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Any Parents Only Teach Abstinence?

You know this was a question I struggled with especially once I separated. How could I teach "saving yourself for marriage" when I was a single parent myself. I had no idea how long it would be before I remarried, that is IF EVER.

I remember several email exchanges I had with an Israeli photographer about the topic. He also was divorced and had two young children. His viewpoint opened my eyes. I remember him saying, "Why would you teach your daughters that sex was only for love? Then she will fall in love with the first snake that finds his ways into her panties."

:worried:

I remembered my own sexual history and decided he was closer to correct than the whole "saving yourself for marriage" theory.

My time in Paris sealed the deal for me. The people there were VERY liberated sexually. My roommate was from Lebanon which is a VERY sexaully repressed country. That only made me my opinion that it is better to raise children that are liberated BUT VERY WELL-INFORMED and to teach them self-respect above all than to raise them to think that sex is only for marriage and they are going to hell if they enjoy sex.

...just my 02.

Sadly, I haven't had much of an opportunity to teach my children much about anything.
 
my girls are 7. . .my boy is 21 months tomorrow. . .i won't have to cross that bridge for a little while yet. . .thank God. . .when the time comes, i'm sure i'll chicken out and let my wife take care of that stuff. . .i'll stick with teaching them to ski, how to do the butterfly stroke, how to throw a split-finger fastball, how to shoot a single leg takedown. . .you know. . .the important shit :FRlol:
 
digimon7068 said:
my girls are 7. . .my boy is 21 months tomorrow. . .i won't have to cross that bridge for a little while yet. . .thank God. . .when the time comes, i'm sure i'll chicken out and let my wife take care of that stuff. . .i'll stick with teaching them to ski, how to do the butterfly stroke, how to throw a split-finger fastball, how to shoot a single leg takedown. . .you know. . .the important shit :FRlol:
Click to expand...


:worried:


I don't know what the F imma gonna do when it comes time for my girl to interested in boys...
 
I have two boys that I already told, don't every buy a nice car without taking it for a test drive. I did not say it when my daughter was around but I will tell her the same thing, only wait until she is about 22 before we have that talk.
 
My Daughter knows that boys come after college. Babies come after Marriage. I am trying the brain wash method. So far it's working
 
I know that you guys are speaking tongue-in-cheek but once those hormones start raging and if you are in a situation that is especially hard, guess what? You've got no control anyway.

My near 15 year old has been sexually active for over a year now, but what happened to her is a crime, not "just a bad situation."

Luckily, as my younger three see how poorly life is going for her, they want NOTHING to do with behavior like hers. Still my 13 1/2 year old has dabbled with drinking and smoking pot. Ya'll think that just because I tell her that "sex is evil" that will make her not do it? I hope ya'll don't think that I EVER endorsed drinking or doing drugs.... guess what? SHE STILL DID IT.

The good news is that I am still as close as I can be with my 2nd daughter so she trusted me enough to come to me and tell me. They were all IM conversations as we dont have any other access to each other. So now, imagine how hard it was for her to confess. She didn't have to. I mean, how else would I know? It's not like her father knows or even gives a shit.

Open up your eyes people and start getting honest with your kids. ARM THEM WITH KNOWLEDGE AS KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.
 
groan!!!

Why cant parents just do their job ; and pick what they want to do ; and leave the parenting to the parents??

Maybe an optional sex ed course that is offered at school ; kinda like drivers ed. That way if the parents who WANT it; can choose to send their kids to class, and the ones that are uncomfortable dont have to and can teach their kids they way they please.

Of course you'd have to figure out a way to pay for it ; let ppl vote on it by district; and let the people have their say.

The absinence only is rediculous ; I agree, but parents should be talking to their kids about sex

Kids at that age should not be having sex. THey dont understand the consequenses. They just dont understand. They can hardly see into next year; much less the next 18 years.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
I know that you guys are speaking tongue-in-cheek
Click to expand...


i'm not. . .my wife is MUCH more sensible than me. . .i fully intend to let her take care of that stuff and i will support her. . .period. . .
 
NEWSFLASH!!!

The American Journal of Medicine documented an alarmingly high rate of children as young as the age of TEN with venerial diseases present in THEIR THROATS.

OK... where do you think these little girls learned to give head and to whom do ya'll think they were giving it to?

And no, this wasn't *just* in the inner city.

WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE.
 
I told my boy to be a good boy and keep his penis to himself. Of course, he's in the womb, so it isn't to difficult for him to comply with mom's wishes...lol.

Gosh, I don't know. I used to tell my warn my little sister (12 years younger) that boys mature later and that they will say anything to get in your panties, etc. I never told her to be abstinent. I just told her to make damn sure she knew the boy's motives. I also didn't tell her to go out and do it.
 
Good Luck trying to enforce that dumb-ass line of reasoning..... :rolleyes:
 
Arming a child male or female with accurate information about how their bodies work (this includes the FEELINGS that come with the onset of puberty) and about sexually transmitted diseases and accurate information about contraception IS NOT the same as saying, "Now go out and doink anything that will let you - there are ZERO consequences."

I am happy that they teach about these topics in school as it has been a long time since I had to deal with these things and I have forgotten certain tiny details, not to mention all the new and improved SCARY SHIT the kids today have to deal with.

The problem is that NO ONE is talking openly and honestly to these children without shame and embarrassment. For fuck's sake - HOW DID WE ALL GET HERE?

I was also very uptight the first time I had to talk about sex with my children. My oldest was about 4 and I was very pregnant with her baby sister. She wouldn't give up asking me HOW the baby got "in there" until I broke out the baby book and told her accurately and without too much detail HOW a baby is made. I swear to God, I aged like 10 years in 10 minutes. But when it was over, the earth didn't open and swallow me whole, neither was my child damaged from it.

TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN - AND WHEN THEY TALK BACK - LISTEN!!!
 
The problem is that people are depending on the school to teach the children what should be a parent's decision to teach abstinence or not.

People are never going agree on what the school should teach because its an opinion. No one is ever going to agree on an opinion. People are going to bitch about their tax dollars being spent on programs they dont agree with ; that goes both ways because obviously people dont like abstinence only programs.

The children whose parents dont teach about these things should have some sort of a program AVAILABLE to them however. but all that costs money you know.

And I dont think that abstenence only is a bad thing to teach kids, but you have to be realistic about the children you have. Some kids it works, some it does not. You have to know the kid.
 
I am not looking at that video..
I am still debating on how I should speak to my children when they get age appropriate. I want to have an open relationship with my kids where they will know that they can come to me, where I wont judge but I will listen and offer my sound advice..I am not saying that I am going to be a mom that lets her kids run free. I am saying I would rather my kids tell me they are thinking of becoming active so that I can teach them about protection and all the risks..It is sad but in this day and age people are not waiting....I have toyed with the idea of getting my girl on Bc as soon as she turns 13 but then I have thought to myself well isn't that basically giving her a green light....I have severe mixed emotions as to how I will handle it when the time comes. I mean my mom never really spoke to me about much and I went on my own to get bc (of course my mom knew because she worked at the dr's office) but she never spoke to me about any of it. Hell I did not even tell her when I was pregnant at 16 because we did not have that open communication. She read it in my med records..I dont want that with my daughter. I want to talk the talk with her, and be there to listen. I want her to be prepared and to know all that there is to know.And I just pray that all 3 of em will not fall to peer pressure or that curiosity will not get the best of them.
 
cindylou said:
The problem is that people are depending on the school to teach the children what should be a parent's decision to teach abstinence or not.

People are never going agree on what the school should teach because its an opinion. No one is ever going to agree on an opinion. People are going to bitch about their tax dollars being spent on programs they dont agree with ; that goes both ways because obviously people dont like abstinence only programs.

The children whose parents dont teach about these things should have some sort of a program AVAILABLE to them however. but all that costs money you know.

And I dont think that abstenence only is a bad thing to teach kids, but you have to be realistic about the children you have. Some kids it works, some it does not. You have to know the kid.
Click to expand...

I dont know what it is like in your state but back in NJ when my children got to the age where sex ed was taught (6/7th grade - too late in my opinion) they were all sent home with a note for the parents. If the parents did not give consent for their child to be in the class then the children did not have to attend that class. They offered some sort of alternative. There was also a place in the note that said if the parent had some sort of questions or comments about the curriculum (it was fairly well outlined) then please let them know. The only part of the curriculum I had an issue with was the part where they taught about steriods. I volunteered to come to class to discuss issues associated w/anabolics if the teacher needed help. I didn't want my children and their classmates subjected to the hysterical media proliferated bullshit and taught REAL FACTS.

The teacher called me and thanked me for my comments, said that in all her years she had NEVER had a parent volunteer to come help teach the class.

Abstinence only is foolish IMO.

Just like saying just say NO to drugs. I think it far more effective to show a kid the autopsied degenerated brain of a clubkid and say, "Hey, it's your choice if YOU WANT YOUR BRAIN FRIED... GO FOR IT!"

I believe a better approach would be to have the class have empathy bellies and the babies that cry at all hours unless you hold a key in them a certain way for X amount of time. Not a substitute for "the real thing" but about as damned near close as one can get IMO.

Regardless, there are some kids that just won't listen no matter WHAT you tell them... I think the odds are better though if you take the "arm the kids with valid information then boost their self-esteem to make them feel THEY are in control of their own destiny" approach.

But as I said, purely my opinion and I could be 100% wrong.
 
angel, I dont have kids, but I am wondering what I'm going to do too.

The number of abortions if it were really known would shock alot of people. Kids are having sex. They just are not thinking about the consequenses.

Thinking back I know 4 girlfriends who got pregnant before 16 ; and 3 others at 18 or before.....and I know 5 friends who got abortions ; 3 in my own family (cousins etc) and one of them has had more than 1!! This is in my small little world in the midwest. and abortion is illegal in my state!!!! Oh crap , I just thought of another person in my inlaws side of the family who had an abortion too. So thats alot of women who got pregnant, even though not all of them had the child.

Its just so many!!! :(
 
BIKINIMOM said:
I dont know what it is like in your state but back in NJ when my children got to the age where sex ed was taught (6/7th grade - too late in my opinion) they were all sent home with a note for the parents. If the parents did not give consent for their child to be in the class then the children did not have to attend that class. They offered some sort of alternative. There was also a place in the note that said if the parent had some sort of questions or comments about the curriculum (it was fairly well outlined) then please let them know. The only part of the curriculum I had an issue with was the part where they taught about steriods. I volunteered to come to class to discuss issues associated w/anabolics if the teacher needed help. I didn't want my children and their classmates subjected to the hysterical media proliferated bullshit and taught REAL FACTS.

The teacher called me and thanked me for my comments, said that in all her years she had NEVER had a parent volunteer to come help teach the class.

Abstinence only is foolish IMO.

Just like saying just say NO to drugs. I think it far more effective to show a kid the autopsied degenerated brain of a clubkid and say, "Hey, it's your choice if YOU WANT YOUR BRAIN FRIED... GO FOR IT!"

I believe a better approach would be to have the class have empathy bellies and the babies that cry at all hours unless you hold a key in them a certain way for X amount of time. Not a substitute for "the real thing" but about as damned near close as one can get IMO.

Regardless, there are some kids that just won't listen no matter WHAT you tell them... I think the odds are better though if you take the "arm the kids with valid information then boost their self-esteem to make them feel THEY are in control of their own destiny" approach.

But as I said, purely my opinion and I could be 100% wrong.
Click to expand...

I dont think abstinence only is foolish at all. I just dont think that its for everyone. I have no problem with arming kids with valid information, however. I just support the right of parents choosing what to teach their kids. I agree with everyone lol :)
 
BIKINIMOM said:
I dont know what it is like in your state but back in NJ when my children got to the age where sex ed was taught (6/7th grade - too late in my opinion) .
Click to expand...

My daughter just had sex ed in 5th grade.


no, i'm not teaching abstinence. Its too late for my sons anyway.
 
stilleto said:
My daughter just had sex ed in 5th grade.


no, i'm not teaching abstinence. Its too late for my sons anyway.
Click to expand...
you bought 'em hookers?

I think abstinence is more something you demand, not teach.
 
javaguru said:
Do you think it's going to work?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6row3Z7CTf4
Click to expand...

My triplets are only 9 and my baby girl is 4 but we teach them to make good choices and the consequences of bad choices as well as being responsible for your actions with a good sprinkling of good old honor, respect, loyalty, honesty, and courage. They all know school work before play and fitness is preparing yourself for being able to fight the good fight in all aspects of life. They do calistenics everyday and go to the dojo twice a week. I've started some light weight work with the triplets. A parent can't be with their kids 24/7... we have to teach them to make the right choice on their own.

S
 
I am an example for my daughter. Shit I thought I knew it all. When she is old enough to understand sex and the consequences of it, I hope she looks at me and sees all the struggles I went through being a young single mother.
 
roadwarrior said:
My triplets are only 9 and my baby girl is 4 but we teach them to make good choices and the consequences of bad choices as well as being responsible for your actions with a good sprinkling of good old honor, respect, loyalty, honesty, and courage. They all know school work before play and fitness is preparing yourself for being able to fight the good fight in all aspects of life. They do calistenics everyday and go to the dojo twice a week. I've started some light weight work with the triplets. A parent can't be with their kids 24/7... we have to teach them to make the right choice on their own.
S
Click to expand...

WERD
 
digimon7068 said:
my girls are 7. . .my boy is 21 months tomorrow. . .i won't have to cross that bridge for a little while yet. . .thank God. . .when the time comes, i'm sure i'll chicken out and let my wife take care of that stuff. . .i'll stick with teaching them to ski, how to do the butterfly stroke, how to throw a split-finger fastball, how to shoot a single leg takedown. . .you know. . .the important shit :FRlol:
Click to expand...
What happens when your little girls are picked up for a date by a guy just like you? :worried:

Remember, your wife did fall for your lines...... :worried:
 
javaguru said:
What happens when your little girls are picked up for a date by a guy just like you? :worried:

Remember, your wife did fall for your lines...... :worried:
Click to expand...

http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/7481041-post6.html :)

she's from west virginia and we're not even related. . .i assure you, it took more than mere "lines" :)

honestly? i treat their mom with the utmost respect at all times. . .their standards will be so high, i don't think i'll have to worry about it for a while.
 
jh1 said:
:worried:


I don't know what the F imma gonna do when it comes time for my girl to interested in boys...
Click to expand...

You'll just learn to deal with it.
 
All I know is I prefered dating girls that had strict parents, and tought abstinence.

(like jack)
jacksf.jpg
 
all the whey said:
All I know is I prefered dating girls that had strict parents, and tought abstinence.

(like jack)
jacksf.jpg
Click to expand...

As funny as this post is - I believe it to be THE MOST POIGNANT.


Think on that a minute people.
 
covergrl80 said:
I am an example for my daughter. Shit I thought I knew it all. When she is old enough to understand sex and the consequences of it, I hope she looks at me and sees all the struggles I went through being a young single mother.
Click to expand...

But you learned and got your act together. I made lots of mistakes... screwed up big time and had to work very hard to fix my life but some things are out of reach because of it. That's a big part of the way I am now.... it's like the biggest preacher against drinking is a reformed drunk. I don't want my kids to have to go through all that.
 
ballet gal said:
No. Many parents will swear up and down that their kid woudn't fuck, but they are clueless. They'll just be sneakier about it if the parents are vehemently opposed. People were born to fuck. Oops this is biteme, I need to log her out and log back in...
Click to expand...
In high school, a girl had the strictest religious upbringing imaginable. Church three times a week and her parents screened everything she was allowed to watch. She sneaked out of the house to have sex and she was pregnant by seventeen.
 
digimon7068 said:
http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/7481041-post6.html :)

she's from west virginia and we're not even related. . .i assure you, it took more than mere "lines" :)

honestly? i treat their mom with the utmost respect at all times. . .their standards will be so high, i don't think i'll have to worry about it for a while.
Click to expand...

That is a great way to teach them how a couple should interact. Nothing like a good example and role model.

S
 
javaguru said:
In high school, a girl had the strictest religious upbringing imaginable. Church three times a week and her parents screened everything she was allowed to watch. She sneaked out of the house to have sex and she was pregnant by seventeen.
Click to expand...


yep. I hear about this all the time.

I think you really really need to teach your children the values you would like for them to have under the age of 10.

after that, if you force them to be who they are not, or even who they are, they will go in the opposite direction. Rebel. and look what happens?

Her parents should have trusted that they raised her well enough to allow her to watch what she liked, and let her choose how many times she would attend church , if at all.

I've seen that so many times!!
 
roadwarrior said:
That is a great way to teach them how a couple should interact. Nothing like a good example and role model.

S
Click to expand...

WERD

I have said it time and time again, "The greatest gift a man can give to his child is to love that child's mother."
 
all the whey said:
All I know is I prefered dating girls that had strict parents, and tought abstinence.
Click to expand...

'Cause that made the conquest more complete?
 
Mr. dB said:
'Cause that made the conquest more complete?
Click to expand...

Probably, more so that given the proper circumstances it made the conquest easier.

A parent must give a child certain freedoms and responsibilities commensurate w/that child's age and maturity level. They will all leave your home one day (at least, a parent HOPES they will LOL). If they don't have the tools necessary to do well, then chances are they will fumble unnecessarily.

WE ALL FUMBLE. That is just part of life. So why make your child's life unnecessarily difficult by keeping these valuable tools from them?
 
Mr. dB said:
'Cause that made the conquest more complete?
Click to expand...

No

They are sluttier, then the regular sluts.
 
all the whey said:
No

They are sluttier, then the regular sluts.
Click to expand...

My point exactly. These girls have no clue what they are doing as no one ever taught them anything about "the real world". So when they get there, they go hog wild. It's actually pretty sad.
 
digimon7068 said:
http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/7481041-post6.html :)

she's from west virginia and we're not even related. . .i assure you, it took more than mere "lines" :)

honestly? i treat their mom with the utmost respect at all times. . .their standards will be so high, i don't think i'll have to worry about it for a while.
Click to expand...
I'm just saying you had to work a little game to get in there.....

What if your daughters find the "bad boy" and decide they need to turn him into someone like her dad? :worried:

Monitor the friends....I was once told,"As you associate so you become."
 
javaguru said:
I'm just saying you had to work a little game to get in there.....
Click to expand...

man. . .i got's no game. . .when we met, i was 24 and she was 22 and it took me. . .well. . .a "while" to close the deal. . .lets just say it took me a period of time that is more easily stated in something longer than weeks. . .a playa i'm not. . .

but, i get your point. . .and believe me, i'm a watchful parent. . .
 
"People will fuck."- Kurt Vonnegut

I'm no parent, but it's best to be logical about such a big part of human nature. Unless you're sexually difunctional for whatever reason, see the above quote, and realize the best you can do as a parent is teaching your young one(s) the most responsible ways of doing it, as well as the possibly life-altering consequences otherwise. Then give them their favorite treat; for their cognitive association of this advice with something good is the best you can hope for.
 
I am anti-abstinence
pro abortion....girls generally learn thier lesson after having 1-2 unborn fetuses sucked out of them.
and the stress it causes young men will make them cover the snausage for awhile afterwards

but again, education rules. though most people still have to learn the hard way
 
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