Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below 
satanic goatslayer
New member
I was goaded into going to a "club" by my associates the other night. I've never been to such an establishment, but there's a first time for most everything, so I said Fuck It and decided to go.
I threw on my acid wash jeans, tight white T, denim jacket and my Iron Maiden bandana, attached my toolbelt, and got in my toothless East Indian friend's car. He was playing "Arranged Marriage" by Apache Indian. We always fuck with him, call him rug pilot etc.. but he's a good guy, for having no teeth. First we stopped off by the 7-11 to pick up a lighter, then we headed to a desolate street so we could smoke a rock or two of crack.
Nice and lit, we proceeded to the club. By this time, I was rather stoked. I was told stories of gorgeous women gyrating with next to nothing on, drinks with high alcohol content, and music from Utopia. LOL....I'll get to that later.
We stood in a massive line for 30 minutes waiting to get in, and once we got to the door, some fucking ape asked for some money. I said "Why?" and he told me that it was for "cover charge"
I reached into my toolbelt, grabbed my needlenosed, but then decided that I should experience
everything at the club, including the cover charge. I gave him 15 cents and walked in nonchalantly,
attempting to cover up the heroin scars on my arms.
The music was loud and awful. Top 40 music reaches into the pit of my soul and derives homicidal tendencies from it. How many licks or something, anyways it was GARBAGE. I threw in a pair of deci-dams and strolled over to get myself a drink.
"Triple Scotch Neat, si vous plait" I politely asked.
He gave me my drink, and I took a small sip. It tasted like Kool-Aid.
"Excuse me sir, but I think you made a mistake. I ordered a triple scotch. This tastes like Kool-Aid"
He replied "No, that's a triple you have there. Please move on, I have people waiting"
Alright you cheap fucking Gypsy, I'll move on. I jumped over the bar and grabbed a shot glass, smashed it on the counter and gouged his eyes out with it. He lurched onto the floor, nobody was looking, so I stomped his skull into the floor. I licked some of the blood up, but it tasted like Hepatitis C, so I didn't consume much.
A grotesque excuse for a woman approached me, and asked me for a Screwdriver. Luckily I had my toolbelt with me.
I asked her what type she needed. She looked at me funny, so I grabbed my Phillips out and impaled
her sternum with it, drug her back behind the bar, and filled up a shot glass with her blood. She was screaming and making a fuss, so I gagged her with the bartenders liver and mixed myself a nice drink.
Toothless was dancing with some ogre of the sea on the dancefloor, so I shot him with my blowgun
to get his attention. He came up and said "Wizza mutta? cunt ou ci eyem tryin oo et laid?"
Shut up Paki. I told him I was staying for one hour, then I'm leaving, so he went back to the Thing and began to dance.
I thought dancing looked like a good idea, so I began my search for a suitable partner. Just then I was
approached with a tap on the back.
I heard "Wanna dance, handsome?"
I said "Sure, you ugly fucking cunt. Then after the dance I'm going to rip out your intestines and chew on your throat until you bleed to death. Sound good to you, you disgusting waste of skin?"
"Let's go!!" she chirped.
I grabbed a small filleting knife from my belt and began to dance with her. My dance skills are comparable to those of May's brother, James. She asked me why I had a knife in my hand. I told her I was going to skin her after I tore her innards out, but she just laughed at me.
I asked if she'd like to go to the bathroom with me.
We walked in and got in one of the stalls. She began the fellatio, then I tried to sodomize her, but she screamed and tried to leave. Nice try Baby Beluga, time to be penetrated. I forced the filleting knife up her ass and twisted it around slowly, trying to tear up her innards. She was screaming and crying, so I just choked her out and continued on with my plan.
After I finished, a small flamer entered the bathroom.
"HEY, What's that blood?, what are you doing?"
"I'm going to headbutt you, slice your genitals off, and leave you dying on the floor, Nancy, what else?"
He ran out, so I chased him on foot, grabbed him by the ponytail and stabbed him 30 or 40 times in the chest.
Fuck this place sucks, I was thinking, so I stole Hindu's keys and drove home.
I've decided to never return to the lair of the she marmots again.
I threw on my acid wash jeans, tight white T, denim jacket and my Iron Maiden bandana, attached my toolbelt, and got in my toothless East Indian friend's car. He was playing "Arranged Marriage" by Apache Indian. We always fuck with him, call him rug pilot etc.. but he's a good guy, for having no teeth. First we stopped off by the 7-11 to pick up a lighter, then we headed to a desolate street so we could smoke a rock or two of crack.
Nice and lit, we proceeded to the club. By this time, I was rather stoked. I was told stories of gorgeous women gyrating with next to nothing on, drinks with high alcohol content, and music from Utopia. LOL....I'll get to that later.
We stood in a massive line for 30 minutes waiting to get in, and once we got to the door, some fucking ape asked for some money. I said "Why?" and he told me that it was for "cover charge"
I reached into my toolbelt, grabbed my needlenosed, but then decided that I should experience
everything at the club, including the cover charge. I gave him 15 cents and walked in nonchalantly,
attempting to cover up the heroin scars on my arms.
The music was loud and awful. Top 40 music reaches into the pit of my soul and derives homicidal tendencies from it. How many licks or something, anyways it was GARBAGE. I threw in a pair of deci-dams and strolled over to get myself a drink.
"Triple Scotch Neat, si vous plait" I politely asked.
He gave me my drink, and I took a small sip. It tasted like Kool-Aid.
"Excuse me sir, but I think you made a mistake. I ordered a triple scotch. This tastes like Kool-Aid"
He replied "No, that's a triple you have there. Please move on, I have people waiting"
Alright you cheap fucking Gypsy, I'll move on. I jumped over the bar and grabbed a shot glass, smashed it on the counter and gouged his eyes out with it. He lurched onto the floor, nobody was looking, so I stomped his skull into the floor. I licked some of the blood up, but it tasted like Hepatitis C, so I didn't consume much.
A grotesque excuse for a woman approached me, and asked me for a Screwdriver. Luckily I had my toolbelt with me.
I asked her what type she needed. She looked at me funny, so I grabbed my Phillips out and impaled
her sternum with it, drug her back behind the bar, and filled up a shot glass with her blood. She was screaming and making a fuss, so I gagged her with the bartenders liver and mixed myself a nice drink.
Toothless was dancing with some ogre of the sea on the dancefloor, so I shot him with my blowgun
to get his attention. He came up and said "Wizza mutta? cunt ou ci eyem tryin oo et laid?"
Shut up Paki. I told him I was staying for one hour, then I'm leaving, so he went back to the Thing and began to dance.
I thought dancing looked like a good idea, so I began my search for a suitable partner. Just then I was
approached with a tap on the back.
I heard "Wanna dance, handsome?"
I said "Sure, you ugly fucking cunt. Then after the dance I'm going to rip out your intestines and chew on your throat until you bleed to death. Sound good to you, you disgusting waste of skin?"
"Let's go!!" she chirped.
I grabbed a small filleting knife from my belt and began to dance with her. My dance skills are comparable to those of May's brother, James. She asked me why I had a knife in my hand. I told her I was going to skin her after I tore her innards out, but she just laughed at me.
I asked if she'd like to go to the bathroom with me.
We walked in and got in one of the stalls. She began the fellatio, then I tried to sodomize her, but she screamed and tried to leave. Nice try Baby Beluga, time to be penetrated. I forced the filleting knife up her ass and twisted it around slowly, trying to tear up her innards. She was screaming and crying, so I just choked her out and continued on with my plan.
After I finished, a small flamer entered the bathroom.
"HEY, What's that blood?, what are you doing?"
"I'm going to headbutt you, slice your genitals off, and leave you dying on the floor, Nancy, what else?"
He ran out, so I chased him on foot, grabbed him by the ponytail and stabbed him 30 or 40 times in the chest.
Fuck this place sucks, I was thinking, so I stole Hindu's keys and drove home.
I've decided to never return to the lair of the she marmots again.
I am confused.
