its more or less being able to deal with loss of size post cycle for myself. sure its water, but it makes me look that much bigger. that and i just feel weak in general and look at myself as a weak person when i am off, even though people around me don't agree with me and think i am one of the biggest guys in the gym, i just don't see it that way. on cycle my strength sky rockets and i feel awesome. i usually keep the strength, excluding my chest, but the lack of size makes me feel like i don't deserve to push the weight i am pushing. sounds weird, yes, maybe i am a freak
i have been off for 2 months now (i started a cycle to recover from a deca cycle, but my gear froze so i just redid pct all over again) and right now this is the most healthy i have felt in my entire life. i might not be as big or strong as i want, but everything else in my life is excelling at a rate nothing did for me when i was on-cycle, of which my last cycle was verrrrry long. i had a 4 week break but other than that it went from june to october