19 and havent had a girlfriend

[p60]

I thought I would ask you guys something for a little opinion,

Ironically these days one of the things that I am self conscious about is the fact that I am 19 years old and I havent had a girlfriend. I know that at this age, this is considered somewhat more common. Some reason though I worry that women will judge me for this if they find out, and think that I am not worth the time.


So anyways, what I came to ask is this:

I know girls will negatively judge a guy if they've had 'too many' girlfriends in the past...
but would they negatively judge a guy if they've had 'too few' girlfriends in the past?

 

[rjl296]

they might caller him a "loser"
but , they may not

 

[rjl296]

????

 

[Code]

GO away!
Why won't you just GO AWAY?!

 

[p0ink]

god dammit! why do you fucking care so much? do you have any idea how much it sucks being in a relationship?

are you looking to fucking get married? if not, who the fuck cares. just find some girl with some serious issues who will let you fuck her from time to time.

it is far more enjoyable being single, and doing what you want to do, when you want to do it.

 

[Silent Method]

You're fine. Relax. When you do find some dates, take it easy.


Hmm, on second thought....perhaps your attitude of "women, you all suck, i cant believe any of you" is not the biggest turn on for the girls??

 

[Bullit]

Do I not recall that you have a list the length of a football field of 'dealbreaker' qualities that she must posess?
Any one of which is almost impossible, but combined gives you a 1/10e999999999999 chance of finding her?

Things like "must be a 9.5/10 MINIMUM and yet have never even kissed another guy"???

Re-fuckin-diculous

 

[p60]

damn, it was just a simple question,


i dont know why but I just do wanna get in a relationship, and I dont want my 'loser' past to hinder me,
i guess I am wondering if it could,

Bullit,
yea- one of the things that hindered me was that my expectations were too high, so I'm learning that I either gotta drop them lower, or turn myself into some kind of super hero so I'm her equal.


But yo, I'm serious,
sadly enough I had this on my mind at work all day and it was causing me a lot of anxiety, "what a girl would do if she found out i hadnt had any girlfriends before."

i know that sounds rediculous, I know it does myself, but for some reason it still wont stop fucking bothering me, (part of my obsessive compulsive thinking issues)

i figured maybe a few responses on here about what would happen, might ease the anxiety in my mind and help me continue on with life, dead serious.

 

[Raina]

My first serious bf was almost 19 when we started dating and he hadn't ever had a girlfriend before. At least in his case I'm going to say it's because he didn't get when women were flirting with him. I completely threw myself at it and he was so insecure that he didn't think I was interested. Finally I had to flat out tell him that I wanted to date him and he was really surprised because he hadn't read any of my actions and flirting.

I don't think it's bad for someone not to date until they're a little older. My little sister didn't have her first bf/kiss or anything until she was 20. I don't think it would bother most people to know you didn't have dating experience....but it sounds like you might be fretting too much and psyching yourself out.

 

[Bullit]

yea- one of the things that hindered me was that my expectations were too high, so I'm learning that I either gotta drop them lower,

Fuckin right you gotta lower them, unless you honestly plan on being a girlfriendless virgin your whole life.

Take me for instance.. all I require is that she is female, under 180 lbs, has at least one working eye, 1 leg and , at a minimum, 4 fingers (total).

 

[louden_swain]

I started dating and had a girlfriend at 18.

It was a miserable fucking experience. . . .

 

[louden_swain]

You're only 19, just go out and have fun. Don't look for someone to spend the rest of your life with. Look for someone to have fun with.

exactly!

 

[big4life]

You're only 19, just go out and have fun. Don't look for someone to spend the rest of your life with. Look for someone to have fun with.

 

[p60]

You're only 19, just go out and have fun. Don't look for someone to spend the rest of your life with. Look for someone to have fun with.

what if they dont want to 'have fun' or even get in a relationship, because they found out you havent had any girlfriends before, and thus think you are a total loser or something??

gosh I'm so self conscious, and I think about things way too much, this totally blows

 

[satchboogie]

get a hooker and get it over with.

 

[NOT rickcorso]

what if they dont want to 'have fun' or even get in a relationship, because they found out you havent had any girlfriends before, and thus think you are a total loser or something??

gosh I'm so self conscious, and I think about things way too much, this totally blows

who says you have to tell em?? just say youve been with a few girls but never ahd a serious relationship

 

[big4life]

what if they dont want to 'have fun' or even get in a relationship, because they found out you havent had any girlfriends before, and thus think you are a total loser or something??

gosh I'm so self conscious, and I think about things way too much, this totally blows

Just ask them out. You don't have to give them a complete history before your first date. Girls your age are just as self conscious.

Loosen up and have fun.

 

[casavant]

You need to stop giving a fuck... about everything.

 

[-SD-]

Maybe if you wouldnt act like youve never had a girlfriend when you are with girls then they wouldnt give a shit. Ive never known of any girl to ask how many girlfriends Ive had, or anyone else for that matter.

 

[Ceebs]

You need to stop giving a fuck... about everything.

I hear meth is good for that.

 

[casavant]

I hear meth is good for that.

 

[makedah]

If a woman likes you, then she likes you. LOTS of 19-year-olds have never been in a relationship.

p60 - Deal with those anxiety/self-esteem issues, ok, hon? Otherwise, you'll talk yourself out of every potential flirtation or you'll end up with some woman who mistreats you and you won't be able to "see" it because that's how you treat yourself. Been there, done that.

 

[biteme]

Didn't have one until I was 18 and she was jealous of girls that I had gone out with. Doesn't really matter.

 

[Corky Thatcher]

I thought I would ask you guys something for a little opinion,

Ironically these days one of the things that I am self conscious about is the fact that I am 19 years old and I havent had a girlfriend. I know that at this age, this is considered somewhat more common. Some reason though I worry that women will judge me for this if they find out, and think that I am not worth the time.


So anyways, what I came to ask is this:

I know girls will negatively judge a guy if they've had 'too many' girlfriends in the past...
but would they negatively judge a guy if they've had 'too few' girlfriends in the past?

Like I've already said in your other thread, you should seriously think about seeking help from a qualified mental health professional in your area.

 

[Lao Tzu]

wait until you've turned 24 and haven't had a girlfriend. i'm looking forward to being 30 and never been on a date.

 

[the nature boy]

dude, don't worry. Bullit is in your shoes and he's in his early 30's. and look at him, he's fine..... well........ hmmmmmm...... actually nevermind. he's fucked up. don't be like him.

here's some advice, when in doubt, lie. if some chick asks how many g/f's you've had say 2 or someshit.

 

[Corky Thatcher]

wait until you've turned 24 and haven't had a girlfriend. i'm looking forward to being 30 and never been on a date.

Have your general physician refer you to a mental health professional in your area.

 

[Lao Tzu]

Have your general physician refer you to a mental health professional in your area.

a nice mixture of introversion and apathy is not a mental condition.

 

[Corky Thatcher]

a nice mixture of introversion and apathy is not a mental condition.

That neat little combo could be symptomatic of an underlying mental problem, such as protracted depression.

 

[p60]

Re: Re: 19 and havent had a girlfriend

Like I've already said in your other thread, you should seriously think about seeking help from a qualified mental health professional in your area.

i currently am,

i have obsessive thinking issues, where my thoughts sometimes stop my life from going on and all i can do is sit and think about this stuff.
it feels like I have no control and can't make myself stop!
I pray that someday I will be able to make myself stop.

 

[gmanlax7]

never having had a gal won't be a problem unless you keep making it this crippling issue

when was the last tiem your dick got wet>?

 

[Corky Thatcher]

Re: Re: Re: 19 and havent had a girlfriend

i currently am,

i have obsessive thinking issues, where my thoughts sometimes stop my life from going on and all i can do is sit and think about this stuff.
it feels like I have no control and can't make myself stop!
I pray that someday I will be able to make myself stop.

That is great to hear.

Do you feel that you've made progress with your current therapist? Many people need to try out several therapists before they find someone who truly understands their needs and concerns.

Are you currently in behavior therapy? Most people who suffer from OCD benefit greatly from behavior therapy.

 

[p60]

Re: Re: Re: Re: 19 and havent had a girlfriend

That is great to hear.

Do you feel that you've made progress with your current therapist? Many people need to try out several therapists before they find someone who truly understands their needs and concerns.

Are you currently in behavior therapy? Most people who suffer from OCD benefit greatly from behavior therapy.

yea i have tried out quite a few and think i am with one right now that I like.
I will check into what kind of therapy i am in right now, and ask about that.

 

[Austin316]

bah Im 21 and never had anyhtng serious either, messed around wih a few, sex with one, but nothing substantial ever seems to workout for me, oh well

 

[PancakeFiend]

P60, you'll find someone someday, just focus on making yourself the best person you possibly can. Get yourself a good career, a good body, make yourself a list of stuff you've always wanted to do but never had the time to do, just keep busy.

 

[The Red Dragon]

17 nothing, absolutely nothing . I think you may be OCD dude...I think about this stuff from time to time but in the grand scheme of things I really don't give a fuck. Of course we're not really qualified to help you since OCD is a bitch to treat without any qualifications. Drugs and cognitive behavioral therapy should do the trick.

Corky, were you joking about the therapist thing at first?

 

[casavant]

just focus on making yourself the best person you possibly can.

Nah man, don't tell him that. He needs to lighten up about trying to make everything "just so" and fuck off a bit.

I'm serious though.

 

[PancakeFiend]

lololol

 

[Corky Thatcher]

Corky, were you joking about the therapist thing at first?

No, not at all. Why would you even think that I was joking?

 

[Frackal]

Jeez man just lie about having a couple casual GFs in HS or something. A white lie thats harmless.

 

[DeepZenPill]

Just don't worry about it. I went out with one girl who became hot all of the sudden when she lost some weight. She never had a boyfriend before, and worried about that shit all the time. She couldn't believe I was interested in her, and that constant worrying and unchanging insecurities drove me away from her. It's a shame because we were great friends before the relationship.

The point is, if you keep occupying yourself with that thought, it's just going to bring you down and lead to further defeat. HAVE SOME CONFIDENCE. Any half decent girl is not going to give a shit if you haven't had a girlfriend. You're entire life is ahead of you so don't get hung up on such trivial past experiences.

 

[MFMan]

Think you got problems. I'm 34 and haven't moved out of my parents house or had a girlfriend in 7 years. I'm unemployed and I'm grounded for staying out to late last night. Pucker up asshole! Could be worse. Believe me.

 

[ConstantChange]

p60, would you care if a girl you liked had never had a boyfriend? I don't see why a girl would care how many girlfriends you have. If she does care about that, find another girl.

You only have one problem to worry about.....your confidence. Who cares about not having a g/f, not kissing a girl, not having sex, etc... It only matters to you, I doubt anybody else even thinks about it.

You need to take things one step at a time. Don't worry about finding a girlfriend, first try to talk to a few girls. Start building your confidence up. Would you be happy if some girl came up to you and started talking? That'd be cool right? So just think how happy that makes the girl feel when you come up and talk to her (unless she's just a bitch).

Thinking about it won't change anything......you got to do it!

 

[Imakarum_Mirabilis]

Maybe, if you sit on your lazy ass some more, all good things will gravitate towards you.

 

[vinylgroover]

There is so much to enjoy in life that doesn't invlove being in a relationship, particularly at your age.

Get out there and live it up........if you find someone in the meantime that you would like to do stuff with and share time with fine, but you're too young to get obsessed about that now.

And all that talk about how having been in serious relationships previously makes you more mature and able to handle your next relationship is bullshit............i know people that have had 4 or 5 long relationships and they still don't know how to deal with girls.

 

[makedah]

Maybe, if you sit on your lazy ass some more, all good things will gravitate towards you.

It's rough, but it's right!

 

[Robert Jan]

DZP is right

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

what if they dont want to 'have fun' or even get in a relationship, because they found out you havent had any girlfriends before, and thus think you are a total loser or something??

gosh I'm so self conscious, and I think about things way too much, this totally blows

I wish I could tell you what to do. I can just say that I've had ocd from age 12 that lasted 8 years, the last four were on 60 mg of prozac. Plus I had STRICT parents that made thing worse. I couldn't bring a chick home at all without getting a lecture. I basically shelled up and got depressed even more. The prozac all it did for me was make me not give a shit about anything. I was happy in school but not at home, and I knew chicks liked me but I couldn't open up to em. The longer you wait the more time you waste. You just gotta get out of that self defeating mind state and go after those chicks. I was into my early 20s before I had anyone you could call a girlfriend. And if they can't understand all the shit you seem to have been through, provided they think you're normal otherwise, then they're probably not worth it.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Re: Re: Re: Re: 19 and havent had a girlfriend

That is great to hear.

Do you feel that you've made progress with your current therapist? Many people need to try out several therapists before they find someone who truly understands their needs and concerns.

Are you currently in behavior therapy? Most people who suffer from OCD benefit greatly from behavior therapy.

Not always the case, unless you're talking with other people who have ocd or had it. A therapist who's never had ocd won't do jack shit for you, only you know what's wrong. Look into some prescription drugs, (paxil sucks, I've had friends who say it made their depression worse) and tell your parents about this shit, they should know or be concerned if they are any good. I'd avoid prozac though, it took the ocd away from me, but didn't change anything else. Plus it has sexual side effects such as loss of desire which isn't cool. Good luck bro. Things will get better if you really want them to.