What do 'flash backs' mean ?.

[bouncer]

I'm not sure if I worded the title correctly, however here's what I mean.
A few year's ago I was second jobing doing deliveries (driving) after work. I was always pushed for time and having to drive like crazy. Then one evening a little girl ran out in front of my car causing my to brake hard. By a miracle I missed her, however the first thought in my mind was that she looked just like my daughter !, then that night I had a dream I was driving down a particular road and my daughter ran out and I knocked her down. I was so badly shaken by the dream I gave up the job that night and went back to bouncing as my second job.
The last night in work I had a fight with a guy inside which followed out onto the street. When I got him down I held him with my knee on his shoulder, my left hand holding his hair and I was about to punch him out with a few right when suddenly I 'seen' (or imagined) my son Kevin lying there !. I got up and walked away, he of course followed me back to the door. But I only asked the other doorman to sort him and I walked back inside.
But I was still shaken from the thought of my son Kevin. And considered for a while in throwing in the towel !.
Maybe some of you married guys here with children can understand and explain this shite. Am I going soft ?, getting old (35) ? or learning some sense ?.
Regards
Bouncer

 

[Stryc-9]

Sounds like you are on a journey of moral discovery...questioning the ethical ramifications of your actions vis a vis their relation to your loved ones...

...no wait...you're just going soft....

Seriously though - this is very interesting stuff....a little spooky, but very interesting - it's cool the way the mind works....

 

[HumorMe]

Bouncer

I don't think it is a matter of going soft. I'm married and 40 years old with two young kids. I know what your mind is doing because I see some of the same things. When I see something happen bad to kids...the first thing I think about is mine and think to myself...That could be my child! It's a maturity that comes with responsibilities. The last thing anybody would ever want to do is hurt a child as you know that from other posts I have read of yours. With you being a bouncer, I'm sure you have had your fair share of altercations. With that in mind, I believe you are starting to see the lack of importance of literally beating the shit out of somebody! Alot of misunderstandings and pain can be avoided with simple logic although sometimes it is a must to beat the hell out of someone because that is all they will understand.
You are not getting soft as you say, just finding out that their are more solutions to problems. I'm a big guy (6'3" 255 lbs) ans I don't get a lot of flack from others but I still don't think I would cause a commotion in your area of expertise!
Maybe if I was younger and dumber but not now! LOL!

 

[bouncer]

Good replies and thanks for taking the time. The guy last night was only about 20-22, my son is 10 however !. But looking down on the guy and ready to beat the shit of out of his head I guess he did'nt look like an adult anymore. I've never taken an pride in giving out a beaten, indeed I'm the first to jump on another doorman's bravado when he boasts about kicking the shite out of someone. Normally it's new guys do this. I hate violence actually, but I believe (mostly) that if the shoe was on the other foot most scumbags would do the same to me and laugh about beating up a bouncer to their buddies afterwards. Thanksfully it's never happened.
But getting back to where my mind there last night, it's strange how age and maturity can catch us by surprise I guess.

Bouncer