Is everything forgivable?

[digimon7068]

I've never understood the hatred thing...I think the hatred card is used too casually; To me hatred means you would wish the person dead or kill them yourself if you could. The worst I feel is a little anger for how I was treated by the Army, not anything toward the Colonel that gave the scholarship to a Brigadiers son in the hope of getting out of TRADOC or the drill sergeants in BCT that indoctrinated us...or even the militarism I was raised with thanks to the "family tradition." In retrospect, I realize my father made a rebellious play by joining the navy instead of the Army like his brothers.

I can't say that I have ever felt hatred.

i could write a long ass list of people that clearly fall into the category of "the world would be a better place if this muh-fugger got dead"...hell...you could start with the whole damn country of france...

 

[digimon7068]

Forgiveness is a sign I weakness.

*of

mr. smartypants

 

[sterolizer]

Forgiving doesn't mean you have to forget

 

[wootoom]

Can I forgive?

 

[blueta2]

Okay, this is a total ADD post...lol. I'm everywhere. I read once that most predators don't know they are predators, and most prey don't know they're prey. You give someone access to delicate parts of your soul and they damaged it. Since I believe we are more than just our bodies, I think while people can hurt and kill someone physically, people can damage and try to kill someone's spirit or soul.

I think it's difficult because you were with him for so long and exposed to it for so long. It was truly traumatic for you, I truly believe that. I think it's comfortable because we want to think that all people have good in them, all problems can be solved, good will always win in the end, won't accept that some of us are just play things for sadistic people, and forces; just objects to them. We have to accept that these people exist and there is nothing we can do about it, and we don't want to. We want to hold them responsible, tell them how they are, why can't they see their disorder? It will drive us mad if we do this for too long, they will never see it. Sam Vankin calls it malignant optimism. Lol. I have it, I have this need to believe that good will always win over evil (it will) and order will always win over disorder, but I think some of us seem to delude ourselves into thinking we can control that victory in others ourselves when we can't. They have magical thinking but so do we. We don't want to accept that they are sick, we want to hold them responsible. When I was a kid I was exposed to someone that was really sick and fugged me up a little but instead of taking it personally I decided the person was sick and that I didn't want to internalize the sick just because I was exposed to the sick. I just sorta absorbed it, but I didn't keep it internalized. Pity is the word I'm looking for. Pity for him and sorrow for the world and humans as sick and cruel as we can be towards each other.

You've gone through all the stages of moving on. You've replenished your self esteem and grieved the person you were that trust and loved with innocence. You still have empathy, you're still able to feel love, even feel hate. Shouldn't we pity those who can't feel? They are miserable creatures; creating hell on earth for themselves, and they'll never have the ability to realize it. They will never get better unless by the grace and mercy of God. What a terrible, hellish, burning miserable existence. It makes my heart burn when I think these people live like this. This personal hell does not need a lock and chain on it's doors, these people don't want out.

No matter what anyone does to you they can not take away your ability to do good. You don't find forgiveness, just the place where you give it; it's an act of your own free will. We have the ability to hurt others just like others hurt us. If we see ourselves in them, we can see that they are just afraid; they have their own wounds, just like we do, we do and have hurt others too. Then, we will be able to see in ourselves our own inner darkness and allow our higher power give us the thing we always wanted ; real love.

Most people don't realize once they are in an intimate relationship that the other person you're with has given you access to their emotional pathways, access to the most vulnerable parts of their soul, and we have to watch who we give that access to ourselves, so we can never forget. So, while we have to guard our hearts but we have to guard their hearts too. With two people guarding and caring about the other person's heart and soul as much, even more than their own, I don't see how you can go wrong because there is no selfishness in that place and there is real agape divine love. Peter Kreeft calls that love hard and precious, like a diamond and I won't allow myself to love anyone again that can't grasp that.

Awesome post! All these years of therapy and not once did she ever put it in these well defined terms. Once again proving, only those who walked the road, know the true direction.
Thanks for this, really!

 

[nangiggles]

Forgiving doesn't mean you have to forget

This, forgiving means no longer being angry and not holding something against someone, however, that doesnt completely change what has been said and done, I've been able to forgive people who never asked for forgiveness and never changed and yet have had a hard time forgiving those who were truly remorseful for their actions

 

[Musclemama]

i could write a long ass list of people that clearly fall into the category of "the world would be a better place if this muh-fugger got dead"...hell...you could start with the whole damn country of france...

I have a few to add to that list !

 

[WoodyO]

I've gone out of my way to wrong other people, and I hope none of them ever want to forgive me.

 

[AFeedz]

Yeah, I don't stay angry for long either. I can let hurt go pretty easily too, I think.

But that part of my personality has been targeted by sketchy types too, so I'm not sure that's a good thing anymore. Anger can be good. Hate can be good. It can protect you, but once it's done it's job protecting you it can turn around and destroy you if you don't find ways to let it go. I don't like to play around with apathy. That might work for some people but I don't want anything or anyone to change who I am and that is not apathetic.

You really do have to feel all the hurt before you truly forgive someone that's really seriously hurt you though. That is really the only way that it works. Most anger is just hurt. If you're still angry you're still hurting from something and if you think you can just forget about it and shove it away somewhere that crap will pop up somewhere else, imo.

I'm talking about serious stuff too, childhood physical and sexual abuse, physically and psychologically abusive relationships and co-workers, infidelity, etc.

I'm talking about serious stuff also, aside from infidelity because I haven't been married and while it sucks, I don't consider cheating in a non-marital relationship to be in the same "serious" category as those various other forms of abuse.

I disagree though. I can't wait to forgive someone until after I've healed, even and especially with the serious stuff. As long as I'm still holding something against the person, I can't heal and I don't see how anybody could, but we're all different I guess.

Not to say I go forgive for the serious stuff immediately, but I have to and do forgive long before I'm done healing. I'll hurt much after I've already forgiven the person for what they've done.

 

[WoodyO]

nothin' wrong with a little infidelity