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What is your favorite joke?
- Thread starter LoneTree
- Start date
theProject
theoak01
New member
A canadian guy is sitting in a bar in toronto drinking a beer minding his own business
a burly american is in the bar and walks by to goto the bathroom and hits the canadian on the right side of his head knocking him to the ground, the american laugh and says thats a karate chop from china.
the canadian gets back on his stool and continues drinking,and about 30 mins later the american walks by again and hits him on the other side of the head,laughing the american says,thats a judo chop from japan.
the canadian is pissed at that point so he leaves.
about 30 mins later he comes back in and hits the american in the head knocking him to the ground and out cold, the canadian turns to the bar tender and says"when he wakes up tell him that was a fucking crowbar from canadian tire"
a burly american is in the bar and walks by to goto the bathroom and hits the canadian on the right side of his head knocking him to the ground, the american laugh and says thats a karate chop from china.
the canadian gets back on his stool and continues drinking,and about 30 mins later the american walks by again and hits him on the other side of the head,laughing the american says,thats a judo chop from japan.
the canadian is pissed at that point so he leaves.
about 30 mins later he comes back in and hits the american in the head knocking him to the ground and out cold, the canadian turns to the bar tender and says"when he wakes up tell him that was a fucking crowbar from canadian tire"
feisty11975
New member
Heres one:
Boudreaux had been feeling a little poorly so he went to his doctor for a check up. When Doc Thibodeaux finished the exam, he just sat there scratching his head.
Boudreaux said, "Mais, what's wrong Doc? You look puzzled."
"I am. I can't figure out exactly what is wrong with you," Doc Thibodeaux said. "I think it is the result of heavy drinking."
Boudreaux said, "Mais, den I'll just come back when you're sober!"
Boudreaux had been feeling a little poorly so he went to his doctor for a check up. When Doc Thibodeaux finished the exam, he just sat there scratching his head.
Boudreaux said, "Mais, what's wrong Doc? You look puzzled."
"I am. I can't figure out exactly what is wrong with you," Doc Thibodeaux said. "I think it is the result of heavy drinking."
Boudreaux said, "Mais, den I'll just come back when you're sober!"
feisty11975
New member
heres another:
Bad luck hunt
One day ole Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were walking in the woods after a day of bad-luck deer hunting when all of a sudden Ole Boud' jus fell down, out like a light and down for the count.
Ole Thib' he got him some concern about his friend. He bent down real close and couldn't hear any breathing. He pulled out his cell phone and called 911.
Thib' say "Hallo, this is Thibodeaux what stay down in Pecan Island and me and ma fran', Ole Boudreaux was hunting and Ole Boud' jes drop down and stop breathing and, maise' sha', ah ain't never seen anytang like dat and ah don't know what to done for ole Boud'."
The operator asked " Is he dead?"
"Mah ah don't know if he dead." said Thib'.
"Well," the operator said, "you need to make sure".
"OK, hold on."
After a pause of a few seconds, the operator hears "click, click, BOOOOM!!!
Then a voice said, "OK, now what?"
Bad luck hunt
One day ole Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were walking in the woods after a day of bad-luck deer hunting when all of a sudden Ole Boud' jus fell down, out like a light and down for the count.
Ole Thib' he got him some concern about his friend. He bent down real close and couldn't hear any breathing. He pulled out his cell phone and called 911.
Thib' say "Hallo, this is Thibodeaux what stay down in Pecan Island and me and ma fran', Ole Boudreaux was hunting and Ole Boud' jes drop down and stop breathing and, maise' sha', ah ain't never seen anytang like dat and ah don't know what to done for ole Boud'."
The operator asked " Is he dead?"
"Mah ah don't know if he dead." said Thib'.
"Well," the operator said, "you need to make sure".
"OK, hold on."
After a pause of a few seconds, the operator hears "click, click, BOOOOM!!!
Then a voice said, "OK, now what?"
E
Elite_Fry
Guest
Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, Help! i have a strawberry stuck up my ass!"
Doctor: "Don't worry, i have some cream for that."
Doctor: "Don't worry, i have some cream for that."
These are my two favorite jokes:
A modest man is in the hospital for a series of tests. One of the last tests has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another and stayed put. He then filled his bed with human waste and was embarrassed beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing, and swinging his arms wildly which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked "What the hell was that all about?" Still staring down, the drunk replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!"
Two Americans boarded a plane out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take off a fat little Canadian guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Americans. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the American in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a beer.""No problem," said the Canadian. "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone, the American picked up the Canadian's shoe and spat in it.When the Canadian returned with the beer, the other American said, "That looks good. I think I'll have one too." Again, the Canadian obligingly went to fetch it, and while he was gone the other American picked up the other shoe and spat in it.
The Canadian returned with the beer, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York.As the plane was landing the Canadian slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened."How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples..... this hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and peeing in beers?"
A modest man is in the hospital for a series of tests. One of the last tests has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another and stayed put. He then filled his bed with human waste and was embarrassed beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing, and swinging his arms wildly which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked "What the hell was that all about?" Still staring down, the drunk replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!"
Two Americans boarded a plane out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take off a fat little Canadian guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Americans. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the American in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a beer.""No problem," said the Canadian. "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone, the American picked up the Canadian's shoe and spat in it.When the Canadian returned with the beer, the other American said, "That looks good. I think I'll have one too." Again, the Canadian obligingly went to fetch it, and while he was gone the other American picked up the other shoe and spat in it.
The Canadian returned with the beer, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York.As the plane was landing the Canadian slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened."How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples..... this hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and peeing in beers?"
tattoofever
New member
a kid says to his father can i have a bike? his father say can your dick touch your ass ?the kid says no so the father says thats your answear
few years go by and the kid ask his dad for a car his dad says can your dick touch your ass?kid says yes it can so the father says go fuck yourself then
few years go by and the kid ask his dad for a car his dad says can your dick touch your ass?kid says yes it can so the father says go fuck yourself then
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