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novamanms
Guest
So tonight I stopped by a friend's house to reconcile some things with her before I move away. Long story short, I broke off with an old group of friends and moved on to a much more mature group. However, in the case of this one girl, I've always felt bad about it.
Anyways, there's this one guy who has some sort of grudge against me. Not entitely sure why. I think he's the the kind of punk that needs to feel big and feels threatened by another writer...and a good deal spooked by someone who's lived the life I have.
Now, first, let me explain something about myself. I was very violent going into my late teens. I've become quite a pacifist since my 20's. The main reason is not that violence sickens me. My enjoyment of it does. I no longer fight because I was realizing that I was reaching a point where I wasn't in control of myself.
Anyways, I go to this girl's house to talk to her and her alone. I knew other people were there, but I decided to kill people that didn't like me with kindness and be (at least in my mind) the better man. I got a lot of cold shoulders and comical responses when I asked them how they were doing and shook their hands.
Then, this guy is in the kitchen. Now he's run into me in public in recent months, and although I've heard rumors on his chip on his shoulder about me, he's never knuckled up to do anything about. Of course, this is an apartment that I've sworn never to get violent in (and I keep my promises). Also, he's been drinking since noon. So he sees me while he is all full of liquid courage and starts calling me names. I just turn away and keep talking to the girl. Then he gets about within 2 feet of me (I could tell he wasn't brave enough to get closer) and starts demanding I look at him. I refuse to and tell him to let bygones be bygones because this is not the time or the place. He just stands there all shit-faced until I walk away, and then he half-heartedly pushes me (like a 1st-grader push).
Honestly, I thought I was going to have to fight the guy until he pushed me. I was honestly waiting for him to take a swing so I could defend myself. And I've gotta keep an eye on his pal (who has pulled a knife on me before) who is sitting in the corner.
When he pushed me is when my stomach stopped dropping. Because I realized he didn't truly want any. From my experience, if you're really going to throw, you throw. At least, I do.
So I manage to talk to this girl and resolve a few things. I tell her that I may be forced to defend myself if he attacks me while I'll leave. She understands and I manage to leave unscathed. In fact, the dude just glared from the kitchen and never approached me again. I was really fearful that all these people who hate me would testify against me if I did whoop the guy. So I was grateful for avoiding the fight.
So here's the deal. I left feeling like the better man because I've never feared anyone, and particularly this guy. All I feared was the possibility of breaking my promise to the girl...and going to jail just when my life is turning around. So I'm pretty sure I did the right thing. Who cares if a silly tool thinks he punked you out in front of a bunch of other tools, right?
Well, here's my problem. I really would like to get a taste of this guy and put the fear of god in him. To teach him a lesson and let him know I fear no one. Make him piss himself and realize that he isn't as smugly safe and in control as he thinks he is.
But these are all thoughts from my past life. I don't want to do this for the sake of my future. No piece of shit is worth throwing everything away. I know this. But I have a really over-inflated sense of righteous indignation. And I can't think of any way to safely or legally do it. Hell, I even considered issuing a formal challenge to be held in a neutral place.
But if I do that. there are still no gaurantees. I could still potentially fuck myself by fucking him up.
It's not even about honor. I don't care what these people think. I would like this guy to taste some wrath and learn a lesson, that's all.
So I guess in a way what I'm seeking from all of you is advice on the matter (serious advice if you don't mind)...and maybe, more than anything else, help buffer my want to believe that I don't really need to do this.
Anyways, there's this one guy who has some sort of grudge against me. Not entitely sure why. I think he's the the kind of punk that needs to feel big and feels threatened by another writer...and a good deal spooked by someone who's lived the life I have.
Now, first, let me explain something about myself. I was very violent going into my late teens. I've become quite a pacifist since my 20's. The main reason is not that violence sickens me. My enjoyment of it does. I no longer fight because I was realizing that I was reaching a point where I wasn't in control of myself.
Anyways, I go to this girl's house to talk to her and her alone. I knew other people were there, but I decided to kill people that didn't like me with kindness and be (at least in my mind) the better man. I got a lot of cold shoulders and comical responses when I asked them how they were doing and shook their hands.
Then, this guy is in the kitchen. Now he's run into me in public in recent months, and although I've heard rumors on his chip on his shoulder about me, he's never knuckled up to do anything about. Of course, this is an apartment that I've sworn never to get violent in (and I keep my promises). Also, he's been drinking since noon. So he sees me while he is all full of liquid courage and starts calling me names. I just turn away and keep talking to the girl. Then he gets about within 2 feet of me (I could tell he wasn't brave enough to get closer) and starts demanding I look at him. I refuse to and tell him to let bygones be bygones because this is not the time or the place. He just stands there all shit-faced until I walk away, and then he half-heartedly pushes me (like a 1st-grader push).
Honestly, I thought I was going to have to fight the guy until he pushed me. I was honestly waiting for him to take a swing so I could defend myself. And I've gotta keep an eye on his pal (who has pulled a knife on me before) who is sitting in the corner.
When he pushed me is when my stomach stopped dropping. Because I realized he didn't truly want any. From my experience, if you're really going to throw, you throw. At least, I do.
So I manage to talk to this girl and resolve a few things. I tell her that I may be forced to defend myself if he attacks me while I'll leave. She understands and I manage to leave unscathed. In fact, the dude just glared from the kitchen and never approached me again. I was really fearful that all these people who hate me would testify against me if I did whoop the guy. So I was grateful for avoiding the fight.
So here's the deal. I left feeling like the better man because I've never feared anyone, and particularly this guy. All I feared was the possibility of breaking my promise to the girl...and going to jail just when my life is turning around. So I'm pretty sure I did the right thing. Who cares if a silly tool thinks he punked you out in front of a bunch of other tools, right?
Well, here's my problem. I really would like to get a taste of this guy and put the fear of god in him. To teach him a lesson and let him know I fear no one. Make him piss himself and realize that he isn't as smugly safe and in control as he thinks he is.
But these are all thoughts from my past life. I don't want to do this for the sake of my future. No piece of shit is worth throwing everything away. I know this. But I have a really over-inflated sense of righteous indignation. And I can't think of any way to safely or legally do it. Hell, I even considered issuing a formal challenge to be held in a neutral place.
But if I do that. there are still no gaurantees. I could still potentially fuck myself by fucking him up.
It's not even about honor. I don't care what these people think. I would like this guy to taste some wrath and learn a lesson, that's all.
So I guess in a way what I'm seeking from all of you is advice on the matter (serious advice if you don't mind)...and maybe, more than anything else, help buffer my want to believe that I don't really need to do this.
