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Anyone else here covered in salad dressing?

supersizeme

supersizeme

New member
I am. Thousand Island. The last Thursday of every month I like to bring several containers of it here into work to celebrate an unofficial work holiday that I have always referred to as "Condiments on Your Freshly Shorn Genitals Day." I'm really not sure that everyone else is aware of this special day because I don't see anyone else bringing stuff in other than the normal assortment of pre-cooked meals, but you can supersizeme never forgets. Usually around lunchtime I like to joke with coworkers and say "Hey I'm gonna go into one of the bathroom stalls, strip down, and rub <this months' food condiment> on myself and then tell children's stories to whoever's in the next stall." They usually laugh and give me that "oh you big silly" look, but then I get up and go to the fridge and pull out the tupperware and make a bee-line for the nearest bathroom.

I find the best way of applying it to myself is by splashing it on the wall of the bathroom stall and then essentially mating with the wall. If you've never mated with a wall...well maybe you have but there's been a female in between you and the wall, I highly recommend it, only without the female. The lubrication is key here otherwise you can end up chaffing your magnificent piece in the process and then that's really counterproductive. Once you're good and messy and the person in the next stall is tired of hearing children's stories, I like to forget to put my clothes back on and crab walk out of the bathroom back to my cube, saying "Hey <coworker's name>, how's it going? Touch me. Give me a crouton." to any coworkers if I happen to run into any on the way. They usually laugh and say something to the extent of "oh that crazy guy, he's at it again."

So now here I sit in my cube, glistening and feeling like a salad underneath the soft, flourescent lights. If this isn't happiness, I'm not sure what is.
 
you know, i bet someone touched your soft spot on your head when you were a newlyborn just one to many times.
 
You are making this up. NO ONE is about to think the word "big" when they see you.
 
I thought I was the only one who covers themself in salad dressing... i generally only use it to pick up vegan chicks tho.
 
Mr Muscle you need to loosen up buddy. i'm not saying get right into the whole salad dressing thing, start off with something relatively tame like some lotion or maybe shampoo. we all started off somewhere. maybe you could try taking up a hobby like weightlifting or something...the benefits are tremendous.

wodin you know i don't make shit up. i'm fucking hoss and everyone here at the office wreckanizes this fact. you just have to look at me through a prism to really get the full effect of my bigness.
 
supersizeme said:
wodin you know i don't make shit up. i'm fucking hoss and everyone here at the office wreckanizes this fact. you just have to look at me through a prism to really get the full effect of my bigness.
Click to expand...

You know I got nothing but respect for you buddy. Expect Thousand Islands? I'm all about Blue Cheese or Light Italian.
 
supersizeme said:
Mr Muscle you need to loosen up buddy. i'm not saying get right into the whole salad dressing thing, start off with something relatively tame like some lotion or maybe shampoo. we all started off somewhere. maybe you could try taking up a hobby like weightlifting or something...the benefits are tremendous.
Click to expand...

lol that coming from a cardio queen like yourself just makes me giggle like a little schoolgirl.
 
I haven't laughed this hard since, well, another time when I read one of SSME's posts.
lol crouton




supersizeme said:
"Hey <coworker's name>, how's it going? Touch me. Give me a crouton."
Click to expand...
 
I did this once with a nice basil vinagrette. I will never do it again. Shortly after returning home, my bf arrived and it was NOT a pretty picture. Now he's sort of okay with me working, as long as I have my checks directly deposited into his account (girls aren't good with money and he wants the best for me), but he was very angry that I'd touched food without his permission. Yes, I'm the woman and I run the kitchen, but I'm not supposed to take anything other than my rations. I know that seems harsh but think of all the fat chicks you see every day-- girls have poor self control. So to keep me healthy and pretty, my love has me on a fairly rigid diet. But I appreciate every bite of stale bread I get. That's such a treat. He usually has me on such a low carb intake that I can't even have stale bread.

Anyhow, I got kenneled up overnight to think about how wasteful I'd been and when he opened the bathroom door in the morning, I appologized and all was well. I'm such a lucky girl.
 
Raina said:
I did this once with a nice basil vinagrette. I will never do it again. Shortly after returning home, my bf arrived and it was NOT a pretty picture. Now he's sort of okay with me working, as long as I have my checks directly deposited into his account (girls aren't good with money and he wants the best for me), but he was very angry that I'd touched food without his permission. Yes, I'm the woman and I run the kitchen, but I'm not supposed to take anything other than my rations. I know that seems harsh but think of all the fat chicks you see every day-- girls have poor self control. So to keep me healthy and pretty, my love has me on a fairly rigid diet. But I appreciate every bite of stale bread I get. That's such a treat. He usually has me on such a low carb intake that I can't even have stale bread.

Anyhow, I got kenneled up overnight to think about how wasteful I'd been and when he opened the bathroom door in the morning, I appologized and all was well. I'm such a lucky girl.
Click to expand...


:FRlol: :FRlol:
 
Raina said:
I did this once with a nice basil vinagrette. I will never do it again. Shortly after returning home, my bf arrived and it was NOT a pretty picture. Now he's sort of okay with me working, as long as I have my checks directly deposited into his account (girls aren't good with money and he wants the best for me), but he was very angry that I'd touched food without his permission. Yes, I'm the woman and I run the kitchen, but I'm not supposed to take anything other than my rations. I know that seems harsh but think of all the fat chicks you see every day-- girls have poor self control. So to keep me healthy and pretty, my love has me on a fairly rigid diet. But I appreciate every bite of stale bread I get. That's such a treat. He usually has me on such a low carb intake that I can't even have stale bread.

Anyhow, I got kenneled up overnight to think about how wasteful I'd been and when he opened the bathroom door in the morning, I appologized and all was well. I'm such a lucky girl.
Click to expand...


you don't need him... i'll treat you better and i need a subserviant!
 
LMAO! You never cease to amaze me....

Please loosen the onion slices wrapped around your shorn genitals, you'd be a lot funnier ....
 
well the lettuce is getting a bit brown on the edges from the other day... and it started falling off too... so i'm mostly naked, but i've replaced most of the leaves with cheese slices since i figure processed food lasts longer...
 
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