Yet another reason why "being nice" gets you screwed over...

[alien amp pharm]

I'm a fairly generous guy. Most of my friends are in school &/or are working crappy jobs until they find a career job. So, whenever I'll go out to eat with a female friend or something I sometimes put their meal on my tab.

Now, however, it's almost like they (the female friends) expect me to pay their way. I mean WTF? I try to be nice and pay once and a while, and now it's like they don't even offer to pitch in on the bill. This happened just yesterday. A date or girlfriend is understandable, but just a friend? Hell no.

Yet another reason not to be nice to people.

 

[Robert Jan]

Dont make a big deal whatsoever, and tell her your not buying her shit every time

 

[Big Johnson]

Time to assert yourself, broly

 

[Y_lifter]

Don't go out to meals with them for a while, and when they ask why, tell them you can't afford it any more.

Or find new friends that are more generous or willing to take it out in trade...

 

[HULKSTER]

Next time, ask for a compensatory blowjob for the meal instead........in the end, protein IS protein.

 

[Big Johnson]

Or find new friends...willing to take it out in trade...

I like your style

 

[flexygrl]

This doesn't just happen to you guys.

I sort of became friends with one of the girls I work with. I felt sorry for her because I made more money. Whenever we wanted to go to lunch and she didn't have cash I always paid. We even went out to dinner a couple of times and I paid the bill. I always felt that if you have more than someone then you should share the wealth.

Well the day after easter she brought in leftovers. That was the same day I cleaned out the work fridge. Well everything got dumped. She wrote me an email saying that since she had no lunch that I should pay for her, and that I should be more careful next time.

Well I wrote her back saying that I have never once asked for anything in return those countless times I treated her.

The point is, people will take as much as they can. My sister has done the same crap to me as well. I took my mom out for her birthday and when the bill came, she-my sister-was like, yeah thanks for dinner. I was like, thanks for dinner? I didn't know it was your birthday too.

 

[alien amp pharm]

No trade here. This chick is a virgin. She's really sweet, the 2 things that made me mad yesterday was...

1. When the tab arrived, she said "Do I owe you anything?". To me that was like saying "I assume you are going to pay that for me, I'll pitch in only if I have to".

2. I paid it. (I made her leave tip though) and I still didn't even get a thank you.


Mark my word, that's the last time I pay for her. I have other female friends that are truly thankful whenever I pay, and plus they usually buy me drinks at the bar later on.

 

[Big Johnson]

I like to give as much as I can. It makes me feel like I have more than I really do. But, there are SO many people out there who seem to need a 24/7 reality check.

 

[theoak01]

that sucks man,me and my friends always take turns paying the bar tab or meal tab,it just depends on who has money at the time

 

[alien amp pharm]

I always felt that if you have more than someone then you should share the wealth.

I agree. That's what I try to do (without looking like a show-off of course)

I always help friends out and am giving. All that I ask in return is some gratitude or at least an attempt to payback/pitch in.

She is off my list of being generous to as well as those people that have borrowed money and never attempted to pay back.

 

[flexygrl]

Hi,

I agree as well!! It gets to a point where you have to say screw you. Oh you don't have money, too damn bad!

 

[Big Johnson]

Most people in the position to help others have already learned there are many who will never recognize their efforts, or who will take advantage of their generosity.

You sound like a good friend to have in tough times, bro.

 

[alien amp pharm]

Most people in the position to help others have already learned there are many who will never recognize their efforts, or who will take advantage of their generosity.

karma for that. That is well said.

You sound like a good friend to have in tough times, bro.

I try and give people the benefit of the doubt, but once they cross the line, they are on the "don't help" list.

 

[Big Johnson]

I've already given out all my karma, but you'll get some back when I re-up

 

[rnch]

sometimes (not always!) peeps just get used to you doing stuff a certain way and take it for granted; don't give the alternatives a second thought.

after i called a bud of mine on the same issue, he started kicking in his fair share of the bill.

 

[jackangel]

Loan me fi' dolla?

 

[Robert Jan]

you shoudl have told her you owe me something

 

[c-sharp minor]

My friends are fucking bums, living paycheck to paycheck. I'm the only one who has money. Therefore if I want to go out, I pay for everyone. My one friend owes me over 500$ just for a few weeks of dining out and a little partying.

I should find some different friends.

 

[alien amp pharm]

you shoudl have told her you owe me something

lol, true.

Me: "I bought you that big steak and fries, and all I ask in return is a cherry"

 

[fogg88]

Similar situation, albeit not as bad as yours...

...I've got a lady friend who I used to go out to dinner or out for drinks with. She'd always nickel and dime the bill, never wanting to pay more than exactly what she ordered. That's fine, but then she'd be totally stingy when it came to the tip, so I'd have to wind up paying extra to cover her part of what the tip should be.

Also, she'd sometimes go to a bar with me where literally, over half of our drinks and food were comped by a bartender friend. Of course, I always tip extra-well in this situation, but she'd stll want to tip the same, saying: what's the point in comps if you wind up paying more in the tip? ...bitch just didn't get it. Needless to say, I do not go out with her anymore.

 

[the nature boy]

maybe I'm lucky, or maybe the chicks I hang out with have their own cash... shit some of them make more money than I do.... but most of them don't want me to pay for them. Now I do have a few friends that work in retail, and I know they don't get paid shit, so for them it's really no bother for me to pay for their lunch or dinner. what comes around goes around... at least I hope it does.

 

[slickdadd]

That's great and nice and all, but why would you do that? When she says: "do I owe you anything?", say not me inparticular but you should probably pay the restaurant for the food you just ate.

If you don't want to be taken advantage of, don't allow it. I don't even know of a friend who would ask me to pay for it, and most of my friends are girls. They would think the same thing. Maybe I'm a little less giving, but going out to eat with a friend does not include me paying for it. Regardless of gender.

 

[alien amp pharm]

Now I do have a few friends that work in retail, and I know they don't get paid shit, so for them it's really no bother for me to pay for their lunch or dinner.

What if your friends expeted you to pay? What if they didn't even acknowledge it when you did?

That's basically what my complaint was. It never was the money (not that I'm rich, but do have more than most of my friends).

 

[the nature boy]

What if your friends expeted you to pay? What if they didn't even acknowledge it when you did?

That's basically what my complaint was. It never was the money (not that I'm rich, but do have more than most of my friends).

well do you consider these people who expect you to pay friends? if so, then you should say something to them. Sure it's kind of awkward, but if they're friends then you should be able to say something to them. If they're not friends, then dont' even offer to take them to lunch.

Which raises two questions:

1) Do you offer to take them to lunch/dinner? Then in that case I can see why they might expect you to pay. The person who offers should USUALLY pay. Some people go by this unwritten rule.

2) When the check arrives, do you just pick it up and then pay for it? What do the girls do when the check arrives? Do they just sit there and do nothing? If so, then next time, take the check, talk out loud about how much your portion was, put your share of money on the table, and hand the bill to the person next to you.

That'll give them a hint.

 

[Imnotdutch]

In number 1 it sounds like she wasn't sure whatwas going to happen.......you probably confused her by paying sometimes but not others. She was just trying to figure out whether to get her money out.......not trying to avod it altogether.

No trade here. This chick is a virgin. She's really sweet, the 2 things that made me mad yesterday was...

1. When the tab arrived, she said "Do I owe you anything?". To me that was like saying "I assume you are going to pay that for me, I'll pitch in only if I have to".

2. I paid it. (I made her leave tip though) and I still didn't even get a thank you.


Mark my word, that's the last time I pay for her. I have other female friends that are truly thankful whenever I pay, and plus they usually buy me drinks at the bar later on.

 

[alien amp pharm]

I see your guys points.

Just because I ask to go eat, doesn't entitle me to pay. I can ask a male friend and he knows to pay his own. Plus she has asked me to go eat before. That doesn't mean she pays hers and mine.

Yes I've paid both before, but I also get her to pay hers at times also in order to avoid the "I will always pay label".

The waiters will usually put both orders on one tab if it's just two of us. -Perhaps I should start asking for separate tabs.

I realize this whole situation is avoidable. It's time to quit being so nice on my behalf. Perhaps HULKSTER can give me some ideas on being an asshole like he is

 

[the nature boy]

I see your guys points.

Just because I ask to go eat, doesn't entitle me to pay. I can ask a male friend and he knows to pay his own. Plus she has asked me to go eat before. That doesn't mean she pays hers and mine.

Yes I've paid both before, but I also get her to pay hers at times also in order to avoid the "I will always pay label".

The waiters will usually put both orders on one tab if it's just two of us. -Perhaps I should start asking for separate tabs.

I realize this whole situation is avoidable. It's time to quit being so nice on my behalf. Perhaps HULKSTER can give me some ideas on being an asshole like he is

I wouldn't say for you to stop being so nice.. because that's not the problem. It's time for them to stop being leeches.