Alone in a Crowd...

[Frackal]

Warning: Rambling Thoughts---


Whether this comes off as pathetic, conceited, or what, I'm going to tell it like it is...I truly feel as if, when I am walking in a crowded public area, or generally around people, that I am seperate from them, observing in part fascination and part wonder...

I'll tell you, I feel that I have virtually NOTHING in common with a single person my age or near it...there is not a single topic of conversation that I can carry with anyone, when I chat w/ people my age it is normally a formality type situation where I am just being polite but in reality am kind of bored and detached.

I live bodybuilding, this I will not change, I love it, every aspect of it, it brings me great joy, but also it sets me so far apart from everyone else that at times I become frustrated...not because I wish I were like them, but because I wish I knew someone like me. I know many of them on this board and others, but that is as far as it goes...

And it's not just bodybuilding...I do not watch any television, I do not have an interest in watching Pro Sports such as the Superbowl, I am not interested in drinking or parties for the most part, (havent' been to a party in a long time.)

I haven't even tried to get a girlfriend even though, and I am being honest, I could with relative ease..the reason is I don't even feel it would work because we would have simply nothing in common.

When I watch people, I honestly feel I am watching, for the most part, lost sheep who are desperate to have meaning and self worth in their lives, and who wrongly attempt to achieve this by buying the "Latest Thing" and following the "Hot New Trends." They are led around by Corporations and Government, oftentimes not two different entities, being controlled by constant bombardment by Advertisements to the point where I cannot imagine how they do not go insane...

The poor diets and lack of fitness combined with mind-numbing activities and a certain Coolness associated with being stereotypically stoner-ish..(waaaaazzzzzzzzuuuup) results in a basically weak and worthless society easily manipulated by Corporate and Government Monoliths with agendas geared toward nothing but personal gain.

I do not feel as though I am necessarily superior to the average person, I feel blessed that I am able to "step away" from the MerryGoRound of Life that everyone else is riding and watch as they go round-and-round so fast that they become dizzy with all that is going on and they cannot process it and hence cannot realize that they are going NOWHERE...spirtually, mentally and physically they are only going backwards...I feel as though I am standing outside of this merry-go-round I once rode and am now a silent observer.

Or am I just crazy? :-D

 

[OMEGA]

you are not crazy

you are right on.

to seek the approval of others is to be their slave.

being you is all god wants from you......and if thats different from the rest....then so be it.

you know the reason why you are what you are.........now harness it.

 

[PinK233]

You're not crazy, I can relate....I've finally reached a stage where I am comfortable with myself....I no longer try to "keep up" with other people my age as far as drinking and partying b/c I could honestly give two shits about that anymore...I don't do what's "cool" I do what makes me happy...not everyone will agree with what I do but they can kiss my ass...I feel bad for people who are followers and play themselves up to be something they are obviously not....BE YOURSELF we don't need anymore sheep!

 

[JohnyJuice]

Couldnt have said it better myself. Although i do like to party, we differ on that. I dont drink or anything like that though, did to much of that in high school. I feel alone and lonely, even though i have people all around me, so count yourself lucky you arent.

 

[starfish]

Frackel,

It takes some people 60 years to figure that out.. Consider yourself lucky

 

[Frackal]

Well I am proud to be ahead of my time and all...but what the hell am I supposed to do now? lol...I mean, I AM only 19, I was kind of hoping I'd meet some interesting folks in CCollege but it looks like the same old poopouts that I see everyday...

 

[§äñît¥ Pôí§ðñ]

there are actually quite a few people who feel exactly as you do about this
i am what would be considered an "observer"
i dont really participate in normal life or social activities, nor do i have any desire to

it's like lonliness.. you either accept it and move on, or it eats away at you
it seems like you dont have a problem with it bothering you, and it's GREAT that you have bodybuilding as a hobby. some people arent as lucky, and just use drugs or other self destructive shit to occupy their time

 

[Lao Tzu]

yeah i can relate. i assume that to you i am another 'normal' person. to me, you've always seemed somewhat on the edge & 'off', but no more than bo-cephus, scrappy, myself, nature boy, etc are. just differently.

when i realized that my younger brother was the same way i was i felt less alone. i know he did too. if/when you find someone you can relate to the sanctity of that emotional bond will partially make up for the feeling of loss you get from having uncomfortable emotional bonds with others. the reality is, a small percentage of people are worth being around (most of the time). and what you get from them is worth more than the bonds you would get if you were 'normal'.

i think about 5% of people feel the same way, but they usually consider the other 5% to be bullshitters or something. i used to be realllly heavily into corporate exploitation, but i am off that now. now i focus more on government evils, the trickery & fraud of day to day life

read something about 'conflict theory' in sociology. it sounds like something you might believe in.

 

[JohnyJuice]

Where do you live frack? Your location says "turn around", but i didnt see you.

 

[Frackal]

That's true dread lady (email me and tell me how you're doing!!)...I used to dabble in drugs a bit when I was a younger youngin'...like 8th grade..but now I just masturbate a lot.

 

[Frackal]

Nordstrom, I have always thought you and a great many others on this board were unique similiar to myself...

JJ- I live in CO

 

[JohnyJuice]

Fuck. i was gonna say, if you live in Northern Florida, lets go to the gym.

 

[Lao Tzu]

Fuck. i was gonna say, if you live in Northern Florida, lets go to the gym.

you can hang out with warik.

was that a joke? maaaaaybe

 

[JohnyJuice]

warik is in south florida. I plan on looking him up when i go downb south for spring break.

 

[Bigsatan13]

Are you at the point yet where you are imagining the pathetic masses with their heads smashed in? Don't worry, it's just around the corner.

 

[Pamela]

Not crazy.

You sound like someone I know.

 

[KAYNE]

FRACK
IF YOU THINK FEELING ALONE IN A CROWD IS BAD. YOU SHOULD TRY FEELING ALONE IN A CROWD, AROUND YOUR FAMILY, WITH YOUR GF, WITH YOUR FRIENDS, IN YOUR OWN DAMN HOUSE!!! TRY THAT AND GET BACK TO ME.


KAYNE

 

[HighIntensity]

George make this man a mod,

pure knowledge brother

peace

 

[WODIN]

I was in the Grocery store last night picking up a few things and in a rare moment I took time to notice people..most are either living in total arrogance or total fear. It was very evident on their faces as I proceded through the checkout.

For Casavant.

As I was checking out....

I said "Hello how are you this wonderful evening?" to the check out girl. She was like..."I'm fine, thank you for asking." and smiled and I noticed a slight lift in her spirit.

 

[HighIntensity]

I said "Hello how are you this wonderful evening?" to the check out girl. She was like..."I'm fine, thank you for asking." and smiled and I noticed a slight lift in her spirit.

Jesus does walk among us

 

[WODIN]

Jesus does walk among us

LOL!!! I did walk through a pretty deep puddle last night...

 

[polarpixie]

Hey Frackal, I'm glad you wrote that. i was just thinking those thoughts last night...and tonight....and I have thought those similar thoughts on many other days too. I used to always look at other people and think....should I act like them just because they look like they're having fun or because that's what being 'normal' means? Now I look at them and think, I'm glad that they're happy doing whatever they're doing, and I'm glad I no longer feel like something's wrong with me if I don't act the same way as other people do. You are not pathetic or conceited or weird...maybe a little...but that's a good thing. If you're not unique, then you don't think for yourself, and that is a very sad thing...

I like being an observer. Many great things are achieved by 'observers', not sheep.

I said "Hello how are you this wonderful evening?" to the check out girl. She was like..."I'm fine, thank you for asking." and smiled and I noticed a slight lift in her spirit.

I always try to do that too...makes 'em feel less like robots.

 

[dballer]

Frackals been reading my mail again.


Frack.. you are 19 I am 9 years older than you. I felt the same way you did. Here is what will happen. In your mid-20's you will change and start to find people you like.. this will be happy times! Then towards the end of your 20's you will go back to feeling like the last snake in the desert. If that helps.. You need to start reading Rollins books.. you will thank me later. Start with the older ones.

 

[gorilla_boy]

You're not alone on this one, Frack. I would have put it exactly the same way. Seems you've grown up more quickly than most.

 

[Liberator]

yeah i know what your saying here, ive been throught all that

rathern than writing out a novel on the fundamental elements that make the social mechanism, i would say this

try to find a happy medium in your life, earn enough money to enable you to be financially secure and also to fund your hobby, dont get too complicated

occupy your time by setting yourself goals, be it financial, mental or physical, conquer and master things, you can find your true worth in this, in your ability to continue to succeed where others go sideways and fail; hopeless dependent on how they are viewed by others.

stick to your goals, but do what feels right to you, make your own mistakes and learn from them

what you have to understand is that you can never be an observer of society, you might think you are, but you are not, you are hopelessly entwined in it like everybody else, it is an infinity and basically at this time, there is no where to step back from it. this shit does your head in after a while, so concentrate your efforts on developing yourself rather than thinking you are not part of something you are.

also dballer is right !!

have a good day

 

[BigDdaGanjalist]

MAYBE you're just coming to the realization that you are a loner at heart.
There's nothing crazy about that.

when you havent found yourself (you're only 19) yet everything external seems trivial because it doesnt apply to any of your internals.
you ll be ok man, being confused and disoriented is healthy.

you'll be this way till someone or something enlightens you.

I feel the same way on some of your points.

 

[casavant]

I feel ya. I can sympathize with much of your post [although I do like to party, I do seek women (for better or worse-probably worse), and I do have some friends my age.] But I understand what you're saying. I was the one who would sit alone on field trips in elementary school and stare out the window while everyone frolicked in back. I feel very seperate from many my age at times, and much of the world in general.

 

[Puc]

I imagine that introversion/etc. is quite common amongst the denizens of elite.

Why the hell else would we spend our time on a message board?

We are lacking the companionship of people of like mind so we seek it from farther away than our immediate locality (not Canada, though, they suck).

 

[polarpixie]

Try being a woman and feeling like how you do most of the time. At least it's cool and mysterious for guys to be loners but women are supposed to be social animals!!! Don't get me wrong, I love goofing off and hanging out with my friends when I do hang out with them! But most of the times, I'd rather just stare out the window and think.

 

[p0ink]

I can relate to pretty much everything you are saying. I am 20 years old and all I really care about is lifting, grappling and school. I don't make much time for anything else. I lift 5 times a week, grapple 4 times a week, do work for my classes and eat and sleep. I am a member of a fraternity, but I do not have anything in common with anyone. I don't drink, I stopped doing drugs, I don't go to clubs. I sometimes feel like I am missing out in life, but then I realize I am doing exactly what I like to be doing, and that I am damn good at what I do. So why change? Why should I start acting like the jackasses around me or how mtv says people our age should act. fuck that, i'll do my own thing, thank you.