that accusatory tone cause I would bitch slap his ass.
And truth was I hadnt seen it till that point. But later that day I came across the toy. It had rolled under the couch. It is a jedi light saber. But not the lame kind I couldnt have when I was a kid, becaue my parents were cheap bastards who cared more about rent and food and ignored the other necessities of a childs existence.
This one retracts onto the hilt, so if you press a button it shoots out just like a real jedi sword. Im getting really good at it too. I would have been such a kick ass jedi, but my teachers never encouraged me towards the things I wanted to be, like a jedi or a superhero. The American education system sucks.
So nayway, in my mind, I was honest with him when I first said I didnt have the toy. And he hasnt asked for it since, although he gives me dirty looks sometimes, like looking for a guilty reaction from me. Fortunately I lack shame and guilt, and have an incredible poker face. Also this kid has tons of toys, too many in fact. He's a spoiled lil bitch, and I think in the long run this type of disappointment and despair will help prepare him for later in life, like for when he gets married. So in a way Im doing him a favor.
Plus it looks much cooler when i use it than when he does. He cant even make the "Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" light saber sound right. He has a lazy tongue and lisps like hid dad, so the r's all sound like wq's, which is so not how a light saber is supposed to sound.
Im right, right?
