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*snap* *snap* Yes, I did!!!
You guys have been great
- Thread starter cindylou
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*snap* *snap* Yes, I did!!!
did cindy bombed java?
lol@musclemom
not sure I've seen her bomb someone before
not sure I've seen her bomb someone before
FTR- I never had any beef with Java, and still don't.
lol....our relationship was a fake relationship. java's words.
jesus...the male ego is so fucking fragile. My drinking and big mouth combined with his cheap imitation of true confidence....recipe for disaster
true...
then all I have to do is think about the things he posted online and I get angry all over again...like I was reading the thread where I called his phone @ 12:30 I guess...I was on the phone w/ shirlene..so I hadn't called him...but what if I had..why wouldn't he answer the phone to talk? And then be cruel enough to post how often I called and the fact that I was even calling him at all was anyone's business other than ours. I just don't understand it. The only reason I'm posting about this here publicly is because I realized that I have some good friends on here...I didn't even realize that until the past 48 hours where a ton of people have been reaching out to me..it makes me feel really goodand in that thread everyone but javaguru acted like a human being. See..I knew exactly how he would act when it ended with us because I saw how he acted earlier when I was post stalking his old posts (lol) I remember reading that and thinking to myself "Im reading the future..this is how he's going to act when we stop talking" but I didn't want to believe it because it seemed so different than his real personality..but then he went and proved me right! I didn't want to be right..but what do you do when youre usually right?
In all fairness if I had met Greg even two years before I did I wouldn't of had anything to do with him...but then I genuinely think he had a brain injury because hes so wildly different...sooooooo..lol
I would of just believed it was an act too if I hadn't seen his family's reaction to seeing him for the first time in 6 yrs..they all commented over and over again at how different he was
oh of course,
no reason for you to..I don't need people to pick sides. I'd like to be able to stay friends w/ him if at all possible...right now I'm still too angry to ever speak to him again...especially when I think about what he posted about having to change his number and our relationship was fake 
talk about verbally abusive..that hurt more than if he hit me...well...maybe not he's a big guy..but still..lolll maybe later I can start reading his threads/ watching his vids again...idk...
c'mon now, his wrists are the same size as his biceps. I think you could take him Cindy.
I agree, and I brought that up w/ java and asked him about it and then I let it go and I told him I'd never bring it up again. java's pride was so bruised that I'd even question his character and integrity he kept bringing it up... at 4 am after I'd been drinking for 10 hours...see where I'm going? I was going to let it go..but its not abnormal to search old posts..in fact I brought it up with two other female members on this site BEFORE the big blowout w/ java because I wondered if I was just over thinking...they both said that they had researched old posts of their online relationships as well...so I think its a natural chick thing to do.
I dont know the psychology of the internet persona..there are many who have "characters" and people who are displaying versions of their real self or their real life persona...so I admit I don't know much about that. He claimed that I kept bringing it up..but I wasn't it was HIM that was bringing it up..its still bothered him that I'd even question him at all...
PICK3
New member
c'mon now, his wrists are the same size as his biceps. I think you could take him Cindy.
olololololstr8!
the dude staring at JG must have slipped in under the "don't ask don't tell" policy
wonder if he's sporting wood
lol...I've seen him on webcam and he looks nothing like that...at all...he's a big guy..hottttt
we were supposed to meet in 12 days lolll
damn him
olololololstr8!
the dude staring at JG must have slipped in under the "don't ask don't tell" policy
wonder if he's sporting wood
lol!!! I actually lol'd....omg
hilar
lol sorry
tell her to gtfo!
tell her to post nudes!
billfred
New member
Sorry for the tough love here but I truly believe these are your steps:
The 12 Steps
Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable
Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God
Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out
Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs
billfred
New member
I know - but I took a nap
thanks billfred..I know this isn't going to be popular to say but I'm not that kind of addict...I can stop drinking easily..I can modify my behavior by understanding when I crave alcohol and when I'm likely to carry out that type of behavior...what Im feeling and thinking and take steps and be ready to intervene....I'll eliminate it. I just hadn't bothered before because drinking was fun and it had not caused me any real problems....
billfred
New member
Yeah but I skipped lunch. You have a spy cam on me
lol@having to even ask
lol...now that shit freaks me out. You don't actually do that...do you Mitch?
ask iggy
PICK3
New member
olololololstr8!
canadianhitman
Well-known member
Glad to hear you are staying around.
of what
billfred
New member
They all say that. Step one is admitting you are.
I don't know you well enough to pass complete judgement but I read enough think I do.
Before everyone jumps my shit, let me qualify myself with the fact my Father goes to AA as does 7 of my brothers and sisters. One sister who does not will die of liver failer in the next year. One Aunt died Cirrhosis of the liver as well.
As jnegro said - you will need help - can't be done alone.
billfred
New member
much bigger than this I hope
You have to be big to wear those glasses
billfred
New member
I'll take it into consideration. Thanks.
Let me just throw one more thought out there for you. You only have a few more years to get something done before this will have permanent psychological on your Daughter.
Ok off my soap box
just curious...but how does drinking on teh weekends after she goes to bed going to have any psychological damage on Abby? No one knows how much I drink except for EF...no one. Its a part of my life that is on it's own..I have my own special rules for not letting it ruin my life except for relationships...
sorry but if the most of my problems caused by booze are posting embarassing posts on EF and pissing off men...are those really problems? lol! I mean, I am quitting because I don't want to be a bitch..but psychological damage?
billfred
New member
I will go offline and discuss it with you in detail if you wish
what do you mean...like a phone call? You'll have to wait until tomorrow when I get my replacement phone lulz
billfred
New member
Lol - no no calls from me. How about a pm?
Damn i should have never made teh youtoob vids now no one will want to talk to me since everyone knows what i sound/look like (idiot)
anyone ever notice that because no one ever goes into plat anymore all the threads get hijacked instead?
and the iggs screen shot make me lololol everytime I see em too
werent you guys told to cut it out with that tho?
and the iggs screen shot make me lololol everytime I see em too
werent you guys told to cut it out with that tho?
lol...I lol'd pretty hard when I saw that myself.....
Abby has been weird lately...I'm guessing she is having nightmares...she's been down since 7 and woke up about 15 min ago..we took her blanket and snuggled for a little bit but she cried when we put her back down. I'm not sure this is a power struggle or if she's scared? idk...
Abby has been weird lately...I'm guessing she is having nightmares...she's been down since 7 and woke up about 15 min ago..we took her blanket and snuggled for a little bit but she cried when we put her back down. I'm not sure this is a power struggle or if she's scared? idk...
Kayka has been like that since...forever
its always cuz she drinks too much milk before bed and has to go potty tho
its always cuz she drinks too much milk before bed and has to go potty tho
billfred
New member
Ha - I am going off line to slap you down. Jacked Jesus and all.
jnevin
New member
Cindy, drinking like you have been goes way farther than just when you're drunk. Realize it or not, it's affecting your every day mood, temper, decisions, etc. Are you slow and grumpy in the morning when you weren't? Do things bug you faster than they did before? Do you get anxiety at times when you didn't before? I know all of these things could go hand in hand with the stress of divorce, but I promise you 1000% you'll be better off if you cut that poison out of your life and talk to someone. Go to a womens' group (trust me on a womens' group, AA is a meat market) and just be truly honest with yourself and whoever you tslk to. I lied to myself for years and will never get them back. Don't put yourself through what I put myself through.
huh? I didn't see a call.
javaguru
Banned
LOL @ Cindy playing the victim card....she has a bigger ego than I do....she would argue that 2+2=5 if she chose that position...I know from experience. She actually tried to argue that her abusive language was a "joke we both made up"??? It wasn't a joke and I'm not trying to make friends on EF...I call it as I see it; That's why I hung up on her last night...I can't abide lies....I know EF just buys her bullshit and It's interesting our feminist at large.....Musclemom acts like a stereotypical passive aggressive female by bombing me but that's just childish...if she had balls she would have challenged me on the open forum....
Crap, you're gonna get her all wound up again.
javaguru
Banned
Thanks for diffusing the MM haterade bomb...
javaguru
Banned
Hell rob, she would be more mad if she knew about the stuff I did to protect our e-relationship. She was always complaining about me being invisible on IM...it was for a reason. I told her about melody hitting me up when I was visible and chatting with her for about half an hour. What I didn't tell her was the fact Melody elaborated on her "equally yoked" argument for breaking off our relationship..it wasn't about her being a super Christian and me an atheist...it was that she thought I wasn't committed to making the move with her once she got her MSN....Yeah, that threw me for a minute but I don't re-visit old relationships...Mel had her chance.
bigpokey
Banned
wow what a protector, ur almost like a savior, maybe you're jesus and thats why she liked u
What we need to re-visit is something Cindy mentioned earlier, did you drop the L word on her?
And what's this about a meat-up in 12 days, you flying to Missouri?
Sorry bor, you gotta be circumsized to be her friend. Better luck next time.
Abby wants nothing to do with you. She told me.
Pretty sure he's not gonna answer my questions.
Lambruh...I didn't shoot you down. I actually considered restoring my account for EF but have not made a decision about it yet. If I do..you're the first one I'll add.
bigpokey
Banned
oh well, big LOL @ him tryin to cry on your shoulder after he pulled the robbery on u
yeah, you can hang up on me..call our relationship fake..call me an alcoholic an abuser..a snake..post on EF while I'm on the phone with you..post on EF about my problems at all..post about how many times I called you...yeah I'm "playing" a victim. I feel like a victim..you victimized me by making me believe you loved me and then put me through the last two days as a knee jerk reaction because I hurt you. You are more fucked up than I ever anticipated. I was wrong for doing what I did and I take responsibility for that but what you did to retaliate was worse. cindylou is so fucked up lets discuss her problems on elitefitness thread..it was entertainment to you. I'm just waiting for you to start posting IMs and Kmsgs at this point...
I didn't lie to you...I can't remember the situation behind what happenened. I can remember what I saw when I said those words..where I was standing and what I can see..but I don't remember what I was thinking/feeling. I don't remember. I don't know. My mind wasn't working correctly...I'm just trying to understand my own motivation for why I said that but I can't...I"m trying to figure out what I was thinking and right now when I go back in my memory and put myself in that position..I thought we were making entertainment for EF...thats all I can come up with.. I know that sober cindy would never want to hurt you...I don't like to hurt anyone...but you can't pull from that..you can only remember where I hurt you and your need for me to be punished for it.
I feel horrible that I hurt you and I'm beating myself up for that right now. That's what you want..that's what you've got. And I know you don't care anymore and I know you enjoyed putting me throught what "you thought I deserved" because you got to see that I wasn't perfect. You told me that it was okay for me not to be perfect and that you'd work w/ me on anything but you wouldn't tolerate me cheating..well that was a lie. You told me yourself you didn't have a problem with how much I drank..but you fell for some fantasy cindy who was perfect and never did anything wrong in your mind. I could never live up to that fantasy..I knew I wouldn't be able to. Which is bullshit because you've told me stories of ex's who have hit you while drunk...so... you got to see a side of me that wasn't good..Maybe I'm the reason I'm alone..I'll accept that...all I can do is work on it and move on..not much else I can do besides sit here and try and sort it all out....I tried to warn you.. I have had this conversation with you many times...I'm not always nice. Remember how bad I felt the next morning after the whole getting an A conversation and I was worried I was eventually going to do something to fuck this up...
You wanted me to act in a manner which is impossible for me right now..emotionally stable and ready for a relationship...secure..confident..trusting you wouldn't break my heart if I gave it to you..which I did. You promised me everything and broke all of those promises to me. You promised that you wouldn't hurt me and that you wouldn't leave me. You deny our relationship even being real..which is so fucked up..I don't even want to think about it because it sucks so much...I confided in you things I have not told anyone...I trusted you to protect me...even when Im not showing you my best side all the time.
So..yeah..I definately wont do an erelationship again. The guy can promise you the world and then take it all back and say it wasn't real. Take away any opportunity for normal closure too. Like normal people would do so they could both sort out what was happening and say their peace and move on. Someone who has had closure does not post like this on EF but what else am I supposed to do..I have to get these feelings out of me..and I'm still trying to decide if the relationship was even real? If it wasn't real..how pathetic does that make me that I'm hurting over it?
I knew there was a reason behind why you were invisible..I just wanted you to tell me why.....lol @ perfect melody's excuse for breaking your heart and abandoning you..pathetic....like your "reason" for doing the exact same thing to me...why didn't you just tell me that? I knew there was a reason
and lol @ me having a bigger ego than you. Sure I can argue a little but you've always been better than I am at the arguments that actually have something behind them...legit conflict. You have cut me down to size. lol@ me having any pride..are my posts the post of a girl who has any pride? All you'd have to do is call me or IM me and my heart would soften in two seconds...yeah I have an ego bigger than you do
enough to write this book of a post on ef and showing you and everyone my misery over all of this when I could easily act like I don't care... You're not the first guy who felt the need to humiliate me in a public mannerI just wasn't good enough for you...I never ever at any point said that I was perfect..on here I've never done that. I won't drink a drop until I figure out how I can make sure I never hurt somsone else while I'm drinking...and maybe that means never drinking again..idk what that means. I'm sorry I hurt you and I'll carry that guilt with me for awhile....but it does not excuse what you've done to me in the past 3 days and it does not excuse you just abandoning me...denying me and purposely ripping my heart out and putting it on display for this forum.
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Dude, I love your terminology! Your classic....LoL
I like cindy cuz shes real, i like girls that are OK with having downfalls tho, Cindy would be the best and easiest e-relationship to have with on this site
and everytime i think of java i think of old man lol idk why maybe cuz half his posts contain words i dont even know.. but were in 2011 now, i mean kids are havin sex in 5th grade so i think im doin OK
and everytime i think of java i think of old man lol idk why maybe cuz half his posts contain words i dont even know.. but were in 2011 now, i mean kids are havin sex in 5th grade so i think im doin OK
blueta2
New member
^ this
Not all AA meetings are meat-markets, but many are filled with what's called "13 steppers".
Last AA meeting I went to, we went a few girls from my Al Anon group and two diffeent guys tried to make a move on me. Some men use AA as a pick up joint cause they are seriously desperate
An all-women's group is better.
Cindy, addiction is not about stopping the drink, it's about why you need the drink. And like Bill says, it will effect your daughter overtly.
Think about it, but you can only do it when you're ready. There is NO SHAME in looking for help.
hug
lol@ me meeting teh man of my dreams at an AA meeting
I'm cool with not dating until my divorce is final...and not dating for a long time after that...if I ever date again. I can't possibly see how I could trust someone right now.
but cindy we have so much in common
we have a kid
were christian
were young
were good looking
we both have jobs
we both like to cuddle and shit
but cindy we have so much in common
we have a kid
were christian
were young
were good looking
we both have jobs
we both like to cuddle and shit
I'm YOUNG?!
lol..I've never dated a Christian before...maybe I need to try that kind next
I'll quiz you on the books of the bible tonight.... I want you to know them in order so you can find a book easily while we are at church. Can't have my guy not knowing how to find Obadiah.... at least java knew his christianeese... hahaha I'm kidding...glad you are too good looking for me cutie
I want to find one of those sweet nerds...only sans issues this time....one who will love me forever and have patience to work with me through my issues...I wish I didn't have any...this never would have happened if I hadn't pushed back our meetup...we would have been together and not binge drinking on teh phone
billfred
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