Emotional effect --- Question

[Citruscide]

Has anyone here ever felt like they were responsible or at fault for the way someone else acted, but you knew it wasn't YOUR fault... it was because of outside factors??

What I'm getting at is, (and why this is in the SELECT section) is that my girlfriend is going through a hard time now... with her job, she is constantly getting fucked over because she is a woman (Trader at Chicago Board of Options)... also, she has incredibly high hemoglobin and iron levels in her blood which makes her constantly fatigued... which, obviously doens't help her frustration from work.

She acts tired and somewhat "out of it" around me... and I feel it is because of me, but know it isn't...

Just wondering if anyone else felt like this ever... it's tearing me up to see her like this.

C

 

[big4life]

I constantlly do that. If they are acting distant or in any other way than their normal behavior I wonder what I've done or said. I realize that most of the time it's not me, but I still get that feeling in my gut that it's me or my fault.

I can't tell you how to get over this, because I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

 

[TxLonghorn]

Sorry to hear that citrus...it sounds like she has a cool, obviously stressful job though. Trading at the CBOT? Silver? Ahh, nevermind, financial stuff just fascinates me.

Anyways, hope she can make some headway and be judged on her ability and not her gender. I am assuming you threw in that she is always acting tired because of the lack of...well...

 

[Citruscide]

Sorry to hear that citrus...it sounds like she has a cool, obviously stressful job though. Trading at the CBOT? Silver? Ahh, nevermind, financial stuff just fascinates me.

Anyways, hope she can make some headway and be judged on her ability and not her gender. I am assuming you threw in that she is always acting tired because of the lack of...well...

heh heh.. sure.

She is trying to trade at the CBOE... Chicago Board of Options exchange... she trades Stock OPTIONS... it's actually really interesting... I read the introduction and first chapter of one of her books... I find it quite interesting... and have covered some of her stuff in my law classes.

C

 

[Citruscide]

I constantlly do that. If they are acting distant or in any other way than their normal behavior I wonder what I've done or said. I realize that most of the time it's not me, but I still get that feeling in my gut that it's me or my fault.

I can't tell you how to get over this, because I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

You nailed that one on the head brotha... for real. I know I'm not to blame, but I throw it on myself... much like I pile other things on my shoulders...

C

 

[Citruscide]

Fuck, what are there like 4 platnium members on this entire fucking board?? Everytime I put a post over here in select, I get about 2 responses...

I have to make certain posts over here because my girl can read the "general public" posts...so I rely on the wisdom (har har) of the platnium members to help me out with advice.

C

 

[tap0621]

My wife has had a lot of problems. Post Partem Depression, among other things. I got blamed for so much that I started believing that I was the cause of all of her problems. I has taken YEARS of counseling and learning TOGETHER to make some sense of it all.

The one thing that she needs to realize is that feeling you get when she is down and you feel somehow responsible, is called LOVE. My advise (an observation) is you guys aren't communicating. You feel responsible because you don't understand how she feels. Guys are really dumb when it comes to understanding how girls feel. We have to be told. The problem is girls think if we love them and are truely connected with them that we should know all of this shit and do all of the right things. We're just not that intellegent. They need to except that we understand (our) work, working out, and sex. Anything deeper than that will have to be explained in great detail!

 

[Citruscide]

My wife has had a lot of problems. Post Partem Depression, among other things. I got blamed for so much that I started believing that I was the cause of all of her problems. I has taken YEARS of counseling and learning TOGETHER to make some sense of it all.

The one thing that she needs to realize is that feeling you get when she is down and you feel somehow responsible, is called LOVE. My advise (an observation) is you guys aren't communicating. You feel responsible because you don't understand how she feels. Guys are really dumb when it comes to understanding how girls feel. We have to be told. The problem is girls think if we love them and are truely connected with them that we should know all of this shit and do all of the right things. We're just not that intellegent. They need to except that we understand (our) work, working out, and sex. Anything deeper than that will have to be explained in great detail!

We communicate well... or at least I think we do... because it was all cleared up... my doubts, or confusions... were cleared up today.

C -- thanks for the advice guys... this has been a good post.

 

[BigGuns2]

Just hang in there citrucide! You are not responsible for what your girl is going through. You need to be there for her and support her. I'm wondering if the pressure of her job isn't causing her health problems. If so, she should get a less stressfull job. No job is worth compromising your health!

 

[Fonz]

You nailed that one on the head brotha... for real. I know I'm not to blame, but I throw it on myself... much like I pile other things on my shoulders...

C

Citruscide, I have the perfect solution to your problem.

You need to surprise her. Take her out somewhere to
take her mind COMPLETELY out of the work-place.
She's got to feel that you'll always be behind her EVERY
step of the way.

Sometimes, professional women have this problem. They
want to be independent so fiercely that they'd rather
be depressed than ask for help. In other words, they
need to give the impression that they're strong
and can deal with it.(Sort of like men always having
to act macho)

If you succeed, she'll completely turn around, and when
she goes back to work she'll be bullet-proof.

Nothing, and I do mean nothing fortifies someone's
self-esteem better than knowing somebody loves
you.

Good luck in any case.

Fonz

 

[Ercole]

I remember once, a girl I was seeing was really down, and I thought it was something I'd said or done. She told me:

"Everything isn't about *you*, you know."

It made me think, maybe I was blaming myself out of my own self-centeredness. Interesting thought ....

 

[toga22]

Best of luck to you Citruside!!

It sounds as though your girlfriend is carrying around quite a load on her shoulders. Lend her an ear so that she can vent her frustrations...it is not an easy job to have, but I can guarantee that it will be greatly appreciated.

As far as the health issue goes, I speak from the other side of the coin, being a woman who constantly battles with low iron and hemoglobin counts. I am positive that she feels quite heart broken about not being able to give you, and probably others areas of her life, adequate attention right now. Have patience, sweetheart, and let her have the rest that her body needs.

~toga

 

[Citruscide]

Best of luck to you Citruside!!

It sounds as though your girlfriend is carrying around quite a load on her shoulders. Lend her an ear so that she can vent her frustrations...it is not an easy job to have, but I can guarantee that it will be greatly appreciated.

As far as the health issue goes, I speak from the other side of the coin, being a woman who constantly battles with low iron and hemoglobin counts. I am positive that she feels quite heart broken about not being able to give you, and probably others areas of her life, adequate attention right now. Have patience, sweetheart, and let her have the rest that her body needs.

~toga

Thanks. I have cleared things up on my end... at least confusion or thinking that this is somehow my fault... but her end is still messed up. She's got ALOT on her mind about work... and everyday she's there it affects her more. She told me that without me in her life now, she would completely fall apart...I believe her... but I also know that she needs some "her" time as well...

I'm being patient... but it hurts knowing what she is going through and not really having any control over it.

C

 

[Citruscide]

Citruscide, I have the perfect solution to your problem.

You need to surprise her. Take her out somewhere to
take her mind COMPLETELY out of the work-place.
She's got to feel that you'll always be behind her EVERY
step of the way.

Sometimes, professional women have this problem. They
want to be independent so fiercely that they'd rather
be depressed than ask for help. In other words, they
need to give the impression that they're strong
and can deal with it.(Sort of like men always having
to act macho)

If you succeed, she'll completely turn around, and when
she goes back to work she'll be bullet-proof.

Nothing, and I do mean nothing fortifies someone's
self-esteem better than knowing somebody loves
you.

Good luck in any case.

Fonz

Another good response... I gave her a great Valentine's Day... I'm sure she appreciated it... and we are going out this weekend, although, I only have control over one of the nights... since she has the plans for Friday night. I'm goingto try to do something special for her after we go out for dinner with friends on Saturday... hopefully it will help.

C

 

[Citruscide]

I remember once, a girl I was seeing was really down, and I thought it was something I'd said or done. She told me:

"Everything isn't about *you*, you know."

It made me think, maybe I was blaming myself out of my own self-centeredness. Interesting thought ....

Yeah, I know I feel sometimes I am being too selfish... it sucks. I wish I could just view the world from another's eyes... so I could just see what they are seeing and think what they are thinking.

C

 

[toga22]

I'm being patient... but it hurts knowing what she is going through and not really having any control over it.

C

Citrus you truly must have a heart of gold.....your girlfriend is very lucky!!!

Best of luck to your girlfriend--my hat goes off to her!! Competing in a "Male" dominated profession is not an easy task...to say the least. In my "real" job..as a production manger and "future manufacturing engineer", I am constantly battling being a minority. I understand the feeling of "doing twice the work for half the pay", and often have heard my co-workers which are 90% men, say that I have earned my status in the company, not through hard work and dedication, but by "seducing my way to the top", or to "even out the numbers". I hope that she finds the strength inside of herself to fight her battles.......She sounds like a very intelligent women, and I wish her the best of luck!!

Keep your chin up Citrus!! And have a great weekend!!

~toga

 

[Citruscide]

My head is up... I'm going over there in an hour or two... she's in a decent mood... weekend and all... My goal is to keep her in a good mood the rest of the weekend.

What would get her in a better mood, is if I got a job that paid some good money ... and then she got a raise...

Thanks Toga, you seem like you have a good head and are a strong woman, just like my girl (bondgirl) -- she's the greatest... I'd go to hell and back for her.

C