NJjuice22 said:
I saw a post about someone getting engaged and it made me think what im going to do.....
I proposed to my ex last year , she said yes..i then broke the engagement off after a major major argument/fight. So she moved out and sold my ring , she used the money for the deposit on her apartment and furniture or whatever. I;ll tell you all straight out..it was nothing super expensive but it was 2500 bucks and that is a nice chunk of change to me. I told her "keep the ring, do what you want with it" thinking of course she was gonna give it back to me in due time...well it turns out my mom and sister who are like best friends with my ex told her she should sell it and take the money. ok so my dilemna is this......
me and this girl might get back together and when I eventually propose again, i would feel like a chump buying her a nice ring for the 2nd time..im still kinda pissed she sold it...thats a grimy move.
but at the same time, she is the mother of my child so the money was for the both of them.
Bro,
I know we have had our differences in the past, but I'm going to pass on some advice that I learned the hard way ... no, the HARDEST way ... on to you.
If it didn't work out the first tiime, then it will not, in all likelyhood, work the second time. Whatever the reason for the argument that caused you to break it off the first time, are you sure that there are no lingering feelings of bitterness on her side for you breaking it off? Are you going to be able to let it go if she demands a second engagement ring? Is the reason for your first breakup still a problem issue? If you can answer yes to any of these questions, then do yourself a favor, and walk away now, before you suffer more emotional pain than you already have.
I have been engaged two times, and both times I dropped serious coin on the ring. I'm not going into the details of why the first one didn't work out, because it has nothing to do with your situation. However, on the second one, the circumstances are similar to yours.
When I dropped the cash on the ring the second time around, there was no child involved, but the person had stayed with me through 4 deployments in a 5 year period. I thought that she was the one. I bought the ring, and we had a wedding date set. I left active duty military, and entered the reserves. Got a new job. I explained to her that I was obligated for an additional 4 years of active reserve duty, followed by 8 years of inactive reserve duty. She told me that she was OK with that, and I thought that the topic was behind us.
Then 9/11 happened. I was ordered back to active duty a little more than a week afterwards, and went on deployment for the next year and a half. When I came back, we had it out. She told me that she would not deal with another series of deployments. I told her that I had explained this very possibility with her prior to proposing. So, she left, and completely (or so I thought) broke my heart. She sold the ring and used it as part of a down payment on a house. I hadn't even finished making the payments on the ring! But hey, who expected her to turn on me so quick?
I have not been deployed since my last one, and am back at my current job. However, she did approach me again about a two years ago, trying to get back together. We tried, but there was so much animosity about the whole "going back to active duty" possibility, that she dumped me again, and left me with a broken heart a second time. The emotional pain was even worse than the first time.
Point is, and it took me a while to figure this out, when hurtful, or hateful things are said, the memory of them, and thus the emotional pain, never go away. Once the relationship is poisoned, it takes unique circumstances to repair the damage done. I, personally, have never seen it happen.
If you are trying to make it work because of the child involved, ask yourself this question. "Is being with this person going to make me miserable in the long run, and what effect would this have on my child?" I know plenty of men who are excellent fathers to their children, despite not being married, or even currently in a relationship, with the mother.
Dude, if I'm off base here, then sorry. But, I would hate to see you go through the emotional pain and suffering that I experienced.
Zig
Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below 
