When I was sitting at my desk today at work, sliding up my leggings in preparation for what I knew would be a most solid workout, I had to smile knowing that I would likely be the center of attention *yet again* at the gym today.
So out of work I mosey and head for the HSMobile (currently an '87 Olds station wagon with wood paneling decals - sweeet). It needs some work, but it gets me from point A to point B... not always back again... but that's something for another day, and another thread. nosey bitch.
I make my way from work at the Dairy Queen Hotline Headquarters where I currently am located to the gym - or as I call "the gym" or "the land of holiness" - sometimes I just grunt and point... and not just about the gym.
My car stalled as I entered the parking lot, and I coasted the rest of the way up onto the sidewalk in front of the doors to the gym - well, only the right side of my car - it makes it easy to find my car when I'm done in the gym or get "kicked out" (they love to kid).
I pushed open the car door, grabbed my headband, snapped it into place, and made for the door to unleash the fury on some iron. or whatever is underneath that pink rubber that seemingly all the heavy weights are coated in.
I always warm up with some ab work, so I headed over to the cable machine and setup the rope on that sucker - and then moved the weight pin all the way to the bottom - I like to go heavy on that shit - esp when I'm cold - helps me loosen up (the same goes for my bowels). I then proceeded to kneel down and crunch down, forcefully contracting each time - it was so fucking killer.
Then this old bitch comes over and asks if she can use the cable machine, she wanted to do crabs or something like that. I was like, uhhh, I'm kinda busy here and using this. she was all like "you aren't even holding onto the rope, you are just doing this weird curling thing while on your knees."
oh okay - like she's miss expert on fitness all of the sudden. so I was like "back off bitch, I'm busy" and then spit on her shoes.
she probably had some sort of personality disorder b/c she kicked me in the face and let me tell you, I probably wouldn't have spit on the shoes had I known she was gonna do that. I had that on my face as well as the burning pain of embarassment.
I needed to make up for this emasculation that was occurring - so I jumped up and flexed my forearms as hard as I could and made some bird calls while walking around on my tip toes.
Any fucking moron would be intimidated by that - but this bitch was all like "what are you doing? I'm gonna go tell the management"
I'm all like "whatever - you do that bitch!"
So now that I had some peace and quiet to get my funk on, I decided I had plenty of a workout and went over to the squat rack. that is where everything good and holy in this world happens. I placed by pink embroidered towel over one bar (it says "buttslut" in the same script that my "princess" belt does) and then headed off to get the weight I was gonna be doing in today's over the top backend up kick softfly mega press hurl bends. they mostly work the tris.
I got the baby blue dbs at first b/c I wanted to warm up and I was just getting the start of my first flail going when "the management" came over and they were all like "we are gonna have to ask you to leave"
it fucking pisses me off, this happens like nearly every day. you would think by now that I'm a paying member and they can't do this to me.
that was when he was all like "and we know you aren't even a paying member here"
I was aghast, horrer stricken, and had to pee.
this was probably evident on my face as he forcibly excorted me to the door and politely threw me onto the hood of my car that was conveniently there.
he said that I shouldn't bother coming back tomorrow - but whatever - I can't just skip a day at the gym, I need my workouts. plus, tomorrow is the running press kick over jump back pull db deads that I need to do to maintain my ass that "just won't quit" (that is what one of my bumper stickers claims)
does anyone have any ideas as to what I can do to extend my workouts so that I don't have to leave early. I mean, I'm fully aware that people are mostly just intimidated around me and can't workout with such a force of nature near them... that and all the grunting and moaning I do - but that is mostly during water breaks and stretching anyway.
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