Being too nice ... is it unhealthy?

[®ª†]

I was talking to my buddy earlier today about the way I do things and how I deal with people on a daily basis. I typically go out of my way to make other people happy and am constantly putting myself at an inconvenience in doing so. When it comes to helping out my friends, I always say yes, unless it is otherwise impossible for me to help them (this is usually when I am unable to get around work and whatnot). The thing I noticed though is that my friends don't really go out of their way for me. They only help me out when it is least inconvenient to them.

I'm just starting to realize that this habit of mine is really tiring me out and I'm not seeing any payoff for it. My buddy told me today that I should only worry about myself for a while and just work to make myself happy ... I don't know if I can do this. I've always worked hard to make others happy and there's rarely a time when I say I can't help and never a time when I say I don't want to. Whenever I ask a favor, I'll put myself out so that I don't think that I'm asking too much or offer up money so I don't feel like I'm free-loading.


The thing I don't get is how the people whom I call my friends complain when I need a little help or ask for compensation for whatever favor I ask of them. It's really starting to make me wonder who my true friends are.

any thoughts?

 

[Sub-Zero]

definately do her.

 

[®ª†]

eh? How is that relevant to this thread?

 

[The Red Dragon]

I agree with sublime, hit that shit man

 

[®ª†]

ok .... I'll do what I can ... now, back to this thread topic.

 

[Sub-Zero]

hit it hard, baseballbat style, extra windup

 

[The Red Dragon]

Make sure you hit her hard enough that she can't walk the next day . Take the other orifice if you have to .

 

[The Red Dragon]

Better yet, get her mouth into it too. YOU MUST GET YOUR COMPENSATION!

 

[®ª†]

 

[RADAR]

I do the same my friends only get with me when they want something.
It sucks don't it?

RADAR

 

[Sub-Zero]

I do the same my friends only get with me when they want something.
It sucks don't it?

RADAR

yeah specially when they are tired of playing reciever

 

[GoldenDelicious]

LOL @ the bipolar beauty hijacks

i know how it is though. i used to help out a lot, run around like a maniac, and barely receive thanks, let alone a return favour

being the way you are is a great way to be, but ou have to be a lot more selective with the people you help. at the end of the day, everyone you know doesnt NEED you. sure they could use the help, everyone can, but really, in a developed country everyone lives in relative excess, so spreading yourself thin doesnt really accomplish as much as you would think

and anyway, by using the phrase "too nice" implies taht youre doing it wrong. too much of anything isnt good.

i get the feeling youre constantly volunteering to help. just stop doing that, and youll be right

cheers

 

[MrMuscle]

im like you man. Im the nicest guy people know. To the point where it gets silly.
Thi summer i decided fuck it, i will not be mr nice and ill worry about myself for a bit. meaning that everytime they called for me to work, in my summer vacation, i said no. Might not sound much, but when you are called on a weekly basis, it is. So im expecting a wash up when i get back to work. But thats ok, im ready for it.

 

[big4life]

I'm just starting to realize that this habit of mine is really tiring me out and I'm not seeing any payoff for it. My buddy told me today that I should only worry about myself for a while and just work to make myself happy ...

any thoughts?

Listen to your buddy, he's right. I have a very good friend who has told me the same thing over and over, and she's right also. I have been where you are at, and I'm still there to a certain extent. For me it is relatives who make demands on me, and just assume that I can do something, or be somewhere without even asking if I am busy. It's a very hard cycle to break out of, but if you don't you're not going to be as happy as you should be.

Good luck.

 

[jerseyart]

Just measure it bro, and learn to recognize what is motivating you. If you are expecting the same treatment in kind, then you will always be disappointed.

Mot people are inherently selfish and self absorbed. I think it's a lousy way to be, and it isn't progress to become more like them At the same time you have to accept being you without the need for reciprocation,a nd you have to guard that your generous nature doesn't overly tax you.

 

[gregory]

You'll be allright, you're trying to be a good person that's all that counts. But you are making a common mistake through inexperience in life (much like i did). You are "projecting", meaning you know that you are a certain way and think a certain way and act a certain way toward you friends, this causes you to expect them to act the same way, either conciousley or unconsciousley.

You need to look at life in a different manner and realise the world is filled with selfish people and you are a minority and they WILL take advantage of you, everytime. So your friend is right, concentrate on yourself more, it will not make you a bad person, it will cause you to be more appreciated.

This is why people never appreciate anything they get for free, but they do when pay for it, take that last part from a business owner.

 

[®ª†]

It's going to be tough ... I have trouble doing things just for myself. The thing about me is that I'm almost always emotionally distressed .... I just put on a happy face and pretend that nothing is wrong. I think this is why I'm always putting out for others. I guess it makes me feel better.