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Anyone go through a divorce?

My son was 2 when I divorced his Dad. Make sure you both focus as much of your attention on your child, instead of focusing on yourselves. That's the best advice i can give.
 
Good advice smurf. I got divorced when my son was 4.
Focus your free time on the gym.
Never say anything about your ex in front of your child. Be respectable towards them, kids remember everything.
 
Yea I did. Was married almost five years. Only enjoyed the first 6 months. I hit the gym HARD and got a diet plan. It gave me a goal and something to focus on.

Sent from my ADR6350 using EliteFitness
 
divorce is like death there are stages you go through...

and

you have to get bitter before you can get better..

and

the best revenge is to go out and make obscene amounts of money..

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
 
spywizard said:
divorce is like death there are stages you go through...

And

you have to get bitter before you can get better..

And

the best revenge is to go out and make obscene amounts of money..

7 stages of grief...

1. Shock & denial-
you will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. Pain & guilt-
as the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. Anger & bargaining-
frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "why me?" you may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("i will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "depression", reflection, loneliness-
just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 stages of grief...

5. The upward turn-
as you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. Reconstruction & working through-
as you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. Acceptance & hope-
during this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled you that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
Click to expand...

unfucking believably well put. No one can say it better period.
 
Yeah, most of my advice is worst case scenario shit (my divorce was ugly and mean). But you can learn from my mistakes: Don't trust any "promises" your s/o makes in terms of "future actions". Get that shit on paper. Case in point, my husband got divorced and they had two kids. He knew before the divorce was finalized that his child support would be $200 a week. Soon to be ex-wife said "oh, we'll split the tax deduction, you claim one, I'll claim the other." Well she had physical custody. The person who has physical custody needs to sign an IRS form every year taxes are filed so the other party can claim the deduction. He didn't know, and his lawyer dropped the ball and nobody got the "splitting of the deduction" put in the divorce decree. Guess what happened the first year he brought the form for her to sign? Yep, her words "I can't afford that." Bitch is getting $200 a week, he's paying the taxes on it and can't get anything back. Get every single solitary expense you can possibly think of not directly support related (child care, medical expenses, extra curricular/hobby expenses, etc., college) hammered out and laid out in the decree.

There is the odd "amicable" divorce, but it's the exception, not the rule, especially when you got kids and property involved. Don't be surprised if things go from civil to ugly, especially over possessions. Choose your battles wisely but again, don't trust the soon to be ex to keep your best interests in mind. Don't give up something that's going to dog you, don't let them walk out the door with photos you haven't copied.

If you have a house, unless she wants it, get rid of it. It turns into a constant reminder of old memories and no amount of redecorating undoes that. Especially difficult when you bring in a new s/o.

In the event your ex turns into a cvnt, don't bad mouth her to the kid, ever. In fact, no matter what kind of person she is, make a general "we don't discuss mommy's house or what she says/does." Makes life easier on everyone. Try to at least be civil when it comes to decisions about the kid but don't expect cooperation or your discipline/rules to be enforced in her house.

Don't turn birthdays/christmas into "time to outdo/one up the ex". That shit just gets expensive and the kid learns to milk it.

Figure out which friends you want to keep, start cultivating them early. Again, make the rule about not talking about ex. Good luck with that, friends and in laws are a coin toss. In general, when it comes to divorce blood is thicker than water. My inlaws all dumped me and I only got custody of one set (husband & wife) of our friends. People I'd know for up to ten years just up and forgot me.

Good luck.
 
-SD- said:
Nice married the wrong person life
Click to expand...
I freely admit my first marriage was a train wreck. I was young and stupid (18) and my first husband is just messed up, he hid a lot of shit from me personality wise, and I believed him *shrug*

Hey, I learned from my mistakes. My current husband is a wonderful man.

But my current husband's ex seemed like a normal person and she fucked him in the ass in his divorce, too. Divorce can bring out the worst in people :whatever: I figure forewarned is forearmed.
 
Just bail on your kid and keep moving so ORS can't track you down for back support. Drink heavily, bang whores, and avoid dealing with anything or bettering yourself at all cost. I figure you can have some solid years before your liver fails and you're numb on opiates waiting to die. That's only a few months of misery in exchange for years of freedom.
 
Sorry to hear about it dude. As I always say, it's always a sad day when divorce happens cos I didn't promise in front of God and our families to love, honor, and obey expecting it to turn out this way. But it happens and you gotta move on. Get a lawyer, get everything in writing. And learn from the experience!
 
Very sorry to hear it man know its gotta be ruff. Women are evil dawg anythig that can bleed for 7 days and not die you know is evil. But like some said focus on your kid and spend time with him show him lots of love. Hope everything gets better and goes your way
 
Was the hardest 4 years of my life...kids were involved and it took a lot out of me..it gets better!
 
It's definitely hard to go through. I think I was lucky in mine. She moved out of state with in a month, so it wasn't as hard for me. No kids involved. It was a really rough month. But after that I just got a second job to stay busy. Started training like a ANIMAL!

Sent from my ADR6350 using EliteFitness
 
Ugh, divorces suck. It'll be hard for the first six months to a year. My ex was very bitter even though he was the one that wanted the divorce initially. Still is bitter but thank God he lives 9 hours away. Just like someone else here said, focus on the gym or your hobbies and your career. Try not to jump immediately into dating, itll be a disaster. Instead take care of yourself first and be there for the kid. It's harder on them in a divorce. Eventually you'll feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you realize life goes on. Enjoy being single and not having to answer to anyone!
 
Seriously though, every day gets better. It'll only be natural to be hurt and pissed beyond belief at times, but don't let that consume you. Be positive for yourself and your kid and when you look back you'll be happy you were. When your wife starts dating and has some dipshit around your kid, just take it in stride. It's hard to do at first, but you have to realize you'll always be dad and you'll never be replaced. <that one was big for me. Sorry you're going through this.
 
Iwrkout said:
Ugh, divorces suck. It'll be hard for the first six months to a year. My ex was very bitter even though he was the one that wanted the divorce initially. Still is bitter but thank God he lives 9 hours away. Just like someone else here said, focus on the gym or your hobbies and your career. Try not to jump immediately into dating, itll be a disaster. Instead take care of yourself first and be there for the kid. It's harder on them in a divorce. Eventually you'll feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you realize life goes on. Enjoy being single and not having to answer to anyone!
Click to expand...

You should celebrate your freedom by posting noodz
 
Hey guys sorry for not checking back on the thread sooner. I appreciate all the good advice and support. Its been pretty shitty lately. Seperating is like cutting off a limb
 
SpyWizard said:
divorce is like death there are stages you go through...

and

you have to get bitter before you can get better..

and

the best revenge is to go out and make obscene amounts of money..

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
Click to expand...



Yeah that sounds about right. Thanks for the advice
 
The number one cause of divorce is marriage.

And she probably is cheating on you. If she aint getting along with you, guarantee she's getting along with someone
 
tryin2tone said:
The number one cause of divorce is marriage.

And she probably is cheating on you. If she aint getting along with you, guarantee she's getting along with someone
Click to expand...

She's not cheating on me. I know for a fact. Its just were both always fuckin arguing and yelling. And she's always mad she stays at home all day. Meanwhile I work all day , then school, then gym . Finally see her and my son at like 10

Sent from my Nexus S 4G using EliteFitness
 
I broke up with my wife 7 days ago. I prayed to god to help me and he sent me a hot little blond chick I have already been on a date with.

I don't believe in the stages of grief, considering how each so called "professional" ALWAYS puts them in different orders.

I went through disbelief, anger, resentment, and the healing process in about 3 days!

With god with us, who can be against us?
 
Typo said:
I broke up with my wife 7 days ago. I prayed to god to help me and he sent me a hot little blond chick I have already been on a date with.

I don't believe in the stages of grief, considering how each so called "professional" ALWAYS puts them in different orders.

I went through disbelief, anger, resentment, and the healing process in about 3 days!

With god with us, who can be against us?
Click to expand...

Such a liar.
 
Typo said:
I broke up with my wife 7 days ago. I prayed to god to help me and he sent me a hot little blond chick I have already been on a date with.

I don't believe in the stages of grief, considering how each so called "professional" ALWAYS puts them in different orders.

I went through disbelief, anger, resentment, and the healing process in about 3 days!

With god with us, who can be against us?
Click to expand...

You're a stupid fuck. You're still in denial, and in a couple months you'll get on EF drunk as piss and spend the night crying and listening to 80s ballad rock love songs while you contemplate running your shitty car off a cliff after you kill your new girlfriend.

Sent from my SCH-I500 using EliteFitness
 
bigbassturd said:
You're a stupid fuck. You're still in denial, and in a couple months you'll get on EF drunk as piss and spend the night crying and listening to 80s ballad rock love songs while you contemplate running your shitty car off a cliff after you kill your new girlfriend.

Sent from my SCH-I500 using EliteFitness
Click to expand...

olololo
 
Typo said:
I broke up with my wife 7 days ago. I prayed to god to help me and he sent me a hot little blond chick I have already been on a date with.

I don't believe in the stages of grief, considering how each so called "professional" ALWAYS puts them in different orders.

I went through disbelief, anger, resentment, and the healing process in about 3 days!

With god with us, who can be against us?
Click to expand...

Spoiler alert, jesus and god hate you
 
Typo said:
I broke up with my wife 7 days ago. I prayed to god to help me and he sent me a hot little blond chick I have already been on a date with.

I don't believe in the stages of grief, considering how each so called "professional" ALWAYS puts them in different orders.

I went through disbelief, anger, resentment, and the healing process in about 3 days!

With god with us, who can be against us?
Click to expand...
Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

Oh, wait, my bad. I forgot you no longer found your wife attractive and were only staying for the kid. I can't help but wonder if you didn't have shit for an intellectual/emotional relationship, to begin with. Gotta love a man who thinks women are supposed to be nothing but aesthetically appealing sex toys that babysit and do housework.

If you have a REAL relationship, y'know, you actually talk to your s/o, care about their thoughts, enjoy their company, you still love them when they get wrinkles, gray hair or become ill and yes, gain weight.
 
Typo said:
Cool story...
Click to expand...
Which part? The part where I make assumptions about your superficial relationship or the part describing what it's like to be in a long term relationship with someone you deeply love and the realities of getting older.
 
Pac12footballl said:
She's not cheating on me. I know for a fact. Its just were both always fuckin arguing and yelling. And she's always mad she stays at home all day. Meanwhile I work all day , then school, then gym . Finally see her and my son at like 10

Sent from my Nexus S 4G using EliteFitness
Click to expand...

Ok, you should've spent more time with her. That's what women want. To know that they are as important to you as everything else.
And calm down, there's no way to know for a 100% fact a person is not cheating on you, unless you are with them 100% of the time. And from what you said, you hardly ever saw eachother.
 
tryin2tone said:
Ok, you should've spent more time with her. That's what women want. To know that they are as important to you as everything else.
And calm down, there's no way to know for a 100% fact a person is not cheating on you, unless you are with them 100% of the time. And from what you said, you hardly ever saw eachother.
Click to expand...


But, they're really not...
 
tryin2tone said:
Ok, you should've spent more time with her. That's what women want. To know that they are as important to you as everything else.
And calm down, there's no way to know for a 100% fact a person is not cheating on you, unless you are with them 100% of the time. And from what you said, you hardly ever saw eachother.
Click to expand...

So true
 
musclemom said:
Which part? The part where I make assumptions about your superficial relationship or the part describing what it's like to be in a long term relationship with someone you deeply love and the realities of getting older.
Click to expand...

Nice angry old lady life
 
It could be my fault as well. Not spending enough time together. But we have religious differences that are difficult to bear with
 
Pac12footballl said:
Well it's possible. She is big time lds. And I respect the values and everything but no beer ? That's a tuffy for me.
Click to expand...

No beer? Your marriage is ending and you're referencing her religion and no beer. How long were you guys together before you got married? Did she not have the same religious views then as she does now? Or did you marry her because she got pregnant? And you were going to try to make it work for the kid.
 
Pac12footballl said:
Well it's possible. She is big time lds. And I respect the values and everything but no beer ? That's a tuffy for me.
Click to expand...
And no coffee or cursing! I didn't know LDS could marry outside the church.
 
Pac12footballl said:
You seem so bored with your unintelligent comments and ill- advice . Not to mention how many accounts do you have ? I've seen that same stupid picture on at least 3.
Click to expand...

If you werent such a noobass you would know that pic is used by those different members who arent alters.

Can I black out?
 
musclemom said:
And no coffee or cursing! I didn't know LDS could marry outside the church.
Click to expand...

Happens all the time. typical example of trying to change people. It starts out with them saying they were raised LDS but don't practice anymore. They might go to random services with family, do christmas shit, whatever. Then they get married and shit out a few kids and the family starts to pressure them to raise the kids LDS, otherwise they'll become drug fiend alcoholics by the time they're 4. This leads to misery, dysfunction, tension, and then divorce with the non-LDS parent being made to look like a drunk because they're social drinkers.
 
I've been separated for year now. The divorce will happen as soon as I can save up enough money to get it.

My wife told me two christmas's ago that she didn't love me anymore out of the blue. This past year I thought we were working on our marriage. I moved out in October of
Last year after my wife told me she needed space from me to see if she could love me again. In December I hacked into her email and Facebook to discover that she had been sleeping with two of her former
Students dad for quite some time. I never thought she would ever cheat... Not in a million years. I still have trouble believing it but needless to say I will never trust a women 100% ever again. I was faithful even though I had opportunities to cheat. It's not I'm my nature.

Divorce is tuff. It does take t least a year. To get over things. I've been dating a girl for six months that I really like but I feel bad because she
Wants kids and marriage and I'm not certain I want anymore kids or marriage
 
You fucking cocksucker. What's that got to do with the fact that this guys wife is obviously cheating on him?
 
Goldenrod12 said:
All you mods r a bunch of pussies. This sucks ass forum is all you got goin for you. You can make guys think pu know what your doin but I've see yalls profile pics your all fuckin small so something your tellin these people ain't fuckin workin
Click to expand...

*you're*

Are you mad you slimy cocksucker?
 
Goldenrod12 said:
All you mods r a bunch of pussies. This sucks ass forum is all you got goin for you. You can make guys think pu know what your doin but I've see yalls profile pics your all fuckin small so something your tellin these people ain't fuckin workin
Click to expand...

Whoa! That was random and uncalled for. Play nice
 
Goldenrod12 said:
All you mods r a bunch of pussies. This sucks ass forum is all you got goin for you. You can make guys think pu know what your doin but I've see yalls profile pics your all fuckin small so something your tellin these people ain't fuckin workin
Click to expand...

Who are you?

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using EliteFitness
 
Goldenrod12 said:
All you mods r a bunch of pussies. This sucks ass forum is all you got goin for you. You can make guys think pu know what your doin but I've see yalls profile pics your all fuckin small so something your tellin these people ain't fuckin workin
Click to expand...

Dude, chill. Stfu and Gtfo
 
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