Am I the only one who does this?

[alien amp pharm]

okay, now that I actually read past the first sentence of the original post I realize my advice made no sense.

Carry on without me soldiers...

 

[Nathan]

Wtf dude?

Yeah, I don't feel like it hurts me really. Mostly it's been around school though I don't really have a choice since I can't very well be a dick or else completely screw myself over with my co-workers. So I duck out of the outside of work get-togethers cause ti's like fucking hell, I deal with you people 40 hours a week, NO MORE. But to them it's their social outlet (no friends outside school) so it's kind of interepreted the wrong way. I think they get it, but still.

And as for the girls, one of them has been pissing me off recently and my buddies put it into perspective which sort of sucks. To me she's a friend but she had a thing for me when we started hanging out. She's a riot and we have lots of mutual friends so I was like whatever, we can chill. But obviously my intentions were clear by never making a move. So this girl texts me and IMs me all the time LET'S GET TOGETHER. So I'm like sure let's do it up - though mostly it's this bullshit with this girl. But she blows me off, and it pisses me off cause I wouldn't do that to a friend, which tells me I'm still that other guy to her and since there isn't much chance of anything happening she's bailing (hopefully I'm wrong). Bitch. It's not like I think she's into me still - it's just more like we're casual friends which is all well and good but in that case shouldn't she message me with the frequency of a casual friend instead of almost daily for fuck sake? And naturally I won't be rude and just ignore her cause I'm an idiot. She's fucking lucky she's funny.

Am I the only one who can separate shit like that? Once you are in the friend zone, you're fucking there. Let it go. Whatever. I've got enough friends it's just sort of like either fuck off or chill. God damn.

 

[Nathan]

people think they're being nice by doing that, but in the end it's saving everyone trouble. it may be a temporary sting or feeling of rejection, but ultimately it's the best decision for everybody. leading anybody on is poor character.

it's like a client that strings me a long and is just a shit kicker, and then after 2 weeks of still being on the fence he goes "well....i think im going to go with <xyz>" or just avoids my phone calls altogether. you either want to do business with me, or not.

you either want to be date me or not, it's simple.

This is very true. And I definitely try to make it clear what I am up for and what I am not. I'm not perfect and I'm sure have fucked this up in the past, but you can always tell. And as for the whole waste shit, there a few girls I'm very glad I didnt' sleep with since I didn't want a relationship with them but did enjoy their company. And because of that I've enjoyed cottage trips with groups of mutual friends, concerts, parties, nights out, meeting other girls I really WAS into through them, etc.

I used to give myself a hard time for it since a lot of my buddies would just bang the girls they weren't really into anyways to get their numbers up (or something - still not clear on why dudes do that), but in retrospect, man alive one of the best decisions I ever made. If nothing else, girls know other girls. And by keeping the descent ones around, you get introduced to other, often hotter descent girls.

 

[calveless wonder]

This is very true. And I definitely try to make it clear what I am up for and what I am not. I'm not perfect and I'm sure have fucked this up in the past, but you can always tell. And as for the whole waste shit, there a few girls I'm very glad I didnt' sleep with since I didn't want a relationship with them but did enjoy their company. And because of that I've enjoyed cottage trips with groups of mutual friends, concerts, parties, nights out, meeting other girls I really WAS into through them, etc.

I used to give myself a hard time for it since a lot of my buddies would just bang the girls they weren't really into anyways to get their numbers up (or something - still not clear on why dudes do that), but in retrospect, man alive one of the best decisions I ever made. If nothing else, girls know other girls. And by keeping the descent ones around, you get introduced to other, often hotter descent girls.

that's true. i give you credit for not banging girls you're not really interested in. i do the same thing, if they turn me off in other ways, i can't be turned on by them physically. i guess i'm kinda like a chick in that way.
my friends used to bust my balls (especially in late high school, early college) because i would reject very attractive girls beacuse i didn't like their personality or they were just fuckin annoying. like i said, it came back in other ways, and usually made the girl want me more (and other girls)
and yes, karma bro. you fuck people over, you manipulate them..you're only harming yourself and burning bridges. chicks always know other chicks, and the cool ones LOVE hooking their guy friends up!@

 

[Nathan]

I'm with you there. I think it just took a few years to actually start enjoying the perks of not being a dirtbag. I'm not going to lie to you, I wasn't so good that I didnt' sleep with girls I found annoying. There have been a few times...unfortunately a good chunk of my list....that it was a purely physical attraction and I knew after the sex I was going to be done with it. BUT I was pretty honest about it usually. And not only that, but there are a lot more attractvie retards out there than there are attractive non-retards. Maybe that is just my impression but yeah.

 

[jerkbox]

i'm much too polite with people....though, over the years, my patience has worn thin...i've learned to let people know i'm not interested in whatever it may be, with a little tact.

 

[heavy_duty]

I'm hearing all this shit and reminds me of my younger days.
I think I missed out of banging about 25 more chicks than I did because of this.

Yah you get the pussy but just not as much as the assholes!

 

[Nathan]

I'm hearing all this shit and reminds me of my younger days.
I think I missed out of banging about 25 more chicks than I did because of this.

Yah you get the pussy but just not as much as the assholes!

See, girls will let certain things go if they're really attracted to you, but I like having a descent rep (at least from my perspective). And not only that, but I generally don't say no to the ones I'm really into or really atracted to - I've been powerfully shallow for a while now. I'd say I have friends who have been with more girls, but not typically more girls I actually found really hot. Like, I was attracted to every girl on my list. The one I would say I was the least attracted to I found cute and she'd get hit on in the gym and crap in front of me but I wasn't like whoa I'm way into this girl. That was a mistake too since she ended up basically breaking into my house uninvited and threw herself on top of me while I was watching tv in bed I HAVE TO BE WITH YOU I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU. Pretty sure I undershot with that one. I mean, who does that shit? Still, the story makes me sound like an all-star so I'll tell it. I'm awesome in bed, just in case there's any confusion here.

 

[LuluDeren]

Honestly, no need to beat yourself up over being compassionate, or having a conscience.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Honestly, no need to beat yourself up over being compassionate, or having a conscience.

What she said, but minimizing your time with people that you really dont like (even as friends... WTF was up with that one broad who was up in your shit, begs you to hang out and then blows you off? Male or female, that broad is WHACK.) is in your best interest.

I would rather be alone or spend time with a good friend or family than to feel like I am trapped socializing with someone of either gender just because I dont know how to feel like I am being mean for not wanting to hang with them.

Does that make sense?

I can not tell you how many dates I had been on that should have been over after, "Hello." but continued on for what seemed like YEARS because I didn't know how to interrupt or just not go out for fear of hurting the dude's feelings.

Thank goodness I dont have to date anymore.

But seriously, why do you feel that your feelings and free time are so much less valuable than those of someone else?

You seem like a really sweet guy but you need to *stand up for yourself* a bit. Remember, YOUR TIME is your most precious commodity for you can NEVER get it back once its gone.