What should I do? I am so fucking confused right now.

[Cutiebaby]

I cut off all contact with that side of my family over a year ago. I know when my phone rings and its her, she wants something. Today, she wanted an ear tomorrow it'll be money for her light bill.

yeah, I know the feeling. I constantly got the "can I borrow 4 dollars so I can buy a can of dip" call from my brother..I never gave in..I may not know much about drugs, but i read the paper..One can score Heroin for 4$ in this area, from that moment on I began telling him I was too broke. It sucked because there were times when he was in need of more, he was unable to function, vomitting, and looking like death warmed over..I figured he could deal with it, watching him suffer like that was far better for me than having to attend his funeral due to his over dosing...I still talk to him, to this day..He knows I know, hell everyone knows. He made it known by revealing himself at a family party by going into the pool and everyone saw the tracts..I had known he was in trouble when I was 13 I found coke in his drawer...I knew that he was shooting up shit when he suddenly dropped from being a fat boy to being my size...Then I saw him carrying around his orange juice 24/7 (meth mixed)...No one in my family wanted to say anything and our parents were in complete denial. Claiming out loud "what they did not know would not hurt them"..I was so fucking pissed, here I am the baby sister the one who could not hang out with her brothers because they drank beer and smoked..Yet I was old enough to know the signs of his abuse, old enough to confront his stupid ass..He told me to mind my business and what not...It really did not sink into his skull until my oldest bro came home and pretty much assualted my brother and told him he will not fly up here for a funeral due to drugs...He said he would pull his body up,beat the shit out of him for hurting all of us, then re burry him and piss on his grave!!!!! That some what got through to him, although I am not 100% sure that he is clean..I do know that I have not seen any track marks since then, and he does not look as bad as he used to...I get in my moods where I get all depressed and worried. No one wants to lose the ones that they love, especially when they know that there is nothing they can do to prevent this shit....Then other times I want to write him off and tell him to fuck off, and some times I want to score some heroin for him, mess with it and give him an over dose so it can finally be over...It has been rough, but any way I look at it he will always be my brother that taught me to play hockey,that I used to beat up, and that was my closest friend when we were little..I looked up to him, I wanted desperatly to be like him and graduate with honors from high school....I was often at times jealous of him..Nothing made me happier than the day he called our mom abd told her his friend needed out patient help..Now I just pray daily that "his friend" will take the meds and keep clean for the sake of his own life...Someday I would like my kids to know they have an uncle..they know about him BUt I limit their contact with him....It is so fucking sad...
I dont mean to ramble, and i am sorry for you and your situation..It is not easy at all. I will pray for your family.

 

[blueta2]

AAP, great post. In fact lots of good advise in here.
I read threads like this and I cringe b/c I could not help an ex and best friend who are addicts. It was a daunting task that brought me so much pain.
Addicts often want to stop, they just need a reason.
Fiesty, never give up on trying to help and let the person know how much you love them.
If they never recover, you need to know you tried your best.
We all have our own paths to follow, and when someone we loves chooses a "troubled" path, sometimes all we can do it watch and hope for the best.

 

[feisty11975]

Thanks again for your kind words

 

[AAP]

You think we didn't do everything we could to knock some sense into my sister? Believe me, we did. She didn't want help, not at that point. She just wanted drugs. Badly enough to essentially abandon her son for it. And yes, I told her that if she tried to take him back before we as a family had deemed she was clean and recovering, that I'd call social services on her.

I think what people are trying to say here isn't that you shouldn't try to help. What they - or at least I am saying is - you can't FORCE help on someone. You can let them know you love them. You can offer what you are able to offer in terms of help. You can get mad, scream, throw shit, etc but you can't save a person unless they want to be saved.

Exactly. I am sure you did do everything you could. That part of the helping is what you should have done. Not for her at that time because she didn't want it. You tried to help for her for yourself. For the children. You tried to help her, but the help was for everyone else BUT her at that point because she rejected it. You did it because you meant it and you could see the destructive path it was taking.

To stand by and be idle and do nothing.... would have had the same results FOR HER as trying to help her did. Which was basically nothing because she didn't want it. But standing by being idle did nothing for YOU and the others affected by it. And those are the ones that should a tradegy occur are left behind. Questioning themselves, blaming themselves, kicking themselves wondering "what if I tried to help this person" when it is over.

You try to help so you can look other people in the eye and yourself in the mirror and truthfully say "I tried." If you can't do that, then when you look at those children you will always feel guilt creep up on you. Children learn by example. Your example of trying to help and protect is much stronger than her example of weakness and abandonment.

You have every right to hold your head up and be proud of yourself for trying. The real shame is for those peopel who are too selfish or who just don't care enough to make an attempt.

 

[feisty11975]

Well, I made the call to Child Services. They are gonna assign someone and have them call me no later than 5 pm tomorrow. I know I am doing the right thing for the kids. Hell, I'll take them.

 

[AAP]

I wish you the best. No matter what happens or what you get blamed or villified for, everyone here knows that you have made the best decision possible in terms of the circumstances you are facing.

 

[feisty11975]

I wish you the best. No matter what happens or what you get blamed or villified for, everyone here knows that you have made the best decision possible in terms of the circumstances you are facing.

 

[H_T_]

so no first hand knowledge? thought so....

 

[feisty11975]

let me explain something here. I called cps to talk to them. I am not giving out any names or anything. I just have lots of questions that they should be able to answer. Maybe once I have these answers I will do something...

 

[jnevin]

so no first hand knowledge? thought so....

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