When is it right?

[flexygrl]

Hi everyone,

I think I am ready to have a baby. Some of my reservations for not doing it are:

1) weight gain, I am really scared about this.
2) After 6 weeks I would have to go back to work

That's basically it. I know it will change my life, but I honestly don't think it will change it a lot. We go on 2 vacations a year, we can still do that. We can still work out. I'm just so confused. I keep thinking about it and have honestly come to the conclusion that there is never going to be a perfect time. So when did you decide? What issues have come up since the birth of your child, and how did you deal with them?

 

[spatts]

Everyone told me it would change my life too. They also told me I'd never have my body back, never look the same, never this, never that. I came to find that these things were just a bunch of their shortcomings, attempting to be displaced on me. I stayed active and lifted while I was pregnant, but I still put on around 80 pounds, weighing in at 220 to have him and about 200 when I came home. IMO, the bottom line is attitude. If you let it be the end of the world, it will be. If you make a plan and act on a plan that is a positive one, where another human joins your life, then, IMO, it's a great thing. I can see where the 6 week thing would bother you, and if it's a priority for you to be home, then you may want to consider waiting, but plase don't stress over the weight thing. When you hold him/her you won't care about that, and he or she can go on walks with you to help you get back into condition. Before you know it you will be doing 50 pound giggling overhead presses with buns in your hands.

 

[Hannibal]

IMO, the bottom line is attitude. If you let it be the end of the world, it will be. If you make a plan and act on a plan that is a positive one, where another human joins your life, then, IMO, it's a great thing. I can see where the 6 week thing would bother you, and if it's a priority for you to be home, then you may want to consider waiting, but plase don't stress over the weight thing. When you hold him/her you won't care about that, and he or she can go on walks with you to help you get back into condition. Before you know it you will be doing 50 pound giggling overhead presses with buns in your hands.

Thank God you didn't listen to "everyone"...

flexygrl good luck to you...it's a beautiful thing

 

[flexygrl]

Thank you so much!!! I've been thinking about it for awhile now. One day this week I was working on a professors computer(i'm in I.T.) and his wife showed up with their 2 kids. A 2 year old and a 5 month old. She looked great. Anyway the 5 month old was sooooo cute. When she saw her dad she smiled. It was the biggest, cutest smile I have ever seen.

 

[spatts]

What's your husband think about this?

Also, do you know if the professor's wife trains somewhere? It's always fun to know a few other moms that you can stay in shape with. Adult communication, after a day of babbling, can really make a walk go by faster. lol

 

[flexygrl]

Well he's iffy. We had a scare about 2 months ago. I thought I was pregnant. I told him and he was like, you know I was thinking about this, even before this. He said that he has everything in his life that he has ever wanted and all that's left is a baby. He even put his corvette up for sale. He didn't get the asking price so he took it off the market. But he was thinking about it. Now when I mention it he says in a year. So I don't know. I guess we'll see. I just don't think that the day is gonna come when we look at eachother and we are like, ok now.

Don't know if she trains anywhere. I'll ask her the next time I see her. Good idea, though.

I'll always have my husband to train with though. We already figured it out. Our gym is 5 minutes from my parents house. We can drop the baby off there for an hour.

 

[spatts]

That will be great! Time with just him and time to train can both be hard to come by...you will get both at once!

I understand about there never being a good time. I pestered my husband for 3 or 4 years. Then it happened, and it was a shock (to him), but he's very happy about it now. The tables have since turned, and he wants more kids, but I am DONE. Life...lol

 

[Nonerz]

Man, I know how much puppies are...and you don't even need to spend 24/7 with them! My sister is 5 months pregnant right now with her first, so I am really excited (1st time auntie). She is quite the moody one though...but that's normal for her!

Good luck to you girlie!

 

[Scarlett33]

By far the most frequent comment I heard when I was pregnant was, "Once that baby is here it's going to change your life." Its like people couldn't think of any thing more original than that to say. Don't let that scare you. My life has only changed for the better since the birth of my son. I was very active before and I am now as well. He goes on 10 mile hikes with us, he gets up every morning with us and sits in his stroller while we work out. If he gets fussy, whoever is between sets comforts him. I lifted through most of my pregnancy and tried to stay active. I gained 60 lbs, had a 10lb baby and have lost all but7lbs. at 9 months post partum. I think my body may end up being better than it was before because I am working harder at it.

Don't let people discourge you from what you want. Yeah some women get pregnant and get fat and stay that way but many others don't.

Having my baby was the best thing that ever happend to me

 

[flexygrl]

Thank you all! I knew I could count on my girls for some good advice. I don't know what the deal is, but something is telling me it's right. My cousinn is pregnant with her 2nd. She's ready to pop and yesterday I felt the baby move. It was amazing. I'll keep you all posted!

 

[newgirl-chargeback]

Flexygrl -- I totally agree with EVERTYTHING SPATTS has said. (except one thing - -I never trained BEFORE having my son however was always conscious of how I looked).

It does change things if YOU allow it to be the only thing in your life. Too many people define themselves by either WHAT they do to earn a living or define themselves SOLELY by being a parent. If you believe that you are more dimensional than that, you shall be. As Spatts said, it is all about attitude.

As for money, vacations, etc.....as with any big commitment or decision, if you so want it, it does all work out if you do the work or necessary planning to make it work. You CAN have it all...work, baby, relationship and SELF. Working is tough -- and if you don't want to work and be a mom that is fine -- if you are concerned HOW you will manage maintaining work -- it really becomes all about a schedule and discipline (just like training).

I used to want TONS of children. I have my son, got divorced and then luckily met the man of my dreams and my partner for life. Should be fortunate enough to become a mother again, then great.....seeing that smile you talked about from the men as they look at their children is extremely heartwarming...and being mother while hard work is absoluately incredible.

I feel like I am a better mother having to juggle it all. My son learns alot of instrinsic life lessons from our need and desire to have it all. And, the time I do spend with him is much more quality time than I could have imagined. I am much more focused on him than I think I would be if I was home all the time.

Good luck to you......and your husband and your yet to be conceived child -- sounds like he/she will be very fortunate to have such a thoughtful mother.

Sorry if this post sounds a little fragmented -- I just woke up from a three hour nap that was supposed to be just a snooze for 15 minutes. (damn leg training!)

 

[grlpwrd]

I have 3 kids (ages almost-12, 8, and 4) and I am 30 weeks pregnant with my 4th..I haven't directly announced it here until now, but I feel it's important to answering your post. Okay, get ready for my novel LOL....

I need to first tell you the physiological realities of pregnancy ...My back aches, I am tired, I can't workout as much as I used to, I have to go to routine doctor checkups, I've gained weight, and I am slowing down. Yes, it's wonderful to feel the baby move and know that he will be in my arms soon, but don't forget the realities. After baby is born I will have to get up every 2 or 3 hours to feed him and change him, I will have to cut back on working out temporarily until I heal, and so much other stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love this baby, but it's not all roses and rainbows. LOL I just feel it's important to say that it will be a lot of work during and after pregnancy..and don't forget there's colic/fussiness, dirty diapers, and tantrums...and much, much more as your child grows up.

Yup, it's not easy going from couplehood to babyhood. The first child is such a big transition with baby always coming first often before the needs of your relationship as husband and wife - unless you have a nanny, of course. I tell my kids you're ready to have a baby when you can accept you will no longer be number one. That isn't to say that you won't have time for your husband or your workouts, but you need to plan, plan, plan...

I think the best way to describe how to manage life with a baby is to plan and organize your time and be prepared for inconveniences. For example, when your child is ill you might have to take time off of work or your workout and change your plans. You should also discuss with your husband what and when he will do things, like help with the childcare when you go to the gym if your gym doesn't offer daycare, help to prepare meals, do housework, and that kind of thing. My husband is too busy to help out so I am on my own, but he does what he can. Teamwork is so vital. It would help to have sitters and family lined up, too, so you can have a break and have alone time with your husband which is very, very important. Like I said, plan, but also have alternatives.

I agree with Scarlett when she says Don't let people discourage you from what you want. Yeah some women get pregnant and get fat and stay that way but many others don't. I live in suburbia and I am one of a handful of wives/moms who actually keep in shape. If you prioritize and make time to take care of yourself then it will happen. I workout at the gym, at home (I do my cardio and I exercise to videos/DVDS), and I take my kids swimming, jogging, biking, and all that..I plan to still be active when baby is here because that is just how I am. So don't be too worried about losing the weight because if you continue to prioritize health and fitness then it will come off if you work it.

Anyway, here are some links for you if you are serious about TTC (trying to conceive):

www.ivillage.com
www.childbirth.org

You might also want to babysit an infant to get to know what you're in for...

Good luck in whatever you decide!

 

[spatts]

Congrats!

 

[spatts]

I was just reminded of a Family Circus cartoon...

Mom is at the grocery store, trying to get some meat cut. The kids are all over the place, playing with the cart, jumping around, crying, chasing, saying "Mom!" over and over, etc. The butcher asks her, "How do you divide your attention up among all four?" She replies, "I don't divide, I multiply."

Paraphrased, but you get the idea.

 

[Hannibal]

Should be fortunate enough to become a mother again, then great.....seeing that smile you talked about from the men as they look at their children is extremely heartwarming...and being mother while hard work is absoluately incredible.

Thanks for the karma...good luck to you as well if that is what you two truly want then I hope you get it.

 

[Scarlett33]

congradulations grlpwrd on your pregnancy! So excited for you! flexygrl: There are lots of moms here. I think whatever you decide, you will have a lot of support here!

 

[flexygrl]

Newgril and the rest!!

OMG! I am sitting here almost in tears. You all have touched my heart in ways you will never understand. Thank you so much!!! Yesterday, I subscribed to fit pregnancy and bought 3 books from Amazon. I just want to prepare my mind as much as I can.

I know it will be a challenge but a lot of people also told me that I couldn't work full time and go to school full time and I was able to do that. I am the queen of juggling things. I feel much better when I am active and have tons to do then when I am sedentary.

Well it's really up to my husband at this point. Spoke to him about it last night and now he says he doesn't know. His company is being bought out and he is afraid of what will be happening over the next 6 months to a year. So I guess, we will see at this point. Thanks again!! It is soooo much appreciated.

Jackie

 

[msboss]

I think it's a good thing that you are looking at the whole picture and asking questions. Yes, your life will change. That's what life is all about. It's all about attitude. I have a 15 & almost 17 year old and I am in my 30th week with #3. I couldn't be happier! You can't have it all but you can come damn near close. I remember with my first getting up at 5 am to run so that I could get that in before evryone was up. It worked fine. My kids have come with me to the Health Clubs I've worked at and saw a very healthy life style. It is work juggling everything but it has to do priorities. I love my boys so much and can't wait for this one to come (yes, another boy!) Having children is the ultimate reward Sounds like you'll do just fine.

 

[flexygrl]

Hi Ladies,

No, no baby yet! Tomorrow is my cousins baby shower. I went to get her gift today. It was soooo fun looking at all the baby stuff. I can't wait until I can buy some for my baby. I got her 3 baby outfits. Really cute stuff. 2 for 0-3 months and one for 6-12, I think. I figure that way she can have an outfit for when he's bigger. I also got her some oneseys. Oh and little swimmers. The smallest they had was for 16 pounds, but I figure he should be that heavy in no time and I am sure she's going to want to take him to the pool and beach.

So good gift? Oh and tomorrow I get to see my other cousins newborn. I can't wait to hold her, and try it out. The last time I was around a newborn (about 4 years ago) it freaked me out. Isn't it amazing how things change.

 

[flexygrl]

PBR,

That is soooo true!

 

[PBR]

One thing I would like to share in this thread. A child is the ULTIMATE GIFT between two people when there is nothing else left to give.

 

[Hannibal]

One thing I would like to share in this thread. A child is the ULTIMATE GIFT between two people when there is nothing else left to give.