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CNN: Marriage doesn't make you happy.

casavant

New member
WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Most newlyweds experience a brief emotional bounce after their wedding, but they eventually return to the same outlook they had on life before they tied the knot, according to a study released Sunday.

"We found that people were no more satisfied after marriage than they were prior to marriage," the researchers said.

The study was published in the March issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, a publication of the American Psychological Association.

Researchers tracked more than 24,000 people from 1984 to 1995, asking participants every year to rate their overall life satisfaction from zero (totally unhappy) to 10 (totally happy).

The average boost from marriage was small -- one-tenth of one point on the scale, researchers said.

The study, which took 15 years to complete, also found that people who were already satisfied with their lives before marriage were more likely to stay married longer.

"People who get married and stay married are more satisfied than average long before the marriage has occurred," the study said.

Researchers said the results were based on an average and that happiness is an individual experience, reflecting "the fact that marriage can be very pleasant and rewarding but has the potential to be very stressful."

Dorian Solot, co-founder of the Alternatives to Marriage Project, said the study showed marriage was not a cure-all.

"I think it reminds us that there's no magic ticket to happiness. Wedding bells might do it for some people, but true happiness is about you and your own life, not your marital status," said Solot, who also co-wrote "Unmarried to Each Other."

While long-term marriages tend to be happy, a constant search for that initial euphoria could be disastrous, said David Popenoe, co-director of the National Marriage Project, a Rutgers University-based think tank on marriage trends.

"It may be one reason for divorce is they are looking to maintain that high level of happiness throughout the marriage, which is kind of impossible for most people," he said.

The study also found that widows and widowers were less likely to regain the same level of happiness they had during their married years, especially if their marriages were satisfying. Most people who lost a spouse but did not remarry took about 8 years to recover emotionally.

http://www.cnn.com/2003/HEALTH/03/17/marriage.poll.reut/index.html
 
casavant said:
The study, which took 15 years to complete, also found that people who were already satisfied with their lives before marriage were more likely to stay married longer.

"I think it reminds us that there's no magic ticket to happiness. Wedding bells might do it for some people, but true happiness is about you and your own life, not your marital status," said Solot, who also co-wrote "Unmarried to Each Other."

AMEN!

Soooooooooo true!
 
"marriage is an institution!"








yeah, but who wants to be in an instatuton? lolololol
 
i'm miserable normally. i guess getting married wouldn't make be happy. it would give me something to do though. i could make little me's with the bitch and release them on the world. that might make me alittle happier.
 
I'm not so sure I'll ever want to tie the knot. And I'm not so sure it would be a great blessing to bring a child out into this fucked up world.
 
casavant said:
I'm not so sure I'll ever want to tie the knot. And I'm not so sure it would be a great blessing to bring a child out into this fucked up world.

Cas, I had a problem with that also. I didn't want children because it is a fucked up world as you say. Now that I have one, the thought of any pain and suffering that will come to her, tears me up inside far more than I can bear. It really sux.
 
biteme said:


Cas, I had a problem with that also. I didn't want children because it is a fucked up world as you say. Now that I have one, the thought of any pain and suffering that will come to her, tears me up inside far more than I can bear. It really sux.

Yeah, I don't think I'd like all the stress and heartache that a kid would bring. I'd be worrying about them all the time.
 
casavant said:


Yeah, I don't think I'd like all the stress and heartache that a kid would bring. I'd be worrying about them all the time.

The reason I take Klonopin. I'm always worrying about my child.
 
biteme said:


The reason I take Klonopin. I'm always worrying about my child.

You want uncle Nordstrom to come over to take care of her?


I read that report yesterday. It seems to fit with the idea of a baseline, and how you will return to it after 6-12 months, but people with satisfying marriages take 8 years to recover, so i don't know if that violated the idea of a happiness baseline. I read that long term unemployment was the only thing that resulted in long term unhappiness.
 
i am convinced the main reason my parents had such a long, happy marriage was their lack of "quality time" together that so many touchy-feely people whine about incessantlly.

dad worked second shift, mom worked a "normal" hours job. they only saw each other for a few minutes in the morning, and all day on sundays. they were fortunate to have found a mate in the other who was not an insecure jealous fool; someone who enjoyed/gave personal space to the other.

my father died prematurely 9 years ago. although my mother is a slim, attractive, financially well off widow, looking a good 15 years younger than she is, she refuses to consider marrying any the men who chase after her. she keeps telling people that she hit the jack pot on the first try with my father and no man could treat her so well.
 
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what about if two miserable people get married. They can be miserable together and therefore stay happily miserably married for a long time.
 
This article shows a problem with society, and people, in general. There is a belief that a label produces an emotional response, an "end" unto itself, instead of being a "tool" to be used to produce a desirable "end". Simply "being" married produces nothing, but a state of marriage, whereas knowing, and understanding, that marriage is a "value" concept, a tool, that requires actions to produce the positive emotional ends. Without value for the concept and the spouse, the marriage has no positive outcome, and therefore no emotional benefit. Too many think that getting married produces a state of happiness, instead of acting positively towards the spouse. How many say "I'm married, but I'm not happy."? It is no different than saying "I'm white, but I am not happy." What is the label of marriage supposed to do, without the actions of it's components?

Humans feed off of the emotions of others, and in a selfish manner. One does not give gifts to their spouse, simply to give a gift, without desiring anything in return. They "want" the emotions, the happiness, the joy, the surprise, that is produced in the other person, because it produces the same effect in oneself. Give a gift to one who does not show emotion or interest in the gift, and see how you feel. Do nothing for your self or your spouse, and you will get nothing.

Same as being rich. Having money, does nothing, unless that money is understood to be used, as a tool, to obtain valuables/ends, be it home, security or even to give to others.
 
atlantabiolab said:
This article shows a problem with society, and people, in general. There is a belief that a label produces an emotional response, an "end" unto itself, instead of being a "tool" to be used to produce a desirable "end". Simply "being" married produces nothing, but a state of marriage, whereas knowing, and understanding, that marriage is a "value" concept, a tool, that requires actions to produce the positive emotional ends. Without value for the concept and the spouse, the marriage has no positive outcome, and therefore no emotional benefit. Too many think that getting married produces a state of happiness, instead of acting positively towards the spouse. How many say "I'm married, but I'm not happy."? It is no different than saying "I'm white, but I am not happy." What is the label of marriage supposed to do, without the actions of it's components?

Humans feed off of the emotions of others, and in a selfish manner. One does not give gifts to their spouse, simply to give a gift, without desiring anything in return. They "want" the emotions, the happiness, the joy, the surprise, that is produced in the other person, because it produces the same effect in oneself. Give a gift to one who does not show emotion or interest in the gift, and see how you feel. Do nothing for your self or your spouse, and you will get nothing.

Same as being rich. Having money, does nothing, unless that money is understood to be used, as a tool, to obtain valuables/ends, be it home, security or even to give to others.

You make more and more sense the more you post, man.
 
atlantabiolab said:
This article shows a problem with society, and people, in general. There is a belief that a label produces an emotional response, an "end" unto itself, instead of being a "tool" to be used to produce a desirable "end". Simply "being" married produces nothing, but a state of marriage, whereas knowing, and understanding, that marriage is a "value" concept, a tool, that requires actions to produce the positive emotional ends. Without value for the concept and the spouse, the marriage has no positive outcome, and therefore no emotional benefit. Too many think that getting married produces a state of happiness, instead of acting positively towards the spouse. How many say "I'm married, but I'm not happy."? It is no different than saying "I'm white, but I am not happy." What is the label of marriage supposed to do, without the actions of it's components?

Humans feed off of the emotions of others, and in a selfish manner. One does not give gifts to their spouse, simply to give a gift, without desiring anything in return. They "want" the emotions, the happiness, the joy, the surprise, that is produced in the other person, because it produces the same effect in oneself. Give a gift to one who does not show emotion or interest in the gift, and see how you feel. Do nothing for your self or your spouse, and you will get nothing.

Same as being rich. Having money, does nothing, unless that money is understood to be used, as a tool, to obtain valuables/ends, be it home, security or even to give to others.


GREAT POST!


I'd give you karma -but I'm out for the day.


Really, well-expressed post and I wish people would see the wisdom of the reality you have just exposed.

:(
 
Only thing wrong with the article is that it is wrong. Just as a bad room mate can jack up your life, so can a bad spouse. A really good room mate is a joy and so is a really good spouse.

Marriage will make the "lucky" ones happier and the other ones less happy.


You know what annoys me? People who expect me to entertain them and make them happy.
 
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